I cut her off before, but we are back in, and despite feelings I can't endure the lie

[ConfusedKyle]

I got invovled with a woman who months later found out was married...thanks for letting me know... I really should have walked, but she told me how loveless it was, sexless, and how great it was with me. I was kind of viewing it as a FWB but my feelings grew way to fast. The lies were crushing me though, I couldn't talk to anyone, ever her I only heard from like 1/week because she was worried about being caught. There was no future here, she had kids, was done with kids, we were in different parts of our life. The drama was too much, and it was SO hard but I broke it off with her. It was 3 months of nothing. I live 5 hrs away so normally will never see her, but we ran into each other at a meeting and she was so sorry etc, I truthfully did miss her and instead of walking I gave her another chance. The drama with this is insane, its always some new story about how great she is, or the poor victim she is, I can't ever call her, all these bad things (including an insane depression) but yet I LIKE her on some level. She buys me things, listens to my stories and so on. I know she will never leave her husband, and im just the other man/secret and really need to cut her off, but can't because of feelings. Plus theres some superiority/inferior thing going on where I feel way inferior to her as well.

[Popsicle]

I can understand. It's always some married, pathetic sap that gives you the most attention.

[ConfusedKyle]

My feeling die down a lot faster for her, just cant pull final trigger

[worldexploded]

This is so strange. Dude, it sounds like you're just comfortable being with her because she give you attention but she also has a bunch of baggage so I don't understand the appeal. As an outsider to this I just see her as the sex you're getting which you can find somewhere else.

 

So why is she still with her husband?

[RecoveringSlowly]

I got invovled with a woman who months later found out was married...thanks for letting me know... I really should have walked, but she told me how loveless it was, sexless, and how great it was with me.

 

She lied to you, just like she is lying to her husband. A cheater is, in their very essence, a liar. They are compulsively lying to their spouse, so everything they say must be taken with a grain of salt.

 

I was kind of viewing it as a FWB but my feelings grew way to fast.

 

Of course they did. People like this are always intoxicating. It is not them, really. It is the secrecy, it is the life of seductive sin.

 

The lies were crushing me though, I couldn't talk to anyone, ever her I only heard from like 1/week because she was worried about being caught. There was no future here, she had kids, was done with kids, we were in different parts of our life. The drama was too much, and it was SO hard but I broke it off with her.

 

That drama is what she feeds on. It is why you are there, it is why talking to you once a week is more important that her husband, her children, and her life.

 

It was 3 months of nothing. I live 5 hrs away so normally will never see her, but we ran into each other at a meeting and she was so sorry etc, I truthfully did miss her and instead of walking I gave her another chance.

 

You didn't give her another chance, you got sucked back in. Nothing changed, she is still a married woman, she is still and liar and a cheater, and three months is not enough time for a woman addicted to drama to change and become a better person.

 

 

The drama with this is insane, its always some new story about how great she is, or the poor victim she is, I can't ever call her, all these bad things (including an insane depression)

 

Of course it is, because she is addicted to it, she feeds on it. She is a drama queen, and these women continue to be trouble until they seek professional help. As soon as you stop seeing her as the victim and no longer feel sorry for her you will become the person who is "out to get" poor little her. Trust me, nobody needs to deal with that constant shame and badgering.

 

but yet I LIKE her on some level. She buys me things, listens to my stories and so on. I know she will never leave her husband, and im just the other man/secret and really need to cut her off, but can't because of feelings. Plus theres some superiority/inferior thing going on where I feel way inferior to her as well.

 

SHE IS NOT SUPERIOR TO YOU. SHE IS A LIAR. SHE IS A CHEATER. YOU ARE NOT. You are inherently superior to her in every way. If she buys you things, keeps you secret, and expects you to constantly stroke her ego by feeling sorry for her, then she does not want a lover, she wants a subordinate. You are allowing her to convince you that you are less than her and should be lucky to have her. You deserve better. One day I hope you find it.