How to keep my cool with the Wannabe OW?

[Aoibheal]

My Wannabe-OW will be out from her internship right under my husband's nose in just. Three. Days.

 

I could not be more excited to have that daily contact OVER with.

 

Hubby has done all the right things (see my "To The Would-Be Other Woman" thread for back story) and has even offered to cut off all ties because he wants to make me comfortable. And happy. Which would be great, except...

 

If I actually trust him, do I have any right to tell him who he can and cannot be friends with?

 

That's my logic, not his. He loves me enough to cut ties if I ask... But I feel that's wrong.

 

This girl has ALWAYS been described as his "younger sister." He really enjoys her company, even though she drives him crazy.

 

I want him to freely stop talking to her off his own accord, without me telling him he has to, but I doubt he will. Now that I've backed off on the crazy-talk demands(my words, not his), I suspect they'll see each other once or twice a month.

 

I hate her. I legitimately hate her. I see the way she looks at him. I see her passive-aggressive, covert jabs at me when we all spend time together. She's morally unsound in ways that go beyond her pursuit of another woman's husband. When first we met, I tried very, very hard to befriend her. She didn't let that happen.

 

So knowing how much husband feels (platonic affection-when we first started having issues, he decided to be fully transparent with me about texts/calls/etc and set boundaries with her that he held her to) and knowing this will likely be an inevitability, how do I make the choice to mellow out my jealousy?

 

He won't cheat, but I'll be furious if she so much as makes a move... I hate this entire situation.

[Jersey born raised]

Don't apologize for a second for your thoughts. You showed patience with your husband and good instincts.

 

Your husband needs to show greater empathy for you. How to learn to show and act on it is the million dollar question. It sounds like he has decent instincts but needs to grow.

 

Good luck

[Space Ritual]

My Wannabe-OW will be out from her internship right under my husband's nose in just. Three. Days.

 

I could not be more excited to have that daily contact OVER with.

 

Hubby has done all the right things (see my "To The Would-Be Other Woman" thread for back story) and has even offered to cut off all ties because he wants to make me comfortable. And happy. Which would be great, except...

 

If I actually trust him, do I have any right to tell him who he can and cannot be friends with?

 

That's my logic, not his. He loves me enough to cut ties if I ask... But I feel that's wrong.

 

This girl has ALWAYS been described as his "younger sister." He really enjoys her company, even though she drives him crazy.

 

I want him to freely stop talking to her off his own accord, without me telling him he has to, but I doubt he will. Now that I've backed off on the crazy-talk demands(my words, not his), I suspect they'll see each other once or twice a month.

 

I hate her. I legitimately hate her. I see the way she looks at him. I see her passive-aggressive, covert jabs at me when we all spend time together. She's morally unsound in ways that go beyond her pursuit of another woman's husband. When first we met, I tried very, very hard to befriend her. She didn't let that happen.

 

So knowing how much husband feels (platonic affection-when we first started having issues, he decided to be fully transparent with me about texts/calls/etc and set boundaries with her that he held her to) and knowing this will likely be an inevitability, how do I make the choice to mellow out my jealousy?

 

He won't cheat, but I'll be furious if she so much as makes a move... I hate this entire situation.

 

 

You are giving your husband far too much credit. And he is relishing every moment of it.

 

I'm sorry to be blunt, but your husband has no incentive whatsoever to discontinue whatever he has with her. Your husband is playing you for a fool. Most likely because he has really had no consequences for his actions thus far. Boundaries? He'll doesn''t know the meaning of the word.

 

Let me ask you this, if what you wrote was one of your good friends writing this to you, would you just advise them to just accept such treatment?

 

I bet you would not. So apply that to yourself. This is unacceptable.

 

Its not this tramp that's the problem, its your husband treating you like a sucker that's the problem.

 

You are better than this, young lady. Much better than this. Get rid of him or you'll regret it.

[smackie9]

It's one thing to trust your husband, but it's another to put up with something that is so inappropriate. I would never accept this type of friendship when this person has no moral boundaries. It's alarming that your husband sees nothing wrong with being associated with someone like this. You are being a damn fool sitting back and letting this continue.....you are being a push over.

[Toodaloo]

I think this will eventually fizzle anyway when the girl finds someone elses husband to prey on but I also think that you are perfectly entitled to stamp down hard and say no more.

 

Your husband has been a jack ass.

[Try]

I hate her. I legitimately hate her. I see the way she looks at him. I see her passive-aggressive, covert jabs at me when we all spend time together. She's morally unsound in ways that go beyond her pursuit of another woman's husband. When first we met, I tried very, very hard to befriend her. She didn't let that happen.

Many couples have boundaries against having an opposite sex friend (OSF). Those that do allow for OSFs, usually have a strict boundary that requires that all OSFs be friends of the marriage, and at least be friendly with the spouse. She is not friends of the marriage and she is not friendly to you, thus he cannot keep her as an OSF under this common and reasonable boundary. End of story. BTW, she does not get to make fake friendly now as she has already shown her true colors to you. Take a stand now or you may regret it later.

[Standard-Fare]

Under what circumstances would they continue to see each other? If it's for work stuff, you'll have to grit your teeth and accept that and hope for the best, as you've been doing.

 

But if they're going to be taking efforts to maintain a relationship outside of work, I do think that's cause for concern. Because it's not just an innocent platonic friendship with an ex-work colleague. It's a conscious choice to continue a flirtatious relationship that's already crossed some lines (at least on her part).

 

Making a huge deal of it is probably going to rile your husband, though. I would sit back and see how it goes. If there seems to be a steady amount of un-work-related contact between them, you have every right to stick your nose in and express your discomfort.

[No Limit]

Get a 'platonic' male friend. Watch your husband's reaction.

Forget about the "he won't cheat" once he's a little drunk. Plus, the fact that he entertains the thought to keep in touch with her to provoke you is unacceptable. Question his sincerity about your marriage.