lilmissjava Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 You don't need that emotional baggage. She led you on, but she was also leading herself on with thinking she was over her ex when clearly that isn't the case. You did the right thing but don't sell yourself short with offerings of friends with benefits with her. Take some time to yourself, get up, brush yourself off and get back to being you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Yeah if there was a part of her that had always hoped she'd get back together with him, she never should have gotten into a relationship with you. It was selfish of her if she still has unresolved feelings. You definitely did the right thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 yh I'm just sad cos i thought this was going somewhere ( like possibly long term/marriage) . some people say I'm stupid i shouldn't have broken up with her and been there for her and supported her. Im sad that she didnt even fight for us when i said lets break up. When her ex broke up wither she was crying for months begging him to stay. Makes me feel like a loser. just sad Link to post Share on other sites
lilmissjava Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Im sad that she didnt even fight for us when i said lets break up. When her ex broke up wither she was crying for months begging him to stay. just sad That should tell you right there that you absolutely did do the right thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 Yeah if there was a part of her that had always hoped she'd get back together with him, she never should have gotten into a relationship with you. It was selfish of her if she still has unresolved feelings. You definitely did the right thing. thats what i thought and i was mad that she said yes to being in a relationship with me. Her answer was that i pushed for a relationship and that she said form the beginning she didnt want a commitment. And she also said that she thought she was doing fine and was happy with us, until he sent her that message. everytime i try talk to her all she says is " i can't help how i feel I'm sorry" Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 yh I'm just sad cos i thought this was going somewhere ( like possibly long term/marriage) . some people say I'm stupid i shouldn't have broken up with her and been there for her and supported her. Im sad that she didnt even fight for us when i said lets break up. When her ex broke up wither she was crying for months begging him to stay. Makes me feel like a loser. just sad You're NOT a loser. Her not fighting for you tells you everything you need to know. Her loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 She also told me that she is the type of person that likes to be by herself and that scorpios are like that. I was also upset with her that she didnt tell me that her ex bf messaged her and that she was crying the whole week about it and acting weird with me. I told her that surely as her bf she would communicate and talk to me. Thats what relationships are about. Her response to that was " I'm the type of person that doenst like to talk about things like that and keep it to myself" Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 She also told me that she is the type of person that likes to be by herself and that scorpios are like that. I was also upset with her that she didnt tell me that her ex bf messaged her and that she was crying the whole week about it and acting weird with me. I told her that surely as her bf she would communicate and talk to me. Thats what relationships are about. Her response to that was " I'm the type of person that doenst like to talk about things like that and keep it to myself" Ah, blame it on astrology. Can you take comfort in the fact that's she's going to have a rough go in any future relationships? You were her boyfriend, not her therapist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 yh I'm just sad cos i thought this was going somewhere ( like possibly long term/marriage) . some people say I'm stupid i shouldn't have broken up with her and been there for her and supported her. Im sad that she didnt even fight for us when i said lets break up. When her ex broke up wither she was crying for months begging him to stay. Makes me feel like a loser. just sad These people have no idea what they're talking about. You'd have been crazy to "support" her while she cried over an ex. Look, the fact that she was sending you pictures of dresses and rings so soon after telling you she didn't want a commitment was a red flag, not a good sign. She was fantasizing but it has little to do with you and more to do with her need to feel secure. That's not a positive basis for a relationship, let alone a marriage. You're definitely not a loser. A lot of us try to give partners the benefit of the doubt, but the truth is many don't deserve it. She wasn't over her ex when she got with you; this has nothing to do with you personally and everything to do with unresolved feelings for her ex. Go No Contact. Certainly don't offer a FWB arrangement again! