She suddenly stopped responding after I gave her flowers?

[Blanco]

If a guy has fallen for you, or vice versa, you have fallen for him, what are you supposed to do? Feign disinterest? Seems pretty ridiculous to me. If a guy falls for you, but you aren't quite there with him, why not communicate about it? What happened to just being kind to one another? I think if you tell him and he continues to buy gifts, contact, show up, etc, then yea, maybe you need to ghost. But at least give him a chance to know where you are coming from.

 

I guess I don't understand the "oh he is super nice and thoughtful, he must be a creep" mentality.

 

This girl hasn't handled it in the most mature way; no real question about that. But these aren't black-and-white matters. It shows a certain aloofness to think that you can't come across as creepy by coming on too strong, too soon.

 

At a month, there is no way to really know someone. You can certainly know that you like someone; that you seem to have common interests; similar personalities; all that. But you don't really know them. How do you show interest? By continuing to date them; spend time with them; learn more about them. Let the situation blossom organically instead of trying to accelerate things to where you're acting as if you've been an exclusive couple for a year.

 

My ex started dating someone a bit older who was finalizing a long divorce. She was the one who made the first move and I think between his emotionally taxing situation and the fact that superficially, they're on different planets, he came on way too strong. I remember her telling me that on what could've been considered their first date, he was already implying that he could take her on trips. On the first date!

 

Now, I'm sure in his head, he thought this was a great way to both show what he could do for her and his level of interest. Trouble was, he didn't even know her and he was already suggesting activities usually reserved for people who have been dating for a while. She was flattered, but also found it a bit odd. She genuinely liked him, so she kept seeing him and I believe is still with him today. But she's a bit of an odd bird, and I think for most women, this would've been a major red flag.

 

Point is, sometimes we can be so excited by the potential a new romantic interest has that we let your emotions get the best of us and put the cart before the horse by coming on way too strong way too soon.

[katiegrl]

Some people keep saying they've been dating a month.

 

OP said they have been talking for a month -- they've been out on ONLY two dates.

 

Important distinction IMO.

[Blanco]

I think that's a fairly negative way to look at it. It isn't like this happened in the span of a night, or a couple of nights. This happened over a month of talking / dating. I think that is plenty of time to get to know someone; enough to have a connection or make a girlfriend / boyfriend relationship.

 

How is it a negative way to look at it? These people absolutely exist. The ones who fear being alone or are so in love with the idea of being in love that they meet someone and become totally infatuated with the person. Healthy relationships aren't fueled by the fear of being alone or the desire to be in love.

[Space Ritual]

I've been talking with this girl for about a month now. We've gone on 2 movie dates and I sometimes visited her at work to make her smile. We texted pretty much everyday and snapchatted quite frequently. Just 3 days ago, it was her birthday. I brought her roses and a card to show that I truly care about her and she seemed really thankful for it. But ever since, she stopped responding to me and has been ignoring my snapchats. I've already already given her some small gifts and a card to show that I'm interested (2~3 weeks ago).

 

So ever since 3 days ago (since I gave her flowers), I sent her good morning texts and there is absolutely no response for the whole day. She still hasn't responded to it. I know that she is not busy. She is often making Facebook statuses and is posting funny videos. She isn't doing much at the moment as school finished and I just don't understand why she would suddenly stop responding when she always used to respond immediately for the last month. It's really frustrating me. Is she playing a game? Is she simply losing interest (if so, why all the sudden when I give her roses?) Am I too nice to her?

 

Any advice would be helpful! Thanks

 

Hang it up. she isn't interested in you romantically. Gifts and cards in such a short period of time would scream BETA Male.

 

Dude, that roses and gifts crap only works in bad feel good movies and West Virginia residents that have never experienced electricity. In real life it's a one way ticket to the friend zone. You might as well give the roses to your left hand.

 

You better change your act toot suite or you'll get walked all over by every chick you are interested in.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

After the GF went silent after getting birthday roses, and this guy got no response after trying with her three times, visiting her workplace would come off as downright creepy and stalkerish.

 

Yup. This happened to me once. It was really creepy to say the least.

[NYC-BigKat]

A guy had sent me a single red rose with a note asking for a second date.....there was no second date.

