Survey for men...(ok women too)

[Maffy]

This question is theoretical. Say a guy is not looking for a serious relationship, but he is attracted by a girl, and he seeks both her friendship and physical intimacy. Hence just a fling.

 

Do you think such a situation can lead to love inadvertantly (obviously one would not count on that!) but im just wondering if you think its possible. Unless once a guys labels the girl as a "fling-girl" does is substantially diminish chances of developing in something more?

 

I wonder because i find that waiting a while before having sex (to me is a good thing) however i find it scares most guys because it sets a serious "tone" right from the start. On the other hand, if you dive in, you kill the motivation and the excitment and its too easy. Seems like us girls are damned if we do, and damned if we dont !!

 

Yeah yeah i know you gonna tell me do what is comfortable for me. That's a given. I m just curious as to guys opinion on this matter.

 

THANKS TO ALL

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Do you think such a situation can lead to love inadvertantly (obviously one would not count on that!) but im just wondering if you think its possible.

 

I really don't think friendship and fling belong in the same sentence. Decent men who make friends with a lady don't usually have a fling with her.

 

But a fling can lead to something more meaningful, sure. It really depends on timing, chemistry, etc. But the odds are probably against it if the guy's goal is just to have a short term deal.

 

2. Unless once a guys labels the girl as a "fling-girl" does is substantially diminish chances of developing in something more?

 

Again, it really depends on a number of facts. You just never know about these things. But, I would say that in the majority of cases if a guy sets out to have a fling, he's doing that because of some underlying psychological dynamics and that's pretty much what't going to happen.

 

I would think a guy would be setting out to have flings because he is afraid of having a more long term relationship. But, as always, if he should meet the RIGHT lady in the process, his agenda could change real quick.

 

But remember, the gal has to participate in this as well. If her radar can't sense what the guy is up to...at some point in time...she better sharpen her attention skills.

[Rogue]

Once a guy considers a girl a "fling-girl", it's only because he's already ruled her out as the "She's the one girl!". So he's already checked her out and made his decision about her.

 

It's possible he might realize he was wrong about her, and given time develop some other feelings. But he's already slept with her(I'm assuming that's part of the fling?) , so it makes even harder to make emotional connections, since the physical thing can mess it up. So chances aren't good at all.

 

If a "fling girl" wants more than a fling, then her only option is to cut off the guy (not have sex) completely for a quite period of time.Start over,really. It's important that he learn to like the girl for who she is. If she doesn't cut him off, he'll simply take her for granted and never really appreciate her. Women sometimes make the mistake of thinking that sleeping with a man might change his opinion of her, but it almost never does.

 

Waiting a while to have sex is the right thing to do. That helps weed out the "players" or men without self-control. It also helps judge a man's interest in you. If he's not interested in you because you want to wait, he's no big loss. That type of guy isn't the type who can stick out through the tough times anyways. So waiting to have sex simplifies your love life: it will do a lot of detective work for you.

[Rob]

Hey listen, if you sleep with a guy on a first date, that might send a wrong message to a guy. He might think that you are too easy to get, and might loose interest in you, but on the other hand, if he enjoys the sexual act, I don't see a reason why he would not stay with you. I have had both, meaning waited for a girl to have sex with me, and have had sex on the first date. To me, I really do not attach much significance to when you have sex in a relationship, on a first date, second or the 10th. If I like a girl, and she is willing to have sex with me early, I will go for it, and usually I don't loose interest because of that. If the interest is to be lost, it will be lost sooner or later. And it if two people are to have sex, they might as well start pretty soon, sometime around 3rd or 4th date would be just perfect. So if a guy is thought as someone who looses interest in a girl, once he has sex with her, then that kind of guy will loose it anyway, be it the first date or the 10th, it does not really matter. On the other hand, if you make a guy wait too long, it is not too good either, cause then he REALLY might oose interest. SO, yes, women are damned in this respect if they start analyzing this and thinking about it too much, I guess whenever she feels like having sex, she should go for it, without stopping herself. Remember, everything that is natural will always be better than things that are done by rules...

 

Just do what your heart tells you to do.

 

This question is theoretical. Say a guy is not looking for a serious relationship, but he is attracted by a girl, and he seeks both her friendship and physical intimacy. Hence just a fling. Do you think such a situation can lead to love inadvertantly (obviously one would not count on that!) but im just wondering if you think its possible. Unless once a guys labels the girl as a "fling-girl" does is substantially diminish chances of developing in something more?

 

I wonder because i find that waiting a while before having sex (to me is a good thing) however i find it scares most guys because it sets a serious "tone" right from the start. On the other hand, if you dive in, you kill the motivation and the excitment and its too easy. Seems like us girls are damned if we do, and damned if we dont !! Yeah yeah i know you gonna tell me do what is comfortable for me. That's a given. I m just curious as to guys opinion on this matter. THANKS TO ALL