Tired of it all!

[Tomas]

Hum.. I'll just take it from the start, and try to keep it short =)

 

This year, I'm in class with this gorgeuous, amazing girl, which I instantly fell madly in love with. We have a great time at school, and she refers to me as "the best friend she ever had" etc... But I never really wanted to make the move, as I'm afraid it might ruin our relationship as friends, and make it all awkward at school.

 

But lately, she has started doing stuff like making things for me (nothing major, just stuff like small boxes and paper hats (YesIknowItSoundsWierdButItsDamnCute!)) with greetings and such on them.. she also started doing things like throwing her feet on my lap, and hugging me from behind and such...

 

Anyway, I think you can see why this is driving me absolutely -insane-!#%¤

 

She's had 1 partner and recently got a new one since I met her (ouch..).. And there's where the problem comes in... All my friends say that I could have her by the way she acts, but judging from her past boyfriends (huge testosterone/muscle-mountains smoking weed), I dont stand a chance, as I'm nothing like that! I'm a music composer, do graphic arts, and care nada about the physical part...

 

I've tried the whole moving-on deal.. but I cant get my mind off her!

 

So anyhoo... (damn, I should write a book!), sorry if you found this post -incredibly boring!#¤%-, but I have NO IDEA what to do!%#& Aah£@

[Tony T]

You're a music composer, uh? Write a song/composition. Name it for her. Get it copyrighted. Record it. Give her a copy. Let her know it was written just for her...and the world will have it forever. This will impress her more than life itself.

 

Then ask her out. Simple as that. Tell her that going out with the person for whom a song was written is just part of the process. But, let me warn you. This gal sounds wild, footloose and fancy free. She'll not be tied down and you don't seem to want to do that anyway. The more aloof you remain, the more she will go after you.

 

So just play it cool. But I would play right into this. If she's your real friend, nothing's going to change.

 

No matter what, you will have written a song for her that will last until the end of time...and that will certainly be something not many other guys will ever do for her. She will definitely be moved.

 

Now, why didn't I think of that?

[Tomas]

Ah you see, but I have.. but I'm scared she'll think of me as this schizo pervert who is totally obsessed with her and such.. (well... ok.. totally obsessed I am, but not a schizo pervert.. I hope..)

 

At the moment, she has a boyfriend (the typica man amongst men kind I mentioned earlier), and I dont want to clutter up her life by trying to make her torn in any way...

 

And about her being wild.. well, yea, abit, maybe.. but not much.. she's very sophisticated and intelligent, but what annoys me is that she always finds a mate while drunk! Otherwise she's one of the brightest people I know... (oh, and about her x smoking weed, I thought it might be important to mention that she didnt know until several weeks later, and it was the reason why she broke up)

 

Hum.. I'm rambling again.. I really should stop babbling about her...

 

but of course I wont.

 

Another problem is the physical side... she's very (extremely) attractive, I seriously (Seriously!) didnt meet one guy who said he couldnt date her... this worries me as I am -as I said -not a very physical person, and I'm afraid I'll loose her to another "no brain, no pain"-guy..

 

Anyhoo, I really appreciate your rapid reply(replies hopefully..), but please do tell me when its too much (Its not easy to see when people start rolling their eyes over this forum...)

 

thanks

[clia]

Well, if she has a boyfriend currently, you probably shouldn't move in quite yet, but I think you already know that. Is she serious about this guy? How long have they been together? If she's not serious about him and dating him just to be dating someone, then by all means, go for it. But, if she really likes him, you probably shouldn't do anything until that fizzles out. Of course, that doesn't mean that you can't flirt with her like crazy and drop little hints, just don't proclaim your love.

 

From a girl's perspective, it sounds to me like she's flirting with you quite a bit. (I know I don't hug all my guy friends, only the ones who I'd like to have a little more with.) Maybe you should start flirting right back! (If you aren't already.) Who knows, maybe she doesn't think that she's YOUR type so she's trying to gage your interest in her. Girls worry about that kind of thing, too. Maybe she doesn't think she's 'artsy' enough for you.

 

If you're worried about not being her type, you shouldn't. She obviously knows you well and likes you. That is very important. Yes, women place some emphasis on looks, but I think most of us are looking for a deeper bond. Good looking guys are a dime a dozen, but finding someone who has the personality to go along with it is indeed a rare find. (I'm assuming here that you are reasonably attractive.) As for why she goes for those kinds of guys--maybe those are the kinds of guys who hit on her. Maybe it's time for her to try something different. After all, doesn't sounds like she's had much luck with them in the past.