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Ah, blame it on astrology. Can you take comfort in the fact that's she's going to have a rough go in any future relationships? You were her boyfriend, not her therapist. THIS. Plus I absolutely HATE when people justify bad behavior because of an astrology sign. It has nothing to do with the sign and EVERYTHING to do with the individual. I'm sure there are plenty of trustworthy and nurturing Scorpio women out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 also i dont believe her when she says she is the type to be by herself and do her won things cos she never felt like that with her ex. She said to me she is happier now by herself and prefers how it is now. Makes me feel like crap to know she is happier now than when she was with me. i was really happy with her. She never felt like this with her ex so all this bull**** about her being the type of person by herself and scorpios are difficult etc is rubbish. She was never difficult with him, only with me. i GUESS she just not into me Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 also i dont believe her when she says she is the type to be by herself and do her won things cos she never felt like that with her ex. She said to me she is happier now by herself and prefers how it is now. Makes me feel like crap to know she is happier now than when she was with me. i was really happy with her. She never felt like this with her ex so all this bull**** about her being the type of person by herself and scorpios are difficult etc is rubbish. She was never difficult with him, only with me. i GUESS she just not into me How do you know that? Unless you were there, you don't know what the dynamic was like between them. If it's based on what she has told you, keep in mind you're only hearing one side of the story. She could have been an absolute pill in that relationship for all you know. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just be careful next time not to get swept up in the honeymoon phase and don't take any talk of marriage and "forever" seriously at that point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 Ah, blame it on astrology. Can you take comfort in the fact that's she's going to have a rough go in any future relationships? You were her boyfriend, not her therapist. What do you mean by this? Surely if she meets a guy she's into itl be different no? Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 What do you mean by this? Surely if she meets a guy she's into itl be different no? No, I doubt it. She's carrying the entire Samsonite collection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 No, I doubt it. She's carrying the entire Samsonite collection. sorry what does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 These people have no idea what they're talking about. You'd have been crazy to "support" her while she cried over an ex. Look, the fact that she was sending you pictures of dresses and rings so soon after telling you she didn't want a commitment was a red flag, not a good sign. She was fantasizing but it has little to do with you and more to do with her need to feel secure. That's not a positive basis for a relationship, let alone a marriage. You're definitely not a loser. A lot of us try to give partners the benefit of the doubt, but the truth is many don't deserve it. She wasn't over her ex when she got with you; this has nothing to do with you personally and everything to do with unresolved feelings for her ex. Go No Contact. Certainly don't offer a FWB arrangement again! She doesn't even want to do friends with benefits. She said she doesn't want the distraction and wants to focus on her stuff. she said things are different now in response to my friends with benefits suggestions. she wants to meet as friends and go for dinner as friends. wtf?! why wouldn't she want to be friends with benefits with me? She just wants friends? I'm sure she will be sleeping with new guys so why won't she continue to have fun with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 sorry what does that mean? Samsonite = brand of luggage. Luggage = baggage. Baggage = unresolved issues from the past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 21, 2016 Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 These people have no idea what they're talking about. You'd have been crazy to "support" her while she cried over an ex. Look, the fact that she was sending you pictures of dresses and rings so soon after telling you she didn't want a commitment was a red flag, not a good sign. She was fantasizing but it has little to do with you and more to do with her need to feel secure. That's not a positive basis for a relationship, let alone a marriage. You're definitely not a loser. A lot of us try to give partners the benefit of the doubt, but the truth is many don't deserve it. She wasn't over her ex when she got with you; this has nothing to do with you personally and everything to do with unresolved feelings for her ex. Go No Contact. Certainly don't offer a FWB arrangement again! so i spoke with my therapist about this situation and he said it might be possible that i broke up too quickly and that it was possibly normal for her to have her feelings resurfaced by all this. if i waited and supported her she would have moved on from this and we would still be together. Basically what he was saying was that her feelings just resurfaced and she and a moment of relapse and that she would have gotten over it and we would still be fine. Maybe i jumped the gun too quickly?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 Met up with girlfriend I met up with my ex gf the other night she was the one who told me she had feelings dor her ex still. I love her loads and seee a future with her and thought she was the one. I had a previous thread about our break up. I felt during our time together i was messed around as in in the beginning she didnt want a commitment and made that clear. So i had dates others etc. Then after a few months she wanted to be in a rship with me as she was annoyed i was seeing others etc. I was happy we were finally together and then a few months later tells me she still has feelings for her ex and cried. So i broke up with her in hope we could work through things together. She made it clear she doesnt want a bf now and thought she did. And is happier now by herself. We went for a drive the other night and i told her id been with a couple.of other girls and dates and she was mad amd upset and cried. She said to me if i really.loves her i wouldnt do