Lola2609 Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) Hi everyone. My situation is a little hard to describe. So basically, we worked together and he was in a relationship and has kids with his gf. Then I stopped working for that company but we kept in touch. One day he asked me out and also told me that his gf cheated on him and he moved out. We went on a date and he was really nice (though I was aware of being a rebound girl, just I didn't mind as I wasn't interested in anyone with that much baggage). We kept seeing each other and were intimate. His behavior was incredible. He called me everyday, texted the whole day long and even was helping me with my finals (I am back in school). He introduced me to his brother and even invited me over to his mom's house but I didn't go. One day he told me that he talked to his ex gf and let her know that he was never going back to her and that she got upset. Now I panicked as I wasn't sure I wanted anything serious with him (I sort of had some feelings for him at this point but still didnt want anything serious). One day I texted him that I feel weird about us. He got hurt I guess and texted me that it is ok as he was going back to his family anyway. The next day he apologized, told me that he was talking from a hurt place and jumped to conclusions. We were cool again for few days. He asked me what I was looking for in terms of relationship. I said I was not sure and he replied that he was in a world of confusion too but he would take whatever I was ready to give him. Last night, after not saying usual good night he texted me at 3.30am to let me know that he was with someone else and that he was sorry. I replied that I was not mad but I was done with him. His reply was that he got really wrapped up in feelings for me at the beginning and never thought I would like him as much as he liked me. But by the time he started to doubt his feelings he realized I liked him too, so he was sorry to lead me on. My question is, why did he go from hot to cold? Was I a rebound girl only? Btw all this happened within a month or so. Edited December 13, 2015 by Lola2609 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 don't date people you work with don't date people with girlfriends don't date people with young kids. DON'T STRESS OVER A MONTH EXPERIENCE 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 don't date people you work with don't date people with girlfriends don't date people with young kids. DON'T STRESS OVER A MONTH EXPERIENCE ^This is good advice^ Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 You acknowledged that you were the rebound girl and now you are asking if you were the rebound girl. Yes you were the rebound girl. He was going to stay with you before he met this other girl because he sounds co-dependent. He basically has to be with some woman all the time. Some men can't be without a sex partner for 5 minutes. Why do you sound hurt, you didn't want this guy anyway. Take your ego out of it and you will see this for what it was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lola2609 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 You acknowledged that you were the rebound girl and now you are asking if you were the rebound girl. Yes you were the rebound girl. He was going to stay with you before he met this other girl because he sounds co-dependent. He basically has to be with some woman all the time. Some men can't be without a sex partner for 5 minutes. Why do you sound hurt, you didn't want this guy anyway. Take your ego out of it and you will see this for what it was. You got it. I guess I needed someone else to tell me that. It happened last night, it is still fresh, it hurts. I mean it is ego that is hurt but hurts nonetheless. I dont get it, why he had to act like he was all over me and he actually got hurts when I tried to slow down things or even break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lola2609 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 don't date people you work with don't date people with girlfriends don't date people with young kids. DON'T STRESS OVER A MONTH EXPERIENCE Well... I changed the company so he is not my coworker anymore. His is not in a relationship anymore. But yeah his kids are young. Kidding.. Good advice , I agree and kids were the reason I knew it will probably never evolve into a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 You got it. I guess I needed someone else to tell me that. It happened last night, it is still fresh, it hurts. I mean it is ego that is hurt but hurts nonetheless. I dont get it, why he had to act like he was all over me and he actually got hurts when I tried to slow down things or even break up. Same reason you're hurting now - ego. You were indeed the rebound girl. I'm sure he liked you to an extent but he is also in a bad place right now and likely looking for someone to fill the void left by his ex. You were also clear with him that you felt off and not all in, so he took your comment seriously and kept the door open for other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 As the replacement girlfriend he expected you to just fall into the role of his ex and give him the same validation and love he received from her. When he realized that wasn't the case, he started to feel insecure and annoyed, and as a result started to play manipulative games with you (ie: a text at 3.30am to say he was with another woman having sex.) Whether he was or not, doesn't matter. The fact is he wants you to feel as insecure as he does. You have handled things well. Don't get emotionally attached to him unless you enjoy drama because he has shown you exactly what you are going to have to put up with if you keep seeing him. He will probably try to play you off against his ex to make you jealous as well, so be warned. It will get messy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lola2609 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 That is an interesting perspective. I think that he just wanted to be honest about it and also to let me know not to expect anything serious (that I am not that important). Part of my question was that. Why did he let me know he "cheated"? Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 That is an interesting perspective. I think that he just wanted to be honest about it and also to let me know not to expect anything serious (that I am not that important). Part of my question was that. Why did he let me know he "cheated"? That is obvious, to make you jealous and insecure. It is a pattern, look what happened the first time you told him you felt it was getting too serious.. One day I texted him that I feel weird about us. He got hurt I guess and texted me that it is ok as he was going back to his family anyway. The next day he apologized, told me that he was talking from a hurt place and jumped to conclusions. and then.. He asked me what I was looking for in terms of relationship. I said I was not sure and he replied that he was in a world of confusion too but he would take whatever I was ready to give him. Last night, after not saying usual good night he texted me at 3.30am to let me know that he was with someone else and that he was sorry. Going back to the family.. sleeping with someone else.. these always happen after you make it clear where he stands with you. He is trying to make you jealous! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lola2609 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Share Posted December 14, 2015 Btw he is texting me the whole day today. Askong about my day and telling me about his. I told him we are done but I am not mad and he can talk to me whenever he needs to. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 Btw he is texting me the whole day today. Askong about my day and telling me about his. I told him we are done but I am not mad and he can talk to me whenever he needs to. May I ask why? He doesn't have a lot of respect for you, so I have a hard time comprehending why you'd provide him friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lola2609 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Share Posted December 14, 2015 May I ask why? He doesn't have a lot of respect for you, so I have a hard time comprehending why you'd provide him friendship. Because I was the one who didn't want anything serious. If I don't want a relationship with him he can be with whoever he wants. I didin't like the fact that he was all over me, and interested in what I was looking for and then just slept with someone else but as I said we were not a couple. Link to post Share on other sites
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