Conflicting on what the ladies really desire

[oregon0011]

Men: 3 Things the Woman You're Dating Wants You to Do*|*Holly Sidell

 

Here is an actual example of a woman explaining what women need in a man. They want to feel safe and special. The article says to do things like call daily, be consistent, make sure she is your special Facebook friend etc.

 

If it were this simple would there be any relationship problems? I think doing the above will almost always lead to her pulling away, losing interest, and not wanting anything serious. (Or even casual)

 

I think what confuses most men and myself most times are the paradoxical nature of what women really want.

 

Women want men to desire them who are desired by other women. In a way she wants a man who desires her greatly, but who could also walk away. (Not be needy). A guy who can dismiss her. But the "exciting" part is making him monogamous to her. A guy who is less accessible seems to be more valuable.

 

Have any guys found a good way to balance this? With a woman you actually do fall for? Because sooner or later if you marry, at this point you really can't just leave for another woman anymore. She also no longer really has to worry about you leaving. Marriage is like a state supported risk mitigation strategy for women. They can skip the "try harder " part as men become tame, which sort of kills the ongoing romance.

[Woggle]

Just be who you are and find one woman who wants the same things from a relationship that you do. You don't have to impress every woman on the planet and if she starts playing those stupid games then move on.

[mrldii]

Men: 3 Things the Woman You're Dating Wants You to Do*|*Holly Sidell

 

Here is an actual example of a woman explaining what women need in a man. They want to feel safe and special. The article says to do things like call daily, be consistent, make sure she is your special Facebook friend etc...

 

Nahhhh. Again and still, contrary to what you've read/heard/believe we women don't all share the same, lone, one brain cell...nor have we elected A woman to be our spokesperson.

 

At best, you are reading [presumably] A woman's viewpoint (which she is paid to write...and may even be simply fulfilling a contractual obligation and doesn't even believe a word of it *her*self), which is based on her personal experiences/needs/wants OR what she and her similarly-minded girlfriends discuss when out for drinks on dateless nights. Maybe, if you're lucky, it's a semi-educated guess based on letters sent to her by other dissatisfied with their lives women who are lamenting what they don't find in the men they date.

 

Want to stop being confused by the paradoxes and seemingly-conflicting things women want? Start just being yourself and stop trying to be all things to all women in the hopes that it'll be good enough to snag just one.

 

 

At the very least, by simply being yourself, you'll make one person happy: yourself. That's 50% of the battle, right there.

 

 

 

Good luck, OP...when you actually meet you, you might discover you're a pretty cool guy. [some] women [maybe even *just* one] might think so, too.

[oregon0011]

Nahhhh. Again and still, contrary to what you've read/heard/believe we women don't all share the same, lone, one brain cell...nor have we elected A woman to be our spokesperson.

 

At best, you are reading [presumably] A woman's viewpoint (which she is paid to write...and may even be simply fulfilling a contractual obligation and doesn't even believe a word of it *her*self), which is based on her personal experiences/needs/wants OR what she and her similarly-minded girlfriends discuss when out for drinks on dateless nights. Maybe, if you're lucky, it's a semi-educated guess based on letters sent to her by other dissatisfied with their lives women who are lamenting what they don't find in the men they date.

 

Want to stop being confused by the paradoxes and seemingly-conflicting things women want? Start just being yourself and stop trying to be all things to all women in the hopes that it'll be good enough to snag just one.

 

 

At the very least, by simply being yourself, you'll make one person happy: yourself. That's 50% of the battle, right there.

 

 

 

Good luck, OP...when you actually meet you, you might discover you're a pretty cool guy. [some] women [maybe even *just* one] might think so, too.

 

It's just a pattern I have noticed. With myself, my friends, on these boards etc.

You would be surprised how many women that apparently are really into you sort of "flip a switch" if you do what you logically think makes sense. And feel like doing. Give them attention, no games, put them first, make them a priority etc.

 

I think perhaps it we easier back in the day when people had limited options and sex Was more sacred.

[mrldii]

...I think perhaps it we easier back in the day when people had limited options and sex Was more sacred.

 

If this is code for "things were easier when women just sat around, at their parents' home, waiting for a man to come-a-callin' so as to not die an old maid, instead of the current options which can include never marrying a man if she doesn't want to",

 

 

then you are correct: things may have been "easier" [for men] back in the day. Men, today, probably do have to bring a little more to the table/front door than simply an interest because she's the only available female in the nearest parts.

