Hoosfoos Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 It's not NC if you are still on each other's social media. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 she checks it because you are still on each others friends list... fix it... Time to block her and then you will have more time to think good thoughts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Why do you care if she checks you FB or not, and why would you consider not posting pics, you wanna share on FB?? What she does is her business, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Because she is curious and human... I check some of my old exs facebooks even though I have 0 interest in them. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 You're allowed to post whatever you want but the sooner you block her the better because then you won't be concerned so much by what she thinks of your posts and you will free up some mind space. Trust me. Do it and you will feel so much better. This limbo of thought you are in is no fun. Blocking is the best, because in essence you are not allowing her any more power over you. Link to post Share on other sites
thunder777 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 she threw u out as garbage she has no right to get any insight now into your life her decision was made, she has to live with that piss her off haha Link to post Share on other sites
Author marcusdevilliers Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Remain friends and work on yourself. If she really does love you she'll come back. If not.. well you dodged a bullet. The best thing i heard.. thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I will echo what everyone else is saying. If she said she doesn't love you anymore, assume she means it. You need to give her a lot of space and do not assume that you alone can make this work. Consider yourself totally single. Do not try to stay friends with her right now. You could reach out after a couple months, but don't hedge your bets on a reconciliation. And who knows, you might just meet a better match in the meantime! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marcusdevilliers Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 One thing i can never understand.. its how people can forget about you so easily and lie to you, play with you and completely ignore you. after years of being together an planning living together, they just drop you and dont care to see you or speak to you how can people who said they loved you be like this ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Christos Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) The truth is, they can do this because they don't love us, they never did. People forget that early "love" and true love are entirely different. In greek we have 2 words for love, eros/erotas for early romantic love and agape for true, unconditional love. All of us experience the early love, lust, passion for the other person. But that is just a tool of nature to make us spend the time together for a bond to develop over time. It is not supposed to last. It would be detrimental to us to be forever in such a high state. Now, if both individuals are mentally healthy, sincere, and good characters, they will let that bond to develop and form true love. If one of them, or both, have issues, even if those issues mean they are simply spoiled, then the bond will never develop on their part. And when the early crutch of romantic love fades away, they will not have anything to hold them in the relationship, except inertia. I know that in the West, it is a common theme to always excuse one's actions and that you can do what you want, as long as you don't hurt others physically/financially. Because when you selfishly break up with a person who loves you, you DO hurt them, just not physically... In any case, it is common for people in the West to excuse the dumbers, but in reality, they are bad people. Yeah, i know that in our "feel good" society, it is impolite to call anyone bad. Bad people exist in the world? Sure. But they aren't those living among us... They are living in outer space... No, dumbers are bad people. Unless they broke up for a serious reason, like infidelity or violence or other SERIOUS REASONS, then they are bad, selfish people, who never let themselves develop a true connection with us, and who used us for only as long as they needed before dumbing us like trash. So, just understand they are bad people, they never truly loved us like we did, they deserve whatever is coming to them, forget about them. Don't give the pearls of your heart to swine next time... Edited September 17, 2015 by Christos 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Draper Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I tend to look at the way we feel about significant others as three separate things. The sexual drive that causes us to seek people out, the lust and romance of early love, and the long-term attachment we feel towards our partners. For us, those three things are perfectly synced and focused on one person. For others, one or more of those gets out of balance. Something changes in one and it blinds the others. In my case, I have no doubt that my ex cares a great deal for me and she probably does still have a lot of attachment for me. But she's too immature to have those three things in balance, she'd rather chase the fulfilment that early lust and love can give. So, although she may still feel attachment to me, she's going to run off and look for that feeling we all had when we first fell head over heals for our significant other. That's just my take. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 i think some people like to "try out" different relationships. they say what is expected but they know it's just a run to have fun with life. Be curious. (At the expense of others) Some people only care about what they feel or what they experience or what they think is important. Beware Link to post Share on other sites