 

She's not THAT into you. Her impression is that you like her way more than she does and now she hasn't got the words to tell you she doesn't feel the same way. She's avoiding you. What does it tell you when people avoid you?

 

Avoiding him is so so mean! I used to like a girl that kept cancelling dates on me constantly but she was nice about it I thought she was a nice girl but she really wasn't u know. It was mean for u to not give him a chance after he sent u a red rose. He did nothing wrong .

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

So why is that a bad thing?

 

 

If a guy has fallen for you, or vice versa, you have fallen for him, what are you supposed to do? Feign disinterest? Seems pretty ridiculous to me. If a guy falls for you, but you aren't quite there with him, why not communicate about it? What happened to just being kind to one another? I think if you tell him and he continues to buy gifts, contact, show up, etc, then yea, maybe you need to ghost. But at least give him a chance to know where you are coming from.

 

I guess I don't understand the "oh he is super nice and thoughtful, he must be a creep" mentality.

 

I see what you're saying. I have dated a guy not realising that I led them on. He brought me flowers and all sorts. I loved it. Finally someone treating me kindly and with the right amount of respect. Did I have feelings for him? No. He was trying to convince me that he was a good catch. Once I realised that I did not have any feelings for him, the " convincing" in the form of gifts and flowers increased.

 

I think because she is busy then " showing up with flowers" just sends a message that this guy is trying to convince me that he's a nice guy.

[WhirlwindGuy]

Hang it up. she isn't interested in you romantically. Gifts and cards in such a short period of time would scream BETA Male.

 

Dude, that roses and gifts crap only works in bad feel good movies and West Virginia residents that have never experienced electricity. In real life it's a one way ticket to the friend zone. You might as well give the roses to your left hand.

 

You better change your act toot suite or you'll get walked all over by every chick you are interested in.

 

 

 

So old fashion chivalry and romance is now just a way to get labeled a "beta male"? lol

 

 

I really hope that this isn't true. I still open car doors for women, bring over the occasional flower when picking them up for a date, pay for their meals, listen to them when they speak. Maybe I am playing the game incorrectly. It has worked so far, but I haven't been back in the dating world long.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

So old fashion chivalry and romance is now just a way to get labeled a "beta male"? lol

 

 

I really hope that this isn't true. I still open car doors for women, bring over the occasional flower when picking them up for a date, pay for their meals, listen to them when they speak. Maybe I am playing the game incorrectly. It has worked so far, but I haven't been back in the dating world long.

 

It works sure. On woman who have feelings for you. If they don't, they usually get confused and werided out by it.

[oberkeat]

So old fashion chivalry and romance is now just a way to get labeled a "beta male"? lol

 

 

I really hope that this isn't true. I still open car doors for women, bring over the occasional flower when picking them up for a date, pay for their meals, listen to them when they speak. Maybe I am playing the game incorrectly. It has worked so far, but I haven't been back in the dating world long.

 

Pretty much, lol.

 

Most women today care nothing about any of that romantic junk. They want excitement. They want aloofness, unavailability, even disrespect. They find those those things exciting . Not this traditional wine and dine stuff.

[Myragal]

Some people keep saying they've been dating a month.

 

OP said they have been talking for a month -- they've been out on ONLY two dates.

 

Important distinction IMO.

 

Not only that...he wrote they went to the movies twice. I doubt if she saw these as romantic encounters.

 

Every women here has experience with this type of guy. They don't pick up on social signals and build a friendly get together into some one sided fantasy.

 

As for the those who say she didn't handle it in a mature way. He showed up at her work and is almost a stalker...Sorry, the cardinal rule by every counsellor in response to this behaviour is 'no contact'.

[WhirlwindGuy]

It works sure. On woman who have feelings for you. If they don't, they usually get confused and werided out by it.

 

Yea, well I guess I should say, the chivalry thing (opening doors, buying meals, etc.) I would do for any date, feelings or not. The gifts thing would only happen if I knew you were interested.

[WhirlwindGuy]

Not only that...he wrote they went to the movies twice. I doubt if she saw these as romantic encounters.

 

Every women here has experience with this type of guy. They don't pick up on social signals and build a friendly get together into some one sided fantasy.

 

As for the those who say she didn't handle it in a mature way. He showed up at her work and is almost a stalker...Sorry, the cardinal rule by every counsellor in response to this behaviour is 'no contact'.