 

 

[katiegrl]

It's just a pattern I have noticed. With myself, my friends, on these boards etc.

You would be surprised how many women that apparently are really into you sort of "flip a switch" if you do what you logically think makes sense. And feel like doing. Give them attention, no games, put them first, make them a priority etc.

 

I think perhaps it we easier back in the day when people had limited options and sex Was more sacred.

 

oregon, if a woman *flips a switch* because you are showing interest, pursuing her, behaving consistently, treating her like you actually care...within reason and not obsessively.....then one has to question how *apparently into you* she was to begin with.

 

She may have enjoyed the attention, the newness, maybe she was bored, or you were a distraction from some other guy she *is* into or trying to get over..... because bottom line is .....when a woman IS genuinely into you for all the *right* reasons, she will *not* flip a swtich when you act like you are interested.

 

Or if she does, then she is fickle, unstable, attracted to what she can't have or otherwise just immature.

 

I am sorry you keep meeting and dating women like this.

 

Perhaps your picker is off a bit, or your ability to be intuitive and perceptive about her behavior needs tweaking, I dunno.

 

Not all women are like this, I'm sure not .....never was.

 

But then again, I don't date men for attention or as a distraction.

 

I only date men with whom there is mutually chemistry and in whom I am *genuinely* interested.....and vice versa.

[MovingOnIsHard]

So far, the people ive come to know are in a relationship with someone who doesnt play stupid games with them. They are comfortable and stable for 10+yrs

 

I feel like this article speaks true for women that probably are into sex and the city haha

 

I do not find men like that attractive. Too much stress, too much drama.. Relationships are already full of uncertainties.. Why make it more complicated?

 

I'd like to be able to enjoy my life without worrying about the bf lol

[oregon0011]

If this is code for "things were easier when women just sat around, at their parents' home, waiting for a man to come-a-callin' so as to not die an old maid, instead of the current options which can include never marrying a man if she doesn't want to",

 

 

then you are correct: things may have been "easier" [for men] back in the day. Men, today, probably do have to bring a little more to the table/front door than simply an interest because she's the only available female in the nearest parts.

 

 

 

Actually today it is much easier for men to get sex. Much easier. Finding a stable mate not easier. So it depends what you want.

[mrldii]

Actually today it is much easier for men to get sex. Much easier. Finding a stable mate not easier. So it depends what you want.

 

Agreed. Today, getting sex [for either a man or a woman] is easier; for men, finding a stable mate isn't easier today, since - as I'd stated - it requires bringing more to the table/front door than simply being a single man, who's in the same geographical area as a single female of marrying age.

 

Sorry to read you're having such difficulties in this day-and-age.

[brandon26003]

It's just a pattern I have noticed. With myself, my friends, on these boards etc.

You would be surprised how many women that apparently are really into you sort of "flip a switch" if you do what you logically think makes sense. And feel like doing. Give them attention, no games, put them first, make them a priority etc.

 

You hit the nail on the head. Story of my dating life.

[oregon0011]

Agreed. Today, getting sex [for either a man or a woman] is easier; for men, finding a stable mate isn't easier today, since - as I'd stated - it requires bringing more to the table/front door than simply being a single man, who's in the same geographical area as a single female of marrying age.

 

Sorry to read you're having such difficulties in this day-and-age.

 

It's not necessarily about "bringing something to the table", and more about how things have changed, psychology, kids growing up in divorced households, govt hand outs that affect choices, the Internet age, social media, divorce laws, materialism etc.

 

I guess if nobody was "having difficulties" we wouldn't have divorce and sites like this

[basil67]

I think perhaps it we easier back in the day when people had limited options and sex Was more sacred.

 

Well sex being sacred was a long time ago. Perhaps when my parents dated in the 1950's. It certainly wasn't this way following the sexual revolution.

 

For what it's worth, I ALWAYS dismiss any article about 'what men/women want' or 'how men/women think'. Even if it's something which resonates with me, I'm smart enough to know that we aren't all of the same mold.

[basil67]

This bit of the article made me laugh

 

[What happens when she doesn't feel special or like she can't trust you? Either: a) she becomes the pursuer, which makes you think she's needy and pushy and way less attractive, b) she withdraws, pulls away, and shuts down, c) she starts putting pressure on you for more of a commitment, or d) she just bails. Sound familiar? The good news is if she starts acting this way it's because she likes you, so good job, you! ]

 

What a stupid thing for her to write! If she doesn't feel special or doesn't trust you and pulls away, it's because she think the guy isn't worth bothering with. If I had gotten to the stage of pulling away, then there little he could do to encourage me back.

