Suicidal thoughts question

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Ive had suicidal thoughts as long as i cam remember. Now i dont feel im in any danger or anything, and this isnt some cry for help. I have very recently had two different conversations one with my wife, and another a close friend. I told both of them about my thoughts thinking it was normal to have these thoughts. The first conversation was with my wife and we were talking about depression. I said something like "i have those normal suicide thoughts" and she stopped me. Then proceeded to tell me she has never once has thought about suicide. That this isnt normal at all. We talked about it some more, i think we were both equally shocked at this conversation.

 

Fast forward a couple days and i decided to ask a friend about it. He said the same thing as my wife. Started acting all worried about me and has sense started asking me how im doing and stuff like that and its awkward to say the least.

 

Now ive always recognized my thoughts and im mindful of them. For example i refuse to own a gun. All of my family members own guns and hunt and go shooting. Im scared to death to own a gun, because im scared of what i might do. But ive always thought people just have suicidal thoughts sometimes. Like that is just part of being human. Am I wrong? Is this not normal at all? This isnt a subject ive talked to many people about, i guess deep down ive always felt a little ashamed of myself for having suicidal thoughts. But i still thought it was nomal to a degree.

 

Not saying i dwell on it constantly. But idk, maybe 3-5 times a month the thought will cross my mind. Some months less, some months more.

 

Anyone else? Again, im not looking for help or anything like that. I guess im just curious is all. Ive just always thought this was normal. Im starting to think im wrong

[Robert Z]

I very nearly committed suicide but had planned and thought about it for months. I think the danger for you is that deep down, you may think of suicide as a solution to your problems. So it makes me think that if your problems get bad enough, you could get serious about actually doing something. You could drift from passing thoughts to more serious considerations.

 

I feel like the thought is always there. But I have endured so much that if I was going to attempt it again, I would have by now.

 

 

For what it's worth, what stopped me from pulling the trigger was gut-wrenching honesty. A gun pointed at your head helps to provide amazing clarity. At the last moment I realized that I was willing to kill myself because I couldn't face the truth.

Edited December 11, 2015 by Robert Z

[Samhain]

It's not "normal" as far as "normal" goes. But it's common.

 

People will say see a dr, take anti-depressants etc etc.. To be honest with you, nothing helps. If you think that way, you will think it no matter what. My advice would be, embrace your personal pain and channel it other ways, artistically so or through music or anything that lets you know it's a feeling to be overcome, not dwelled upon.

[mrldii]

I've never had thoughts of suicide; no one I know has...or - if they have - they've never mentioned it, even when the topic comes up.

 

In everything I've ever read about depression, that is one of the lines of questioning asked - do you think about suicide? How often? Have you in thought of it in the past 2 weeks?

 

*Positive* responses to those types of questions typically lead to 'you would most likely benefit from consulting a doctor, sooner rather than later.'

 

It can't hurt...there may be something chemically *off* that drugs and/or cognitive therapy can help.

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

[Eloise1]

DONT feel ashamed for having these thoughts. Some of the most beautiful people I know have attempted suicide. I think that although thoughts like these are not necessarily universal, they are far from out of the ordinary. I went through a scary week in my early teens after my friend tried to kill herself where I suddenly felt like I had a very real division to make between life and death. That is the closest I personally have come to having a similar experience to you, and I rarely think of it now, and am truly very happy in my adult life. Seek help, but don't feel ashamed or alone in these thoughts. You aren't.

[Robert Z]

It can't hurt...there may be something chemically *off* that drugs and/or cognitive therapy can help..

 

 

Actually, it could. One of the listed side effects of antidepressants is suicide. And I have seen people become eternally dependent on counseling while never making any real progress. I guess some people have true chemical issues and really need drugs to get through life, but drugs are definitely overprescribed and can become the problem. I went to counseling and took antidepressants, and it made me weaker and more vulnerable. I had to find my own path out.

