Ex wants to meet up.

[marcusdevilliers]

A little background info here. Me and my ex had been together for almost 3 Years. She dumped me this year. She said she just didn't love me no more. So after 2 months of trying to change her mind and begging and crying I just threw in the towel. I stopped talking to her and went on nc.

 

She messaged me last month to see how I was doing,, i just replied back with 3 shorts messages and that was it.

 

She messaged me recently again, was a guilty text from her and i felt bad so i replied with one text n ended convo.

 

She messaged me again a few days afyer saying she has things to tell me idk if i want to hear. So i callef her and we talked, chat a little and that was it. She said she'll tell me what she had to say some other time. I said ok. I then said i don't know what u have to say and that was it. When we talked she mentioned things about meeting up and passing to see me and all that.

 

I think she's just feeling guilty tbh because she never really said anything about getn back together. She mentioned something about later on like our reltionship but didnt really follow up on it.

 

The thing now is. For a whole year she never wanted to see me, she never asked or tried to see me or spend time with me. She admitted that she had other things going on. So i pretty much wasnt worth seeing to her. She got close to a guy also, idk what **** he probably said to her but at the end it was her decision.

 

Now I'm just I'm chaos with emotions. At the end of the day she left me. She didn't try with me or even fought for me. I messaged her recently and just wished her well in whatever she was doing and ended it there.

 

What do i do now???

What do i do if she messages me again???

Is she even worth it for treating me this way???

 

This was my gf, first experience with a girl so I don't know much about relationships. What the hell do I do here guys. I'm so fed up.

[Blanco]

If you want different results, you must alter your behavior. In this case, doing so would mean staying NC until you know you're healed. Block her number. Delete her from FB and other social media outlets. Mark her email address as spam. Trust that if it's something vital (i.e. she's dying), she will find a way to relay you that information. Otherwise, it's all nonsense and not conducive to your healing; you don't need to hear or know it.

 

First relationships ending can be among the most painful breakups, yet, for many, it's a rite of passage into the world of dating and relationships. First relationships are rarely the last relationships. As painful as this is, know that you will get through it if you allow time and space to work their magic.

[TaraMaiden2]

What do i do now???

Already said by Blanco - you blank, block and totally ignore via every single avenue possible, so that she can't get in touch with you at all, no way, no how.

What do i do if she messages me again???

Read the NC Guide in my signature, and make sure you stick to it, 100%, 100% of the time. No exceptions, no excuses, no yes but, what if. Stick to it, no matter what, unless her skirt's on fire.

Is she even worth it for treating me this way???

This question is entirely irrelevant.

She's no longer with you, so what she was, doesn't matter.

What she IS - is.

She IS - your ex.

Keep it that way.

The fact is, having dumped you, she has absolutely minus-zero rights to be any part of your life for a single nano-second longer.

Quit continually giving her that right.

 

This was my gf, first experience with a girl so I don't know much about relationships. What the hell do I do here guys. I'm so fed up.

Read up on 'dumped' threads, and read up on what a total unmitigated disaster it has been for those who did not go, or broke, the NC Guide rules.

Stick around, you'll learn a lot....

[pidgeon1010]

This is what I did when my ex kept emailing me daily for a month without discussing reconciling and kept apologizing for putting the "us" talk on the back burner to sort out his career:

 

NO CONTACT. I DROPPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH AS FAR AS HE IS CONCERNED.

 

6 months NC and I feel much better. The choice is yours: do you want to continue with uncertainty and turmoil or get to a place where you are emotionally more balanced and able to move on?

[marcusdevilliers]

I was doing OK. I now started gym as well and I was trying to get out more and forget about her as difficult as it was. Now she messaged me and like a little puppy i was a soft nice guy again after being treated like ****. I want to man up, i need to man up.

 

I wont lie. I never blocked her on anything. She had me blocked on everything so there was no nees too. Now the messages have me twisted up again. I dpnt know if o really did love her thay much or im just really attavhed. I never had someone before. Now that someone is gone.

 

I just wish i could find the strength to cut her off and move on. Its like im waiting for her to say she wants us back but i dont think thats gonna happen. And im just torturing myself.

[marcusdevilliers]

So ex gf messaged me. wants to meet up some time. anybody have any experience with this. idk whats the purpose of it. idk if its to talk, catch up, talk bout reconciliation or what. should i say anything. should i do anything?

Edited December 12, 2015 by marcusdevilliers

[NoLeafClover]

So ex gf messaged me. wants to meet up some time. anybody have any experience with this. idk whats the purpose of it. idk if its to talk, catch up, talk bout reconciliation or what. should i say anything. should i do anything?