that. Why is she crying? She doewnt want me as a boyfriend and im looking for a girlfriend who i can settle down with at some point. She doewnt want to work things out with us even though she knows i want her Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 She made it clear she doesnt want a bf now and thought she did. And is happier now by herself. We went for a drive the other night and i told her id been with a couple.of other girls and dates and she was mad amd upset and cried. She said to me if i really.loves her i wouldnt do that. Why is she crying? She doewnt want me as a boyfriend and im looking for a girlfriend who i can settle down with at some point. She doewnt want to work things out with us even though she knows i want her Wow, isn't she a master manipulator! She wants cake on top of cake. Fred, you HAVE to stay away from this one. For your own sanity. Start NC again, now. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 (edited) We went for a drive the other night and i told her id been with a couple.of other girls and dates and she was mad amd upset and cried. She said to me if i really.loves her i wouldnt do that. Master manipulator. She doesn't want you but doesn't anyone else to have you because then she won't have you there as a source of attention and as her crutch while she maneuvers transitioning from her ex. It's really very simple and apparent. I'm not even sure how you can't see the blatant selfishness. You're probably hoping to hear that she's crying because she loves you or is emotionally attached -- more like crying because she can't imagine you not being there to keep on kissing her feet. Edited April 26, 2016 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 She has n9 right to question you dating when she broke up with you. Why did the break up happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 She has n9 right to question you dating when she broke up with you. Why did the break up happen? From previous thread: it was about a girl i was dating since october. she said from the beginning she didnt want a commitment. we ended up sleeping with each other after 2 months. we went on several dates etc. She used to text me all the time!! I'm not a texter, i prefer speaking on the phone and seeing each other. She was difficult to meet up with and she would never confirm plans. well into the new year she apparently started really liking me. I didnt know this. she started to make more of an effort and it was easy to meet up with her. i even asked another girl for valentines dinner and she got mad i did that. Well we ended up together on valentines and was amazing time we had. We ended up being in a relationship since february. All was going well. she said she had fallen for me and loved me. we planned to go away one easter and was going to meet her parents in easter as well. She always used to say to me that the next relationship she wanted was a only term one she wanted and she said she saw a future with us. She always used to send me rings and dresses (wedding) cos we always used to joke and talk about where we would like to get married etc etc. So we both had the same views on dating/rships. about 3 weeks ago her ex ( they were together for a year and broke up a year ago, he dumped her citing that she wasn't the one he saw a future with) texted her saying hey etc etc and that he had met someone else. I didnt know this but i sensed that week she was being weird and grumpy. Finally she told me why she was acting like that and that she broke down and cried when her ex told her this. She said she thought a part of her would always get back together with him. I said we should be friends and break up seeing as she has unresolved issues for him and that i understood where she was coming from. I was really hurt and i felt like crap. She says she is now happy being by her self and focusing on her work etc . I did suggest friends with benefits as she likes having casual reships (just sex) but she said no to me. I dont know why. I feel hurt and led on a bit thinking it was going somewhere and that she didnt even fight for us to try and work things out. Was i right in breaking up with her . Btw I'm 28 and she will be 27 this year Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 I did suggest friends with benefits as she likes having casual reships (just sex) but she said no to me. I dont know why. Why would you even suggest this? Thinking sex will maybe make her want a relationship with you? Make her change her mind about you? Do you believe having sex with zero emotions is something you can handle? C'mon Fred. Was i right in breaking up with her Yes. And I am not sure why're you still in contact with her. She's just using you as a crutch as this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted April 26, 2016 Author Share Posted April 26, 2016 Why would you even suggest this? Thinking sex will maybe make her want a relationship with you? Make her change her mind about you? Do you believe having sex with zero emotions is something you can handle? C'mon Fred. Yes. And I am not sure why're you still in contact with her. She's just using you as a crutch as this point. what do you mean a crutch? i still love her and miss her. she just wants to be by herself and she said to me " i genuinely thought it was what i wanted but then i realised after being by myself that I'm happier focusing on my own stuff" that made me hurt a lot when a girl u loved says that to you. My feelings and emotions have been played i feel and I'm very upset and mad that she told me two months ago that she fell for me!! If that was true then do people who fall not try to work things out and fight for us?? she just there us away. Love doesn't do that, love fights for each other no? Link to post Share on other sites
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