 

 

Moral of the story: Treat pop psychology and drug therapy with caution.

Edited December 11, 2015 by Robert Z

[mrldii]

Actually, it could. One of the listed side effects of antidepressants is suicide. And I have seen people become eternally dependent on counseling while never making any real progress. I guess some people have true chemical issues and really need drugs to get through life, but drugs are definitely overprescribed and can become the problem.

 

 

That's why I said "and/or" to the drugs.

 

Even the psychiatric/psychological field has determined that when the brain's chemicals are off, drugs aren't necessarily the answer.

 

I doubt that sitting around and doing/saying nothing is better than at least attempting to stop whatever the (organic or external) triggers to having thoughts of/about suicide.

[JustGettingBy]

Therapy would be better than a doctor. Having someone listen to you will help more than someone who will provide you with anti-depressants, as the brain is such a complex organ, and anti-depressants haven't been mastered.

[Samhain]

Anti depressants are extremely iffy, and can often do more harm than good, if it isn't the placebo effect then they usually have some really crappy side effects. Plus they take up to 6 weeks to have an effect that may or may not be of any help. I am very much against chemical solutions.

 

A group to join where you could go and talk to people who have the same thoughts and obstacles isn't bad though. Support and talking is always a good idea if at the very least a distraction, and you have the world of knowledge at your fingertips, google and read about how families wives/kids and what not feel when somebody they love takes their own life. Anything that makes you feel awful about the act of it. It helped me no end.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Yeah, again I'm not really looking for help. I was just wondering how many people have these thoughts and how normal it is for people to have them. I guess I've had them so long (20yrs or so), I just figured it was pretty normal for everyone.

 

Thanks for the replies.

[SJS]

I'm like you T, and have thought about suicide pretty consistently since I was either 13 or 14. I thought it was normal too--just a way of life, and have even talked with a therapist about it. What gets me off the "danger" list I guess is that I can turn on a smile and say tomorrow will be better, and people believe me. Apparently when I stop smiling is when people will worry.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

I'm like you T, and have thought about suicide pretty consistently since I was either 13 or 14. I thought it was normal too--just a way of life, and have even talked with a therapist about it. What gets me off the "danger" list I guess is that I can turn on a smile and say tomorrow will be better, and people believe me. Apparently when I stop smiling is when people will worry.

 

The danger zone for me is a painless means of doing it. I dont keep any meds in the house. I dont take medicine at all really. I just have some advil for headaches and fever. Also i will never own a gun. Im not a fan of pain. I dont think i could cause physical pain to myself, im to chicken. I dont know if i would still be around if i owned a gun though.

 

I have loads to live for. I dont feel im a danger to myself as long as i dont keep an easy quick and painless means of doing it around me.

[Robert Z]

I have loads to live for. I dont feel im a danger to myself as long as i dont keep an easy quick and painless means of doing it around me.

 

 

Man, you sound like you're on the ragged edge. That is definitely not normal. Maybe you should get some help.

 

Why? Why would you want to end your life? Do you actually want to die or are you just fixated with the notion of suicide for some reason?

 

For me, there was no joy in life. I was working myself to death, I was all alone, I had been betrayed by almost everyone I cared about, my best friends either died or were lost to drugs or alcohol, my marriage was a sham, my health was spiraling out of control, I felt terrible every minute of every day, and I had no hope of ever feeling better or being happy again. The point is, I could give you plenty of reasons why I wanted to die.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Man, you sound like you're on the ragged edge. That is definitely not normal. Maybe you should get some help.

 

Why? Why would you want to end your life? Do you actually want to die or are you just fixated with the notion of suicide for some reason?

 

For me, there was no joy in life. I was working myself to death, I was all alone, I had been betrayed by almost everyone I cared about, my best friends either died or were lost to drugs or alcohol, my marriage was a sham, my health was spiraling out of control, I felt terrible every minute of every day, and I had no hope of ever feeling better or being happy again. The point is, I could give you plenty of reasons why I wanted to die.