I met with my ex the other night..I was with her for 7 yrs and broke up back in 2013'. We haven't talked since.

 

Unlike you, I was the one that asked to meet. I was glad my ex gave me that opportunity..I don't regret anything though it was hard at first. I still care about her and she's truly the only ex I cared about. It was worth it.

[marcusdevilliers]

what should i expect tho.. should i say anything about the relationship or aything like that?

[Amelie1980]

what should i expect tho.. should i say anything about the relationship or aything like that?

 

I would ask her.

 

Straight up ask why do you want to meet, what do you want to talk about. I wouldn't go in blind.

[marcusdevilliers]

well the thing is shes been hinting to see me a lot. i said whenever you are ready let me know. she didnt really specify what it was about, i mean theres no more hard feelings between us. we talked recently. also she hinted something when we talked. something about our relationship she doesnt want to say we might have something later on for me to over think it. so is she getting at reconciling or something. shes the one doing all the contacting also.

[Amelie1980]

I would still ask her. Talk on the phone maybe?

[marcusdevilliers]

we did. thats where all these things came up. im really not worried. was hoping something good may come out of it but whatever happens happens.

[marcusdevilliers]

truth also.. im overthinking this a bit. i mean i want to be that secure confident guy that can say you know what whatever happens with this happens.. but theres also a side that wants to give what we had another go. and im not sure if to bring that up if she doesnt. Good or bad idea? or which side do i listen too?

[marky00]

Marcus,

 

remind us of the old relationship and BU history please ?????

[marcusdevilliers]

Well we were together for almost 3 years. until a few months ago she said she didnt love me no more. so i tried my best to change her mind, did all the wrong this like call n message all the time. cried begged and pleaded until i finally went n.c. Now shes messaging me after 2 months of n.c.

 

Idk what really was the reason. she just said she lost feelings. the thing also is that she never tried to spend time with me or even see me. like for months.

 

she even said she had more important things going on. and like the fool that i was i stayed. but i did learn and grow alot. she was my first everything and i still do have feelings for her.

 

I just dont know what to do. or even what to think because there isnt a sure date for us to meet up.

[marky00]

Well we were together for almost 3 years. until a few months ago she said she didnt love me no more. so i tried my best to change her mind, did all the wrong this like call n message all the time. cried begged and pleaded until i finally went n.c. Now shes messaging me after 2 months of n.c.

 

Idk what really was the reason. she just said she lost feelings. the thing also is that she never tried to spend time with me or even see me. like for months.

 

she even said she had more important things going on. and like the fool that i was i stayed. but i did learn and grow alot. she was my first everything and i still do have feelings for her.

 

I just dont know what to do. or even what to think because there isnt a sure date for us to meet up.

 

Oh ok,

 

The fact you admitted it begging and pleading.... it is somewhat surprising she is back so soon. The fact shes willing to put herself back in that situation is a little strange.

 

Here is what you should do:

 

"Stay strong and try not to get your hopes up too high. Keep loving yourself and put yourself in the mindset that you will only lower your pride if she begs for a reconciliation and say all the right things about how things will be different etc"

 

Look its quite possible she feels very guilty and needs you to help her with that. So yeah, dont get your hopes up and hold on to your pride 100% unless the scenario I described above occurs.

[marcusdevilliers]

I dont want to get my hopes up. and i really dont know what to do. I would really like to try with her again, maybe it can work better this time. Im alot better than when i was before the relationship. and i dont know if i should bring that up when we meet up. because its really that or nothing.we can be friends but not close friends.

[mightycpa]

If you want to be the secure, confident guy who can deal with whatever happens, then it follows that you are not that guy yet. You are Mr. Vulnerable.

 

While we don't know what it is that she has to say, we know what it isn't. It isn't urgent, because there's no date/time set. We therefore know it isn't about her wanting you back, because that would be urgent.

 

I would submit to you that nothing else is worth your time. Not only should you not pursue this, you should ignore all further attempts to contact and./or meet with you. The best case is you'll feel neutral, and it's more likely she'll hurt you in some way.

 

Save your reunion for one day when you don't give a ****. Until then, what is so great about her that you would want to watch her life from the sidelines when what you really want is to be in the field?

 

Don't be a fool Mr. Vulnerable.

[marcusdevilliers]

If you want to be the secure, confident guy who can deal with whatever happens, then it follows that you are not that guy yet. You are Mr. Vulnerable.

 

While we don't know what it is that she has to say, we know what it isn't. It isn't urgent, because there's no date/time set. We therefore know it isn't about her wanting you back, because that would be urgent.

