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Would you rather be dumped before or after Christmas?

The Way I Am

By The Way I Am,
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The Way I Am

The Way I Am

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I have a friend who wants to break up with someone. We differed on when we think the best time to do that is though the discussion ended with them saying maybe I'm right. But maybe I'm not. It makes me wonder how other people see it.

 

If your boyfriend or girlfriend wanted to break up with you, would you rather they do it now or wait until after Christmas or even after New Years?

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The Way I Am

The Way I Am

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Additional questions. Would the amount of time they'd wanted to break up with you make you feel any differently? Like if they'd wanted to break up with you since Aug vs just decided on it.

 

Would how long they'd wanted to break up be a question you'd ask?

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Samhain

Samhain

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Additional questions. Would the amount of time they'd wanted to break up with you make you feel any differently? Like if they'd wanted to break up with you since Aug vs just decided on it.

 

Would how long they'd wanted to break up be a question you'd ask?

 

If it was since August I'd probably wonder why they waited so long, if she'd done it in August I'd probably have been able to eat my Christmas in dinner in peace either way.

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Scarlett.O'hara

Scarlett.O'hara

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Additional questions. Would the amount of time they'd wanted to break up with you make you feel any differently? Like if they'd wanted to break up with you since Aug vs just decided on it.

 

Would how long they'd wanted to break up be a question you'd ask?

 

Anyone who has wanted to break up with someone since August and waits until Christmas to do it is pretty heartless and cruel.

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Samhain

Samhain

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Nah, I was lovesick over Christmas once when I was about 23, and I still eat Christmas dinner now and think back to the time I "couldn't eat" for something that was so ridiculous to me now, and amusing...But it wasn't then!.. It was criminal. If she/he has gone since August and the other person has no idea, I don't think waiting a few more weeks will hurt.

 

Yes I'd wanna know immediately, but don't ruin an occasion that returns persistently as their only memory.

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The Way I Am

The Way I Am

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Anyone who has wanted to break up with someone since August and waits until Christmas to do it is pretty heartless and cruel.

 

I agree. My friend came up with justifications for it that rang hollow to me about getting the timing right because their partner was feeling depressed about a minor medical condition. I never agreed with the choice, but it was their choice to make. I think now they're realizing that I was right when I said they should have done it months ago -- instead of just talking about wanting to do it for months.

 

I advised do it now, because if somebody broke up with me a week or two after Christmas, then I'd wonder if they had wanted to break up before Christmas. I'd be pretty irked they'd let me celebrate with them and buy them presents like an idiot. Since they'd let me do that, I'd wonder exactly how long they'd been wanting to do it. Then I'd be furious when I found out it had been that many months. (One of which included my friend's birthday where the partner was included in the family dinner. My guess is a gift was probably given also.) I'd feel humiliated and like I'd been lied to for months. But if the person broke up with me before Christmas, none of those questions would probably even occur to me. I wouldn't feel the same level of devastation.

 

But then, I don't eat Christmas dinner so Samhain's perspective never occurred to me.

 

Since I don't have a time machine to lend, I can only advise the 2 options: now or after Christmas/New Years. I'm not sure the advice I gave was the right advice.

 

Which do you think is the least bad?

 

Or I guess there's a 3rd option to wait an even longer time so it doesn't seem like you were just waiting until after Christmas. But that just seems wrong.

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road

road

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Tell now for relationship is dead. Let both be free to find someone new now.

 

 

Also dumped now they will have family to support them through the holidays. After they will not have family around as close.

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The Way I Am

The Way I Am

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Trust me, if your friend is a woman .. Let the poor man eat his Christmas dinner.

 

I'm curious. Does that mean your opinion would be different if the person getting dumped was female?

 

I texted them to tell them I'm not sure about my advice. I was hoping there would be a consensus. If I'd posted the question in Aug to break up or wait til the person felt better about themself, I doubt anyone would want someone to wait. That was a no-brainer, but this seems to be more varied by person.

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preraph

preraph

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The sooner the better. Yes, gifts will have to be returned. It's still a couple weeks away, plenty of time to pull yourself together for the holidays and find a new NY Eve date. If you wait until the day after, then Christmas will be ruined from now on. Do it now.

