Do you think this guy is lying about his marriage / wife?

[xxirynaxx]

I met a guy recently, and we really hit is off. Hes 25 years older than me. I am 30 and he is 55. The age difference doesn’t matter to me, because age is relative, and we have a lot in common. He never said he wasn’t married, but when his advances became sexual, I did some digging and found he does indeed have a wife of 32 years. I asked him about it and he said, basically, that he and his wife just live in the same house, and that they don’t have a romantic relationship anymore.

 

Our friendship became sexual, but I still felt guilty. He spends most of his time with me. If we’re not together we’re texting or emailing. The attraction cannot be denied. But the thought still lingers – what about his wife?

 

I have asked him about her, and he always says the same or similar things: Their marriage is over, they sleep in separate rooms, they haven’t had sex in over 6 years. He also said she wouldn’t mind if she knew about me, because she knows the marriage is over.

 

He has also told me I’m not the first mistress he’s had. Based on various things he has said, I would guess he has had several.

 

My question is Do you think what he has said about his wife is accurate? I am starting to fear she would be deeply hurt if she knew, and that maybe she has just accepted he is a serial cheater and decided to stay with him for other reasons. My greatest fear is that she still loves him, and that indirectly, I am breaking her heart.

 

Please, I do not need or want judgments, castigations, or chidings. Just thoughts / feedback.

[mrldii]

It may very well be accurate.

 

But, even if it IS accurate, (by his own account) he's had 6 years before he even met you to finish his relationship with his wife and move out, get separated, and get a divorce, but instead

 

by his own account

 

has instead become a serial 'taking-a-mistress-on-the-side' while keeping his wife.

 

In his life.

 

In his house.

 

In the *cough*cough* other bedroom.

[d0nnivain]

I I did some digging and found he does indeed have a wife of 32 years. I asked him about it and he said, basically, that he and his wife just live in the same house, and that they don’t have a romantic relationship anymore..

 

 

That is the Biggest lie married men tell gullible women to lure them into affairs. If you believe him, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Do you think this guy is lying about his marriage / wife?

 

YES!

 

If you have any doubts, take some time and peruse the Infidelity thread to read the countless lies and promises meticulously weaved by wayward spouses in order to get what they want.

 

Please don't be that woman.

[Krashi]

Why not ask her yourself. He said she would not mind.

[whichwayisup]

The guy hid the fact he was married with children, then admits he is but says he and his wife sleep in separate rooms and basically the marriage sucks. He admitted to you he has had other affairs. ASK yourself why you'd want a man like this. What you want out of it? To be his wife one day? To be step mom to his children? To be his OW indefinitely?

 

It's good that you are thinking of how hurt his wife would be, I am guessing that she is clueless that he's been cheating on her. And thinks of his children too, possibly their grandchildren since they've been married over 30 years.

 

Also give this some thought, how would you parents and friends feel if they knew you willingly continued an A with a MM once you found out the truth about his marital status?

[whichwayisup]

Their marriage is over, they sleep in separate rooms, they haven’t had sex in over 6 years. He also said she wouldn’t mind if she knew about me, because she knows the marriage is over.

 

You can either choose to believe him, put the blinders on and continue to have an affair with him or you can start digging - Does he 'live life' with her? Go on family outings, go on holidays together? Or you can directly go to her and talk to her, let her know that you're her husbands girlfriend and say that HE told you that she wouldn't mind. Or you can end it now before you get in too deep and have your heart broken.

[LivingWaterPlease]

OP, to your question, "Do you think this guy is lying about his marriage / wife?"

 

Yes, I think he is.

[gettingstronger]

Yes, I think he is lying about his wife/marriage and I think you feel he is also-

[OneLov]

OP,

 

I think you should follow your instincts on this one. I believe the only thing he is being honest about is his penchant for mistresses.

[Poppy47]

I think you should fear your greatest fear.

 

You only know what he is telling you.

 

It has been a long marriage and there must be a bond there. Try him out and suggest you talk to his wife. He will pee his pants.

 

Sorry to say you are Pie in the Sky about the age difference. You could be changing his nappies in 15 years time if you got together. Then you would mind.

It is very relative to how people age and how their needs change. Do you want to perhaps become his carer.

 

Why not find somebody your own age?

 

Cheers,

Poppy.

[privategal]

My thought is he is going to mistreat YOU.

When a mistress loves a mm...and vice versa...it could go on forever. Years.

Why so many mistresses?

Because hes a real sweetie in the beginning and probably will be an egotistical jerk and start the hot and cold...or is a very bad liar and the women all spot his lies and break it off...

Your gut is already telling you something is off right out of the gate.

[sandylee1]

Yes, I think he's lying..but just ask his wife like Krashi suggested. He says she wouldn't mind. Tell him you'd just like to make sure and hear it from the horses mouth... Once you know she doesn't mind you can stop any sneaking around and you'll be his OW as long as necessary.

[MJJean]

It's possible they've got an arrangement where he is allowed to have sex on the side because his wife is no longer interested in that part of their marriage and they don't want to divorce.

