Broke up on good terms because she said that she didn't feel the same way,2nd chance?

[d2s]

I'm 24 and had been dating a girl (20 y/o) up until about 3 weeks ago for 4 months. She was my first relationship and we saw each other at least twice if not 3-4 times per week as well as a lot of text/snapchat communication with both goodmorning/night daily. I always got nothing but good vibes from her when we were together and we never had any negative exchanges.

 

She recently went through some difficult times including her grandmother dying and deciding to change majors. About a week before the breakup I noticed a slight decrease in our line of communication. Just before this slight (but noticable) decrease in communication (ie. ignored goodnights/goodmornings, not texting me first), we came the closest ever to having sex (I stopped it because I wasn't physically or mentally ready).

 

The next time I saw her things seemed to be relatively normal, and at the end of our time together when we did our usual hug and kiss goodnight, I decided to take the opportunity to tell her that I really had enjoyed the last 4 months and told her what a happy time it had been and then asked her if she "would like to make our relationship a little more official". She continued to hug me and said "maybe". We both just hugged for another minute or so and I said what do you think. She told me "I don't know" and then proceeded to say that she really liked me but she didn't see our relationship going anywhere. I told her that was fair and I was there for her if she needed anything. The whole time she was doing this she was hugging me and had her right hand on my chest. We then kissed and hugged a bit longer followed by her kissing me on the neck. We got out of the car and I walked her to her door where we continued to hug (and kissed again) for probably about 10 more minutes before we left with me saying goodnight and her saying thank you and I'll see you around.

 

Right now I've been taking the no contact approach except for a couple of snapchats she sent 2 weeks ago and this past weekend where I ran into her at an event we were both at. I said hello and asked her how she was doing. The exchange went well despite me being super nervous. Afterward she told a mutual friend that she thought it would have been awkward if she initiated.

 

Is there any hope at reconciling/getting back with her, even if it is on a more casual dating/noncommittal basis? I still really like her and think that she is just confused or is afraid of a full on relationship. We are in the same group of friends so avoiding her 100% will be impossible and rather awkward but I don't think I can ever see her as purely a friend.

 

On the no contact approach, due to her being shy and the type of person that usually doesn't initiate social exchanges, I'm thinking that this might not be the best approach to take. We are just ahead of final exams at the school that we both go to so I'm thinking a simple text like "Hey I was just thinking about you and wanted to wish you luck on your exams" would be appropriate before the extended winter holiday.

[d0nnivain]

No there is no chance. She wasn't as into you as you were to her. When you expressed a desire to deepen the relationship, she said maybe, then pulled away. She was letting you down gently which unfortunately led to you developing a false sense of hope.

 

 

Go NC for real. Unfollow her from Snapchat & all social media. Do be polite if you bump into each other IRL but nothing else is an option.

 

 

Lick your wounds. Grieve for your loss then move on.

[d2s]

No there is no chance. She wasn't as into you as you were to her. When you expressed a desire to deepen the relationship, she said maybe, then pulled away. She was letting you down gently which unfortunately led to you developing a false sense of hope.

 

 

Go NC for real. Unfollow her from Snapchat & all social media. Do be polite if you bump into each other IRL but nothing else is an option.

 

 

Lick your wounds. Grieve for your loss then move on.

 

Why did everything go so well for so long (and why would a girl make out with a guy that she didn't like or want to be with...not just once but for months). I know communication may not have been the best but still. Is it not possible she was just confused or I hit her with "the talk" at the wrong time?

[d0nnivain]

She was perfectly happy to make out with you & enjoy your company but still didn't want to be your GF. A few kisses do not a life time commitment make.

 

Moreover, her life is somewhat in turmoil. Her grandmother died & she's changing majors.

 

She doesn't want more pressure from some guy. She wants to have fun. not settle down.

 

She understood that you wanted to settle down so she cut you lose.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why did everything go so well for so long (and why would a girl make out with a guy that she didn't like or want to be with...not just once but for months). I know communication may not have been the best but still. Is it not possible she was just confused or I hit her with "the talk" at the wrong time?

 

If she was truly into you there wouldn't be a wrong time for "the talk". She liked hanging out with you because she thought you were fun and low-maintenance. Once you upped the ante, she hit the eject button because she never wanted that in the first place.

[d2s]

If she was truly into you there wouldn't be a wrong time for "the talk". She liked hanging out with you because she thought you were fun and low-maintenance. Once you upped the ante, she hit the eject button because she never wanted that in the first place.

 

So you are saying that she saw it as more of a "friends with benefits" type relationship?

[Blanco]

She definitely saw it as a FWB thing. Most girls who want more than that aren't going to let things go on for four months and not at least put out there what, if any, expectations they have for the "relationship."

 

She's told you she doesn't see anything more coming of your pairing. After four months, you have to assume she's evaluated things pretty thoroughly and this is the conclusion she's reached. Chances are she's felt like this for a while, if not the entire time. It's likely she thought you were OK with a FWB type situation, too, so she didn't feel the need to have any sort of talk.

 

As far as going back? No, not likely to happen. That would be slamming the barn door after the horses have escaped. She knows you want more out of this; more than she wants out of it. She almost certainly would be uncomfortable resuming a FWB arrangement. And honestly, that's in your best interest, since you'd just be torturing yourself while wasting time on her since you want more than that.