ChuckDee33 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Ok, so I have been in NC mode for over a month now...I even moved an hour away to get a clear perspective and new start. I still love her but I want to focus on me. I didn't do that all at after she broke up with me 9 months ago. I joined an online dating service the other day and I already met a cool, attractive girl and we are probably going to meet up soon. So I am definately heading in the right direction of moving on. But my ex sent me a couple of emails this week and one of them went like this: I am not trying to make this any harder for you, I promise. But I can't help but be curious about what is going on with you. And just so you know, I'm not even sure what (her current bf) and I are anymore. We came to terms the other night with the fact that we both felt we could never be in love with each other. I don't know if that's going to make you any more comfortable to talk to me or not. I hope it does. I hope we can still email each other at least...I completely understand if you do not want any other sort of contact. I hope things are going well for you in your new place, I wish I could come see it sometime. I'll talk to you later. So is there some underlying significance here or what? Should I just keep emailing her and keep the lines of communcation open but leave it at that? I am just upset that that was the type of message I wanted to hear from her for SOOOO long, but i'm getting at a time when I really thought I was getting better at this whole moving on process! I definately still want to meet this girl I met online because she seems cool and she's FINE! But I DO still love my ex and I can't rule out the possibility of a reunion. The timing is just sh*tty though...what do you all think? Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 So,....if there was NC for a while,...that means your ex was diligently trying to spark something up with her new guy. Then after a couple of weeks,.....her NEW fling goes sour. She then starts contacting YOU again,....making sure she tells you that her and this new guy are on the outs. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,....sounds to me like,..to her,...you come second. Didnt work out with this other guy so shes trying to get her foot back in the door and salvage SOMETHING. DOnt let her do it. Think of it this way. If her new relationship was still going well,...she wouldnt have contacted you. Is that how you want to be used? Link to post Share on other sites
newble Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Hi, My ex an I are no longer an item, but I just wanted to see if your situation was worse than mine, so that I can feel better about myself. By the way, would love to see your new place. Love, the girl who dumped you Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones So,....if there was NC for a while,...that means your ex was diligently trying to spark something up with her new guy. Then after a couple of weeks,.....her NEW fling goes sour. She then starts contacting YOU again,....making sure she tells you that her and this new guy are on the outs. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,....sounds to me like,..to her,...you come second. Didnt work out with this other guy so shes trying to get her foot back in the door and salvage SOMETHING. DOnt let her do it. Think of it this way. If her new relationship was still going well,...she wouldnt have contacted you. Is that how you want to be used? I agree completely with SJ. Don't let her use you as second best. Don't e-mail her and do not answer her. She does not need to know how you are doing. let her guess. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 continue doing what you are doing. stay with NC for a while longer.....and meet and date other women and keep focus on yourself. you need to make your ex come back begging and pleading on her hands and knees and that is how you 'll be sure she is motivated to hook back up with you. just keep on doing what you're doing for a few more months. stay elusive and mysterious and don't give the ex any info. her email was a good sign but you'll need another email from her that is even stronger than this one. when you get that email then you know she is ripe for the picking. good luck alpha Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by ChuckDee33 Ok, so I have been in NC mode for over a month now...I even moved an hour away to get a clear perspective and new start. I still love her but I want to focus on me. I didn't do that all at after she broke up with me 9 months ago. I joined an online dating service the other day and I already met a cool, attractive girl and we are probably going to meet up soon. So I am definately heading in the right direction of moving on. But my ex sent me a couple of emails this week and one of them went like this: I am not trying to make this any harder for you, I promise. But I can't help but be curious about what is going on with you. And just so you know, I'm not even sure what (her current bf) and I are anymore. We came to terms the other night with the fact that we both felt we could never be in love with each other. I don't know if that's going to make you any more comfortable to talk to me or not. I hope it does. I hope we can still email each other at least...I completely understand if you do not want any other sort of contact. I hope things are going well for you in your new place, I wish I could come see it sometime. I'll talk to you later. OK to me this means she is feeling you out...Seeing where you are as for your feelings for her...If this thing doesn't work out with this other guy I think she's hoping there's a chance that she can come back to you - IF she wants to. Doesn't mean that she will, she just wants that option. Link to post Share on other sites
justwantsmiles Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I agree with everyone on here. She wanted to do her own thing (read: be selfish) and that didn't work out too well for her apparently. Soooo, what's easy, comfortable and in her mind, a sure thing? You. Pardon my french here but **** her! What happens when the selfish bug rears it's ugly head again? Or she decides it was too easy and loses interest. Man, if you're on the verge of moving on, keep going strong. Don't let her derail you now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChuckDee33 Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 I agree with everyone's opinions, thank you for them. I am going to lay back for now and just continue to live my life away from there like I have planned. She knows how I feel about her and I know she knows I'm not down with being a backup. I can't deny my heart would like to see her again but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that right now. I will make her fight for it and prove to me that she wants to get back for the right reasons....but that's even if she is having second thoughts. It's just like they said in "Swingers'' that they don't come back into your life until after you have decided to forget about them. Ain't that a b*tch? I won't play second billing to anyone though, that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by ChuckDee33 It's just like they said in "Swingers'' that they don't come back into your life until after you have decided to forget about them. Ain't that a b*tch? I won't play second billing to anyone though, that's for sure. Damn right! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by ChuckDee33 I agree with everyone's opinions, thank you for them. I am going to lay back for now and just continue to live my life away from there like I have planned. She knows how I feel about her and I know she knows I'm not down with being a backup. I can't deny my heart would like to see her again but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that right now. I will make her fight for it and prove to me that she wants to get back for the right reasons....but that's even if she is having second thoughts. It's just like they said in "Swingers'' that they don't come back into your life until after you have decided to forget about them. Ain't that a b*tch? I won't play second billing to anyone though, that's for sure. Do you want her back, honestly? If you don't, stick to NC. If you do, I think going LC (low contact) is the way to go. You can maintain finding yourself and at the same time let her know you've changed. I'm sure I'll get flamed for this and I am not saying rush back into a relationship with her. Take it slow. See if she has changed. You're in the driver's seat now. What do YOU want? Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Yeah,..okay,.....anyways.........dont contact her at all.....what the hell is "low" contact? I thought that was another way of describing a BJ. The simple fact that she is doing this,...MEANS she hasnt changed. She is still as selfish as ever!! You need to be selfish NOW. Look out for yourself. We as human beings have a way of talking ourselves into things if we see even a SHRED of hope. What we forget is that its considered a "shred" because its most likely not going to happen. You envision this chance of her coming back to you,...giving you respect ,....understanding,...a completely changed woman. Really,...what the hell are THOSE chances? Not gonna happen. You've gotten THIS far...........dont look back now. YOU'RE changing. YOU'RE a new person, now. SHE missed the boat. YOU'RE looking for different things now. Good luck, sweetie..... Link to post Share on other sites
amandine Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Do you want her back, honestly? If you don't, stick to NC. If you do, I think going LC (low contact) is the way to go. You can maintain finding yourself and at the same time let her know you've changed. I'm sure I'll get flamed for this and I am not saying rush back into a relationship with her. Take it slow. See if she has changed. You're in the driver's seat now. What do YOU want? I agree with this guy. No contact is best if you don't ever want to see her again. If you do want to see her again, but you have questions burning in the back of your mind, keep in touch -- remain mysterious enough, don't go emailing her every free moment, but if she sends you a note first, send one back. If you want to maintain a friendship with her, it will progress naturally from there. If you want something more, I think you have to work on being friends first, in this case. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts