After Many Years of Hard Work, I'm Getting Tired/Lazy

[loveweary11]

Before my divorce I was working 7 days a week, 8 hours a day. I was killing myself building our boat so we could be back together as quickly as possible. She worked where $$$ was big, I worked where people were poor. Gave us a boost.

 

So, after the divorce, I lost half our $$ and had to do double time, opening and running a small business while continuing to build the boat.

 

For the past few years, I've done 60hrs a week on the small business and as much time as i can on the boat.

 

Boat is in the water now.

 

I'm supposed to be keeping up the same work level, but I'm finding I can't even function from exhaustion.

 

We're closed right now at my small business until the week after Thanksgiving.

 

I'm supposed to be using this time to get a lot done on the boat's interior, but I'm finding I just want to stay in bed and eat. And nap. And only do things that are really convenient.

 

I had been going at an unsustainable pace for about 5 years now.

 

I finally reached a milestone and I have very little left to give.

 

Should I embrace this feeling and be lazy until my drive comes back or should I fight it and keep going?

[Robert Z]

I've gone through burn out a few times in my career. I find that I can't stop moving forward but need to set a pace. Stopping entirely is dangerous because it begins to establish a new pattern. Right now I am backing off a bit - been working 60-80-hour weeks for a few months. So I allow myself to goof off a bit, try to suppress the guilt, and then try to pace myself back into the groove.

 

 

Being self employed and a self starter is tough.

[schiller]

Before my divorce I was working 7 days a week, 8 hours a day. I was killing myself building our boat so we could be back together as quickly as possible.

 

Did she live on the other side of a large body of water?

 

So, after the divorce, I lost half our $$ and had to do double time, opening and running a small business while continuing to build the boat.

 

If you were killing yourself to build the boat so you could be together, why would you continue to build the boat after you were divorced?

[jen1447]

I think it depends a lot on what's going on in your head. If you're just resting bc you're plain tired and need a rest, then by all means take some time off and rest. But if you really want to stay in bed bc you're depressed and staying in bed will just make it harder and harder to get out, force yourself up and out and get back to work. Work and productivity promotes more of the same, just like the opposite.

[Heatherknows]

I think it depends a lot on what's going on in your head. If you're just resting bc you're plain tired and need a rest, then by all means take some time off and rest. But if you really want to stay in bed bc you're depressed and staying in bed will just make it harder and harder to get out, force yourself up and out and get back to work. Work and productivity promotes more of the same, just like the opposite.

 

I agree. Sometimes your body knows more than your mind and if it needs a rest then enjoy your down time. We aren't batteries we don't always have to be going.

[GunslingerRoland]

I'm confused about this boat thing, you're building your own boat? Don't people just buy one? Or is this your business?

 

 

Anyway if it's a hobby, I don't think a major hobby like that, goes well with a job that requires that many hours. That is the thing about running a small business, it is your life.

 

 

If you don't want it to be, maybe you need to move towards employment.

[RedRobin]

I'd say take a break, but with a plan. Make your to do list, then cross off those things that don't feed into your core goals and values.

 

The most productive people I know have slumps... They use that time to reassess their priorities to see if whatever they have been doing is actually working or bringing them closer to their life plan or what they view as their life plan and goals.

 

Me for instance... I was working at a high profile multinational corporation.... It was a cutthroat environment, but very cool work and projects. As much as I loved the work, I hated the culture there. I had the opportunity to move to a significantly higher position. People way up were clearing the path, mentoring me, working with me. My body was protesting... I was starting to get sick more often. I got vertigo for the first time in my life. I was snapping at friends and family. In short, I was miserable.

 

I basically did something similar to that scene at the end of 'the Devil Wears Prada', where she chucks the phone into the fountain and walks out. Well, similar, but I kept my relationships with my mentors. I left, started my own company... Did that for 5 years, and it was awesome... Thinking about the next company I want to start, writing a book, teaching... And yea, sailing the west coast for awhile. All things I couldn't have done if I didn't listen to my body and unstick myself from that environment.

 

Long story short... All the things you did before when you were married may not apply anymore. That was a dream you shared as part of a couple with a different dynamic. I know a lot of people who try to shove a new person into the hole their changing life situation presents, but it rarely ever works.

 

I know you are a resilient person and have no problems letting go of things that aren't working for you anymore. You are just in a funk. Get some sleep, recoup... Reset your priorities... Then hit it again.

[loveweary11]

I've lost my energy.

 

I'm tired.

 

About 5 years ago (i think?) I started building the current boat while married.

 

I worked as hard as humanly possible, in total isolation, in a rural area to get it done as quickly as possible.

 

This meant 7 days a week, minimum 8 hours a day, with time off to eat and sleep.

 

Finishing a boat build is about as rare as launching a successfully company. Most don't make it.