 

I would submit to you that nothing else is worth your time. Not only should you not pursue this, you should ignore all further attempts to contact and./or meet with you. The best case is you'll feel neutral, and it's more likely she'll hurt you in some way.

 

Save your reunion for one day when you don't give a ****. Until then, what is so great about her that you would want to watch her life from the sidelines when what you really want is to be in the field?

 

Don't be a fool Mr. Vulnerable.

 

 

How do i not be Mr. Vulnerable. .. Its the mixed signals thats troubling me. and i dont really think about this all the time only when i have free time and my mind wanders. She says she wants to pass and see me, she wants to meet me, you know those things. I wont lie , i would love for us to try again and have her back. but if its not leading up to that then i dont want anything else. i'll just make a clean break.

[marcusdevilliers]

I'm hoping that this is truly the last thread I have to make on my ex. Lol I don't want the moderators killed me. We're not sure to meet up, and if we don't. I'm not making it a problem. She wants to meet up if its imp or not imp doesn't truly matter.

 

I know what I have to say tho. And what I need to say. And to me if it works or doesn't wor . I will deal with the outcome. If my ex does not bring up our relationship or future of it i'm gonna ask my ex as it is, "I would like us to start over" and by that I do mean start over. We are both older, have relationship experience and more comfortable. If we don't meet I'll call her and tell her.

 

Whatever she says after that would decide my emotion for the day. But after that. Things will be the way I say it will be. I may hurt if she says no but I've benn hurt before and I will deal with it and move forward with my life. If she says yes well, I'll be happy.

 

Ik a lot of you would say not to bring it up if she doesn't, but I think I need to do it to see where we stand. If its not relationship wise then I don't want to be around. And I think I'm finally making the right decision. It feels right you know. Like a win win for me.

 

If she brings it up we'll talk about it and see where it goes. I will still ask her where we stand and if she wants to give it another go. If she does then things would be good, if no, I will start moving on with my life with no hesitation or looking back this time.

 

So what you guys think. Good mindset I have going into this???

[Samhain]

No, a good mindset would be to ignore her and never meet up. Whether you are crazy about her and dying to see her or just curious.

 

You're a lost cause reading all your threads after all the advice on here you still want to meet her.

 

You are setting yourself up for a fall. Man up.

[marcusdevilliers]

I wish I wasn't back at this place again. I got reeled in again and I'm gonna listen this time. I really am. I'm gonna ignore whatever comes my way. If its really that imp I will know.

[geronimo]

I made the mistake of engaging in conversation with my ex 6months post BU, we had been in NC ever since the relationship ended and when she contacted me I thought it was cuz she may have wanted to get back together (there were other very strong reasons why I thought this was going to happen, thats why i engaged in the conversation).

 

let me tell you. I was an idiot to have talked to her and I met up with her also. It felt ****ing amazing while we were together, I'm not even going to lie, cuz it felt like we were back together, even with 6 mo NC, we jumped back into our old ways 5 mins after seeing each other. You know what sucked tho? We didn't get back together and she is still with her new bf. Stung like a bitch, set me back for a good time, and now finally after another 5 months of NC I'm over her.

 

Save yourself the trouble man, don't give in. Unless you have things you want to get off your chest, sure do it, but be very cautious and just remember there will always be things you wished you would have said or done differently, you'll realize that sooner or later, I know I did.

[marky00]

Doesn't sound super promising when she is saying u can meet up or not, ie its just an open invitation.

 

I suppose the only advantage of a meetup being offered... is you could via sms or phone call (hopefully she instigates)... simply ask "what is the purpose of the meetup?".

 

Look either way your gonna be lowering pride and risk hurting yourself but asking a question like that forces her to show her hand. You don't want to show your hand at all unless she was miraculously going to say all the things you wanted to hear.

 

Problem is by her saying its an open invitation she is deliberately trying to hide her intentions.. i.e. she is trying to force your hand.

 

You definately could hurt yourself again so be prepared for that if u continue with this.

[marcusdevilliers]

Im tired of feeling petty.. no disrespect but im also tired of talking to strangers about my problems, and its like i cant even follow through.

 

Im getting so sick and tired of myself and the way i am, everyday i get up i say im gonna do something and i can never get it done. If its not a problem home, a problem with work, a relationship problem, a problem will still arise.

 

Like a guy cant catch a damn break.

 

At the end of the day tho it comes down to nobody but myself, and if i want a diff life i need to make a diff life. as hard as it seems its gotta be done.

 

Struggle only makes you stronger right. I'll never forget you guys on this site, my family away from home lol.