Anyone know what this type of behaviour is?

[confusedpe]

So I have been with this girl on and off for quite some time now, we have been very on and off. When I first met her she seemed to tick all my boxes however it never lasts for long. The first time we dated I let her loose after 3 months because of her absolutely crazy and abusive behaviour, she was an absolute psyhco....got back with her a year later after she continued to chase and Chase, she done it yet again, back to delusional accusations, constant picking and fighting, gas lighting, breaking promises not to repeat behaviour, lying etc and the cycle continues

 

When I let her go she begs and cries and stalks and doesn't allow me a minute to breathe, I then take her back she bahaves for a month or two and flips out on me again?

 

Anyone know what this type of behaviour is? It's like she turns to absolutely hate me and I become her enemy once she gets me back but she can't leave me either?

Edited December 8, 2015 by confusedpe
Typo

[PegNosePete]

Anyone know what this type of behaviour is?

Yes, it's called "mad as a fruit loop".

 

Why do you keep allowing this cycle to repeat itself? Do you really keep thinking she's changed every time? What is it they say, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice... three times... four times........

 

NC her. Eventually she'll get bored of your lack of response, and go away.

 

Your life will be much better and happier without her.

[confusedpe]

Yes, it's called "mad as a fruit loop".

 

Why do you keep allowing this cycle to repeat itself? Do you really keep thinking she's changed every time? What is it they say, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice... three times... four times........

 

NC her. Eventually she'll get bored of your lack of response, and go away.

 

Your life will be much better and happier without her.

 

Thank u for ur response, it's always easier said than done, this person will take me from the highest highs to the lowest lows in a very short period of time. I have clearly tried moving on but I always somehow get sucked back in .... I do believe NC is required however this is hard when she becomes a stalker and does not go away under any circumstance

[Cherryz]

Well im not a therapist but type we dont have a name for it yet lollll:P

 

Sounds like she have alot of issues. Specially to deal with emotions.

 

But i think you have a issue to. Because you keep taking her back.

 

What about really break up. ANd stand your ground whatever she do.

 

She have alot of issues that she needs to work on before even dating.

[planb1973]

I think you need to look real deep into yourself and ask "Why do I allow this in my life, and what is it about myself that I don't love or respect enough that I let myself be abused?"

 

She may be bat ***** crazy, but this on and off stuff falls on YOU! You are allowing this cycle to repeat itself. The day you realize this and learn to love yourself you will leave this roller coaster ride never to return.

[confusedpe]

I completely understand everyone's sentiments here, I understand and recognise that I am the one at fault for allowing this toxic cycle to continue.

 

Unfortunately, I have always been lured back into this relationship for reasons of lust, empty promises and broken dreams. I am not going to sit here and label myself as the perfect partner, I have my odd moment here and there, however I have her happiness at mind and I have genuinely always tried to make her the happiest person on earth to the point where I revolve my whole life around her just to accommodate for her.

 

what hurts me the most is the nasty words and things she says about me. Calls me selfish for no reason, swears at me, belittles me, draws direct comparisons with other men, basically makes me feel like a worthless turd and then turns around tries to justify her reasons. When I try and call it quits she argues her point till there's no point to argue and then she will apologise profusively as she knows the there is definitely a genuine threat of me leaving her

[confusedpe]

She is also the queen of twisting words, playing the victim and guilt trips

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Calls me selfish for no reason, swears at me, belittles me, draws direct comparisons with other men, basically makes me feel like a worthless turd and then turns around tries to justify her reasons. When I try and call it quits she argues her point till there's no point to argue and then she will apologise profusively as she knows the there is definitely a genuine threat of me leaving her

 

She is also the queen of twisting words, playing the victim and guilt trips

 

So, now that you got that out, what do you like her about her?

Any list to show the reason you want a relationship with this turd?

[xpaperxcutx]

She may have BPD- Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

 

I acted like this with my ex.

 

 

She needs to get therapy. You're basically enabling her behavior if you continuously forgive her and take her back. If she was really serious about you, she would change.

 

 

I know I've changed.

[confusedpe]

She may have BPD- Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

 

I acted like this with my ex.

 

 

She needs to get therapy. You're basically enabling her behavior if you continuously forgive her and take her back. If she was really serious about you, she would change.

 

 

I know I've changed.

 

 

This is exactly what I've been reading and she ticks almost every box when it comes to signs and traits

 

May I ask were u the person suffering from BPD or was your partner?

[xpaperxcutx]

This is exactly what I've been reading and she ticks almost every box when it comes to signs and traits

 

May I ask were u the person suffering from BPD or was your partner?

 

 

 

 

I was the person suffering from BPD.

 

 

I was always starting fights and being dramatic in the relationship. I also used to belittle him. He would always break up with me and take me back.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think you need to look real deep into yourself and ask "Why do I allow this in my life, and what is it about myself that I don't love or respect enough that I let myself be abused?"

 

She may be bat ***** crazy, but this on and off stuff falls on YOU! You are allowing this cycle to repeat itself. The day you realize this and learn to love yourself you will leave this roller coaster ride never to return.

 

I second this X100!

 

One of my fav lines; you're the creator of your own chaos. I seem to use it a lot on here it seems, especially today

 

Until you wise up and realize you deserve better, this cycle will continue until you have whiskers growing out of your ears.

 

OP, go back and re-read your posts and how you describe her. It ain't pretty. I also think you need to answer the question posed by DrRelyInRhymes.