 

2 years into that grueling schedule, my ex freaked, drained our bank account out (joint account, money was to finish the boat inside) and vanished. It was a substantial amount of money... gone.

 

All of my money was in this project (and stolen), so I couldn't just leave it. I had to finish it... with no money.

 

So... i opened up a simple, basic business in NYC that pulls me down a good income, but requires a 60 hour, Monday through Friday workweek.

 

For the past few years, I focused mostly on the ny business and those employees, while managing employees doing external finish work on tge boat from afar, taking breaks to fly to them, 1000 miles away, for weekends.

 

Other times, i scaled back the ny business to focus on the boat, all the while working at least 12 hours a day, every day, barely any breaks.

 

The boat is launched.

 

I'm supposed to be doing the interior now, but I can't. I'm too tired. I just want a normal life. I don't want to all this work.

 

I need to keep the ny business running for income until the boat is built out enough to generate income with it. (I do yacht charters asba primary business).

 

What do I do???

 

Just sit here, living a normal life, working 60 hrs a week to generate income while enjoying life, leaving the boat as is until i get more energy? I can't have girls over because it's a construction zone inside.

 

Close the ny business a few months (it is slow season Christmas until april) and focus only on the boat with no social life (because i have no income?)

 

Focus on the ny work and hire a day worker to come out and do interior under my very, very close supervision?

 

Tie anchor to leg and throw it overboard?

 

I can't seem to get the balance down or find enough energy to get all of this done. Most people have 40-60 hour a week jobs and are over worked. My situation is so badbI dream of having justba simple 60 hour a week job.

 

Any thoughts?

[clia]

Is there any middle ground between shutting the business down and working a 60 hour week? Can you scale it back so you only need to work a 30 hour week?

 

It seems like getting the boat finished should be your top priority, but i don't think trying to accomplish that with no income is a viable option. Do you have enough savings to float you for awhile?

[loveweary11]

Is there any middle ground between shutting the business down and working a 60 hour week? Can you scale it back so you only need to work a 30 hour week?

That would be a dream. Unfortunately, there isn't. I'm either on each day we are open for 12 hours a day, or we are closed.

 

I suppose it might be possible to be open only 2 or 3 days of the week in slow season, but I don't think my employees/contractors would go for that and stick around.

 

It seems like getting the boat finished should be your top priority, but i don't think trying to accomplish that with no income is a viable option. Do you have enough savings to float you for awhile?

 

Actually, working only on the boat until April is a viable option. I have sunk a king's ransom into this boat, but... I could make it through. I have savings and have already purcased $10's of $1000's of $$$$ worth of materials and supplies to finish the interior. It's all sitting here in a tool utility room in the boat, untouched because I'm so burnt out.

 

Not to mention, it's also a creative, problem solving process to finish it out. Like a giant puzzle to solve and my brain is shot frtom working so hard.

 

I perform much better doing one large task all at once like a mad scientist. Half of each makes me do worse at both.

Edited December 9, 2015 by loveweary11

[Heatherknows]

I've lost my energy.

 

I'm tired.

 

 

I can't seem to get the balance down or find enough energy to get all of this done. Most people have 40-60 hour a week jobs and are over worked. My situation is so badbI dream of having justba simple 60 hour a week job.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Yep. Take a nap. Serious. You are looking at EVERYTHING on your plate right now and you're probably emotionally exhausted. You DON'T need to figure all this out today and if you're tired you need to listen to your body. In your heart you probably know the best way to handle this problem and that is what you'll do.

 

Right now, clear your mind. Talk to friends that make you laugh and think about how lucky you are to have a boat. You are living another persons dream.

[loveweary11]

Yep. Take a nap. Serious. You are looking at EVERYTHING on your plate right now and you're probably emotionally exhausted. You DON'T need to figure all this out today and if you're tired you need to listen to your body. In your heart you probably know the best way to handle this problem and that is what you'll do.

 

Right now, clear your mind. Talk to friends that make you laugh and think about how lucky you are to have a boat. You are living another persons dream.

 

Literally, this is exactly what I feel like doing.

 

Going over to the Bahamas to just drool on myself for the winter.,

 

NY business is closed from Dec 24th to first Monday in January.

 

Maybe I can just drool on myself stateside during that time and see how I feel in the new year?

 

Do no boat work until then?

[Heatherknows]

Literally, this is exactly what I feel like doing.

 

Going over to the Bahamas to just drool on myself for the winter.,

 

NY business is closed from Dec 24th to first Monday in January.

 

Maybe I can just drool on myself stateside during that time and see how I feel in the new year?

 

Do no boat work until then?

 

Bahamas? OMG...the water is magical. I did a Club Med @ Turks and Caicos back in the 90's. Best snorkeling/Scuba, even if you're hung over.

