Jealous of my Boyfriends Roommate

[hollyholly88]

I'm been dating my bf for almost 5 years.

 

Last November he moved in with his female friend which i was in NO WAY okay with. I was very vocal with it but he went behind my back and went ahead anyway. It totally broke my heart and even chose to see a therapist for about 6 weeks from feb of this year (he has no idea).

 

The fact was that i had ALREADY (about a year previous) has issues with her that i had spoken to him about. He always talked about he and put photos of them hanging out on fb (and never of me). So that added insult to injury to the move in.

 

When they moved in it was only the second time i had met her. The first was at their graduation (they did the same uni course). I didn't feel like i did now that day, so i tried to talk to her to see what she was like, but she was just on her phone the whole time and didn't really talk back to me. So I was just kind of 'whatever' and just carried on without thinking of her. Then he suggested that they move in.

 

The reason i didn't move in is that I didn't really have the money at the time. I was starting out as freelance so i was struggling getting work. Now i'm okay for money, but they renewed their house for another year with out telling me. I was sending him houses and felt such a fool when he told me.

 

She's so needy and immature when we are hanging out at his, always calling my bf for help (can't get the bag out the rubbish bin, catch this spider...). And always talks over the tv when we are watching shows together. That kind of thing. In the morning on weekends she wears this little nightdress and lies on the sofa and you can can see pretty much everything. This really upset me on particular day and i told my bf but he just turned in back on me, 'Its her house and she can wear what she wants'. This really hurt me as she should have more respect for me as his gf and cover up a little more. That day she really upset me, shared her food with my bf (and didn't offer me any) and kept calling him away from me.

 

She has been off work for about a month or so because of stress at work (she's a teacher) then one day she got some bad news and took some pills. She called my bf at work (why not an her own bf/parents/ friend / AMBULANCE!) asking him what she should do. Obviously he said call an ambulance and they went to the hospital together. I'm not a horrible person and its a terrible thing to want to do but it wasn't a real try but a call for help. I was upset that she did that to herself (as much as I hate her) but even more upset that my bf had to go through that. A friend of mine's brother tried to kill himself (and almost succeeded) and i helped her through that. It broke my heart to see my friend go through that so it brought back those emotions.

 

She's fine though and the whole thing doesn't feel the same as my friend. I think she just made a stupid mistake which shows her immaturity.

 

Sorry it was so long! I hate feeling this way just i'm fed up with pretending that i'm okay with it. I can't take it any more so i'm going to tell him (eventually) that i want nothing to do with her. If she's there, we either hang in his room or we go to my house.

 

Thanks for reading.

[worldexploded]

I've never been in this type of position but you definitely have the right to be upset. He needs to speak with her about how to behave around you regardless of how close they are. You are his partner and she should respect that.

 

Maybe your boyfriend sees you as acting a little paranoid about it and feels more compelled to be around someone who he doesn't have to think about things with.

 

Not saying that's true, just a thought

 

You could quietly in your own way tell that bitch to step off.

 

That's what I would do at least. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. But yeah, your bf really needs to step if he really cares about you as his gf. I hope things get better.

[lolablue17]

I can easily say that you have a problem with your Bf, not with her.

 

The biggest issue is reflected by his renewing the lease contract of their place, while you want (and financially able) to move in with him. I'm really really not a big fan of advices like "dump him!" or anything, But I just can't imagine a situation as you described here, in which he cares for you or love you.

 

When I was young, I would have tried to shift mountains in order to move in with my beloved Gf. I would have tried to help her with money if I could, and if i couldn't, I would have never chosen a roommate that would upset or hurt my Gf.

 

It seems that you Bf doesn't really care about your feelings. I'm not saying that he isn't allowed to have his friend as a roommate in principle, but his behavior indicates that he disrespect you, I would say doesn't love you. I can't find any other reason in my mind for his behavior.

[smackie9]

It's not her it's your BF that's the problem. If it were me.... them moving in together would be a hug deal breaker....I would have walked. There is more going on under your nose than you think.

 

IMO you are just prolonging the inevitable.

[Space Ritual]

I'm been dating my bf for almost 5 years.

 

Last November he moved in with his female friend which i was in NO WAY okay with. I was very vocal with it but he went behind my back and went ahead anyway. It totally broke my heart and even chose to see a therapist for about 6 weeks from feb of this year (he has no idea).

 

The fact was that i had ALREADY (about a year previous) has issues with her that i had spoken to him about. He always talked about he and put photos of them hanging out on fb (and never of me). So that added insult to injury to the move in.

