Attracted to much younger women

[BigJa]

I'm 36 years old and when it comes to dating I don't find myself very attracted to women my age. In fact I find that I am attracted to women between 18 and 25 years old. I feel like I have so much more in common with them then I do women my age. However, society says it's wrong and we shouldn't date anyone that much younger. I really don't know what to do. When I try to talk to younger women they brush me off. I don't have a lot going for me. My health isn't the best and I am over weight. I feel like I will be one of the forever alone. Any advice that could help?

 

Just a note: I am working on losing the weight and taking better care of myself.

[Samhain]

Maybe you feel threatened by women closer to your age bracket? Or are immature for your age so can only relate to younger women. It's probably a self esteem issue. It's not unusual for older men or women to be attracted to younger people, but if they are the only age group you are interested in period, then it's something psychological within you.

 

Maybe when you are more comfortable with your body you will be confident enough to start taking an interest in women who are closer to your age that you can relate to. 18-25 year olds (or probably 18-23) typically have a completely different mind set to women 30+, because they are still maturing so any relationship you enter into with someone this age probably won't last very long for these reasons. You're older, you might get along with them but your stage in life has different needs to theirs.

 

The only advice I can think of is to work on losing weight and treating yourself better until you start to view yourself with more confidence, then you will look at women completely different.

[Michelle ma Belle]

What advice are you seeking? How to attract the young ducklings or how to be more attracted to women your own age? I'm confused.

[BigJa]

I would like to thank you for your reply. However, I feel very confident in my body. I have always been a big guy and losing weight is more for my health than my confidence. As for maturity, I feel I am very mature. It isn't that i am completely not attracted to women my age, I just find that the mindset or social values if you will, are closer to my own. I have never been one to conform to societies views on growing up. I have matured into a well balanced adult with views and interests that are all over the map. I feel any of that is irrelevant when it comes to matters of the heart. I have always believed our hearts tell us who to love, not our minds.

[BigJa]

What advice are you seeking? How to attract the young ducklings or how to be more attracted to women your own age? I'm confused.

I guess I am looking for advice on what I should be doing. I believe our hearts tell us who to fall in love with, not our minds. However, society says it's creepy and wrong. Should I follow what my heart want's or should I obey societal imposed rules?

[Samhain]

But there are a lot of older women who act like younger women and vice versa, the entire female species are a miss-match of different personality types, regardless of age. So if you are only attracted to one age group, there's some other underlying reason, and it probably isn't just the "rebel factor" of going against societal imposed rules, when society, really, doesn't exist.

[GunslingerRoland]

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

 

 

We all have some biological attraction to younger women... but you have to spend more time with women your own age, and learn to appreciate their beauty. Unless you want to be a lonely creepy old man.

 

 

Also I'm pretty sure your heart isn't the body part telling you to go after those girls.

[BigJa]

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

 

 

We all have some biological attraction to younger women... but you have to spend more time with women your own age, and learn to appreciate their beauty. Unless you want to be a lonely creepy old man.

 

 

Also I'm pretty sure your heart isn't the body part telling you to go after those girls.

This is the type of stuff I'm talking about. People assume that because of my age I am only interested in sex with a younger woman. The fact is, I want more than that. I have connected with woman my age, however our beliefs never seem to mesh. Your comments about being a creep and only thinking with my lower muscle is the societal norms I was referring to. To many people are to ridged when it comes to finding love.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I guess I am looking for advice on what I should be doing. I believe our hearts tell us who to fall in love with, not our minds. However, society says it's creepy and wrong. Should I follow what my heart want's or should I obey societal imposed rules?

 

I can't imagine a 36 year old would have much in common with an 18-20 year old. If you do then perhaps that says something about your level of maturity. Sorry, but it does.

 

There is a BIG difference between a girl who is 18 or even 20 years old and one who is well entrenched in her twenties (26+). There are always exceptions of course, like old souls etc. but typically there is a threshold that is indisputable in terms of maturity. I think you're pushing the boundaries a bit if you're looking at women who are barely out of their teens.

 

Regardless, it's your life and if you have women that young interested in older men, c'est la vie. If not, then dating becomes much more challenging. Love is about the heart and we although I don't think we can control who we're attracted to or who we fall in love with, I also think you're not meeting the right women in your age bracket (26-36).

 

Where are you meeting women?

[VeveCakes]

Younger women are emotionally a nightmare - I was one so

I'm allowed to say that lol

 

Seriously WHAT about 18 year olds attracts you? That they are partiers? Still living with the parents? In school? Out shopping?

