Best female friend is distant

[coffe]

I have been friends with this girl for around a year, and the latter half of this year we have become VERY close friends. She is the one I can talk with about anything and the one whose opinion I care about the most. We used to talk a lot and go out every week, while seeing each other almost every day of the week.

 

She has a boyfriend, but he has been away due to work for some time now. About a month or so ago, we got very drunk once when we had gone out with some other friends and we kissed.

 

It did not last long, but it is one moment I cannot forget, a moment that you can't just unwind and pretend it didn't happen. None of our friends saw anything - nobody knows. One of them was more or less around and when she spotted him she had a surge of realization and she stopped immediately. She said something like "Friend...", then she went to the bathroom alone. I didn't see her until later that night and then there wasn't a proper moment to talk it out.

 

The next day I saw her and we promised it wouldn't happen again. Thing is, it was not the same for me since. She said if the other guy hadn't been around she didn't know where it would have ended, and that if it had gone a lot further we wouldn't be able to get along like we did.

 

After this it was tough, but still I very much wanted to see her, and soon again it got to the point where we saw each other every day.

 

A few days ago, again we got drunk with some friends and I particularly got very drunk, too drunk. It got to the point when the others had to look for me to get me back home, and as you can imagine I was in the kind of state that is not very fun when you have to take care of the drunk. She was around, of course, and stayed to the last moment.

 

I'm not sure what it was, but something that night changed. Everything between us was OK, but after this day she has become distant. We used to chat all the time, and now she only gives short, terse replies when I talk to her. She used to tell me of her troubles, or of the little things she did each day. Now she doesn't start conversations.

 

We still see each other since we are in the same group of friends, and as I have mentioned we do "talk" - the obligatory things that come up such as where do we meet up with the others, etc. But nothing that goes much further than that.

 

She is polite with me when we are around... still there is an obvious difference in how she talks to me and how she talks to the others. With them it's a lot more spontaneous, it just comes right out of her. With me it seems like some kind of obligation at times, at the more obvious moments.

 

I wanted to bring it up with her, but I don't seem to find the right moment. I try to find ocassions for us to be together, but ultimately we see each other because of stuff that we have to do (which involves our group of friends), and I don't want to break it in like that; the times we've been on our own, we were expecting someone else not too later.

 

I have been playing with the idea of asking her to meet up, to talk exclusively. At the same time, though, I know that there is a reason for her reaction; clearly she didn't choose to be upfront about the situation. So I feel like I would be making her uncomfortable, which is why I try to look for a smoother way to handle the situation. Sometimes I hope we would come to good terms on our own, or that she would bring up the subject - but ultimately I know I'm just lying to myself.

 

It's still very hard. You bring up something like that, and there's no going back from how see it. Specially when I don't know very well what kind of reaction I'd get, or what to say precisely. I'm afraid of it all imploding in and completely losing her.

 

What do you think? Ultimately I'm pretty sure I should bring it up plain and simple, but it would make me a bit more at ease to more or less know what to expect to happen, or to have a better idea what exactly might have set this thing off in the first place.

 

Thank you very much for reading through, and I really would appreciate any sort of feedback on this.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

It sounds like she is keeping her distance for a good reason. You both crossed a line, and now she is trying to protect her relationship.

 

If you start being pushy, I suspect her reaction will be to pull away further.

[coffe]

It sounds like she is keeping her distance for a good reason. You both crossed a line, and now she is trying to protect her relationship.

 

If you start being pushy, I suspect her reaction will be to pull away further.

 

A few hours after writing the post I said "**** it" and called her to meet up.

 

I just saw her a while ago, and in the end we sorted it out, luckily.

 

Turns out I was more insistent with her than I remembered that last night when I was drunk, and this made it obvious that I still felt something for her - which is why she pulled back.

 

The first time we had talked after the kiss, I kind of eluded the subject and we never really said much about it. I pretended it didn't happen and wanted things to go back to what they had been and well, it eventually imploded into this.

 

We talked it out now; she made it clear that she did not feel that way toward me, and I apologized for not recognizing the situation for what it was and letting it come to this. I never wanted to make her uncomfortable and I knew how she felt, but I did not want to change the way things were at the moment and in the end, when I got drunk it came to surface.

 

Luckily she was happy about being able to talk about this directly, and she also wants to preserve our friendship. I promised none of what had been going on would happen again, and she said she had no problem going back to how we used to be before anything happened - now that it was all made clear.

 

I still have to finish letting go of what I might feel for her, but she is a very important friend and above all I want her to remain my friend. Now that it is all out in the open, I won't have any problems avoiding anything that might cross any lines.

 

Thank you for your concern! I was able to read your reply just before meeting up with her, it helped me get a notion of where I stood.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

It sounds like you handled it very well. I hope it all works out for you.