Aged 26 - possibly time to give up on finding love

[Clark99]

Think I've reached a point now where I'm just going to accept that I'm just not destined to find love.

 

A brief history of my romantic encounters:

 

L - with her on and off from aged 17 - 22. Cheated on me multiple times, left me for someone else - they're still together now 3 years on. I'm happy for her.

 

S - with her for two years on and off aged 22 - 24, broke up for good in September of last year. She is the one who has caused me the greatest pain of any girl I've been with. After me and L ended I got with her pretty quickly, I was still naive enough to believe that she would be totally different to L and she would never do what L did to me. Wrong; she broke up with me, then wanted me back, then dumped me again, then wanted me back etc. The final straw came when I walked into a club and saw her kissing another man. She's been with someone for the last 6 months. Taken me a long time to heal from her, but I've finally reached a point where I don't give a s**t anymore.

 

H - with her for a couple of months. Bit of a rebound, just didn't work out.

 

K - went on 3 dates, we kissed, seemed promising. She ghosted me.

 

C - this is the latest disappointment. Been on 6 dates. Connected very well, better than I've connected with anyone before. Really seemed to be going somewhere. But now it seems that our schedules just aren't going to allow things to develop any further. This is incredibly frustrating as everything else seemed so good.

 

It's got to the point where I can't even remember why I want a girlfriend. All my love life has brought me is pain and disappointment, admittedly I think this is partly my fault, maybe from not choosing potential partners wisely. But I do think I've had more than my fair share of bad luck.

 

When I'm not seeing anyone I'm OK, I'm not brilliant, but at least I don't have to worry about being disappointed by the opposite sex. I sometimes have daydreams about being with my ideal partner. They bring me comfort if I ever feel lonely - I realise how f*cking sad that sounds, but it's true. The thought of getting ready to go on date number 1, 2 or 3, wondering if this one is going to work out, could they be the one etc just fills me with dread now.

 

All my friends are in long term relationships that they found with ease; two of them 7 years plus; engaged, the lot. These girls adore my mates. I'm very happy for them. All my friends bar one have never been cheated on, or messed around by girls. They've just gone about their lives and their fiance has just landed on their lap.

 

I think I either need to accept that proper, true, lasting love's just not going to find me, and find other ways to fulfil my happiness. Or at least wait until I feel like everyone else on the dating scene, and not give a sh*t whether it works out or not; although I'm not sure this is possible with me.

 

I don't think there's any advice anyone can give me really, I'm just ranting.

[Robratory]

Silly... I'm twice your age, and I'm not giving up. But I also know that it feels so good to feel sorry for ourselves from time to time. Just don't make a habit of it.

[CarrieT]

Yes, silly.

 

I found it in my 48th year.

 

You are barely weaned...

[lollipopspot]

A lot of guys here would feel that you are far ahead of the game in terms of being able to find love - they struggle with getting a date at all.

[Clark99]

Yes, silly.

 

I found it in my 48th year.

 

You are barely weaned...

 

The idea of waiting until I'm nearly 50 to find my ideal partner isn't particularly appealing.

[Silver_star]

You started getting into relationships young and looks like you haven't given yourself a lot of down time being single in between.

 

 

I didn't start my first until I was 21. Been threw many different relationships now, with different lessons. Been single in between those times because I wanted to really know what I want and just jump into something. I have fallen in deep love twice.

 

 

I think the fact that you have had relationships on a deep level shows you that you are fully capable of forming bonds and meaningful connections with others, which a lot of men your age cannot seem to do.

 

 

26 is super young still. You will go on a lot of ****ty dates trying to find your queen. Have fun with it though. You don't have to be in a serious relationship right off the bat. You get to be single, and tell some wild stories to all your friends that are in long term relationships. They are probably jealous of your freedom right now.

You still have a lot of fun years ahead. Don't have to take it so serious. When the right girl comes along and you feel a strong connection with her, and you start building a foundation for a relationship... you will have another shot at a relationship and it still may or may not work out. You can only control your own actions. But I really think we attract the kind of people we think we deserve. So time to feel better about yourself.

[Redhead14]

Think I've reached a point now where I'm just going to accept that I'm just not destined to find love.

 

A brief history of my romantic encounters:

 

L - with her on and off from aged 17 - 22. Cheated on me multiple times, left me for someone else - they're still together now 3 years on. I'm happy for her.