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edgygirl

edgygirl

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My gut reaction was to say after Holidays / New Years (I am not Christian/Catholic so Xmas is a moot point). January is a time for new beginnings and it would be nicer to become single then. On a second thought, I'd be more angry if I knew they were not into me anymore and kept it going just for the sake of it or pity.

 

So I think I'd prefer to be dumped as soon as they realized they didn't want me anymore, no matter what day that is.

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TunaCat

TunaCat

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For me, I'd rather the person wait until after Christmas. I love Christmas and if I was broken up with before Christmas, it would RUIN it for me.

 

Yes, I'd be mad if they waited for months, but I'd also be strangely grateful that they didn't do it before Christmas.

 

I'm weird, I know.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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I would want to be told ASAP and broken up with regardless of dates and what's going on with my life. I don't want someone that is not into me being with me out of pity. That would hurt more than the break up itself :sick:

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acrosstheuniverse

acrosstheuniverse

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I would rather be dumped once the person is sure that the relationship is over, whatever day it happens to fall on.

 

But answering the question in the title, I'd rather be dumped beforehand. I think it'd be way more painful to get dumped after, knowing that my partner had spent the festive period coming to terms with the fact they didn't want to be with me anymore, plus it'd hurt a lot to look back on Christmas when I was happy and thought the relationship was going well.

 

To be dumped before Christmas might suck but being dumped sucks whenever it is. At least that way you can choose to spend the day with people who care about and love you and the relationship isn't being dragged out fruitlessly.

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salparadise

salparadise

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I got dumped just before Christmas a few years ago. It sucked. At the time I felt that it was cruel. She didn't make it a clean break either... said she'd let me know after the first of the year. It was the second most miserable Christmas I can remember (first was when my father died). She had actually made up her mind but somehow felt that putting me on notice and suspending contact for a month was preferable. I'm pretty sure she had been thinking about it since August; I could sense the distancing in subtle ways.

 

I think it best to avoid ruining someone's Christmas if possible, but I also think that if you've already made up your mind then trying to fake it through Christmas is would be worse. If you know well ahead, don't wait until December. If you're only contemplating, save it until after. But if the realization happens to occur just before and you're definite about it, don't try to fake the feelings through the holidays.

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jen1447

jen1447

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The rub on the happy Christmas thing is that in some climates anyway, the time after Christmas is very dark and dreary and long until spring. Getting dumped right then can be like staring down the barrel of a gun as far as the hopelessness goes. At least if you get dumped before Christmas you can still 'look forward' to Christmas and the comfort of friends and family etc.

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Toodaloo

Toodaloo

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Rip the paster off and get on with it is my attitude.

 

Saves money and heart ache in the long run. Also gives them a chance for everyone to start admiring them in their party gear and they have distraction through first few days...

 

Get on with it.

 

Since August? Really? How long have they been dating?

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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I would prefer to be dumped before Xmas. I would have my family and friends all around me during the holidays to cheer me up and tell me what an a-hole he was anyway and I can do much better!

 

After Xmas it would be embarrassing. I'd have to tell my entire family that this awesome man I took over during the holidays just dumped me.

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Diezel

Diezel

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I would want to be told ASAP so I could actually go enjoy Christmas with someone who wants to enjoy it with me, whether that be friends and/or family.

 

I don't need a "fake Christmas" just to save me from being "hurt for the holidays". Once you're told, you'll be wondering whether the time spent together was sincere at all.

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The Way I Am

The Way I Am

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Since August? Really? How long have they been dating?

 

3 years. I double checked that on FB which reminded me that they also had an anniversary since then.

 

 

I hadn't really thought about it before, but i think I might develop some trust issues if I found out somebody had stayed with me through 3 holidays/celebrations (maybe 4 if New Years too) just out of pity/obligation when they knew all along they wanted to dump me.

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craw

craw

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Unless you're blessed with a family that cooks an AWESOME Christmas dinner, I'd say before. Christmas dinners are usually sooo awkward.

 

Meeting your s/o family and being sociable for what? only to be dumped straight after?

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