 

As for that song you wrote, you should totally show it to her. She won't think you're crazy at all. I know I'd be really flattered and ready to hand my heart over on a platter if a guy did that for me. (Although, if it's really lovey, you might want to hold off or write another one about what a great person she is.) Things like that really are the key to a woman's heart.

 

Hope that helps. Also, don't forget that girls like a challenge and we like confidence in our men, so don't spill your heart too soon.

[Maffy]

Hi Thomas,

 

Well i dont know about the being "alouf" strategy that Tony suggested (sorry tony . Actually, I beleive that could be a good strategy when the girl is interested. In that case, i agree that by acting distant, it will provoque a reaction on her part, and it may make her realise that she does miss you when you stop being around.

 

If that does not work, because she only sees you as a friend, it doesnt mean you have to give up. I think a lot of guys today dont realise to what point persistence (if done respectfuly and in a cute and friendly manner - without pressure) can get a girl to think twice, or even fall for the guy. It's great to see a guy go out of his way with creative ways to get us to go on a first date, or second date, etc.

 

It wont always work mind you. You may not be the guy for her. But you can try little by little to make her notice you in a new light. Send her e-cards, make her stuff too, make her laugh, treet her nicely. And perhaps down the road she may see that a nice guy that truly likes her, beats the muscle-weed-smoking-men that probably deceive her.

 

So dont ask her out for a date yet. Just try being proactive at making her feel good with a little extra attention. Then see from there if anything can emerge.

 

Good luck!

 

Maffy

Hum.. I'll just take it from the start, and try to keep it short =) This year, I'm in class with this gorgeuous, amazing girl, which I instantly fell madly in love with. We have a great time at school, and she refers to me as "the best friend she ever had" etc... But I never really wanted to make the move, as I'm afraid it might ruin our relationship as friends, and make it all awkward at school. But lately, she has started doing stuff like making things for me (nothing major, just stuff like small boxes and paper hats (YesIknowItSoundsWierdButItsDamnCute!)) with greetings and such on them.. she also started doing things like throwing her feet on my lap, and hugging me from behind and such... Anyway, I think you can see why this is driving me absolutely -insane-!#%¤ She's had 1 partner and recently got a new one since I met her (ouch..).. And there's where the problem comes in... All my friends say that I could have her by the way she acts, but judging from her past boyfriends (huge testosterone/muscle-mountains smoking weed), I dont stand a chance, as I'm nothing like that! I'm a music composer, do graphic arts, and care nada about the physical part... I've tried the whole moving-on deal.. but I cant get my mind off her! So anyhoo... (damn, I should write a book!), sorry if you found this post -incredibly boring!#¤%-, but I have NO IDEA what to do!%#& Aah£@

[Lilly]

Tomas,

 

I don't know how old you guys are, I am assuming college or early twenties, but this situation sounds too familiar to me (when I was just a couple years younger).

 

I know that when I was at that stage in my life, if I had a boyfriend, it didn't stop me from flirting with my guy friends. Even though I was into my boyfriend of the time, I wanted to feel young and free. The people I flirted with most at that time were my friends b/c it was safe. I didn't want them and assumed they didn't want me, but I still felt great being close to these guys.

 

My advice is to be patient, and move on to another girl for the time being. I think she will lose her trust in you if you come on to her. She may feel you are only in the friendship to eventually be with her; which will make her put up her gaurd when she is around you.

 

Women are very intuitive, she probably already knows that you have feeling for her. If she wanted something to happen at this point, she probably would have said something to you.

 

Don't despair, mark my words, at some point if you keep up this friendship, she will want you. So good luck and be patient.

[Tomas]

Hey, I thought I'd just have to thank you all for all your great replies =)

 

These helped me alot, and really made my days and weeks much easier...

 

What I think I'll do, is to just go on with my regular life, keep seeing her as my best friend, and see what happens (oh wow, how's that for an ever wise and complicated master plan..).

 

Oh, and yes, we're both in our "early 20's", me being 19 and her 18.

 

Anyway, thanks again Lilly, Maffy, Clia, and Tony =)