 

S - with her for two years on and off aged 22 - 24, broke up for good in September of last year. She is the one who has caused me the greatest pain of any girl I've been with. After me and L ended I got with her pretty quickly, I was still naive enough to believe that she would be totally different to L and she would never do what L did to me. Wrong; she broke up with me, then wanted me back, then dumped me again, then wanted me back etc. The final straw came when I walked into a club and saw her kissing another man. She's been with someone for the last 6 months. Taken me a long time to heal from her, but I've finally reached a point where I don't give a s**t anymore.

 

H - with her for a couple of months. Bit of a rebound, just didn't work out.

 

K - went on 3 dates, we kissed, seemed promising. She ghosted me.

 

C - this is the latest disappointment. Been on 6 dates. Connected very well, better than I've connected with anyone before. Really seemed to be going somewhere. But now it seems that our schedules just aren't going to allow things to develop any further. This is incredibly frustrating as everything else seemed so good.

 

It's got to the point where I can't even remember why I want a girlfriend. All my love life has brought me is pain and disappointment, admittedly I think this is partly my fault, maybe from not choosing potential partners wisely. But I do think I've had more than my fair share of bad luck.

 

When I'm not seeing anyone I'm OK, I'm not brilliant, but at least I don't have to worry about being disappointed by the opposite sex. I sometimes have daydreams about being with my ideal partner. They bring me comfort if I ever feel lonely - I realise how f*cking sad that sounds, but it's true. The thought of getting ready to go on date number 1, 2 or 3, wondering if this one is going to work out, could they be the one etc just fills me with dread now.

 

All my friends are in long term relationships that they found with ease; two of them 7 years plus; engaged, the lot. These girls adore my mates. I'm very happy for them. All my friends bar one have never been cheated on, or messed around by girls. They've just gone about their lives and their fiance has just landed on their lap.

 

I think I either need to accept that proper, true, lasting love's just not going to find me, and find other ways to fulfil my happiness. Or at least wait until I feel like everyone else on the dating scene, and not give a sh*t whether it works out or not; although I'm not sure this is possible with me.

 

I don't think there's any advice anyone can give me really, I'm just ranting.

 

It does happen when you least expect it or even thinking about it. I found my first love at age 19, married to him for 30 years and parted ways amicably and are still good friends. No cheating, just drifted apart.

 

I found my second love at age 52. I was with him for 2 years, engaged for one. He passed away suddenly three months before the wedding.

 

I found my third love at age 56. We are very happy and have been with each other for 1.5 years and everything is going very well.

 

The 2nd and 3rd "loves", just happened. I wasn't even dating at the points when I met them. I was simply living and loving my life. I was happy and content and focused on doing things for myself that made me happy. While I was doing things that made me happy, I found people who were doing the same thing for themselves and, we had something in common.

 

My point is, my experience has been that when you stop thinking about and "working" at finding someone, it just happens.

[d0nnivain]

Don't give up but do give yourself a break. Perhaps take a hiatus for the rest of the year.

 

Although I had other LTRs I didn't meet my husband until I was 39.

 

26 is nothing. Some things are worth waiting for!

[123321]

The idea of waiting until I'm nearly 50 to find my ideal partner isn't particularly appealing.

 

Stop listening to Hollywood - there is no such thing. Some are better suited than others, and that's all there is to that. What goal would "finding your ideal partner" enable you to fulfill?

 

Or is this just something someone brainwashed you into thinking you should be doing? You're a young man, go have fun and do young man things.

[No_Go]

Ok. I'd be brutally honest. 26 is not young... Not old, but the ease of meeting people like in the college years is gone. The other thing that is gone is the childlike innocence associated with first loves.

 

Saying that, now approaching the end of your third decade, you're much more experienced, stable, able to make and built connections. The burden of education and first jobs is behind or close to be behind.

 

So... All in all, past the 1st youth is not a bad time to find love. IMO is probably better. You'd get disappointed less. You'd be able to spot compatible mates faster. Just don't despair on dates 1-10 (and keep in mind excuses like "incompatible schedules, crazy busy, was hurt before, not over ex" in dating mean one thing: "I'm not into you" - so don't overthink those and move on quickly)

 

Stop listening to Hollywood - there is no such thing. Some are better suited than others, and that's all there is to that. What goal would "finding your ideal partner" enable you to fulfill?

 

Or is this just something someone brainwashed you into thinking you should be doing? You're a young man, go have fun and do young man things.

[123321]

Ok. I'd be brutally honest. 26 is not young...

 

His brain has been fully formed for less than a decade, probably 3-4 years.

[No_Go]

I've seen this statement on this forum, could you provide me a peer-reviewed articles with reasonable I.F. supporting this statement?