 

When they moved in it was only the second time i had met her. The first was at their graduation (they did the same uni course). I didn't feel like i did now that day, so i tried to talk to her to see what she was like, but she was just on her phone the whole time and didn't really talk back to me. So I was just kind of 'whatever' and just carried on without thinking of her. Then he suggested that they move in.

 

The reason i didn't move in is that I didn't really have the money at the time. I was starting out as freelance so i was struggling getting work. Now i'm okay for money, but they renewed their house for another year with out telling me. I was sending him houses and felt such a fool when he told me.

 

She's so needy and immature when we are hanging out at his, always calling my bf for help (can't get the bag out the rubbish bin, catch this spider...). And always talks over the tv when we are watching shows together. That kind of thing. In the morning on weekends she wears this little nightdress and lies on the sofa and you can can see pretty much everything. This really upset me on particular day and i told my bf but he just turned in back on me, 'Its her house and she can wear what she wants'. This really hurt me as she should have more respect for me as his gf and cover up a little more. That day she really upset me, shared her food with my bf (and didn't offer me any) and kept calling him away from me.

 

She has been off work for about a month or so because of stress at work (she's a teacher) then one day she got some bad news and took some pills. She called my bf at work (why not an her own bf/parents/ friend / AMBULANCE!) asking him what she should do. Obviously he said call an ambulance and they went to the hospital together. I'm not a horrible person and its a terrible thing to want to do but it wasn't a real try but a call for help. I was upset that she did that to herself (as much as I hate her) but even more upset that my bf had to go through that. A friend of mine's brother tried to kill himself (and almost succeeded) and i helped her through that. It broke my heart to see my friend go through that so it brought back those emotions.

 

She's fine though and the whole thing doesn't feel the same as my friend. I think she just made a stupid mistake which shows her immaturity.

 

Sorry it was so long! I hate feeling this way just i'm fed up with pretending that i'm okay with it. I can't take it any more so i'm going to tell him (eventually) that i want nothing to do with her. If she's there, we either hang in his room or we go to my house.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Your Boyfriend is so full of crap his teeth are floating.

 

Get rid of him. He is banging his roommate. As sure as the sky is blue and the grass is green he is banging her.

 

I'm so very sorry but I won't even attempt to be anything but brutally direct here. If you spend one more ounce of energy on this Doofus other than to tell him to come pick up his crap at your house you are wasting too many ounces.

[Space Ritual]

It's not her it's your BF that's the problem. If it were me.... them moving in together would be a hug deal breaker....I would have walked. There is more going on under your nose than you think.

 

IMO you are just prolonging the inevitable.

 

 

I'd prolong it enough to go over there one last time and take a dump in one of his dresser drawers, but that's just me...lol

[smackie9]

I'd prolong it enough to go over there one last time and take a dump in one of his dresser drawers, but that's just me...lol

 

Stuff the shower curtain rod with some kind of uncooked seafood. They signed a lease for another year....they will have to put up with the stink.

[Space Ritual]

Yuck

 

LOL

[smackie9]

The trick is that they will never be able to find the source lol

[Cherryz]

Hm, looking at what you wrote........

How old are you guys?

I would say choose for yourself either way! F--- him!

 

Because its like she is the gf and you the freind.

Moving in with some other girl and behind your back says alot about

how he respect you or whos more important to him.

 

Stop wasting your time with this guy. And put some deadlines and

stick to it. If he dont do the work break up!

 

This girl is very disrespectful and who knows what gos on in that house

when they are alone. Who ever they are, you put man and woman together

you dont know what may happen. And her walking like a slut around, is a huge problem! Your bf still a man so seeing such nudity i guess daily also can lead to places that maybe he ddnt plan to go. Beside she feels comfortable to do it in-front of him so

thats says alot.

 

I would say break up now or as soon as possible. Cause its not okay that he treat you like you the one entering their life or relationship.

Its not your job to force him to see you as gf.

He should have tell that girl not just about when you are around but at all times not to

walk like a slut around.

He shouldn't have moved in with her atoll.

 

This guy may be playing you also beside all this mess.

So choose for your self! Have one serious conversations with what u aspect of him in which period of time and if he not then its over!!

So many guys out there waiting for you and who will respect you!

No need to waste time on people that dont treat you rigth!

[Cherryz]

Ps: Dont give him a year atoll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

days or few weeks or maybe a little month. Meanwhile prepare yourself for the break up.