 

 

 

I agree with you here. Movies aren't exactly a date, unless you are in your teens maybe.

 

Showing up at work is definitely a no no, unless invited.

[katinlc]

Unfortunately, there's no real way to know what happened. The fact that you have texted her for multiple days and there is nothing but silence back makes it very clear she is no longer interested...sucks to not know why, but I would quit texting immediately and go radio silent.

 

 

I will throw to theories out there that I personally experienced that **may** have been what happened (who knows though).

I was dating one guy for about 2 months - texting everyday all day, few dates, had stated we weren't dating anyone else. All of a sudden, I was the one texting first and his texts were very slow. I was also the one pushing to get together...bottom line he found someone else, which I found out later.

 

 

My husband and I had been on 4 dates when he sent me flowers for the first time. We were not an official couple and he sent them just because. When I first got them, I was a little freaked out. I was not use to getting flowers and I thought it was too soon. However, the longer I looked at them, the more I realized how happy it made me to receive them and made me realize how much I really did like him. So I could see if she was on the fence, the flowers could freak her out. Lucky for me, they just made me realize how much I did like this guy.

[Versacehottie]

Um..so I'm a creep & stalker if I did something like that? I'm a very nice guy & I would just see the girl & do some talking & stuff to see why she not replying to texts that's all gee.

 

You can be a super nice guy. Who unfortunately, doesn't get it. If ANY chance remains with the OP's girl, showing up at her work to find out why she is not replying to texts and after the flowers would be the kiss of death.

 

People with self-respect see the other person backing off and have done all that is reasonable to attempt contact--well after that they back off too--not take it the next step further. What OP has done so far is reasonable (maybe too much already) enough. The extra step of showing up at her work is unreasonable and too clingy--not in touch with reality. Too bad the girl is being a jerk, but it would freak a lot of people out if he showed up (to essentially demand an answer). Plus it's her workplace!!!

 

Nice really doesn't play into the equation. Reality and self-respect do though

[Erik30]

Never try to get a girl to like you by giving her flowers and gifts. I know that probably wasn't your intention, you just wanted to be nice, but that's what it looks like .

 

A girl will either think you're trying to"buy" her, so you'll scare her off. (what seems to have happened in your case) Or you might run into a girl who will lead you on, and may not even like you but she'll be happy to accept your gifts.

 

Now she's probably doing the cowardly "I'm not replying so he'll get that I'm not interested anymore."

[Gaeta]

You only had 2 dates over the course of 1 month. I am curious as to how come not more dates? I already know the answer, she's busy, right?

 

She wasn't into you but was willing to explore a couple of dates and see how she felt about it. The flowers were over the top, they emphasized how she doesn't like you "that way"

 

It happened to me twice a man sent me flowers after 1 date then another one after 2 dates. Both times l on the fence about them but was willing to give it time. In both case the early flowers turned me off and made me realize i did not like them "that way"

 

Good news is better know now than in another month. The flowers did not make her feelings change. It just made her see she didn't have feelings.

[WomenWubber]

She's just not the one for you, my man.

 

Keep fishin'.

[Myragal]

Never try to get a girl to like you by giving her flowers and gifts. I know that probably wasn't your intention, you just wanted to be nice, but that's what it looks like .

 

A girl will either think you're trying to"buy" her, so you'll scare her off. (what seems to have happened in your case) Or you might run into a girl who will lead you on, and may not even like you but she'll be happy to accept your gifts.

 

Now she's probably doing the cowardly "I'm not replying so he'll get that I'm not interested anymore."

 

Wrong. There is nothing cowardly about not replying to his behavior. It is the intelligent and right now thing to do.

[sandylee1]

If a guy I was interested in did these things.... I'd be pleased and happy. Unfortunately, I can only assume she's not interested in you.

 

A girl who likes you won't behave like this..... this isn't the girl for you. Start ignoring her and block her.

[Karine26]

Pretty much, lol.

 

Most women today care nothing about any of that romantic junk. They want excitement. They want aloofness, unavailability, even disrespect. They find those those things exciting . Not this traditional wine and dine stuff.

 

The same goes for men who claim they want cool & drama free but chase after the types of women they write threads these thousands of threads about

[Gaeta]

Wrong. There is nothing cowardly about not replying to his behavior. It is the intelligent and right now thing to do.

