ltjg45 Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Hmm...shall we test that theory? How many men reading this post would shag Honey Boo Boo's mom? I rather announce to the world that I am a proud virgin before I do that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author deckard11 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 Thanks for the responses. Ok ladies, so basically the whole "it's not what matters on the outside , it's what's on the inside that matters" line is a bunch of crap? Does the same go for the "looks don't matter" line? Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) Thanks for the responses. Ok ladies, so basically the whole "it's not what matters on the outside , it's what's on the inside that matters" line is a bunch of crap? Does the same go for the "looks don't matter" line? It's a balance of inside/outside...and some people responded that way in their posts. No matter how much I am attracted physically to someone, if I don't like their persona, ain't gonna work and actually will even turn me off. But yes, even with someone who you like as a person, you gotta feel "some" spark of attraction..otherwise you are just friends. Now no, I'm not looking physically for "Mr. Perfect"...I've dated hotties, notties, and average...so, again, it's a combo of inside/outside, and I'm not gonna date and/or get intimate with a guy just because he has a great personality on the inside...I gotta still feel a bit of attraction. Edited December 10, 2015 by Gloria25 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Thanks for the responses. Ok ladies, so basically the whole "it's not what matters on the outside , it's what's on the inside that matters" line is a bunch of crap? Does the same go for the "looks don't matter" line? Looks do matter. I still believe that relationships will never be ideal if both partners is not physically attracted to each other. I just can't see that being false unless both partners has no desire for sex anymore......and even then, it is more of a close friendship than a relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Thanks for the responses. Ok ladies, so basically the whole "it's not what matters on the outside , it's what's on the inside that matters" line is a bunch of crap? Does the same go for the "looks don't matter" line? Do looks matter to you?? You never answered my question. Would you try to date a 250 lb woman? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I think it works the other way too, or at least for me. No matter how attractive a lady is (and how much she flirts) I honestly wouldn't sleep with her if she had nothing going on in her head. I like it to mean something when I sleep with a girl, and I have made previous girlfriends wait for quite a while* before we did anything beyond kissing. *by today's standards anyway 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author deckard11 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 Do looks matter to you?? You never answered my question. Would you try to date a 250 lb woman? No they don't and yes I would. Sorry for the late reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 No they don't and yes I would. Sorry for the late reply. Well if you're willing to date a heavier woman, then don't see a problem. Some of them will probably also be more forgiving of a guy's appreance too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 So it's clearly not that you're too choosy, so it is either that you're coming on too strong or trying to rush things, dressing in an unappealing way (sweat pants probably aren't high on a list of women's favourite clothing), or saying something that really turns women off. Could it be any of those? How are you approaching women? Link to post Share on other sites
Author deckard11 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 Well if you're willing to date a heavier woman, then don't see a problem. Some of them will probably also be more forgiving of a guy's appreance too. You'd be surprised how many overweight women there are who refuse to give overweight men a chance. I came across this a lot when I was on a dating site. It's like they think they are too good for an overweight guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deckard11 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 So it's clearly not that you're too choosy, so it is either that you're coming on too strong or trying to rush things, dressing in an unappealing way (sweat pants probably aren't high on a list of women's favourite clothing), or saying something that really turns women off. Could it be any of those? How are you approaching women? I don't dress like a slob. I don't come on too strong and don't rush things. I just plain suck with women. I guess I just don't have any game. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Hello. I'm new to this forum. I joined in hoping to get some answers from women about a few issues I'm having. Sounds like you've received some good feedback. I'm a 41 year old male who's never been in a relationship. My sympathies. I had such struggles in my 20's and a bit of my 30's. Had a bunch of old and erroneous tapes to erase. I'm just curious about a few things I've heard regarding women. Women are individuals. That's a basic guideline to remember and accept First, is is true a woman will decide within 5 seconds of meeting a man if she'll have sex with him or not? IME, they're more likely to decide in five seconds if you're sexually unattractive. That first whiff. If not that, the rest is up to you, time, and their feelings.Second, what does a woman really mean when she tells a guy he is "handsome"? Can't help with that one with any specifics; a few friends wives have used it but I'm sure their intent was platonic. However, try this....look for actions and words, meaning watching body language, voice tone as well as the words. Is she up close, personal, in your physical space and with suggestive body language? Probably not platonic analysis. Please feel free to be brutally honest with me in your answers. I'm a grown man and can take it. There's no magic formula or equation. Think of romance more like music than math. Why do you like some music and despise other music? Why does some music move you emotionally and other does nothing? Why are you different, if you are, from the person next to you in that regard? Good luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author deckard11 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 Sounds like you've received some good feedback. My sympathies. I had such struggles in my 20's and a bit of my 30's. Had a bunch of old and erroneous tapes to erase. Women are individuals. That's a basic guideline to remember and accept IME, they're more likely to decide in five seconds if you're sexually unattractive. That first whiff. If not that, the rest is up to you, time, and their feelings. Can't help with that one with any specifics; a few friends wives have used it but I'm sure their intent was platonic. However, try this....look for actions and words, meaning watching body language, voice tone as well as the words. Is she up close, personal, in your physical space and with suggestive body language? Probably not platonic analysis. There's no magic formula or equation. Think of romance more like music than math. Why do you like some music and despise other music? Why does some music move you emotionally and other does nothing? Why are you different, if you are, from the person next to you in that regard? Good luck! Thank you for that reply. I honestly meant to phrase the 5 seconds question that way. Not that if they would decide to have sex with a man but rather decide of he's sexually unattractive. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deckard11 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 What I'd also like to know if why do women use lame blow off lines like I mentioned before? The one that is my favorite is "any woman would be lucky to have a man like you". Just not the one you want, right? I really wish more women would be brutally honest and tell men they are simply not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I don't think your height is really a problem but your weight. If I see a man who is too heavy than is good for his health I will not date him. I don't find it attractive but I am also worried about the health issues the weight brings with it. I guess you are probably stuck in a vicious circle: you eat too much because you don't really feel good about yourself and consequently your weight is making you feel even more down. Try to be kind to yourself and steer yourself towards a healthier lifestyle without making an obsession of it. Right now having a girlfriend will not solve your problems; you might actually pick someone who is not good for you due to your self-confidence issues. Don't despair, after 40 I think it is way easier for men than for women to find a partner. Hell there are guys in death row who find a wife, why would you not be able to find one? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 What I'd also like to know if why do women use lame blow off lines like I mentioned before? The one that is my favorite is "any woman would be lucky to have a man like you". Just not the one you want, right? I really wish more women would be brutally honest and tell men they are simply not interested. Believe me we women also get our share of lame blow off lines... I think it is human nature than some people simply can't be honest and straightforwar. I would even say that if you get a blow off line you are lucky because on dating sites people don't even bother to simply tell you: "Was a nice date but I don't feel the urge to see you again." Dating is tough for every one with a sensitive heart and the wish to find a serious relationship. Sometimes it is good to take a break because you get rejected a lot. We are all looking for someone we find attractive and unfortunately the attraction is not always matched. Everyone gets attracted to someone who does not find them attracted and vice versa. Until the attraction is matched which is very rare but only when that happens is there a basis to follow it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Ok I'll bite. I'm several years older than you and a hetero woman. I can determine within 5 seconds if I'll kiss a guy. With me it is like this: I know within 5 seconds that I will NEVER EVER want to kiss a guy. It takes me a lot more time to come at a point when I will positively want to kiss a guy. So as far as I am concerned: as long as it is not a "No" a "Yes" is possible. But for that I need more time to get to know someone. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Thank you for that reply. I honestly meant to phrase the 5 seconds question that way. Not that if they would decide to have sex with a man but rather decide of he's sexually unattractive. Thank you. I would think that in general women are more forgiving of a man's look. Personally I find that most men immediately discard a woman if she does not blow him off his socks at the first glance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 What I'd also like to know if why do women use lame blow off lines like I mentioned before? The one that is my favorite is "any woman would be lucky to have a man like you". Just not the one you want, right? I really wish more women would be brutally honest and tell men they are simply not interested. Dude, don't take it personal... Look, we women are just like that...we aren't usually direct and/or blunt. Also, in my case, I mean it when I tell a guy that I'm he's this or that for someone else but not me. Like online, some guys don't put race and I feel no attraction to black guys (well Will Smith, Denzel Washington and/or Wesley Snipes might have a chance ). And, some of them are good lookin' but I just don't feel an ounce of attraction. So, I don't respond with a "Oh heck no, I don't date black guys...bye!!!" I simply tell them most of the truth - which is that they look/seem cool, but I'm not interested and good luck in their search. And yes, I even add a 'you should be able to meet some chicks' in it too. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 No they don't and yes I would. Sorry for the late reply. Deckard, it is not norma that looks don't matter to you. This has again to do with your self-confidence issues. Everyone who has a healthy dosis of self love knows that looks matter in a relationship. It does not mean that the other has to be ultrahandsome. But you have to be attracted to your partner. Be honest, would you want to date a woman who does not think you are attractive? You would be selling yourself short if you did. So vice versa no woman who feels good in her skin will want a guy who does not find her attractive. A good relationship is based on a healthy dosis attraction, not on pity. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I would think that in general women are more forgiving of a man's look. Personally I find that most men immediately discard a woman if she does not blow him off his socks at the first glance. Correct!!! Why do we women put so much into our looks?!? Cuz guys are shallow like that. Men will even put up with a woman who doesn't have a great body - as long as her face is ok. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Like online, some guys don't put race and I feel no attraction to black guys (well Will Smith, Denzel Washington and/or Wesley Snipes might have a chance ). And, some of them are good lookin' but I just don't feel an ounce of attraction.. I have the same thing. Even though I can absolutely appreciate the beauty of some black men (athletic, shiny skin, cheekbones) I can for the life of me not be attracted to them. I think my genes simply think it is not a good idea to get together with someone who is not white. Has nothing to do with racism. Attraction is zero. I have the same thing with some very handsome white men. Objectively I see that they are gorgeous. But no attraction. That's the miraculous thing about attraction. It almost hits you when you don't expect it and it has nothing to do with the objective attractiveness of a person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Correct!!! Why do we women put so much into our looks?!? Cuz guys are shallow like that. Men will even put up with a woman who doesn't have a great body - as long as her face is ok. I also wonder why we women put so much into our looks when I see some women on this show called "Bridezillas". I mean... if these gals found a husband why not me ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I think that the 'I'll take anyone whatever they look like' does say to me that there's a little desperation there. I understand that you want a girlfriend, but women can detect this stuff. It might work for you to find someone you know who is great at talking to women and let them give you a few pointers, or even take you out to meet women together. Just see it as a confidence building exercise and not a 'looking for a girlfriend exercise' at this point and you'll start to pick up what people find appealing, not to mention what you really shouldn't be saying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I also wonder why we women put so much into our looks when I see some women on this show called "Bridezillas". I mean... if these gals found a husband why not me ? And I bet ya the husbands-to-be put up with their crap cuz she has a pretty face, right? Link to post Share on other sites
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