lillymae1010 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I believe that a lot of this people are emotionally detached in someway. Sometimes it's learned and sometimes it's genetic. Either way an emotionally detached person can go through the motions but they seem to lack a fundamental ability to empathize and therefore incapable of considering a loved one's feelings as one would expect. I don't know if that makes them bad or evil per say. It's just how their brain works. Some or just deliberately *******s though. Usually those are easier to weed out. Link to post Share on other sites
Protec Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Unfortunately, i have experienced this too. A lot. Every sinlge time, woman tells me "I love you" at some point. Then after breakup they are like completely different persons. Like in RS they would tell you "i don't like to into a bars lot" After breakup "I'm going out again with my girlfriends. WOOO!!!" Why people lie? Do they not know what they want or who they really are? I don't like bars, a good drink once in a while is good though. But nightclubbing etc. is not my thing. In RS i don't go clubbing, after breakup i don't go clubbing. I know me and what i want. But women...they one thing and mean another. "I love you". After breakup "I WISH I HAD NEVER DATED YOU IN tHE FIRST PLACE!" Even if they are the dumpers. "I hate you. You made me miserable" etc. etc. I haven't met a single woman yet, who could withstand the so-called normal life, after the "omg i love everything about you so much!"-stage. They get bored. Even my ex told me "Sure, i am adult enough to understand that this feeling does not last forever". I was "GREAT! Finally i've met someone who understands that relationships are more than just being in that love love feeling all the time". BS. When the "honeymoon"-period was over, she got bored. Suddenly sex was bad, i was bad, everything sucked and of course it all was my fault. She still doesn't see that maybe there was something wrong in her too. It was all my fault. People only search for that being in love feeling...they go from RS to RS, over and over again. And when the "being in love"-feeling stops again, they will move on. When the feeling stops they think "i don't love this person anymore". They don't think with mind, they don't think at all. They are slaves of their chemisty. Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 They don't forget about you ,how can they if you have spent all that time together and they don't stop loving you, the truth is they want to forget you and stop loving you , so they dissappear from your life because they have made up their mind , they WANT to move on , Dumpers always have much more time to prepare and are usually meaty prepared when they break up and have been preparing for several weeks Link to post Share on other sites
derek519 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 They don't forget about you ,how can they if you have spent all that time together and they don't stop loving you, the truth is they want to forget you and stop loving you , so they dissappear from your life because they have made up their mind , they WANT to move on , Dumpers always have much more time to prepare and are usually meaty prepared when they break up and have been preparing for several weeks This is so true. When I asked my Ex how she was able to move into another mans arms so quickly she responded " we may have only been broken up for so long, but I've been preparing myself for a long time, so for me it's been over for a while". Which is very unfair Link to post Share on other sites
Christos Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 This is so true. When I asked my Ex how she was able to move into another mans arms so quickly she responded " we may have only been broken up for so long, but I've been preparing myself for a long time, so for me it's been over for a while". Which is very unfair And that makes them bad people even more... Instead of communicating the problems, and trying to fix what's broken, they give you the illusion that everything is normal, they are lying and pretending, while you are non the wiser. They avoid the pain of the break up, but taking it slow to prepare, because they want to spare the pain to themselves, while being fully aware that the same (and more) pain will be caused to us, and will catch us unprepared. How can you do that to anyone, let alone the person you are supposed to care for? Those people are evil, period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marcusdevilliers Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Young love can be dramatic. I'm 39 and have been with my husband 24 years. The early years had some breakups. Over time we matured and chilled out. Back then, I told him I didn't love him when I really did a few times. I had a rough childhood where I felt neglected. It was hard for me to believe in love. I was too young to be mature about it. My ego made me want him not to give up on me, but I didn't want to say that. I wanted him to try to get me back, because I missed him, too. Fortunately, he did. I can't say how she feels, but I wouldn't totally give up yet. Give her some time and space. Get in touch in a few weeks and tell her you miss her and love her. Don't push. She may not love you. But there is a chance she just needs some time alone, and will realize she gave up a good thing. Keep your distance for now. Don't hook up with any other girls. Don't act weak and depressed. Just contact her in a few weeks and tell her you really miss her and want to work on it. hi. i was in N.C for like 3 weeks with her i just called her i have no idea why. guess i was just missing her too much. i called her and told her i missed her. she said she has class in a few mins and we would have to talk later or she might message me. i called her later cause she didnt call or msg. even called the day after just once. its clear now she wants nothing to do with me, im happy with that its easier for me to move on. thank you for the help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marcusdevilliers Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 I would leave it. If she wants to talk to you she will. You're bound to have questions but you'll probably be able to answer them yourself in time. Had anything changed in the relationship? yes things did change. we