Cause there is big chance he wont move a finger to keep you and blame it on the 1 year lease. and so on.

Dont make those your problem. Go hard on him with what you want him to do and in which period of time. But dont aspect anything. Just see what hes gonna do. Cause i think he dont care about you. And he more loyal to this "roommate"""friend" girl.

[earlymorningshakes]

I'm been dating my bf for almost 5 years.

 

Last November he moved in with his female friend which i was in NO WAY okay with. I was very vocal with it but he went behind my back and went ahead anyway. It totally broke my heart and even chose to see a therapist for about 6 weeks from feb of this year (he has no idea).

 

The fact was that i had ALREADY (about a year previous) has issues with her that i had spoken to him about. He always talked about he and put photos of them hanging out on fb (and never of me). So that added insult to injury to the move in.

 

When they moved in it was only the second time i had met her. The first was at their graduation (they did the same uni course). I didn't feel like i did now that day, so i tried to talk to her to see what she was like, but she was just on her phone the whole time and didn't really talk back to me. So I was just kind of 'whatever' and just carried on without thinking of her. Then he suggested that they move in.

 

The reason i didn't move in is that I didn't really have the money at the time. I was starting out as freelance so i was struggling getting work. Now i'm okay for money, but they renewed their house for another year with out telling me. I was sending him houses and felt such a fool when he told me.

 

She's so needy and immature when we are hanging out at his, always calling my bf for help (can't get the bag out the rubbish bin, catch this spider...). And always talks over the tv when we are watching shows together. That kind of thing. In the morning on weekends she wears this little nightdress and lies on the sofa and you can can see pretty much everything. This really upset me on particular day and i told my bf but he just turned in back on me, 'Its her house and she can wear what she wants'. This really hurt me as she should have more respect for me as his gf and cover up a little more. That day she really upset me, shared her food with my bf (and didn't offer me any) and kept calling him away from me.

 

She has been off work for about a month or so because of stress at work (she's a teacher) then one day she got some bad news and took some pills. She called my bf at work (why not an her own bf/parents/ friend / AMBULANCE!) asking him what she should do. Obviously he said call an ambulance and they went to the hospital together. I'm not a horrible person and its a terrible thing to want to do but it wasn't a real try but a call for help. I was upset that she did that to herself (as much as I hate her) but even more upset that my bf had to go through that. A friend of mine's brother tried to kill himself (and almost succeeded) and i helped her through that. It broke my heart to see my friend go through that so it brought back those emotions.

 

She's fine though and the whole thing doesn't feel the same as my friend. I think she just made a stupid mistake which shows her immaturity.

 

Sorry it was so long! I hate feeling this way just i'm fed up with pretending that i'm okay with it. I can't take it any more so i'm going to tell him (eventually) that i want nothing to do with her. If she's there, we either hang in his room or we go to my house.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

WHAT THE WHAT! Just reading this made me angry for you. I agree with an above poster - I am usually never a "just break up with him" advocate, but in this case I cannot believe you let him continue in a relationship with you after he disrespected you by moving in with another female!

 

I'm sorry, no straight male who is in a relationship should be living alone with a female who isn't the g/f. That is some serious temptation and from your description of her, I would bet she is vying for him. Hun, he clearly has no respect or true love for you if he is disrespecting your feelings like he is.

[Spectre]

All I had to read was "he moved in with a female friend" to know this guy was a chump and no good. I am sorry but if you are in a relationship the only reason you move in with a member of the opposite sex is if you are moving in with your parents or sibling. Not with some chick(or some dude if you are female).

 

Also wait I am confused at how people are saying it is not the female friend she has a problem with, but the boyfriend. It seems like both. Come on, I know it is her place but she is running around in skimpy little outfits and seems to generally want to exclude the girlfriend.

 

I think the boyfriend is a d-bag and his room mate knows the gf is upset over them living together and is essentially f*cking with the OP with her behavior. It seems like she realizes the bf doesn't care and is playing it up. Or something is going on between them and she is being passive aggressive towards you due to jealousy.

Edited December 16, 2015 by Spectre

[bluefeather]

5 years together and he pulls some sh*t like that? No way in hell I'd put up with that.

[TunaCat]

Listen, I don't have an issue with guys and girls being friends and even living together. Yeah, I know I probably sound stupid to most of the posters here, but I'm one who has no issues with establishing boundaries.

 

OP, your boyfriend is being extremely inconsiderate to you. Drop him like a hot potato right now.

