JustAGirl Posted March 31, 2001 Share Posted March 31, 2001 Hi! Well, after all me and my bf (the one who measures volume) are more or less back together... One thing however: now that i'm 19, i wanna go to clubs , and i did, last night, with my dance partner... My bf is so uneasy about that... i asked him if he wants to come & he said smth like "i dont wanna waste my life in such places, no offence" (which is dumb cuz he never even went to one)... but which is fine, i dont care, i got my dance partner to go with... how should i act so that he's okay with this??... I wanna go again next week... and i'm afraid he'll keep being icky about it all the time... He asked me to leave him a message when i get home to say that i'm fine... which i did... but he left like 4 msgs b4 that saying how worried he is... (it was his sis' bday, so he went out, but got home like 3 hrs b4 me) (note: no, we dont live together) ... anyway, i left the msg, and it turned out he fell asleep by computer waiting for it... i feel kind of bad... but then... ai... Help ! Thanks !! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 31, 2001 Share Posted March 31, 2001 If you enjoy going to clubs and dancing and he doesn't, there really isn't a reason why you shouldn't take a dance partner and go out. I think it would be nice if you introduced your dance partner to your guy. I can certainly understand why he would be concerned that you were going to clubs and dancing with a guy. But he has to understand that dancing is something many find to be enjoyable as well as good exercise and you have a right to that if he doesn't want to go with you. Most men will always feel a bit uncomfortable with their ladies going out with other men, whether it be friends or dance partners or whatever. There are many men who feel that a woman cannot be friends with a male without sleeping with him. This is prehistoric thinking but it nevertheless exists. You should go out of your way to get him to feel comfortable with this arrangement. Don't talk about your dance partner except rarely in the context of him being your dance partner and nothing else. I also don't think your guy probably wants to hear about all the fun you have with your dance partner either. Just keep that to yourself. If dancing and going to clubs is a very important and pleasurable part of your life right now...and it is something your boyfriend is not interested in at all...make sure that all the other things you have in common are very good. Maybe this guy is just not the right guy for you. But you can say and do all you want but you won't change his mind about feeling insecure. That's just a male thing that most have. Conversely, if he seemed not to care at all and was pretty neurtal about it you would probably wonder if he even cared. As a man, it's pretty hard to win sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
JustAGirl Posted March 31, 2001 Share Posted March 31, 2001 I see... He does know my partner - we all went to the same highschool. His main reason is that he thinks i'm easily influenced by the environment, and he doesn't want club-style life to affect me... something like that... Really, he is afraid that guys will start picking me up and i'll sleep around, and dump him, etc... although of course he'd never admit that's what he's afraid of... and he has reasons to be afraid i guess - i haven't flushed out the wilderness from my system AT ALL (and happy with that ) naturally, i can't solve his insecurity. although i will try to talk about it less, etc. - thanx tony ... should i try to take him to some lessons and to a club, even though he doesn't sound like he wants to go? I think the reason might be simple shyness and fear of looking stupid (gee...) , or don't bother? ... thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 31, 2001 Share Posted March 31, 2001 Once in a while, do invite him to come along. Let him know he is welcome to come with you anytime. Let him know it's quite fine for him to watch you practice your dancing. However, he may just feel uncomfortable watching another male touching you and putting his body against yours as you dance and he may just not want to be exposed to that. You seem to freely admit you still have a wild streak. Maybe he is acutely aware of that...and perhaps his fears have merit. However, you can't have a relationship without trust. He will just have to face the fact that if you do get wild at the clubs and find somebody else, he'll just have to deal with it. But you need to do everything you can to play that possiblity down. Reaffirm your love for him and try to make him feel you are his and his alone. You may never live down your wild past in his eyes. If dancing is something you want to do, then you can't NOT do it because he may not want you to. Link to post Share on other sites
JustAGirl Posted April 1, 2001 Share Posted April 1, 2001 Tony, last Qn! I really appreciate all the input =) about making him my one and only one - i can do that easily... but i'm afraid of spoiling him... i know i've been coldish to him, and basically doing the opposite of making him feel my one & only... while he did do it for me... so I guess I should do it for him too... I think i wanna... just the spoiling idea worries me... Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted April 1, 2001 Share Posted April 1, 2001 I used to like to go to dance clubs myself when I was around your age and I had a steady boyfriend at the time. He hated the fact that I went also. The way I looked at, I was young and I wanted to have fun. He didn't want to go. So I went without him. All of a sudden, he changed his mind when I started going with my friends. By that point, I didn't want him to go because it was all females and I knew the only reason he wanted to go was so he would know I wasn't dancing with other guys. I think you and your boyfriend should have enough trust in your relationship for you to be able to go and dance with who you want without him feeling threatened. As long as it is only dancing, what's the harm? Hi! Well, after all me and my bf (the one who measures volume) are more or less back together... One thing however: now that i'm 19, i wanna go to clubs , and i did, last night, with my dance partner... My bf is so uneasy about that... i asked him if he wants to come & he said smth like "i dont wanna waste my life in such places, no offence" (which is dumb cuz he never even went to one)... but which is fine, i dont care, i got my dance partner to go with... how should i act so that he's okay with this??... I wanna go again next week... and i'm afraid he'll keep being icky about it all the time... He asked me to leave him a message when i get home to say that i'm fine... which i did... but he left like 4 msgs b4 that saying how worried he is... (it was his sis' bday, so he went out, but got home like 3 hrs b4 me) (note: no, we dont live together) ... anyway, i left the msg, and it turned out he fell asleep by computer waiting for it... i feel kind of bad... but then... ai... Help ! Thanks !! Link to post Share on other sites
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