 

I would look into what attracts you to them first, because I can guarantee you it will be hard to find a young woman that age who wants a serious relationship with a 36 year old, and you probably don't actually want one with them either.

 

If it's the looks well, lots of 30+ year olds are smoking hot, 30 is not old.

[GunslingerRoland]

I was playing, but really I think you're trying to convince yourself it's a lifestyle thing when it's a physical thing.

 

 

Why would you want to date someone who is still in school and has no clue what they want to do with their life, when you are already established?

 

 

The thought of dating someone who lives at home with their parents, dating someone the age of some of my friends kids... yeah just not appealing in any way.

[BigJa]

Younger women are emotionally a nightmare - I was one so

I'm allowed to say that lol

 

Seriously WHAT about 18 year olds attracts you? That they are partiers? Still living with the parents? In school? Out shopping?

 

I would look into what attracts you to them first, because I can guarantee you it will be hard to find a young woman that age who wants a serious relationship with a 36 year old, and you probably don't actually want one with them either.

 

If it's the looks well, lots of 30+ year olds are smoking hot, 30 is not old.

I know dating a younger woman will probably not last a life time. I live in a big farm area that has a bar on every corner. Or at least that's how it seems. I do not drink, but not adverse to dating someone who does. What I have seem though is that women, at least the ones around here, who drink and party a lot look much older than they really are.

[StBreton]

What values?

 

What beliefs?

 

Please list a few so we can help you figure this out.

 

Since you talk about how aged woman are looking due to drinking ...I'm wondering if it is youthfulness you seek.

 

Have you dated a lot or has dating life been stunted due to your being overweight and now you are making up for that lost time and want to go back and relive your youth and dating young girls.

 

We also fall in love with our minds btw. I do ... A good stimulating conversation with a handsome guy gets me all weak in the knees

Edited December 15, 2015 by StBreton

[Erik30]

What values?

 

What beliefs?

 

Please list a few so we can help you figure this out.

 

Everyone knows what this is really about. He wants a hot young girl.

So start working out, and get a career. (Then dump her when she get too old for you)

 

Seriously, it's probably because you're seeing pretty young girls in the media all the time, and a lack of dating/relationship experience.

[VeveCakes]

I know dating a younger woman will probably not last a life time. I live in a big farm area that has a bar on every corner. Or at least that's how it seems. I do not drink, but not adverse to dating someone who does. What I have seem though is that women, at least the ones around here, who drink and party a lot look much older than they really are.

 

Maybe you are just not great at telling a woman's age, unless they are heavy drug users they shouldn't be aged by 30, especially if you are older than 30. Do you have a circle of friends you can meet women your age and actually talk to them? The emotional depth of an 18 year old is pretty shallow, unless that's what you are looking for.

[BigJa]

Maybe you are just not great at telling a woman's age, unless they are heavy drug users they shouldn't be aged by 30, especially if you are older than 30. Do you have a circle of friends you can meet women your age and actually talk to them? The emotional depth of an 18 year old is pretty shallow, unless that's what you are looking for.

I guess 18 isn't really what i am looking for. I'm not looking to be their dad. I guess I am really interested in women in their early to mid twenties. reading some of the posts here has helped me figure that much out. Maybe your right and I'm not that great at age. However, the last woman I spoke to that was my age looked much older.

[Imported]

Do this;

 

Go for women you are attracted to. If they are attracted to you, great. If not, move on. Do this till you realize you need to adjust what you're going for and learn to like what works for you or till you're a frustrated angry old...er man sitting home alone.

 

There are plenty of men older than you dating 25 year old women. Society does influence us as to what is attractive, but usually if you're fat, old and broke, it is not societies fault that a girl (nice body, face..right) does not find you attractive.

[normal person]

In fact I find that I am attracted to women between 18 and 25 years old. I feel like I have so much more in common with them then I do women my age.

 

Like what? You need to give some examples. Recently when I was 27-28 I dated a few girls who were in the 21-23 and I couldn't continue with it because they were in such different stages of their lives. They don't have the life experiences of the real world. They still get excited about trivial things. Holding conversations with them, I felt more like a dad or an older brother than a boyfriend. For example, one girl I met was still in school and sleeping on a couch Harlem. She absolutely could not over the fact that I had my own apartment ("with a bathroom!"), had money to buy dinner, etc. It just got a little tiresome after a while. We just weren't on the same page. Obviously you've had a different experience. Because I had very little in common with them with a much smaller age disparity.