 

And actually, your (hopefully soon ex) boyfriend is right. If she wants to walk around her OWN home in a nightdress, she CAN.

 

It's your boyfriend that's the problem. He isn't treating you the way you deserve.

[66Charger]

Stuff the shower curtain rod with some kind of uncooked seafood. They signed a lease for another year....they will have to put up with the stink.

 

Damn!! Thats just downright dirty Smackie. Did you actually do this?

[Toodaloo]

The trick is that they will never be able to find the source lol

 

If you sew it into the hem of their curtains chances are they will take them with them when they move...

 

Just saying!

[Toodaloo]

Damn!! Thats just downright dirty Smackie. Did you actually do this?

 

You haven't?

[Try]

In the morning on weekends she wears this little nightdress and lies on the sofa and you can can see pretty much everything. This really upset me on particular day and i told my bf but he just turned in back on me, 'Its her house and she can wear what she wants'.

Bring this up again, by telling him that she enjoyed showing him everything with you were right there, because she enjoys disrespecting you almost as much as he gets off on her flashing him in front of you. When he says "Its her house and she can wear what she wants", you tell him this is exactly why it was wrong for him to be living with her in her house. Tell him that you want him out of the house with her, and that if she cannot find another roommate, you will move in to take his place, but at all cost he must move out right now or you are done.

 

He will not move because there is more going on than you know. The truth is you need to drop this guy and find a new boyfriend that does not move in with another woman behind your back, and then renew the lease for a year behind your back, so that he does not have to move in with you. Yes, he is choosing to live with her and not you because that is what he really wants. Somewhere out there is a guy that would wake up everyday thanking God that they had you in their life and would be begging you to move in with them. That guy is not your current boyfriend. Every day that you stay in this relationship, is a day of your life lost.

[Standard-Fare]

It would be one thing if he was already living with this girl when you met him... but no, he moved in with her during the course of dating you... then renewed the lease yet another time behind your back.

 

And this isn't some random chick who he just happens to share a house with. (Some M-F roommate situations are like that, and totally innocent and inoffensive.) This is an unstable drama-queen who demands way too much of a guy she is NOT dating, and blatantly disrespects you, his longtime girlfriend.

 

So yes, you have every reason to be p*ssed off. I think trying to set rules like "We'll only hang out in my BF's room or at my house" is too mild. That means you're rearranging your life around this girl.

 

The real demand you should be making is that your BF, after five years with you, step up to the plate and minimize the role this girl plays in his life. Whether you two move in together or not, he's gotta find a way to break that lease and get out of this situation if he wants to keep dating you.

[bathtub-row]

I don't think your bf ever had a lick of respect for you, and he has even less now that you've shown that you're willing to put up with this kind of nonsense. I would've dumped him the day he moved in with her without talking to me about it. You're nuts to put up with this one second longer.

 

It's not even about whether they're screwing around with one another or not, it has to do with his total disregard for you.

[hippychick3]

He is clearly not respecting you or making you a priority in his life. If he isn't physically cheating, he very likely is emotionally cheating.

 

My boyfriend who is currently renting was contemplating what to do when his lease was up. Since we are unable to live together at this time, he brought up the possibility of living with a female friend as a roommate as she also needed a place to stay. The girl is very pretty lesbian. However, I clearly expressed the fact that I would not be okay with this scenario despite her sexual orientation. If he were to have a female roommate who was not a relative, it just wouldn't work for me. The only future female "roommate" will be me, or I'm out of the relationship. We did not fight about it, and it wasn't at all a lengthy discussion. But, the point got across, and he would not consider that as an option again.

 

If you were important enough to him, this girl wouldn't be his roommate.

[Qboro90]

I don't really see where people can see this as anything but incredible insecurity and jealousy issues from the OP. I'll preface the rest of this reply with saying that if the BF and this girl had ever dated/slept together, or if your BF said he used to have a crush on her, or she liked him, or if she makes attempts to hook up with him, flirt with him etc.. Than of course she has a right to be angry and that changes everything.

 

However, if her BF and this girl are legitimately just friends who have known one another for years or grew up together then there is a ton of what Op said which leads me to believe most of it is formulated in her own head in order to make the friend look like the worst person possible whose trying to steal her BF.

 

Does the girl have a boyfriend of her own? Does she actively date? Or is she always single and hanging around your BF? When you hang out with your BF, does she allow you two privacy or is she the constant 3rd wheel? Sorry but "talking loudly over the TV" isn't a valid gripe to have and as much as you want to pick apart her every move, the house is hers, not yours, and she can talk as loud as she likes, whenever she likes.