 

When women write rubbish like this, it's no wonder guys say they can't understand us.

[oregon0011]

It's just a pattern I have noticed. With myself, my friends, on these boards etc.

You would be surprised how many women that apparently are really into you sort of "flip a switch" if you do what you logically think makes sense. And feel like doing. Give them attention, no games, put them first, make them a priority etc.

 

You hit the nail on the head. Story of my dating life.

 

Yes. Guys know it is like this. I started the thread to figure out how to deal with this, instead of pretending it doesn't exist.

 

I have female friends that swear up and down verbally they just want A good guy who treats them well etc, but their actions are 100 percent the opposite.

[mrldii]

It's not necessarily about "bringing something to the table", and more about how things have changed, psychology, kids growing up in divorced households, govt hand outs that affect choices, the Internet age, social media, divorce laws, materialism etc.

 

I guess if nobody was "having difficulties" we wouldn't have divorce and sites like this

 

Unfortunately, it really IS about bringing more to the table; "psychology, divorce rates, kids growing up in divorced households, govt hand outs that affect choices, the Internet age, social media, divorce laws [did I mention divorce?], materialism, etc."

 

are all about ALL of us having more choices in how we will - and will not - live our lives.

 

 

I do not doubt there are some people who would prefer to live in a world with fewer choices...where things were more rigid as to what one could and could NOT do.

 

I'm not one of those people; personally, I don't date men who are that type, either. Most of my friends don't, either.

[oregon0011]

This bit of the article made me laugh

 

[What happens when she doesn't feel special or like she can't trust you? Either: a) she becomes the pursuer, which makes you think she's needy and pushy and way less attractive, b) she withdraws, pulls away, and shuts down, c) she starts putting pressure on you for more of a commitment, or d) she just bails. Sound familiar? The good news is if she starts acting this way it's because she likes you, so good job, you! ]

 

What a stupid thing for her to write! If she doesn't feel special or doesn't trust you and pulls away, it's because she think the guy isn't worth bothering with. If I had gotten to the stage of pulling away, then there little he could do to encourage me back.

 

When women write rubbish like this, it's no wonder guys say they can't understand us.

 

I would go as far to say as this is the type of thing many women SAY they want. A straightforward guy, attention, consistent etc.

 

But if I start dating a new girl who is interested, and I call her daily, make my Facebook all about her, and am totally consistent, this woman will lose interest quick, and I would be a needy loser.

[katiegrl]

 

Yes. Guys know it is like this. I started the thread to figure out how to deal with this, instead of pretending it doesn't exist.

 

 

 

 

 

***I have female friends that swear up and down verbally they just want A good guy who treats them well etc, but their actions are 100 percent the opposite***.

 

What women want (most women)....is a guy who treats them well ..*who they are also attracted to*!

 

Maybe these women were not into him...or attracted to these guys.....women go out all the time with men they're not genuinely into or attracted to. See my previous post.

 

Does not matter how well he treats us, if we're not genuinely into him....then nothing ain't ever gonna happen!

[oregon0011]

Unfortunately, it really IS about bringing more to the table; "psychology, divorce rates, kids growing up in divorced households, govt hand outs that affect choices, the Internet age, social media, divorce laws [did I mention divorce?], materialism, etc."

 

are all about ALL of us having more choices in how we will - and will not - live our lives.

 

 

I do not doubt there are some people who would prefer to live in a world with fewer choices...where things were more rigid as to what one could and could NOT do.

 

I'm not one of those people; personally, I don't date men who are that type, either. Most of my friends don't, either.

 

yes. For example psychologists have found 3 to 5 choices is the right amount for someone to make a purchase. That person buys the product then goes home totally content.

 

When 200 choices are in front of the person they don't buy anything and walk away confused.

 

So yeah you have more choices, but the men also have more. It's sort of an illusion. People were always able to stay single. Today is no different.

[oregon0011]

 

What women want (most women)....is a guy who treats them well ..*who they are also attracted to*!

 

Maybe these women were not into him...or attracted to these guys.....women go out all the time with men they're not genuinely into or attracted to. See my previous post.

 

Does not matter how well he treats us, if we're not genuinely into him....then nothing ain't ever gonna happen!

 

Hahaha. Like I said. Life would be easy then. It's simply not true.

