quidproquo89 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Hey, so here we go I met my girlfriend online in August and it we have a lot in common. Both fairly introvert, vegetarian, animal lovers, love films and the country etc. Well, I've started to feel unhappy with her. Firstly we live almost 3 hrs away which isn't a huge problem for me as I'm willing to drive. The problem is I find her quite rude. She ignores things I say, often won't speak. Hates and always complains of the amounts of people. Swears at other drivers on the road. Snaps at her pets. The worst thing for me is that it's like I'm a bystander in her life. She likes to lead where we go and points in the direction she wants and to go. Or stop or wander off to look at something and not care if I don't notice so I walk off without her or she walks off without me. Makes me feel pressured to make decisions in the supermarket. Gets up in the morning and spends hours in the bath, doing her hair and make up as if I'm not here. So I spend our entire morning sitting by myself in her house. I've confronted her about her abruptness and she says I'm too sensitive and my cheeky humour is seen as picking at her. We can only have sex when she wants to, if I try to instigate things she tells me to behave. If I say when can we have sex, she say later.. Who knows. She buys me lil gifts, comes over to me randomly and gives me hugs so there is affection there. She's good looking, sex is good, cares about animals and accepts my introvercy and flaws but I cant talk to her about what I'm unhappy about. She gets unhappy and upright quickly and points out things I've done that upset her and says well I didn't ay anything about those things that id said. I am not great with directions so feel like I'm being led when I'm at hers miles away from my place. Which would be pk if I felt she was present, with me. she's my first proper girlfriend and I'm 26 so I'm a little inexperienced and unsure what to do, what I should put up with and whether IM overreacting as I am quite sensitive. thoughts? Please don't be rude or condescending Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Sorry to be blunt but looks like it's time for you and her to break up. Since this is your first real relationship you're not holding her to the standards in which you should due to the fact that you were probably so happy to finally have someone to be with and be intimate with who liked you back that you downplayed the things she did that you didn't like or made you feel bad rather than risk losing her as a gf so soon. Well, now you see what kind of girl she is so does the good things she does and what you like about her outweigh the bad? That's what it comes down to. Personally, if I was driving 3 hours to see my girlfriend, I expect her to be incredibly gratuitous and to go out of her way to make sure the time we spent together was enjoyable. If she's treating you like you live 5 minutes away and once you get there just forcing you to come with her and do what she wants then she's selfish and inconsiderate. How often do you drive and go see her? Does she ever drive to see you? If she never/rarely comes to you then that's reason alone to break up with her. That kind of distance requires equal effort. You're putting in all the work and she's taking advantage. You need to assert yourself and tell her "listen, I just drove 3 hours to see you after I worked all week, I'm not going to to ____ right now just cuz you feel like it. Sit and hang out with me for a while". I think you are over reacting to when she stops to look at something and doesn't notice or care if you wander off. Either don't wander off or playfully pull her like you would a dog to motivate her to keep it moving "cmon pup, I wanna get there today" If you let her control you she will. If you let her direct your sex life she will. I'm not saying force her... But if she turns you down then you have the right to bring up the fact that it makes you feel unappealing when she denies your physical efforts. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 Ugh, she sounds awful. Our first relationships are about learning what we do and don't want in our lives. And you're currently experiencing a laundry list of things which nobody would want in their lives. Time to move on. Walk away knowing that you're now wiser to what you want in your life than before you met her. And do it soon so that you don't have to buy her a Christmas gift. (or you can still return the one you may have already bought) Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 She doesnt seem to respect you at all. Shes your girlfriend , not your owner and you are not her pet. I feel your dignity is hurt, it should be. Break up and get yourself some peace Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 She's ill mannered at best. Have you gently discussed some of this with her? If you have & she hasn't been better about paying attention to you, then perhaps she doesn't care enough about you. Have you tried taking a bath with her? or even initiating sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Share Posted December 14, 2015 She text me while she was in the bath, saying sorry for being a nob. I text her saying that I know I'm not the easiest to get along with but I'm not happy. She came down tearful and hugged me saying that she needs to work on her outlets for stress. As the moment was uncomfortable enough I said no more about it. I just don't know if we should have a better discussion now as to the things that I'm not happy with or not. Its difficult to be tactful when the persons personality causes the problem. I feel like I want to give this a chance but I don't want to be unhappy. I must add that I can be quite sensitive to rudeness and am quite introvert and like my own space. So if someone is difficult with me I struggle to express when I'm unhappy coz it creates a very uncomfortable and negative atmosphere when I like to always be positive and upbeat. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 OMG you two are resorting to texting when you are in the same house. That's the height of lacking communication. While you may be a bit sensitive, I'm sorry but I find texting in the same house absurd. Talk to each other for pete's sake without a device. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author quidproquo89 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Share Posted December 14, 2015 Spoke for an hour on the phone call about what we are happy and unhappy about. See how it goes... Link to post Share on other sites
TheArtist Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 She sounds like she has her head waaaaay up her own bottom to me. It's understandable that, since it's your first relationship, you would want it to work out, but I think you're tolerating much more than you should be. Relationships are 50/50 and you're doing at least 90% of the work here. I know you probably don't feel like it, but really, it's time to get out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 "girlfriend is making me unhappy" No, she isn't. You are perpetuating your own unhappiness by enabling her behaviour. Basically, your staying and putting up with the situation is a subconscious signal to her that, whatever she does, however far she goes, whatever line she steps over - you will put up with whatever she throws your way. She can cry, sob in your arms, tell you she knows she has to work on her attitude, but while you forgive her, and not talk about it, it gives her no urgency to address her issues any time soon. Breaking up with her might just teach her that there are limits and she has certainly reached them. But - making you unhappy? Nope. That's YOUR doing..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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