 

I really don't know what to do. When I try to talk to younger women they brush me off.

 

Why do you think?

 

I don't have a lot going for me. My health isn't the best and I am over weight.

 

There's your answer. If younger women want to date older men it's usually because they've got a lot going for them. You, as you say, don't. Think about why a girl who's as attractive as she's ever going to be at 23-25, who could probably get any guy she wanted, settle for an older guy with "not a lot going for himself?" I'm not trying to be rude, but you really have to step into her shoes. It's food for thought.

 

The fact is, I want more than that. I have connected with woman my age, however our beliefs never seem to mesh.

 

Why do you think beliefs are age-dependent?

Edited December 15, 2015 by normal person

[VeveCakes]

If you think women in their 30s look old then you are in trouble for the next 30 years. Maybe tone down the teen looking porn if you are watching it.

 

If you want early 20s be prepared for phone addicted girls with little stability. Get a damn good job or a six pack and hot car, or be in a band. That's the start. Looking for a young girl who wants to date based on personality will be an epic journey.

[burnt]

In fact I find that I am attracted to women between 18 and 25 years old. I feel like I have so much more in common with them then I do women my age.

 

When you were around 18-25, what age group of women did you feel attracted to?

I'm asking: have you always been attracted to an age group much younger than yours or have you always been attracted to only that specific age group?

 

However, society says it's wrong and we shouldn't date anyone that much younger.

 

Heck with the society.

Our job isn't to try to fit into some defined norm of the society, but to create ourselves out of a definition we choose. (Well, that's my philosophy, grr…).

 

What's more important for you is to understand yourself.

 

There are people with age gap differences and they always choose it that way. In fact there are several female posters here who always prefer younger male partners--very untraditional, but that's how they define their 'normal', so what's wrong with it, if that's how they're wired up?

[GemmaUK]

I don't see much wrong with it to be honest.

If you are attracting these young ladies then no issues.

 

You say they brush you off though? Why is that?

Are your expectation levels realistic?

How many relationships with women 10+ years younger have you had in the past and for how long?

[CTRL C]

Question - why not forget the age bracket altogether and focus on the details that make you attracted to those women?

 

Being 26 myself (a little above the bracket but work with me anyways) I'd have to say that if some guy came up to me *because* of my age, I'd snub him. So would my 22-year-old sister, and probably a good chunk of our circles of friends. Why? Because it doesn't matter how good he looks, how well he flirts, or how successful he is, some guy you've never met singling you out for your age ***is creepy*** and makes you feel like he's only thinking about how you'll look in his bed.

 

Approaching a young woman and hoping she'll have those traits you like is not the same as approaching a woman based on those traits you've seen, who happens to be young. I can *promise* you that they don't all have these values or qualities you want. Why not seek out women who have the qualities you like, and the age is just secondary information? Sure, you might mesh with a nice 23 year old, but are you going to find her by looking for 23-year-olds, or by looking for X attitude and Y values?

 

It may also improve your approach... She already has something you like that you can go on, versus an awkward hello then trying to fish for those details after the approach, which is what gets you brushed off.

Edited December 15, 2015 by CTRL C

[MGX]

I'm 36 years old and when it comes to dating I don't find myself very attracted to women my age. In fact I find that I am attracted to women between 18 and 25 years old. I feel like I have so much more in common with them then I do women my age.

 

Out of curiosity, why do you feel as though you have so much in common with younger women?

 

What are they doing that the older women aren't?

[stillafool]

I know dating a younger woman will probably not last a life time. I live in a big farm area that has a bar on every corner. Or at least that's how it seems. I do not drink, but not adverse to dating someone who does. What I have seem though is that women, at least the ones around here, who drink and party a lot look much older than they really are.

 

So basically it's not that you have more in common with young girls it's that you like the way they look. I can understand that because I like how young men look. Just be honest about it. There are plenty of women your age who act like they are in their 20's so they would have alot in common with you. The truth is you don't want a woman in her 30s but one in her 20s. Don't worry about what anybody is saying unless they are the one paying your bills. Go for it.

[Imported]

So basically it's not that you have more in common with young girls it's that you like the way they look. I can understand that because I like how young men look. Just be honest about it. There are plenty of women your age who act like they are in their 20's so they would have alot in common with you. The truth is you don't want a woman in her 30s but one in her 20s. Don't worry about what anybody is saying unless they are the one paying your bills. Go for it.

 

Girls around that age also usually don't have a good job, that much money, own a home, a car. Act like an adult, have stability in life.