 

You've also made this into something that could destroy your relationship when you actually could've acted and approached it differently which would strengthen your RS with your BF. Trust me, I know how it can feel to have a gf constantly be jealous or consistently bringing up how she doesn't like one of my girl/friends because she's jealous or thinks the friend has bad intentions, when in fact I'm not attracted to the girl whatsoever and always looked at her like a sister.

 

By bringing it up over and over, you're giving her power over your relationship, and most likely forcing them to have discussions about your insecurities when you're not there because it's so obvious they can't ignore it.

 

You said you only met the girl twice or tried to hang it with her but she was on her phone during the first time u met at graduation. She's not supposed to drop everything she's doing and devote her time to a basic stranger on the day she graduated college. All you should've expected was an introduction and congratulate her on graduating. Being mad at her for not giving you attention is unreasonable. I'm guessing you haven't made any effort to befriend this girl and have had negative thoughts/feings about her since day 1. So there's nothing she could ever do that would change your mind.

 

You could've made her your friend as well, if you put the effort in to get to know her then you would know more about her as a person and what her intentions may or may not be. If she liked you then she would be more courteous when you're having cuddle time with your BF while she's home.

 

Has this girl ever done anything inappropriate with your BF? Have they hooked up or hav you heard any rumors from their other friends about any secret intimacy between them? If it's never Come up then re evaluate this whole thing

[smackie9]

Damn!! Thats just downright dirty Smackie. Did you actually do this?

Hah no. Just one of those things you hear about.

[Brandyundercover45]

I don't really see where people can see this as anything but incredible insecurity and jealousy issues from the OP. I'll preface the rest of this reply with saying that if the BF and this girl had ever dated/slept together, or if your BF said he used to have a crush on her, or she liked him, or if she makes attempts to hook up with him, flirt with him etc.. Than of course she has a right to be angry and that changes everything.

 

However, if her BF and this girl are legitimately just friends who have known one another for years or grew up together then there is a ton of what Op said which leads me to believe most of it is formulated in her own head in order to make the friend look like the worst person possible whose trying to steal her BF.

 

Does the girl have a boyfriend of her own? Does she actively date? Or is she always single and hanging around your BF? When you hang out with your BF, does she allow you two privacy or is she the constant 3rd wheel? Sorry but "talking loudly over the TV" isn't a valid gripe to have and as much as you want to pick apart her every move, the house is hers, not yours, and she can talk as loud as she likes, whenever she likes.

 

You've also made this into something that could destroy your relationship when you actually could've acted and approached it differently which would strengthen your RS with your BF. Trust me, I know how it can feel to have a gf constantly be jealous or consistently bringing up how she doesn't like one of my girl/friends because she's jealous or thinks the friend has bad intentions, when in fact I'm not attracted to the girl whatsoever and always looked at her like a sister.

 

By bringing it up over and over, you're giving her power over your relationship, and most likely forcing them to have discussions about your insecurities when you're not there because it's so obvious they can't ignore it.

 

You said you only met the girl twice or tried to hang it with her but she was on her phone during the first time u met at graduation. She's not supposed to drop everything she's doing and devote her time to a basic stranger on the day she graduated college. All you should've expected was an introduction and congratulate her on graduating. Being mad at her for not giving you attention is unreasonable. I'm guessing you haven't made any effort to befriend this girl and have had negative thoughts/feings about her since day 1. So there's nothing she could ever do that would change your mind.

 

You could've made her your friend as well, if you put the effort in to get to know her then you would know more about her as a person and what her intentions may or may not be. If she liked you then she would be more courteous when you're having cuddle time with your BF while she's home.

 

Has this girl ever done anything inappropriate with your BF? Have they hooked up or hav you heard any rumors from their other friends about any secret intimacy between them? If it's never Come up then re evaluate this whole thing

Are you serious? I think this goes a bit beyond the OP's insecurity and maturity. I don't give a damn how old you are, and how long you've been friends, if you're my bf and you move in with another woman AFTER we have been together for so long we're done. Period. You either move in with me or MALE roommates, but you won't be moving in with a "friend" who lays around in skimpy clothes and beckon's you all day. Not happening, not having it, not even going to entertain it. That is the ops issue right there, she let it happen and then it sounds like SHE'S immature or wrong by bringing it up. BS! If he loved her he would have more respect for her and would know that even if nothing was going on with him and the friend, the fact that it is causing issues with their relationship, the situation is not cool.