he asked for a second date and then changed his mind. why?

[katiegrl]

I read both your posts... you could be right. None of us were there. My opinion stems from guys I used to hang out with and those are lines, tactics they would use on girls at bars.

 

Also read Wewon's post, no. 71.

 

[Wewon]

I doubt that the OPs physical attractiveness is the issue.

 

He approached and asked her out, unless she started sprouting warts during the date I doubt that her looks turned him off.

 

However, I suspect that he was picking up the vibe that she wasn't that interested. Hence the line about her having to work the next day, basically calling out that her dog would be eating her homework before she could say it herself.

[truth_seeker]

However, I suspect that he was picking up the vibe that she wasn't that interested. Hence the line about her having to work the next day, basically calling out that her dog would be eating her homework before she could say it herself.

 

This could be the case.

[katiegrl]

I doubt that the OPs physical attractiveness is the issue.

 

He approached and asked her out, unless she started sprouting warts during the date I doubt that her looks turned him off.

 

However, I suspect that he was picking up the vibe that she wasn't that interested. Hence the line about her having to work the next day, basically calling out that her dog would be eating her homework before she could say it herself.

 

Oh man, Wewon have you read my posts? My sentiments exactly!

 

Like minds!!!! :bunny:

[truth_seeker]

Also read Wewon's post, no. 71.

 

 

Again, it could be either or. Another player sign: splitting the bill, reneging on offering to buy the round. I knew a guy who I stopped hanging out with when I saw how bad he was with women.

 

He would be nice, friendly, engaging, but if they wouldn't go home with him that night, give in to him, he would get nasty real fast, tell them to pay for their own drinks.

 

My sense is OP's guy is a player but not a very good one.

[mavis_6]

OP - can you upload a pic of yourself? I'm just curious as you keep stating things about your looks. If we see a pic we can tell you the truth, ways to help you.

 

I hope I don't get in trouble from the moderator

 

 

I appreciate you showing interest...TBH I really don't want to show my pic :/ but I can explain what I look like: I am 5'6/140 lbs, long brown hair, fair skin. People tell me I have a good figure (a bit of a belly but so do most women right? Otherwise my proportions are good) and people say I'm very young looking for my age (I am usually guessed to be in my 20s). I wear glasses and have a plain looking face, even with makeup (small chin, droopy eyes, my teeth stick out a bit and I have a large forehead) I try to camoufalge these things as much as I can with hair and makeup, but I can only do so much. ANYWAY...going back to this guy...he is short (about my height) not physically fit but not "fat" either (a bit of a belly, which I don't mind) he also has a big forehead but I thought his face was cute. We both have decent jobs (his is a bit better than mine I'd say) rent and live with roommates. This is exactly the level of guy I'm going for - not someone movie-star handsome or rich or anything. I did find him intelligent and interesting, but I think I am too. The reason I got so excited over this guy, as I stated before, is that he is BY FAR the most interesting or attractive guy to hit on me in ages.

[TheTraveler]

I appreciate you showing interest...TBH I really don't want to show my pic :/ but I can explain what I look like: I am 5'6/140 lbs, long brown hair, fair skin. People tell me I have a good figure (a bit of a belly but so do most women right? Otherwise my proportions are good) and people say I'm very young looking for my age (I am usually guessed to be in my 20s). I wear glasses and have a plain looking face, even with makeup (small chin, droopy eyes, my teeth stick out a bit and I have a large forehead) I try to camoufalge these things as much as I can with hair and makeup, but I can only do so much. ANYWAY...going back to this guy...he is short (about my height) not physically fit but not "fat" either (a bit of a belly, which I don't mind) he also has a big forehead but I thought his face was cute. We both have decent jobs (his is a bit better than mine I'd say) rent and live with roommates. This is exactly the level of guy I'm going for - not someone movie-star handsome or rich or anything. I did find him intelligent and interesting, but I think I am too. The reason I got so excited over this guy, as I stated before, is that he is BY FAR the most interesting or attractive guy to hit on me in ages.

 

If it happened once, it can happen again. So hit the bar and good luck. Oh, and move on. He said there's no chemistry.