 

 

Not replying is 1000% coward.

 

The brave thing to do, showing integrity, being honest and transparent would be for her to tell him: I do appreciate your time and flowers I know you will be disappointed but I don't feel 'that way' toward you.

[sandylee1]

A guy had sent me a single red rose with a note asking for a second date.....there was no second date.

 

She's not THAT into you. Her impression is that you like her way more than she does and now she hasn't got the words to tell you she doesn't feel the same way. She's avoiding you. What does it tell you when people avoid you?

 

You turn a guy down when you're not interested. No sane human knocks back a person they like.

 

Now if you feel that they are more interested in you.. then I can see why you'd do that.

[No_Go]

Did she know that you guys are dating?

 

I'm serious, what you describe could very well pass as friendship interactions, and she was probably startled by the development (flowers, card - was it just casual happy birthday or contained a confession of love)?

 

Once I chatted with a guy at OLD site. We were about to meet, but then I met my BF back then, so I turned down the date. He asked me out again, and we even set a date, I turned it down last second. He contacted me 3 months later (nothing happened), then 6 months later - I was in a break up process and agreed to meet him for chocolate. We had dinner too and part ways. 2 weeks after - we met again - just eating and chatting. Another 2 weeks - he squeezed a 3rd meet. About a month later- 4th! I assumed that the frequency and lack of physical contact of any sort suggested to him we are just friends... despite we met on OLD. Well, I had to tell him so, and he was very hurt we met again, as friends, a few times... I could sense that he wanted to be "just friends" to buy time... Stopped seeing him because I met my current BF, told him that.. Nevertheless he continues asking me out every other month...

 

Just told you this story to see how frustrating a behavior of a guy not getting the hint may be...Something to consider before calling her again. Even if she meets you out of pity (most likely), it wouldn't be what you want.

 

In short, it is not the flowers. She was not interested to start with most likely, I doubt she may have a BF too. Get out of this.

 

 

 

I've been talking with this girl for about a month now. We've gone on 2 movie dates and I sometimes visited her at work to make her smile. We texted pretty much everyday and snapchatted quite frequently. Just 3 days ago, it was her birthday. I brought her roses and a card to show that I truly care about her and she seemed really thankful for it. But ever since, she stopped responding to me and has been ignoring my snapchats. I've already already given her some small gifts and a card to show that I'm interested (2~3 weeks ago).

 

So ever since 3 days ago (since I gave her flowers), I sent her good morning texts and there is absolutely no response for the whole day. She still hasn't responded to it. I know that she is not busy. She is often making Facebook statuses and is posting funny videos. She isn't doing much at the moment as school finished and I just don't understand why she would suddenly stop responding when she always used to respond immediately for the last month. It's really frustrating me. Is she playing a game? Is she simply losing interest (if so, why all the sudden when I give her roses?) Am I too nice to her?

 

Any advice would be helpful! Thanks

[maru_h]

Showing up at her workplace (unexpectedly) is just flat out inappropriate. She is working! It's a place of business! Not sure what you're even thinking there....

 

I would be soooooo embarrassed if a guy I just started dating did that..... especially if I did not wish to talk to him... plus I could get in trouble! Ever think of that? Some companies don't even allow personal phone calls for heaven's sake!

 

I can't even imagine --- please PLEASE do not do this....and learn appropriate boundaries!

 

Thanks for all the replies guys! I am really double thinking about my next move. Maybe I came off a bit too strong or aggressive when she didn't feel the same. And I really haven't tried anything too romantic yet. I haven't even held her hand yet. Maybe I'll try that if I get to see her again.

 

In terms of visiting her at work, I asked her in advance and she wanted me to come in because she was 'bored'. She was expecting me and she later texted me saying "Thank you for entertaining me at work today".

 

I don't know. I only go for girls that I REALLY like, and I'm really not desperate to find a girlfriend. The letters I've sent her just had sweet messages and I never even used the word 'love' in there. Just said she's the most beautiful, sweetest girl in the world to me.

 

I tried to be as nice as possible with her because she's had experiences with abusive/uncaring boyfriends who stood her up. I thought I was going towards the right angle but I guess I'm not too sure anymore

 

Thanks again for all the advice! Much appreciated