Will it ever stop hurting? Will the affair leave my mind?

[Mylenie]

I once told him that I have a feeling that once everything is fine financially he will leave me.

 

Mylenie

 

I give credit to you.. for being so self sufficient financially. That's something to be very proud of.

 

I also think your husband is using you just for the money... time to tighten your purse where he's concerned. He should be grateful to have a wife that is fully capable of carrying the can.. but instead he abuses the situation.

 

I would advise you not to get onto any arguments with him over you leaving .... it will just give him the chance to say more hurtful stuff to you and you'll be left upset and start second guessing yourself.

 

Let's see how many women find him so desirable without your hard earned money..... no more funding his affairs. Be strong.. you deserve so much better treatment than this.

[fellini]

I am sorry for the life you have had to endure, regardless of your contribution or not to it, the only thing to acknowledge is the past is the past. What has happened has happened, and you have to decide how you wish to move forward.

 

You are not responsible for any of the behaviours of you H, but EVEN if you believed you were, or believed you had a hand in any of it, which neither I nore anyone here does, you can ask yourself:

 

Am I doing the right thing teaching my children that this is what love and marriage are about?

 

There is little or nothing you can do ABOUT your husband. But you continue to be the most important influence in the formation of your own children's attitudes about what is a healthy loving equal and worthy person to share a life with.

 

And you can teach them not to be afraid to walk away from something or someone that does not treat us or our commitment with respect.

 

Go with that if nothing else makes sense.

[sandylee1]

I once told him that I have a feeling that once everything is fine financially he will leave me.

 

And what did he say?

 

I know a man like your husband. His wife is the breadwinner and pays the mortgage, utility bills, groceries and funded ALL the children's needs throughout the marriage .. All 4 kids.

 

He has had enough affairs and had 3 children outside the marriage.... yet he says she is mean and doesn't give him money. The government reduced their gas bill....as he qualifies for a reduced rate through his age.. and he demanded she gives him that money from her. He doesn't see the bills as his responsibility.

 

He is mean and belittles her in front of the kids and other family members.

 

She was reduced to tears when one of her kids told her their marriage was a sham and he would never want a marriage like that. ... IF he should ever marry. For years he'd seen his dad philandering and his mom put up with it. She said she knew the marriage was a sham.... but she didn't think the kids knew that too.

 

They are still together.... but she is miserable.. and now he has become ill... she can't leave ..... as people will think she's horrible and only left because he was sick. She cried when he got his diagnosis... but not for the reasons you'd think. Now she feels sssssooooo trapped.

 

I'm sharing the story..........so you don't let that be you in years to come.

[summerdowling87]

If I were to justify some of these things, not changing how he feels about them but my reasons for doing / saying them

 

 

1. When we fight about anything you always bring in the money - Our fights are mainly about money if not all the time, even the cheating has to do with money or lack of.

 

2. You always use the car against me because you pay for it- Yes I said so you took the car I pay for and go see your .... I cant say girl/woman

3. You told me you are a bread winner - When I get paid I pay bills, when he gets paid the 1st thing he thinks of is normally his own needs, clothes, outings, and if I don't mention that we need to pay for something he wont pay for it, no if I don't mention it 5 times until we fight, he wont pay for it.

4. You want me to report all my financial decisions to you because you make more money - I want him to budget with me because we are married. I report what I do with my salary to him because he is my husband. It has nothing to d with how much I make

 

5. When you are frustrated with bills you cant control your tongue, you go on and on endlessly and that destroys me- No I cant control my tongue when stressed by bills.

6. You never seize the opportunity to tell me what your friends husband has done for them, which says to me im a failure - I was not aware that celebrating my friends new car bruises his ego. So I don't get excited for them infront of him.

6. You make loans without consulting me then when I have a little bit of money you tell me about the loan you made to bail us out last month.

 

Yes I would get loans to pay for our lights that are switched off, I would make loans to pay for a house or a car that is about to get repossessed and the reason I would not tell him is because of how he feels after I tell him we are loosing this or that, it would crash him. So I chose to say nothing. I am justifying this because I did it in my small mind to protect his ego.

 

So like I said. My reasons wont change how these things make him feel, but I never woke up one morning and decided that today I will make sure his ego gets bruised. I will make sure my friend buys a bigger house than ours so I can kill his ego. No. But I know that's how he sees it.

 

I'm sorry why do you want to stay married again?

 

No offense but IMO your husband sounds like a selfish narcissistic who needs to grow the heck up and step up.

 

Also no offense again but HE can find time to cheat but he can't find time to keep up the house? He can find time to blame everything on you but he can't find time to get a better job or find time to better himself??

Edited December 12, 2015 by summerdowling87