 

To make clear, my interest about this is purely scientific, not trying to contradict with your / others opinion, just doesn't makes sense to me considering the onset of reproductive age.

 

 

His brain has been fully formed for less than a decade, probably 3-4 years.

[123321]

I've seen this statement on this forum, could you provide me a peer-reviewed articles with reasonable I.F. supporting this statement?

 

To make clear, my interest about this is purely scientific, not trying to contradict with your / others opinion, just doesn't makes sense to me considering the onset of reproductive age.

 

Well, let's have a look.

[lovesickgirl]

 

It's got to the point where I can't even remember why I want a girlfriend. All my love life has brought me is pain and disappointment, admittedly I think this is partly my fault, maybe from not choosing potential partners wisely. But I do think I've had more than my fair share of bad luck.

 

When I'm not seeing anyone I'm OK, I'm not brilliant, but at least I don't have to worry about being disappointed by the opposite sex. I sometimes have daydreams about being with my ideal partner. They bring me comfort if I ever feel lonely - I realise how f*cking sad that sounds, but it's true. The thought of getting ready to go on date number 1, 2 or 3, wondering if this one is going to work out, could they be the one etc just fills me with dread now.

 

 

This.

 

I feel you just quoted my whole dating life.

 

I'm 27 and I definitely can relate to your rant. It makes me so depressed seeing everyone around me having fulfilling relationships while mine tend to start out like heaven then end up in hell. Everyone around me tells me "focus on yourself don't worry about others" but to be honest I have everything else under control. I have a high paying job, a condo on the water, I consider myself more attractive than most (not to sound conceited), I can cook, half a tomboy half a girly girl, yet I cannot find someone to love or to love me in return.

 

Instead of believing that I will NOT find love I make myself believe that I have not met someone who is on my level yet. I know what I want as a woman and that terrifies most men I date. I like to believe I'll meet him in my 30s, when were matured and done playing games. I say he'll be great because by that time, he'll know exactly what he wants in life too.

 

I had been in 2 different SERIOUS relationships in which both men left me for other women. When I asked why, the answer was simple. They were not IN love with me. Sure, they had love for me and they liked me but they were not in love.

 

I let it discourage me for a long time but as long as I remind myself that I havent met someone who sees eye to eye with me I dont feel so lonely. Whatever you do, dont lower your standards. I've had people (including my mother) say I should but why? I do not lower the standard in anything else in life, why should my partner be any different? Sure, no one is perfect but I'm not going to pick someone who i'm not physically and emotionally attracted to for the sake of having someone.

 

Sometimes when I'm driving late at night, starring at the moon, feeling lonely knowing I have no one to go home to, it comforts me to think "I wonder if my other half is doing the same thing right now...wondering where I am in his life and if we'll ever meet?"

 

just know she's out there probably thinking of you too.

 

I hope that helps reading that in someway.

Edited December 11, 2015 by lovesickgirl

[No_Go]

Ha thanks, the MIT link has a collection of seemingly decent references, however we need to read further to read what it is about - I took a glance that increased myelinization occurs after 20, but what I really need is how it affects interpersonal relationships.

 

Because it is mind boggling people to be ready to date post 25 - more than a decade post- menarche, when female fertility is about to go past its peak and decline, and testosterone levels and libido in men are in steady decline.

 

We as humans are probably not as perfectly designed as we think we are, it is fascinating.

 

P.S. For the record I haven't dated at all by age of 27, haha these studies make me think I did it right

 

Well, let's have a look.

[PogoStick]

Yes, silly.

 

I found it in my 48th year.

 

You are barely weaned...

 

See OP, only 22 years until you find that great girl.

[Zippy2000]

Sometimes when I'm driving late at night, starring at the moon, feeling lonely knowing I have no one to go home to, it comforts me to think "I wonder if my other half is doing the same thing right now...wondering where I am in his life and if we'll ever meet?"

 

just know she's out there probably thinking of you too.

 

I hope that helps reading that in someway.

 

Whoa! Thats me! I ve driven in the "out back" where there is miles upon miles of country and not a soul at night. I often look at the moon lighting up the road ahead.

 

I ve even stopped off at a parking space to just gaze up at the moon and wonder if my significant other is looking at the moon too.

[mortensorchid]

Pack it up at age 26? Guy, you haven't had your midlife crisis yet by the sounds of it! I went through that age 24-26 - staying out until 4 am and partying, promiscuity, etc. It's part of your growing pains. You haven't even STARTED YET! I'm 40 now, I'm older, wiser, calmer. Will it happen? You have to stop thinking that you have screwed up, you have to start thinking that (blank) didn't deserve you. Which they haven't and everyone I was with didn't.