[truth_seeker]

I appreciate you showing interest...TBH I really don't want to show my pic :/ but I can explain what I look like: I am 5'6/140 lbs, long brown hair, fair skin. People tell me I have a good figure (a bit of a belly but so do most women right? Otherwise my proportions are good) and people say I'm very young looking for my age (I am usually guessed to be in my 20s). I wear glasses and have a plain looking face, even with makeup (small chin, droopy eyes, my teeth stick out a bit and I have a large forehead) I try to camoufalge these things as much as I can with hair and makeup, but I can only do so much. ANYWAY...going back to this guy...he is short (about my height) not physically fit but not "fat" either (a bit of a belly, which I don't mind) he also has a big forehead but I thought his face was cute. We both have decent jobs (his is a bit better than mine I'd say) rent and live with roommates. This is exactly the level of guy I'm going for - not someone movie-star handsome or rich or anything. I did find him intelligent and interesting, but I think I am too. The reason I got so excited over this guy, as I stated before, is that he is BY FAR the most interesting or attractive guy to hit on me in ages.

 

5'6 you should be 115-120 max. I want you to go to the gym and do spin classes 3x a week.

 

For the forehead problem, wear a headband, or style your hair so it falls over your forehead.

 

I think if you lost 20lbs and had a girl at the mall do your make up, updated your wardrobe, you will attract more desirable men.

[losangelena]

OP - can you upload a pic of yourself? I'm just curious as you keep stating things about your looks. If we see a pic we can tell you the truth, ways to help you.

 

I hope I don't get in trouble from the moderator

 

Or rather wring out what little self-esteem she has left.

 

Don't succumb to this, OP. I stand by my assertion. Your looks are not the problem, your attitude is.

[mavis_6]

5'6 you should be 115-120 max. I want you to go to the gym and do spin classes 3x a week.

 

For the forehead problem, wear a headband, or style your hair so it falls over your forehead.

 

I think if you lost 20lbs and had a girl at the mall do your make up, updated your wardrobe, you will attract more desirable men.

 

Just FYI, 120 lbs is the minimum "healthy" weight for a 5"6 woman according to the BMI. But yeah, I could stand to lose a few pounds. In my 20s I weighed 100 lbs and was a size 1, but I didn't have much better luck with guys than I do now at size 10 (slightly better, but not overly). So I've experienced dating at different sizes TBH.

[TheTraveler]

Just FYI, 120 lbs is the minimum "healthy" weight for a 5"6 woman according to the BMI. But yeah, I could stand to lose a few pounds. In my 20s I weighed 100 lbs and was a size 1, but I didn't have much better luck with guys than I do now at size 10 (slightly better, but not overly). So I've experienced dating at different sizes TBH.

 

It wasn't just the weight loss he mentioned. He also mentioned a makeover as well. And maybe look into fixing your teeth, etc. Improve yourself.

[losangelena]

5'6 you should be 115-120 max. I want you to go to the gym and do spin classes 3x a week.

 

For the forehead problem, wear a headband, or style your hair so it falls over your forehead.

 

I think if you lost 20lbs and had a girl at the mall do your make up, updated your wardrobe, you will attract more desirable men.

 

I say this with as much generosity as I can muster, because I know TS is saying this with what are probably good intentions, but I for one would not listen to this kind of advice, OP.

 

It pisses me off to no end when people feel like it's OK to comment on someone else's body and declare what would make it more or less attractive (men, women, I don't care, it's not appropriate). Especially the mansplain-y tone of this particular post. In fact is really makes me want to break out a MF flamethrower, but I'll demure.

 

Nothing against you, TS, again I know it's probably coming from a "good place," but ultimately it confirms to OP that she, in her current state is not "good enough." What if she follows your advice (lose 20 lbs?! OK ) and still doesn't bag a man, then she's really going to be convinced there's something wrong with her.

[losangelena]

Furthermore, it's not anyone's say. I'm pretty sure OP didn't ask for feedback on her physical attributes. It's not up to her to conform to what the male gaze considers "attractive."