 

I am not talking about a first date. I am talking about when you meet a girl who is having sex with you constantly, totally making herself available, and then once she "has you" she doesn't really know how to progress past that. Or doesn't want to. The man then became "not a catch" as he actually likes her in return.

[katiegrl]

 

Hahaha. Like I said. Life would be easy then. It's simply not true.

 

I am not talking about a first date. I am talking about when you meet a girl who is having sex with you constantly, totally making herself available, and then once she "has you" she doesn't really know how to progress past that. Or doesn't want to. The man then became "not a catch" as he actually likes her in return.

 

Yeah well women don't have the market cornered on that behavior.... just read these threads from women who experience the same exact behavior from men.

 

Not sure what happened, but commitment phobia seems to be running rampant in our society today..way more than in the past.

 

Perhaps it's because of OLD ..and the grass is greener syndrome, who knows.

 

When it happens, chalk it up to the woman having issues, she is unstable, insecure, wants what she can't have...and move on.

 

Not all women are like this ...nor are all men for that matter.

 

It's a numbers game, just keep going.

 

Choose wisely.

[trippi1432]

It's just a pattern I have noticed. With myself, my friends, on these boards etc.

You would be surprised how many women that apparently are really into you sort of "flip a switch" if you do what you logically think makes sense. And feel like doing. Give them attention, no games, put them first, make them a priority etc.

 

I think perhaps it we easier back in the day when people had limited options and sex Was more sacred.

 

Not much has changed from what you posted in the femine mind in 30 years . Men did make their woman a priority and their families...sex was more sacred?? The Roaring 20's was as much about sex as today ....oh and so was the 70's..just in case you aren't that age yet.

[Woggle]

When we were kids in the 90s we were wild as well but I do think today there is a nastiness and bitterness in the dating scene that I didn't see as much when I was younger. Even during the 60s and 70s they called it free love which still included the love part. Nowadays it's a contest to see who can care less and who can get one over on the other. It's sad.

[trippi1432]

 

Hahaha. Like I said. Life would be easy then. It's simply not true.

 

I am not talking about a first date. I am talking about when you meet a girl who is having sex with you constantly, totally making herself available, and then once she "has you" she doesn't really know how to progress past that. Or doesn't want to. The man then became "not a catch" as he actually likes her in return.

 

Well If she is having sex with you really doesn't mean she loves you....guess who made these rules...........MEN....****-buddies. If you are one, then leave if it's not you.

[mrldii]

yes. For example psychologists have found 3 to 5 choices is the right amount for someone to make a purchase. That person buys the product then goes home totally content.

 

When 200 choices are in front of the person they don't buy anything and walk away confused.

 

So yeah you have more choices, but the men also have more. It's sort of an illusion. People were always able to stay single. Today is no different.

 

I'd screw up the psychologists' predetermined tests, then. Because I know myself and know what I want and what I'm willing to invest in it,

 

my choice would probably be the same if they placed 2,000 choices in front of me.

 

 

Because I know myself and what I want and what I'm willing to invest, having a multitude of choices doesn't frighten me; I trust myself to do what's best for me.

 

Again, I can understand why having too many choices may be extremely daunting - and maybe even paralyzing - for some people.

 

"Understanding it" and "acclimating to it and making it my own" are two completely different animals.

 

 

Find women who, also, prefer to have fewer choices in life so as to not become overwhelmed.

 

 

Again, best of luck to you, OP...

[oregon0011]

Let me explain this way.

 

Even when I was younger sex was how you would know if a girl was really into you. So you would date her, get to know her , and if sex occurred you could be 90 percent sure she was really interested in you. She wants a relationship.

 

Now, often times women are the sexual aggressors. And they don't usually "just have sex and leave", they make it into some huge romantic deal. Daily contact, texting, calls, romance, future talk etc.

 

At this point I have found just being yourself, respecting them, keeping plans, being stable, answering them, and returning feelings is often times a turn off. Maybe boring? They will then flake on a date, text less, take hours to respond, etc

 

Until you then ignore them, which is when they then want you again. Sort of classic push pull.

 

Now I can't say I dated only one specific age or type. I can assume the Internet has a lot to do with it. Or perhaps when a woman has more partners they sort of become addicted to the beginning stages and always want that over and over.

 

Or they place more value in a man that is harder to obtain. I don't really know. But I don't want to hear this "doesn't exist" and I am somehow picking the wrong women or not bringing enough to the table. Just trying to figure it out.