 

Life goes on. Keep going.

[WomenWubber]

All my friends are in long term relationships that they found with ease; two of them 7 years plus; engaged, the lot. These girls adore my mates. I'm very happy for them. All my friends bar one have never been cheated on, or messed around by girls. They've just gone about their lives and their fiance has just landed on their lap.

 

Time to get new friends my man.

 

Stop dating for a while and get busy.

[Redfisher]

This.

 

I feel you just quoted my whole dating life.

 

I'm 27 and I definitely can relate to your rant. It makes me so depressed seeing everyone around me having fulfilling relationships while mine tend to start out like heaven then end up in hell. Everyone around me tells me "focus on yourself don't worry about others" but to be honest I have everything else under control. I have a high paying job, a condo on the water, I consider myself more attractive than most (not to sound conceited), I can cook, half a tomboy half a girly girl, yet I cannot find someone to love or to love me in return.

 

Instead of believing that I will NOT find love I make myself believe that I have not met someone who is on my level yet. I know what I want as a woman and that terrifies most men I date. I like to believe I'll meet him in my 30s, when were matured and done playing games. I say he'll be great because by that time, he'll know exactly what he wants in life too.

 

I had been in 2 different SERIOUS relationships in which both men left me for other women. When I asked why, the answer was simple. They were not IN love with me. Sure, they had love for me and they liked me but they were not in love.

 

I let it discourage me for a long time but as long as I remind myself that I havent met someone who sees eye to eye with me I dont feel so lonely. Whatever you do, dont lower your standards. I've had people (including my mother) say I should but why? I do not lower the standard in anything else in life, why should my partner be any different? Sure, no one is perfect but I'm not going to pick someone who i'm not physically and emotionally attracted to for the sake of having someone.

 

Sometimes when I'm driving late at night, starring at the moon, feeling lonely knowing I have no one to go home to, it comforts me to think "I wonder if my other half is doing the same thing right now...wondering where I am in his life and if we'll ever meet?"

 

just know she's out there probably thinking of you too.

 

I hope that helps reading that in someway.

 

Great read, I truly believe you will meet that man someday...

[Clark99]

Stop listening to Hollywood - there is no such thing. Some are better suited than others, and that's all there is to that. What goal would "finding your ideal partner" enable you to fulfill?

 

Or is this just something someone brainwashed you into thinking you should be doing? You're a young man, go have fun and do young man things.

 

I perfectly abuse my right to be a young man, I go out with friends, I drink more than I should, I DJ, we go bike riding, I take the mick out of my mates.

 

This is all good on one level, but I would also like someone to relate to on a deeper level. Maybe I'm in the minority here feeling the way I do at my age? But I can't help my feelings.

[Clark99]

But I really think we attract the kind of people we think we deserve. So time to feel better about yourself.

 

Self esteem really isn't an issue for me, this is part of the problem maybe; it's that I know what I deserve.

 

I'm fairly good looking, I'm in shape, I earn approx £45,000 a year (not that money is everything), I'm not a bore to talk to etc

 

Much like Lovesickgirl; I'm not going to just settle.

[Samhain]

Thinking back to when I was 26, if I considered myself "in love" then, I'd be worried. There's always a lull of "why isn't it happening" before people stop searching and lo and behold, they find something.

[Heatherknows]

Think I've reached a point now where I'm just going to accept that I'm just not destined to find love.

 

 

I think I either need to accept that proper, true, lasting love's just not going to find me, and find other ways to fulfil my happiness. Or at least wait until I feel like everyone else on the dating scene, and not give a sh*t whether it works out or not; although I'm not sure this is possible with me.

 

I don't think there's any advice anyone can give me really, I'm just ranting.

 

I met my husband when I was 26. My BFF set us up on a blind date.

Edited December 11, 2015 by Heatherknows

[Heatherknows]

Pack it up at age 26? Guy, you haven't had your midlife crisis yet by the sounds of it! I went through that age 24-26 - staying out until 4 am and partying, promiscuity, etc. It's part of your growing pains. You haven't even STARTED YET! I'm 40 now, I'm older, wiser, calmer. Will it happen? You have to stop thinking that you have screwed up, you have to start thinking that (blank) didn't deserve you. Which they haven't and everyone I was with didn't.

 

Life goes on. Keep going.

 

Yep. 26 is a great age to finally be ready to meet your life partner.

 

OP. My advice is concentrate on work and putting money away in savings. Engagement rings are massively expensive.