 

God ... sorry ... getting off my soapbox now. Is this a touchy subject for me? Why yes it is, thanks for noticing.

[truth_seeker]

I say this with as much generosity as I can muster, because I know TS is saying this with what are probably good intentions, but I for one would not listen to this kind of advice, OP.

 

It pisses me off to no end when people feel like it's OK to comment on someone else's body and declare what would make it more or less attractive (men, women, I don't care, it's not appropriate). Especially the mansplain-y tone of this particular post. In fact is really makes me want to break out a MF flamethrower, but I'll demure.

 

Nothing against you, TS, again I know it's probably coming from a "good place," but ultimately it confirms to OP that she, in her current state is not "good enough." What if she follows your advice (lose 20 lbs?! OK ) and still doesn't bag a man, then she's really going to be convinced there's something wrong with her.

 

I'm trying to help the girl. She is the one who put it out there that's she's not good-looking and she's attracting ugly guys. I asked her to upload a pic to see what she looks like. She didn't want to post it, instead described herself.

 

She is overweight for her height. She says she's a plain jane. She says her doesn't put much into her wardrobe.

 

I advised her to lose weight, doll herself up and invest into a wardrobe.

 

What is there to get angry about?

[Eighty_nine]

I appreciate you showing interest...TBH I really don't want to show my pic :/ but I can explain what I look like: I am 5'6/140 lbs, long brown hair, fair skin. People tell me I have a good figure (a bit of a belly but so do most women right? Otherwise my proportions are good) and people say I'm very young looking for my age (I am usually guessed to be in my 20s). I wear glasses and have a plain looking face, even with makeup (small chin, droopy eyes, my teeth stick out a bit and I have a large forehead) I try to camoufalge these things as much as I can with hair and makeup, but I can only do so much.

 

First of all, ignore this poster who says you need to lose weight. Your weight is perfectly fine.

 

And you're probably pretty cute. tips-- if your eyes are small, consider contacts. They'll stand out more. If your forehead is large, get blunt straight bangs, very flattering. Are you using blush, lipstick, etc? Light rosy colors are flattering on everyone. I'm telling you, anyone can look less plain with a bit of effort.

[mavis_6]

I'm trying to help the girl. She is the one who put it out there that's she's not good-looking and she's attracting ugly guys. I asked her to upload a pic to see what she looks like. She didn't want to post it, instead described herself.

 

She is overweight for her height. She says she's a plain jane. She says her doesn't put much into her wardrobe.

 

I advised her to lose weight, doll herself up and invest into a wardrobe.

 

What is there to get angry about?

 

 

I get where you're coming from with trying to help. Just wanted to point out that I didn't say anything about my wardrobe. I did say that my everyday look is fairly drab, but I do put effort into my clothes, makeup and overall appearance when I'm going on dates or anywhere specifically to meet men. And in defense of women everywhere, the BMI chart does state that a "healthy" weight at 5"6 is anywhere from 120-150 lbs. I have admitted I'm not a gorgeous girl, but no one has ever said I was overweight, and I don't believe myself to be. I'm not fit or toned, but not "overweight" by a long shot. As for my face, yeah I could probably use braces (at this point my dentist says it's optional but not necessary, I do have an overbite) and I'm sure cosmetic surgery would improve my eyes and chin. But TBH these things aren't covered by my insurance and there's no way I could afford them. I'm not totally bashing your suggestions, but trying to paint a more realistic picture here of my situation.

[Kamille]

5'6 you should be 115-120 max. I want you to go to the gym and do spin classes 3x a week.

 

For the forehead problem, wear a headband, or style your hair so it falls over your forehead.

 

I think if you lost 20lbs and had a girl at the mall do your make up, updated your wardrobe, you will attract more desirable men.

 

This is where the advice giver is showing that he or she doesn't have the advisee's best interest at heart.

 

5'6 and 140 pounds is a healthy BMI and the OP likely looks thin to average. Here's a link to one of those "body projects" page that show normal people who are 5'6 and 140 pounds. Not one of them should be making the effort of losing 20 pounds.

http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/506-140.html

 

The advice to lose weight is bad advice, plain and simple.

