Will you have sex even though you're still hurting?

[FolderWife]

I went to my parent's Friday Saturday, and half a day Sunday (they live out of town) When I got home, my husband was acting weird.

 

Money is SUPER tight this month...we are shy of making our house payment by about $200...but we'll be ok once pay day gets here. While I was out of town with my parents, my mom wanted to go to the local Goodwill. I found all kinds of decortating stuff *lamps, candle holders, etc. * that I could paint that would be perfect for our house *which is fairly new, and pretty bare of nick nacks* So even though money was tight, I bought these items, because they were so cheap, and I knew I'd never see them again.

 

I spent $30. Well, when my husband found out that I'd spent $30, he went ballistic. Ok...we are behind $200 because of him, but I'll not go into it....

 

$30 isn't going to make that much of a difference, but he took it that I didn't care that we were behind financially. He's making about $100 more a week now, so I thought that we'd be able to make up the $200 easy this month.

 

Well, he didn't talk to me all day Sunday, and Monday we avoided each other most of the day. But quite frankly, even though I thought he was acting like a complete idiot over $30, I was tired of the fighting. So I apologized for spending the $30. He didn't accept my apology right away, and quite frankly I didn't care, because I was annoyed at him, and told him that he owed me an apology for the way he handled everything.

 

Well, he came downstairs, and started goofing around with me. I wasn't in the mood, but he knows that I can't resist goofing around.

 

I've read somewhere that after a fight you're not supposed to have sex right away, because men will learn that they can pick a fight, and then just make up to get sex. Or they will unconciously think of sex as a reward for abusive behavior...or something silly like that.

 

So I try to wait a few days after making up before having sex with my husband...not just because of this psycho babble, but also because I'm still hurting for a few days after a fight has ended.

 

Well, I was horny (I'm at that time right before you're period when you want it really bad) and we had sex.

 

Now...today, I'm still angry and hurt over the things he said to me in anger, and the way he treated me...I mean, we hadn't seen each other in three days, but instead of being half way glad to see me, he treated me like crap! I came home hoping to jump into bed with him, and instead, I was greated with anger and meanness.

 

But we had sex. I didn't have sex out of love or anything, but because my hormones are messed up and I couldn't resist.

 

How do you deal with this? Marriage is SO HARD!!!!!!!!!

 

So now, if I try to talk about the fight, he'll act like it's over, and want to know why I'm bringing it up! He thinks it's all fine and over with because we had sex, but I'm still hurting. He gave me a half ass apology, but only after I'd apologized and had sex with him...and he probably only apologized so I'd go get him something to eat from McDonalds

 

So I'm still hurting. But I had sex with him. So while he thinks it's over...it's really not. As far as I'm concerned, we are still in the process of making up.

[SexKitten]

you just started having sex in the middle of him being mean to you and you feeling hurt? how did it turn into sex then? was there some kind of break in the fight?

 

i'm not getting it.

[Bubbles]

Monday,

 

Wanna know what I think? I think you need to let it go too! He was mean to you........he's always mean to you! at least you got sex!!!!

 

How long have you two been together?

 

 

bubbles

[SunnySG]

This happens to me with my spouse, and like you, my husband is usually the one who is at fault for the lack of funds. He is a full time student and I work my ass off, but when I do something like - buy a book at the grocery store - he gets extremely hostile and irrational. But I can be mean too, when I remind him that he isn't working at to get off my case since I earned the money for the book anyways.

Later he gets all grabby (which I hate) and tries to get me into bed. *I do have to point out that our relationship is rocky and not normal at this point.*

But I refuse to allow him to manipulate me, and the situation to suite his needs.

The reason they get pissed to begin with is 1.) The initial surprise that you bought something when you couldn't afford it 2.) They didn't have any control in the purchase 3.) They feel like crap that you can't just go and spend $30.00 to begin with.

My husband tries to put the moves on me because HE is - with sex - telling ME that it's okay after the fact. Like giving you permission even though you've already spent the money. That's how they feel better about themselves.

[Weird]

hate to be blunt but your marriage isn't going to last. Sonds dysfunctional. Sorry about the money issues especially if it is him who is mainly causing them.

 

Oh and dont reward someone with sex if you are pissed at them...all that does is cheapen your worth and make the other person think things are cool.

[FolderWife]

THANK YOU,

[Naive]

I think someone asked the exact same question before or I am just trippin'.

[friskywife]

Monday? How'd you do change your name?

[Naive]

Oh shoot I guess this is the other post I was talking about

[hotgurl]

is monday folderswife? I hate when people change thier names

[scarlyjones]

Ive read somewhere that after a fight you're not supposed to have sex right away, because men will learn that they can pick a fight, and then just make up to get sex. Or they will unconciously think of sex as a reward for abusive behavior...or something silly like that.

 

 

Thats funny...............Uh,..ya know,........this isnt like not feeding a squirrel. Men are more intelligent than that. They dont "learn" a behavior due to repetition or rewards.

 

 

 

Well we all are able to view things for OUR point of view but rarely give it any thought from others. Now,...given the financial situation being the way it is.........you know for a fact that, had HE gone out and watched the basketball game at a bar or something and spent $30 on beer and buffalo wings,..you would have gotten P'O'd. Even if he spent it on,..say.....garage tools or whatever.....you still would have given him the "I thought money was tight" speech. So,..you know that what you did was wrong. The very fact that you had to rationalize it in your mind WHILE you were buying them proves that. Under your logic,..........you were already $200 shy,....so you could have spent 100 bucks and it wouldnt have mattered. Thats why he is mad. And the sex thing,.....sometimes its just sex. You wanted it.