 

Yeah, don't go crazy with the boat work. Take care of the big stuff and try to squash issues ASAP. Enjoy your life...and wear sunscreen.

[loveweary11]

Bahamas? OMG...the water is magical. I did a Club Med @ Turks and Caicos back in the 90's. Best snorkeling/Scuba, even if you're hung over.

 

Yeah, don't go crazy with the boat work. Take care of the big stuff and try to squash issues ASAP. Enjoy your life...and wear sunscreen.

 

Turks and Caicos is awesome. Was there very shortly once and was working, so didn't see much.

 

I have snorkeled and dove in Bonaire though. Was ridiculous. So many spots, all so varied.

It's a small island in the Netherland Antilles, ABC's, of which Aruba and Curacao are part too, for those who haven't noticed these islands.

 

Surprisingly, there are a couple decent reefs right off the coast of Florida as well. There are moorings there and you just tie up and go snorkeling. I'll probably just stick stateside because I'm so tired and it would take energy to go to a different country. More restful here.

 

I actually don't need sunscreen anymore, thankfully. The boat was designed to be run completely indoors. I have had enough years out in the sun/cold/rain that I was done. Whole boat is controlled from an inside helm and the whole outdoor seating area is under a "back porch" area which protects you frim sun/rain while outside. It's very comfortable and free of any direct sunlight.

 

There is plenty of space to lay out on deck for others, but I find the sun I get just doing errands and going ashore is plenty.

 

Only sun I get is when going out for walks and to the store and stuff, like normal people.

 

I am taking your advice. Just working the 60 hour weeks until I feel an internal motivation to get something done on the boat.

 

Also... what should I do for Jan/Feb/March?

 

I'm leaning toward major boat work and no NY business so I can have a place that's good to have guests/girls back to once I get back up north this summer...

Edited December 10, 2015 by loveweary11

[Heatherknows]

T

Also... what should I do for Jan/Feb/March?

 

I'm leaning toward major boat work and no NY business so I can have a place that's good to have guests/girls back to once I get back up north this summer...

 

Your boat sounds freaking amazing. Did you do any of the hands on work yourself?

 

I wouldn't worry about the next three months. Just live in the moment and you'll enjoy your time more.

 

If you don't have a massive New Years Eve masquerade party then you probably should rent out the boat for that event. But you should have the party because it would be a good time to invite an insane amount of females all dressed in costumes. What a person chooses as a costume says a lot about them.

[loveweary11]

Your boat sounds freaking amazing. Did you do any of the hands on work yourself?

 

I did all of it with a couple helpers over the first couple years. Built all the structural stuff. Did all the interior that's done. Most of what my employees did was sanding things, which I hate. I built it all. That's why I'm so tired. Time when I was away, some employees put in a staircase, screwed up a few minor bits, built some sort of enclosures that are hard to describe... and it took them an entire year to fair the exterior. That's putting on a sort of drywall mud type substance and sanding, then reapplying, over and over, until it looks like a car. Smooth.

 

I wouldn't worry about the next three months. Just live in the moment and you'll enjoy your time more.

 

If you don't have a massive New Years Eve masquerade party then you probably should rent out the boat for that event. But you should have the party because it would be a good time to invite an insane amount of females all dressed in costumes. What a person chooses as a costume says a lot about them.

 

Interior isn't ready for guests. That's what's driving me nuts. I have a galley and a fold down crew berth. That's it. The rest is raw, unfinished fiberglass that needs to be finished out. This is what's killing me. Can't have anyone over to hook up or date or w.e. It looks like garbage inside still. I was looking at going to Kygo/The Weekend for New Years or Skrillex the next day.

 

 

I feel this overwhelming pressure to get it at least done to a point I can have girls over.

Edited December 10, 2015 by loveweary11

[Heatherknows]

I feel this overwhelming pressure to get it at least done to a point I can have girls over.

 

It might be good pressure. If you did a lot of the work yourself then you're a craftsmen who has a passion for design. When you walk around the boat your head is probably filled with ideas of how you want it to look and what needs to get done. You'll need to temper that artistic obsessiveness with some practicality and self-compassion. Bring girls there now, the ones that seem most interested in the process might be a good fit for you.

[loveweary11]

It might be good pressure. If you did a lot of the work yourself then you're a craftsmen who has a passion for design. When you walk around the boat your head is probably filled with ideas of how you want it to look and what needs to get done. You'll need to temper that artistic obsessiveness with some practicality and self-compassion. Bring girls there now, the ones that seem most interested in the process might be a good fit for you.

 

Exactly. I love designing and building unique living spaces. Solving small space and off grid problems. I've done a loft in manhattan, a couple rvs, fixed up other boats and this monster. But... i need absolute undivided concentration to create cool stuff.

 

The exterior is awesome.