[mavis_6]

This is where the advice giver is showing that he or she doesn't have the advisee's best interest at heart.

 

5'6 and 140 pounds is a healthy BMI and the OP likely looks thin to average. Here's a link to one of those "body projects" page that show normal people who are 5'6 and 140 pounds. Not one of them should be making the effort of losing 20 pounds.

Photographic Height/Weight Chart - 5' 6", 140 lbs., BMI:23

 

The advice to lose weight is bad advice, plain and simple.

 

Yes, I could be described as average in weight, many people say I'm thin, and I'm also not saying I want a super fit guy, just an average one. I find it a bit unfair that someone would expect us women to have "perfect" bodies just to attract an average Joe. I know the poster is trying to help me improve my appearance, but still. Like I said I've been everywhere from a size 1-10 and hello, still having trouble. I agree that my looks could be better, but I certainly don't think my weight is the issue.

[Kamille]

Yes, I could be described as average in weight, many people say I'm thin, and I'm also not saying I want a super fit guy, just an average one. I find it a bit unfair that someone would expect us women to have "perfect" bodies just to attract an average Joe. I know the poster is trying to help me improve my appearance, but still. Like I said I've been everywhere from a size 1-10 and hello, still having trouble. I agree that my looks could be better, but I certainly don't think my weight is the issue.

 

If Truthseeker is a man than he apparently bought into the idea that all women weight under 120 pounds, regardless of their height.

[TheTraveler]

Yes, I could be described as average in weight, many people say I'm thin, and I'm also not saying I want a super fit guy, just an average one. I find it a bit unfair that someone would expect us women to have "perfect" bodies just to attract an average Joe. I know the poster is trying to help me improve my appearance, but still. Like I said I've been everywhere from a size 1-10 and hello, still having trouble. I agree that my looks could be better, but I certainly don't think my weight is the issue.

 

So improve your other areas. He's just trying to help. You say you attract geezers and fat guys. Well, improve yourself. And go to the gym and/or fitness class. There are guys there too and you'll be healthier.

[mavis_6]

So improve your other areas. He's just trying to help. You say you attract geezers and fat guys. Well, improve yourself. And go to the gym and/or fitness class. There are guys there too and you'll be healthier.

 

 

The part I find sad about some of these comments is what made me sad from the beginning: that to men, "improving yourself" means getting hotter, and that is what will make me acceptable to a man. And that "geezers and fat guys" are chasing girls like me, while guys in my actual "league" (average) chase the beauty queens.

[TheTraveler]

The part I find sad about some of these comments is what made me sad from the beginning: that to men, "improving yourself" means getting hotter, and that is what will make me acceptable to a man. And that "geezers and fat guys" are chasing girls like me, while guys in my actual "league" (average) chase the beauty queens.

 

You have a choice. Either accept or do not. Do you want to date fat guys and geezers? Or do you want to date avg guys and good looking. Your decision.

[Shining One]

The part I find sad about some of these comments is what made me sad from the beginning: that to men, "improving yourself" means getting hotter, and that is what will make me acceptable to a man. And that "geezers and fat guys" are chasing girls like me, while guys in my actual "league" (average) chase the beauty queens.

An alternative to being hotter is being more aggressive and confident. I've chosen the confident/aggressive average woman over the more physically attractive passive woman on more than one occasion.

[mavis_6]

An alternative to being hotter is being more aggressive and confident. I've chosen the confident/aggressive average woman over the more physically attractive passive woman on more than one occasion.

 

Good point. I've seen a lot of average-looking women who are confident, and they seem to have no trouble scoring decent guys. Now where to start with this confidence thing...some guys would tell me to improve my looks, but that just keeps this conversation going in circles. I like that you offer another alternative.

[SwordofFlame]

The part I find sad about some of these comments is what made me sad from the beginning: that to men, "improving yourself" means getting hotter, and that is what will make me acceptable to a man. And that "geezers and fat guys" are chasing girls like me, while guys in my actual "league" (average) chase the beauty queens.

 

If you want to reverse that, try online dating.