use to see each other alot because we were in school. things changed we both started work and she started university now. also when she started work she became good friends with some guy, she took a pic with them holding hands and said it was just a cute pic. truth is i all this time i thought i wasnt good enough for her. now i know different. if she wants me and she did love me, i wont have to contact her she'll contact me. what you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marcusdevilliers Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 why the question mark? it was a mistake lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author marcusdevilliers Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 You have to move on when someone tells you they don't love you. You love them, but whatever you once had is gone. They've told you straight up how they feel. Get past the denial stage and get to the acceptance stage because there is no confusion on this. Be thankful they didn't lead you on and give you hope. I got lead on badly .. she made me think that we actually had a future together. then she dropped me like nothing, like the time we spent and myself meant nothing to her. Link to post Share on other sites
sbk24 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 My ex recently cheated on me and is now with another guy (after a 8 year relationship). I have to say NC is the best option. My ex's birthday is also in next month but even though I still love her, she just doesn't deserve any attention etc. I think you should stick with NC as otherwise you will go back a step if you make contact, your feelings for the ex will get stronger again when you are trying to make them go away. Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 dont feel bad for breakin nc or talking to her , its a wierd wave of emotion speaking after having nc for a while but i honestly think some guys have to have to be beaten to a pulp emotionaly to let go or jusy have that second wave of rejection to help them let go you've done it now so really move foward to better things 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marcusdevilliers Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Dude, sorry that you are hurting. Sounds like you really liked this girl. I also have experienced a painful relationship. It happens. It may seem like you are alone because this kind of emotional stuff is not very cool to talk about with friends and family. But admitting to yourself that you are hurt and could use a new perspective is a healthy thing. Think about it this way, you have been initiated to the beautiful, yet finicky, mind of women early in life. Now you know that women can be somewhat irrational. Look around, read other posts from guys going through divorce. Pain and failure is really just a signal that you found out what doesn’t work. It is said that Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times before he invented the light bulb. Relationships are not as complicated as inventing a light bulb, but there are lessons to be learned and experience is the only real way to learn them. The best advice is to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and try again with someone new. Here are some things to consider. You may find that the more attention a women gets from men, the less they value attention from men, and the more they look for and seek "something else". That "something else" is how they feel when they are in your presence. Does she feel taken care of and secure? Does she feel like she can tell you anything and you would not get upset? Does she feel like you would know what to do if something bad were to happen? Does she feel like you are secure with your life and you have a purpose greater than the relationship? Or on the flip side, does she feel like you like her too much? Does she feel like you would always put her first no matter what your needs are? In other words, would you speak up and tell her “no” when it is necessary? So the nature of the attention you provide does matter. Calling all the time, sending love letters, and discussing your feelings is a form of attention that might actually make her feel like she is too special to you. Counterintuitive I know. Do you agree? Yes i do agree.. i think i use to make my ex feel to special i use to always tell her i love her and stuff. at the end of it she just wants diff things and im not in her bucket list and it use to send me crazy but not anymore. we had a really good thing and she gave it up. i even broke N.C and i called her after bout 16 days. i told her i missed her and stuff she said we will talk later or she might message me. she did neither, i called her still and no answer, even the day after i called once. but im so happy now, she was never worth it. she dropped me like garbage and ike we never had nun and i mean nothing to her.. i know better now and i can have a great relationship in the future with a great woman who deserves me. Link to post Share on other sites
Christos Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 dont feel bad for breakin nc or talking to her , its a wierd wave of emotion speaking after having nc for a while but i honestly think some guys have to have to be beaten to a pulp emotionaly to let go or jusy have that second wave of rejection to help them let go you've done it now so really move foward to better things No. The true issue, is that most women don't know how to break up, and leave some amount of hope, either intentionally or unintentionally. And since we love them and are hurting, we try to use whatever amount of hope we can find and see if we can still salvage the relationship. The problem isn't that guys have a problem of letting go. The problem is that women are heartless and care only about themselves. If a woman tells a guy the true reason for a break up like:" hey i want to break up because i fked that guy and he was better than you" or "i am really bored with you and want to fk other people and find a richer man because i can do better than you" then believe me, no true man would have a problem letting go... Link to post Share on other sites
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