[confusedpe]

So, now that you got that out, what do you like her about her?

Any list to show the reason you want a relationship with this turd?

 

Ok so here goes I guess the good part

 

When we are NOT together she is very attentive to me, she is not a

Materialistic person, shows me constant love and affection, actually speaks highly of me, sticks around like a bad smell even if I have told her to completely go away which makes me think hmm maybe she loves me so much?

 

Then I take her back and bang! She's at her usual best which has me thinking she's only nice to get me back and then she doesn't care anymore?

[Downtown]

[bPD] is exactly what I've been reading and she ticks almost every box when it comes to signs and traits.

Confused, I agree with PaperCut and you that the behaviors you describe -- i.e., her "delusional behavior," controlling nature, temper tantrums and drama, lack of impulse control, low empathy, and always being "The Victim" -- are classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Importantly, I'm not suggesting your exGF has full-blown BPD but, rather, that she may exhibit strong traits of it.

 

I caution that BPD is not something a person "has" or "doesn't have." Instead, it is a "spectrum" disorder, which means every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all BPD traits to some degree (albeit at a low level if the person is healthy). At issue, then, is not whether your exGF exhibits BPD traits. Of course she does. We all do.

 

Rather, at issue is whether she exhibits those traits at a strong and persistent level (i.e., is on the upper end of the BPD spectrum). Not having met her, I cannot answer that question. I nonetheless believe you can spot any strong BPD warning signs that are present if you take a little time to learn which behaviors are on the list. They are not difficult to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as always being "The Victim," lack of impulse control, and temper tantrums.

 

It's like she turns to absolutely hate me and I become her enemy once she gets me back but she can't leave me either?

If she is a BPDer (i.e., has strong traits), this behavior is to be expected. She will devalue you and even hate you -- but won't want you to leave. This is why the #2 best-selling BPD book is called I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.

 

Anyone know what this type of behaviour is?

If you would like to read more about BPD red flags, I suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of them sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to join PaperCut, DrReply, and the other respondents in discussing them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will NOT enable you to diagnose your exGF's issues. Only a professional can do that. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking her back or avoid running into the arms of another woman who is just like her. Take care, Confused.

[planb1973]

OP,

 

The only good things you listed started with "When we NOT together she..."!

Nothing good about when you ARE together.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Ok so here goes I guess the good part

 

When we are NOT together she is very attentive to me, she is not a

Materialistic person, shows me constant love and affection, actually speaks highly of me, sticks around like a bad smell even if I have told her to completely go away which makes me think hmm maybe she loves me so much?

 

Then I take her back and bang! She's at her usual best which has me thinking she's only nice to get me back and then she doesn't care anymore?

 

I think you're addicted to the drama my friend.

[confusedpe]

Confused, I agree with PaperCut and you that the behaviors you describe -- i.e., her "delusional behavior," controlling nature, temper tantrums and drama, lack of impulse control, low empathy, and always being "The Victim" -- are classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Importantly, I'm not suggesting your exGF has full-blown BPD but, rather, that she may exhibit strong traits of it.

 

I caution that BPD is not something a person "has" or "doesn't have." Instead, it is a "spectrum" disorder, which means every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all BPD traits to some degree (albeit at a low level if the person is healthy). At issue, then, is not whether your exGF exhibits BPD traits. Of course she does. We all do.

 

Rather, at issue is whether she exhibits those traits at a strong and persistent level (i.e., is on the upper end of the BPD spectrum). Not having met her, I cannot answer that question. I nonetheless believe you can spot any strong BPD warning signs that are present if you take a little time to learn which behaviors are on the list. They are not difficult to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as always being "The Victim," lack of impulse control, and temper tantrums.

 

If she is a BPDer (i.e., has strong traits), this behavior is to be expected. She will devalue you and even hate you -- but won't want you to leave. This is why the #2 best-selling BPD book is called I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.

 

If you would like to read more about BPD red flags, I suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of them sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to join PaperCut, DrReply, and the other respondents in discussing them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will NOT enable you to diagnose your exGF's issues. Only a professional can do that. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking her back or avoid running into the arms of another woman who is just like her. Take care, Confused.

 

 

Thank u so much downtown, in all the time I have spent trying to talk to people who understand me it seems as though u have absolutely hit the nail on the head.... WOW I was always under the impression it was BPD but after reading all the links u have provided me I am more convinced than ever!!!!

 

All the things u have said were 100% true of her

 

And I have had so many repeated incidents and signs of this behaviour

 

Also I have seriously started to fall into the 'I must be the crazy one' trap!!! It is amazing how accurate u are thank u for opening my eyes and giving me further confirmation

[PegNosePete]

what hurts me the most is the nasty words and things she says about me. Calls me selfish for no reason, swears at me, belittles me, draws direct comparisons with other men, basically makes me feel like a worthless turd and then turns around tries to justify her reasons. When I try and call it quits she argues her point till there's no point to argue and then she will apologise profusively as she knows the there is definitely a genuine threat of me leaving her

 

She is also the queen of twisting words, playing the victim and guilt trips

Why on earth do you engage her in these futile arguments?

 

Have you ever seen the movie Wargames?

 

"A strange game. The only winning move, is not to play".

 

I suggest you take a leaf out of Joshua's book there. Do not play her stupid game. Do not talk, text, email, IM, social media her whatsoever. Block her in every way possible.