bubba Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 My best friend is having another affair. (one of many) The problem is that this time the lady is a good friend of mine. My buddie's affairs always end up bad because he uses the women for sex and their money. The question is , should I somehow tell his wife(anonomously?) so the affair will stop before it gets worse, or do nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Don't do anything. This isn't your business. If you say anything to anyone, it should be your buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
NutellaGirl Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 i hate cheaters - so tell buddy's wife - just be prepared to lose buddy as a best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 It's none of your business, I agree with Outdated!! It's not your relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubba Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 Let me add some more facts: I've known both the husband and wife for years and consider both great friends. They have two children, who are not getting Dad's attention anymore. They are now having problems in school. This is one of may affairs and he has said that he is not happy about his marriage, but won't leave her because he does'nt make enough money. What if he brings home a STD to his unsuspecting wife? If you were the wife would'nt you want to know???? I feel he's just using his wife for money and roof over his head. Link to post Share on other sites
beesknees Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 That's a toughie. I can see how you want to look out for the best interest of the wife. In this case, there is no best interest for anyone b/c your friend has f'ed up big time. You should confront your friend about it, and tell him to cut it out, though the direct result will probably be that you'd lose your friend. If I were the wife, I'd want to know, definitely, so that I could kick his sorry a$$ to the curb, but not everyone thinks alike. She may still stay with him for whatever reason (love is blind), and you'd end up looking bad for telling on him even though you really had good intentions. Either way, she's bound to find out sooner or later- or maybe she already knows. In my experience, things have a way of coming full circle. The wife/husband/bf/gf always finds out. Link to post Share on other sites
Cammie Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 First of all don't think the wife has no clue - she might already suspect he's out cheating but simply can't leave him because she doesn't have a job and has those kids to deal with. There might be alot of factors involved here - if you want to tell her what's in it for you? Do you want her to rush into your arms? Do you want to lose your buddy? You'll end up the bad guy in this. Wife might not even believe you if you tell her - you just don't know. If you're dying to tell her do it by writing an anonymous note. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by bubba Let me add some more facts: I've known both the husband and wife for years and consider both great friends. They have two children, who are not getting Dad's attention anymore. They are now having problems in school. This is one of may affairs and he has said that he is not happy about his marriage, but won't leave her because he does'nt make enough money. What if he brings home a STD to his unsuspecting wife? all these are their personal problems. it's okay to have concern, but that's as far as it should go. they may both be your friends, but they are married to each other. also, if they are both your friends, it seems a bit odd that you are contemplating only telling the woman. the way you talk about the husband indicates you have more allegiance to the woman, which will look strange to both of them. you aren't putting the woman down, just the man. in other words, it doesn't seem like good intentions. i noticed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubba Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 I had a talk with the husband already. He's not going to stop, and he's working on another woman for his next conquest already. It just seems so unfair to his wife, because she has no idea, and she's the money maker of the household. I guess I'm just tired of seeing him use every woman he has an affair with. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Bubba, You sound like a good guy. If I were the wife, I'd want to know. You already had a talk with the husband. Did you tell him you may go to his wife and tell her about his affair? Someone suggested an annonymous note to the wife. That might be the way to go. If you tell her, she may be mad or even embarassed that you know and so you could lose her as a friend. At this point I'd be more concerned with her "saving face" than I would losing him as a friend. As far as staying friends with the husband, I'd drop him. He's no good - you won't be losing much of a friend. She does need to know for the simple fact, and I think you were the one that said this, that she may get an STD from him. Good luck - this is a tough situation to be in. SueBee Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 If you drop your "best friend" as a friend, maybe his wife will wonder why. You can tell her the reason if you want, but either way- hopefully she'll find out. This guy doesn't sound like good friend material anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Tough decision. If you want the answer, only you have it. Ask yourself this: "What do I think is the right thing to do?" and then DO IT! Link to post Share on other sites
bubblygrl5 Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Tough situation. Having been cheated on in the past, I would DEFINITELY want to know, and have had resentment towards the people who did know, but wanted to "stay out of it" and let me find out in due time. I would first go to the husband and tell him he really needs to come clean. If he refuses, I would most definitely tell the wife. Maybe she knows, and maybe she doesn't - but every day that goes by is one that sets her up more and more for a huge fall. It's a hard thing to do...so, an email, a letter in the mail....I think she would appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 I think Edumud Burke summed it up best when he said: All that is needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 The old dilema, do you betray someones trust to save another grief, or do you say nothing and have the wife find out you knew and did nothing. My feeling is that personnal business is just that, but, there are times you have to use your own descretion and intervene.I don't comment on someones car, their sex habits, the type of clothes, religion etc. Another question is would you take a do nothing stance if you knew he was beating her? What' s the difference between betraying your vows and putting her life at risk and a good beating? In my eyes, they are both circumstances where you must do something,its just to bad everyone wants a no stress life ,don't get involved and only think of themselves. This is not putting your nose where it does not belong, its not like your buddy even cares who knows, as long as its not his wife,he is by your own definition a habitual abuser!This guy is using and abusing his wife at so many levels its gross. For you out there that vote for no intervention I hope you never get cheated on.If you do happen to go through a cheating spouse scenerio are you telling everyone here that you don't want to know?If you find out your best friend knew about the cheating and did nothing I'm sure your going to say to them"Gee, you must have been in a tough position, I know you kept me in the dark because we are good friends.OBTW I can't make our lunch next week because my kids are in therapy over this and then I have to head over to the clinic for my penicillan shot and AIDS test.Thank you good friend!" Oh , and what about the girl he's cheating with, maybe she's an innocent in this, does she desreve the pain thats coming? Tell her! Your buddy is sick! Link to post Share on other sites
bubblygrl5 Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 ONLYHUMAN: I am with you on this one! This isn't about sticking your nose where it doesnt belong, it's about people wanting to keep drama outta their life and save their own a$$. B Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubba Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 Thanks everyone, I know what I need to do is inform the wife somehow. I guess I knew all along , but I just needed reinforcement. Bubba Link to post Share on other sites
elle naturelle Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 you re going to tell her and tell her. Dont let him tell you different. You all deserve better than that! Link to post Share on other sites
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