 

Is it likely? No. Why? Because he said she wouldn't mind if she knew...which means she doesn't know. Unless he has flat out told her that he's having affairs in order to get his sexual needs met, she likely thinks they've gotten older, the sex stopped over time, and they're just a regular comfortable old married couple. She might even be devastated if she found out.

 

My advice is to tell this MM that you are feeling terrible about being his adultery accomplice and would like to talk to his wife to verify this is all on the up and up and she has agreed to his infidelity in order to preserve whatever is left of their marriage. If he balks, you have your answer.

 

And, btw, the attraction can certainly be denied. You aren't an infant or an animal. You have control over your biological urges and are certainly capable of controlling your desire to have sex with this man.

[Cherryz]

Well thats the least of all the sorrows in this situation.

 

First you had to find out yourself.

Second he is married so doesnt matter is the wife sleep in a other country

or on the moon!

HE IS MARRIED!!!

 

And that means hes not available. Beside you are putting yourself in a bad situation.

Because the wife will always win. Thats why he still married with her.

 

I advice you to leave this not guy but OLD man alone. He is just messing around and calling you mistress.(is not the highest position to be in).

 

This only gonna be a big drama. Ask yourself how you will feel if it was your husband?

I think the best way to deal with this is to break this affair and ignore him.

Hes clearly dont care about no ones heart of feelings but about messing around and break hearts.

And looking at the age, he may know tricks to control you easily that you dont even knew about. Like those tricks in this topic!!! Age do matter!

[Cherryz]

Ps: just a question...... texting,emailing??? its 2015, why not calling,skyping?

why those things that can be done quietly???

[xxirynaxx]

Ps: just a question...... texting,emailing??? its 2015, why not calling,skyping?

why those things that can be done quietly???

 

To be honest, because I dislike talking on the phone with ANYONE. It's just something about me that I can't really explain. I am sure he would love to call me if I was into that.

[xxirynaxx]

My thought is he is going to mistreat YOU.

When a mistress loves a mm...and vice versa...it could go on forever. Years.

Why so many mistresses?

Because hes a real sweetie in the beginning and probably will be an egotistical jerk and start the hot and cold...or is a very bad liar and the women all spot his lies and break it off...

Your gut is already telling you something is off right out of the gate.

 

Thank you for the warning. I hadn't thought about it this way. I think if I had a magic mirror and could see the way he interacts with his wife on a day-to-day basis, that would be very telling.

 

On the other had, they have been married for over 30 years, their kids are grown and out of the house, so if he truly is unbearable, wouldn't she have left him, too? She is educated and successful (they both are) and could survive on her own economically.

 

He says that he was with his mistresses for several years each. Again, 30+ years is a long time.

[MJJean]

T

He says that he was with his mistresses for several years each. Again, 30+ years is a long time.

 

So, he's been cheating on his wife for quite some time. This means he's not leaving her. Ever. You're just one of many.

 

He hasno children at home. He and his wife can make ends meet without each other. He has no reason not to divorce other than he wants to stay married to the woman he has been sharing a life, family, and bed with for the last 30+ years.

[xxirynaxx]

So, he's been cheating on his wife for quite some time. This means he's not leaving her. Ever. You're just one of many.

 

I am not delusional. I have no interest in this man long-term. I know he is with his wife for the long-haul and I have zero expectation he's going to leave her.

[privategal]

Thank you for the warning. I hadn't thought about it this way. I think if I had a magic mirror and could see the way he interacts with his wife on a day-to-day basis, that would be very telling.

 

On the other had, they have been married for over 30 years, their kids are grown and out of the house, so if he truly is unbearable, wouldn't she have left him, too? She is educated and successful (they both are) and could survive on her own economically.

 

He says that he was with his mistresses for several years each. Again, 30+ years is a long time.

No way...many spouses dont leave. They just dont want the stigma of divorce or to lose money...her self esteem might be so low after discovering affairs that even him staying is winning. I dont really know just guessing.

[MJJean]

I am not delusional. I have no interest in this man long-term. I know he is with his wife for the long-haul and I have zero expectation he's going to leave her.

 

Then what's the point? You're not looking for a relationship with him, so why are you content with being some married old guy's piece of azz on the side? You could be going out with available men and having your good times conscience free.

[xxirynaxx]

Then what's the point?

 

Companionship; sex; no threat of commitment. We genuinely enjoy spending time together. In fact, when the sex / romantic aspect subsides, I suspect we will stay friends.

[CarrieT]

OP, how do you feel being a mistress?

 

What if the wife doesn't know? How do you feel about hurting a fellow woman?

 

If you have no problems shacking up with a married man, why not bring it all forward and ask to meet the wife to see if she is okay with the arrangement?

[MJJean]

Companionship; sex; no threat of commitment. We genuinely enjoy spending time together. In fact, when the sex / romantic aspect subsides, I suspect we will stay friends.

 

You can get sex, companionship, and zero commitment without participating in adultery. There are plenty great single guys who'd be thrilled to be your FWB.