721 Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I've ended up becoming part of a friendship group and there's a girl I'm particularly fond of, but there's a few things stopping me from making a move. I hardly know her, and have rarely spoken to her. The odd few times we have spoken it's gone well, but not enough to judge if she has any interest in me. The one thing that kind of puts me off is that the conversations we have had have been short and to-the-point on her part, but she does come across as the shy/quiet-type so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. The other issue is she's recently broken up with her boyfriend (it's been a month, I think). I don't want to make a move out of respect of her situation, and also because I don't want to come across as a "vulture". From what I know she's coped with the break-up quite well, but I don't know how soon is "too soon". I'm skeptical of asking her out somewhere, out-of-the-blue, because it may become obvious to her what my intentions are. I don't normally have this issue with other women, but this one I just feel awkward about it. I had considered asking one of our mutual friends to do some "snooping" and see if there's any interest there, but that just seems like high-school behavior to me. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Just ask her out for a coffee. Something simple and casual that gives you the chance to get to know each other without the pressure of an actual date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 721 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 I don't know, normally I wouldn't have issue doing this but I reckon if I come out-of-the-blue with it my intentions are just made too obvious. Any suggestions on that? Also, do you reckon it's worth asking our mutual friends if it's worth a shot? They know her better than I do so... Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I don't know, normally I wouldn't have issue doing this but I reckon if I come out-of-the-blue with it my intentions are just made too obvious. Any suggestions on that? Also, do you reckon it's worth asking our mutual friends if it's worth a shot? They know her better than I do so... Not making your intentions obvious is a key contributor to winding up in the friend zone. If you like her that way, show her. And no, unless you're still in middle school, asking mutual friends if it's worth a shot is not worth a shot. What it says is that you like her, but lack the confidence to approach her/tell her yourself. Women do not like timid men: Shy is okay, timid is not! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I don't know, normally I wouldn't have issue doing this but I reckon if I come out-of-the-blue with it my intentions are just made too obvious. Any suggestions on that? Also, do you reckon it's worth asking our mutual friends if it's worth a shot? They know her better than I do so... That is why I suggested coffee. It isn't a full on date, but it can certainly turn into one if you get along well. It is a great option to get to know one another. See how she responds and take it from there. Personally, I wouldn't involve other people in this, keep it private between you and her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 721 Posted December 11, 2015 Author Share Posted December 11, 2015 Thank you. I will ask her out soon. One thing that worries me is, since her breakup, she's had a few men show interest in her. I don't just want to be another guy chasing after her so suddenly, but don't know how to stand out in the process. I certainly don't want to rush things. Link to post Share on other sites
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