serendipity90 Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 I've been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now and we've had our ups and downs. We had a pretty good summer but things got shaky when we were talking about having pets and I thought he said he didn't want any so I said I thought it's best if we break up but he was breaking his heart saying he thought I was the one and he didn't mean he didn't want pets ever, so I took him back. We've had spells where he's wanted time apart but looking back I think I got too attached and thought his wanting breaks meant that there was something wrong so I said do you want to break up? and he said no then the next week he wanted to break up with me but we talked it through and I asked him if he wanted to be friends with benefits and he replied he didn't know. We've been going on the way the same way since, still seeing each other and telling each other we love one another. I looked at his profile on tastebuds.fm and I noticed he listed himself as single so I questioned him about this and told him I didn't like it but he's explained that he feels lonely and wants more friends and thinks people will be more likely to contact him if he says hes single. I've asked him if wants to sleep around or see other people and he said he didn't want to. I just want to know where I stand but he doesn't seem to want to commit or let go of me either. He brought up an instance from last year when I didn't like him making a playlist for this girl we knew where he put a love song on it but I've apologised for that and it's in the past. I'm just so confused before christmas time, I'm in love with him and want things to be how they were. I don't know whether to play it cool and reject him if he says he wants to see me or carry on as we are. I don't want to play games with him though. Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Create a profile there and try to seduce him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Create a profile there and try to seduce him. That is brutal. Absolutely brutal. Only because its likely to get OP the answers she is looking for... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 It's been off and on for a reason....it's not working out. You are beating a dead horse....you can't bring it back to life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Dare I ask, how old are both of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author serendipity90 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Share Posted December 12, 2015 Dare I ask, how old are both of you? I'm 25, he's 23. Link to post Share on other sites
Author serendipity90 Posted December 12, 2015 Author Share Posted December 12, 2015 I'm just so confused, he's asked me to go with him to his dad's tomorrow. That's a couple thing, right? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Just deal with him for now until the holidays are over. Breaking up during the holidays isn't a great idea. However, after that, you should end things with him. He's basically waiting to find someone else and is keeping you around until he does. I wouldn't stick around in a situation where a man was this wishy-washey. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author serendipity90 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Share Posted December 14, 2015 I'm still in love with him, we still act like a couple. Neither of us want to go with other people, the thought of going out with other people makes me feel empty and I still want to be his friend. I think maybe I should go out with other people to see how it makes him feel. Maybe the thought that I could be someone else's might make him commit to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 he's explained that he feels lonely and wants more friends and thinks people will be more likely to contact him if he says hes single. I've asked him if wants to sleep around or see other people and he said he didn't want to. Please don't be that super naive woman !!! He is advertising himself as SINGLE!!! Do you really think when you asked him about it he would have answered the honest truth and said: I am looking for someone else ? really you expect him to answer you truthfully. If he wants to make friends he can get himself in a boxing class or pottery class!! It would be an instant deal breaker for me. I have ZERO tolerance for this kind of poo ! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author serendipity90 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Share Posted December 14, 2015 Please don't be that super naive woman !!! He is advertising himself as SINGLE!!! Do you really think when you asked him about it he would have answered the honest truth and said: I am looking for someone else ? really you expect him to answer you truthfully. If he wants to make friends he can get himself in a boxing class or pottery class!! It would be an instant deal breaker for me. I have ZERO tolerance for this kind of poo ! I've explained to him that I don't care if he wants more friends then he can join classes or what ever. He's very busy at the moment doing a apprenticeship and running his own online business, I think if he really wanted a relationship he would make time and he wants the perks of a relationship without feeling like he needs to be tied to seeing me at least once a week and that is causing him conflict. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 You're being extremely naive if you believe this nonsense about wanting friends and posing as being single. I guess it's going to take him screwing around on you, or dumping you when he finds someone new, for you to see the truth. It doesn't matter if you're still in love with him or not. That is not a reason to let someone treat you in this way. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I've explained to him that I don't care if he wants more friends then he can join classes or what ever. "What ever" seems to be the social site. He sure didn't join a class or get into a hockey, soccer, darts league--he joined a social site and listed himself as single--meaning: he's telling everyone (read: women) that he doesn't have a girlfriend and that he's available. That's what single means. You loving him isn't entering into his equation. Don't waste that energy and emotion on someone who is doing this to you. This latest trick of his pretty much is telling you it's over except for the breaking up for him. Who goes and lists themselves as single on a social site behind their partner's back except for someone who is out the door? I mean, if it's all about friends, why didn't he tell you he was doing this? Why did it take you finding it on your own for you to know, if things are all supposedly above board and innocent? The fact that he didn't say "No, Serendipity, I do not want FWB with you. I want to be with you," should have told you all you needed to know. He should know that his intention wasn't to demote you--he shouldn't have to think about that one. Breaking up during the holidays is rough, but staying together then waking up on 1/2/16 knowing that the previous 19 days were a huge lie is even rougher. A negative hit to the self esteem is involved in the latter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AndOrchid Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) It sounds like he has checked out and just shopping around for your replacement before pulling the plug on the relationship. It also sounds like your relationship has been in trouble for a while now. I mean you were ready to end it because he didn't want pets? Or more accurately, because you thought he said he didn't want pets? Edited December 15, 2015 by AndOrchid 2 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I looked at his profile on tastebuds.fm and I noticed he listed himself as single so I questioned him about this and told him I didn't like it but he's explained that he feels lonely and wants more friends and thinks people will be more likely to contact him if he says hes single. I've asked him if wants to sleep around or see other people and he said he didn't want to. . And you believed that crap? LMFAO He checked out long time ago. The only reason you still act like a couple is because he hasn't found your replacement yet 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Sadly I don't think this is going anywere . He is looking for your replacement and hoping you will stick around when he does that. There is no need for him to advertise as single. I've had guys act like that with me before when they are not fully invested - wanting to keep a profile online so they can assess their options. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I think that you feel the same way he does -you don't want to let him go but don't know if you want to keep him either. Link to post Share on other sites
Mauve Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Create a profile there and try to seduce him. That's so wrong.. yet so right. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Hate to point this out but he is not in love with you. He is going through the motions. Saying stuff and doing stuff when your in a relationship is what you do. He may not be sleeping around but he is looking for someone else. As soon as he finds her you will be dust. Do yourself a favour. End it. Go no contact, lick your wounds and recover then date again. The only reason why you are not doing this is because you are afraid. There is nothing to fear about being single. In fact it can be highly liberating! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author serendipity90 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Share Posted December 15, 2015 I have a date for this weekend after going on badoo but part of me is only going as a "screw you" to him. I'm scared of first dates and it's been a while since I've done it. I don't know if I should tell him, even now part of me feels like I'm betraying him as sad as that sounds. I am still in love with him and he's been so patient with me when I suffered from vaginismus and my schizophrenia. How many guys would put up with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author serendipity90 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Share Posted December 15, 2015 I admit when I was with him there were times when I was low in mood and I thought to myself I shouldn't be feeling this low when I have a great boyfriend and I would start wondering if I would be happy elsewhere and start wanting to date again. Now I've got that opportunity, I don't want it. It's made me realise all I want is him. Maybe he just needs the opportunity to think the same. I think he needs a wake up call. I don't know the best thing to do, just ride it out until he feels different or do I need to go cold turkey and cut all contact? But then I might lose him as a friend.. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I don't think anyone was suggesting to you that you date behind his back. That's not a great idea. Schizophrenia? That's a serious thing and not something that's temporary. The thing is, I don't think your current bf wants to be in the relationship anymore. That's the thing you should deal with right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I have a date for this weekend after going on badoo but part of me is only going as a "screw you" to him. I'm scared of first dates and it's been a while since I've done it. I don't know if I should tell him, even now part of me feels like I'm betraying him as sad as that sounds. I am still in love with him and he's been so patient with me when I suffered from vaginismus and my schizophrenia. How many guys would put up with that? So he's on social media advertising himself as single and you're on badoo advertising yourself as single. I see.... I don't have anything further to say. Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 are you two in a relationship or not? I didn't feel it was clear from your initial post.. have you both agreed to be exclusive? Link to post Share on other sites
Author serendipity90 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Share Posted December 16, 2015 He has a history of distancing himself when he feels overloaded by things then coming back wanting me again. We were in a relationship but he said he wants to be single for a bit to meet new friends and have more time to himself- without me getting on his back demanding his time I feel. I want to be exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
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