 

If I'm going to work on it, it can't be done with my phone going off constantly from the NY business. It has to be undivided attention, which is why i can't get this balance right and am asking for input.

 

How come barely anyone has suggestions? Is it impossible?

 

A couple girls have been here. They didn't like it. lmao It's like a house before Sheetrock goes up.

 

Yoga was supposed to go on a month trip with me in it and has spent several nights aboard and was cool with it. Bummer how that turned out. She was a really cool chick other than the stealing and cocaine. lmao

Edited December 10, 2015 by loveweary11

[Heatherknows]

Exactly. I love designing and building unique living spaces. Solving small space and off grid problems. I've done a loft in manhattan, a couple rvs, fixed up other boats and this monster. But... i need absolute undivided concentration to create cool stuff.

 

The exterior is awesome.

 

If I'm going to work on it, it can't be done with my phone going off constantly from the NY business. It has to be undivided attention, which is why i can't get this balance right and am asking for input.

 

How come barely anyone has suggestions? Is it impossible?

 

A couple girls have been here. They didn't like it. lmao It's like a house before Sheetrock goes up.

 

Yoga was supposed to go on a month trip with me in it and has spent several nights aboard and was cool with it. Bummer how that turned out. She was a really cool chick other than the stealing and cocaine. lmao

 

Yeah...I guess when the cool chick turns out to be a drug addict/criminal it sort of puts a damper on the romance.

 

Do you have a website with pics of your remodels?

[pteromom]

Can you hire someone to help you with the boat?

 

Can you hire someone to manage your business so you can just spend your time on the boat?

 

You need to find trusted people to take some of this burden off you.

 

And remember - building this boat is supposed to be a dream, not a burden. If it isn't a dream, then seriously - get someone to help you do the parts of it you don't like, and focus on the parts that bring you happiness.

[loveweary11]

Can you hire someone to help you with the boat?

 

Can you hire someone to manage your business so you can just spend your time on the boat?

 

You need to find trusted people to take some of this burden off you.

 

And remember - building this boat is supposed to be a dream, not a burden. If it isn't a dream, then seriously - get someone to help you do the parts of it you don't like, and focus on the parts that bring you happiness.

 

 

 

Thank you.

 

I had hired someone to work my side of the NY business, but help wasn't very reliable. It's also especially difficult given I have to be right at hand while they are working to escalate issues. It's fast paced, demanding and takes a lot of skill.

 

Now hiring someone to come aboard daily and work while I focus exclusively on the NY business seems a LOT more manageable.

 

I could supervise them to the greatest detail, so these parts that are almost an art are done the way I'm looking to have them done.

 

And no.... it's not a dream. I've owned various boats, continuously since college. It's now my life/career since I left offices.

 

So far, I like this advice (and of course the advice to kick back a bit! lol)

[Heatherknows]

Thank you.

 

I had hired someone to work my side of the NY business, but help wasn't very reliable. It's also especially difficult given I have to be right at hand while they are working to escalate issues. It's fast paced, demanding and takes a lot of skill.

 

 

My advice was freaking awesome. You tried to hire out for help and it didn't work that's because sometimes people suck, they're unreliable and they're not going to care about the boat the way you do so the workmanship might not be so wonderful. Every-time I need to hire someone to fix sometime in my house I have an anxiety attack because it's freaking hard to get something done right. LOL

 

So, sometimes it's best to relax and when you're up to it you'll get er done.

 

And why is that?

 

Cuz Heatherknows.

[loveweary11]

My advice was freaking awesome. You tried to hire out for help and it didn't work that's because sometimes people suck, they're unreliable and they're not going to care about the boat the way you do so the workmanship might not be so wonderful. Every-time I need to hire someone to fix sometime in my house I have an anxiety attack because it's freaking hard to get something done right. LOL

 

So, sometimes it's best to relax and when you're up to it you'll get er done.

 

And why is that?

 

Cuz Heatherknows.

 

Also good. Or... freaking awesome.

 

Bringin it full circle to a loveshack problem, I'm not sure how many more girls i can afford to lose because it's not done enough to take them home to.

 

I'm not getting any prettier!!

[Heatherknows]

Also good. Or... freaking awesome.

 

Bringin it full circle to a loveshack problem, I'm not sure how many more girls i can afford to lose because it's not done enough to take them home to.

 

I'm not getting any prettier!!

 

Take them back to your "work in progress" and say you're in contact with a producer from HGTV because they want to film it for an episode on boat renovation.

 

(This is the Loveshack part...wait for it...)

 

Tell them if they become your girlfriend they can be on the show.

[loveweary11]

Take them back to your "work in progress" and say you're in contact with a producer from HGTV because they want to film it for an episode on boat renovation.

 

(This is the Loveshack part...wait for it...)

 

Tell them if they become your girlfriend they can be on the show.

 

That's a great hook!

 

If only I was decent at lying....