 

I can give reasons as well. So you lived with suicidal thoughts for a while I take it. How did you overcome them? Or do you still have those thoughts? If you have no hope of happiness, isn't that reason enough?

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I feel suicidal now because I just lost a friendship with a guy, goes to show how ****ty my social-skills are and friendship skills are, well I know for a fact I have Aspergers

[Gloria25]

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

 

I've heard that saying on various occasions and going on 40 with two suicide attempts (tweens and 20s - where I just took too many pills and got really drowsy) it sorta is true what I think Mel Gibson said like in one of the Lethal Weapon movies - which is, of a guy who jumped off of a building...half way down wishes he didn't jump. And that's how I felt when I started getting drowsy and needed to use the bathroom.

 

I have been dealing with some seriously stressful stuff and have a dude who despite knowing what I'm going through, pulls on my heart strings and brings me even more down every chance he gets - to the point I wish I could end it all.

 

But, cuz of my religion I cannot do that. So, in those low moments I simply have endure the pain.

 

Today I'm doing pretty well. I was thinking that today as I drove to work. Things aren't 100% where I wish they would be, but I got some victories and for the first time in the longest actually believe I can see a light at in this tunnel - even though I can't see the end of the tunnel quite yet.

 

So, imagine if I ended it all like a few months ago when my heart was (again) ripped out by this cruel guy and this cruel world? I wouldn't be driving to work happy that I got some victories.

 

Please don't take a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

 

Call 911, call a friend, vent, ask for help...buy yourself some time to reconsider

[gaius]

I used to think about it when I was a kid. But I haven't for a very long time and I'd be surprised if I ever did again. Even though I've been dealing with a burning, uncomfortable intense rage from head to toe the past few days that I can't shake no matter what I do it hasn't occurred to me once. So I can see certain people never having dealt with it at all.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

I used to think about it when I was a kid. But I haven't for a very long time and I'd be surprised if I ever did again. Even though I've been dealing with a burning, uncomfortable intense rage from head to toe the past few days that I can't shake no matter what I do it hasn't occurred to me once. So I can see certain people never having dealt with it at all.

 

This is the type of response I think I was looking for. Obviously you are dealing with an issue, and the thought never crosses your mind.

 

So its not normal at all. Even those dealing with big issues never have those thoughts. I can have them at a minor annoyance. Times like that, its just usually a quick thought though.

 

Wife has checked me into theoropy. I'm starting Wednesday. A little ashamed of myself

[Gloria25]

This is the type of response I think I was looking for. Obviously you are dealing with an issue, and the thought never crosses your mind.

 

So its not normal at all. Even those dealing with big issues never have those thoughts. I can have them at a minor annoyance. Times like that, its just usually a quick thought though.

 

Wife has checked me into theoropy. I'm starting Wednesday. A little ashamed of myself

 

Good deal...

 

Don't feel ashamed. All of us have our 'demons'. For some it may be money, drugs, alcohol, etc.

 

What counts is you seeking help and that a big leap that many fail to do.

 

It's hard to admit needing help with something. Recently someone told me that I can't carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and I felt a sense of "relief" when they told me that...that it's ok for me not to have it all together at times...cuz for a while now I feel like I'm the glue keeping everyone/everything together and while I need the support thst I'm giving, I keep on trying to give while my tank is going ln empty....like I'm gonna crack.

[gaius]

This is the type of response I think I was looking for. Obviously you are dealing with an issue, and the thought never crosses your mind.

 

So its not normal at all. Even those dealing with big issues never have those thoughts. I can have them at a minor annoyance. Times like that, its just usually a quick thought though.

 

Wife has checked me into theoropy. I'm starting Wednesday. A little ashamed of myself

I don't think normal and abnormal really apply in this situation. Different people learn to respond to discomfort in different ways. You in one way right now, your gf and your friends in another. It doesn't make you any lesser or greater. But talking to someone might help you respond in a different way. As Gloria said, you really have nothing to be ashamed of. There are loads of people who have thought that way at one time or another.

[pureinheart]

Oh God ((((((hugs))))) to all you guys... man you all have my prayers (if you want them).

 

Suicide is a feeling of complete hopelessness and despair ... or just not wanting to deal with anything anymore.

 

For me, tomorrow has mostly been better...

[pureinheart]

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

 

I've heard that saying on various occasions and going on 40 with two suicide attempts (tweens and 20s - where I just took too many pills and got really drowsy) it sorta is true what I think Mel Gibson said like in one of the Lethal Weapon movies - which is, of a guy who jumped off of a building...half way down wishes he didn't jump. And that's how I felt when I started getting drowsy and needed to use the bathroom.

 

I have been dealing with some seriously stressful stuff and have a dude who despite knowing what I'm going through, pulls on my heart strings and brings me even more down every chance he gets - to the point I wish I could end it all.

 

But, cuz of my religion I cannot do that. So, in those low moments I simply have endure the pain.

 

Today I'm doing pretty well. I was thinking that today as I drove to work. Things aren't 100% where I wish they would be, but I got some victories and for the first time in the longest actually believe I can see a light at in this tunnel - even though I can't see the end of the tunnel quite yet.

 

So, imagine if I ended it all like a few months ago when my heart was (again) ripped out by this cruel guy and this cruel world? I wouldn't be driving to work happy that I got some victories.

 

Please don't take a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

 

Call 911, call a friend, vent, ask for help...buy yourself some time to reconsider

 

Hey Gloria you don't deserve for a fool to be messing with your heart and head like that... oh man my first thought was to ask you to let me at him... I'm past due for a physical encounter...lol... I've had so many fools mess with my heart and my head and when we are dealing with other things too... man

 

Prayers for you concerning strength ... (((((hugs))))

[Robert Z]

I can give reasons as well. So you lived with suicidal thoughts for a while I take it. How did you overcome them? Or do you still have those thoughts? If you have no hope of happiness, isn't that reason enough?

 

 

I had to reach a point where I was holding a gun to my head and trying to pull the trigger. Only in that moment was I able to admit to myself why I was about to kill myself. In my case, I needed to make dramatic changes in my life. But first and foremost, I had gone without sex for ten years. So I told my wife that I wanted a divorce, went to Reno, and got hookers... actually, two at a time. The one thing that gave me joy and the will to live was sex with hot women. So that's what I did. And it gave me the time I needed to get back on my feet. I ended up falling madly in love with an escort and had the three most incredible, joyous, dopamine-flooded years of my life.

 

Whatever it takes. It's better than the alternative. But you have to be brutally honest about what you really need. Until that night, I was unable to let go of what I expected my life to be, and what everyone else expected me to be.

Edited December 12, 2015 by Robert Z

[truthtripper]

For what it's worth, what stopped me from pulling the trigger was gut-wrenching honesty. A gun pointed at your head helps to provide amazing clarity. At the last moment I realized that I was willing to kill myself because I couldn't face the truth.

"The truth will set you free"-Jesus

 

I've heard that often people change their minds when given the OK by their doctors to end their lives at the assisted-suicide clinic.

[Robert Z]

"The truth will set you free"-Jesus

 

I've heard that often people change their minds when given the OK by their doctors to end their lives at the assisted-suicide clinic.

 

 

I doubt that Jesus was too fond of my solution. But truth is truth. And the truth is that I had to stop worrying about things like religion and cut to the core. My highly misguided sense of loyalty and duty had betrayed me and left me completely alone, with nothing left to live for.

 

 

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the life that would follow. It was quite literally beyond my comprehension. It's probably a good thing that I didn't think about it too much. It was too much to imagine.

Edited December 12, 2015 by Robert Z