remorseful_tab Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 Well my pain time is here. This will be the first Christmas without my husband since I met him. We used to alternate years regarding visiting our parents - 25th spent with his parents and New Year spent with my mother & my uncles, aunts and their family and the reverse order for the next year. This year it will be separate. The problem is who will our son spend with. Husband as usual will go to his parents. He wants to take our son with him. Because (if you remember) my H's grandfather is very very sick. He wishes to see his great grandson for the Christmas. Husband hasn't demanded me but put it as a suggestion because he may not be alive next year. Truth be told even I wanted to see the old man but didn't have any oppurtunity. I am willing to let my son go with his father. But I don't want to feel lonely during Christmas. Losing my marriage and not son being with me, I will be having a very depressed Christmas. In the same time, I love the old man to death. Its makes me so sad to think that my selfishness may cost him the chance to spend time with his great grandson one last Christmas. Why life has to be full of so many hard choices? Any suggestion? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 Why life has to be full of so many hard choices? Any suggestion? I agree letting your son see his great grandfather is the kind thing to do and puts (as it should be) their interests first. How about volunteering on that day? I guarantee serving others will give you time out from your own problems and there are places that can use your help. I did it on the holidays I didn't have my son when first divorced and it was a great mental break from the loneliness of being newly single. Hope you find some joy in this holiday... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OmahaDivorce Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Hi @remorseful_tab - I know what you're talking about. Christmas and thanksgiving can be the two hardest holidays. I know that not having your son with you is hard, but I think you're on the right path. I remember when I was first divorced, I didn't have my girls with me on Christmas either and Mr. Lucky's idea about serving others is a great way to distract yourself. One idea might be baking cookies to give to all of the neighbors. I've always found that cookies make everybody's day brighter. Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I remember my first Christmas alone after divorce. I thought I was going to be miserable and sad. But I told myself, "It's a day off just for you. You do what you want." So I stayed in my pajamas, got a little bag of weed, and gamed from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. Nobody bothered me, there was no nagging, and I didn't have to go to my in laws'! The day was mine to be slothful and lazy. I loved every minute of it. This will be my fourth Christmas alone. And I'm really looking forward to it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DSP Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 This will be my second without my children. The first was beyond description though I tried by coming on here and letting it all out. It was painful and gut wrenching. The gift I received from them is the most sentimental thing I own. It is a 0.99 cent screw driver and I'll probably be buried with it. This year will be different and it will not be that bad. I stuck to my word and sold ice to Eskimos so I would have presents under the tree. I took a step back and agreed to things for the benefit of the children. I will celebrate on the 24th and send them back that night so they can wake up at mothers to open presents on Christmas morning. This isn't about me it's about you and what you are going through so I will add this: You will not feel this way next year. It is not a hard choice - Let your child go with his father and see his great grandfather. You will not regret it next year. You will actually feel relieved you did it and you will be proud of yourself for being selfless. This is what Christmas is about. Send a card with your child for the great grandfather. He is very sick and will not walk this earth next year a card is the least you can do for him. Make the most out of the day in any way you can and Merry Christmas from an internet stranger across the world. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Remorseful, This is one of those times where the needs of your son will have to come first. If I was you I would let him spend Christmas with his father. It will be tough, but you are strong and can do this. Can you visit your family, or do you have good friends you can spend the day with? I would plan the day out and make sure you have the best time that can be had under the circumstances. I would also write the letter and send it with your son as well. Wishing you the best...... Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Honestly, its just another day. Let your son go and look to do something different yourself. Are there any places that you can volunteer to help out at. Locally with me a group of people put on Christmas dinner for older people who are on their own. Its brilliant and so rewarding to help out and see the smiles and receive the thanks Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Well my pain time is here. This will be the first Christmas without my husband since I met him. We used to alternate years regarding visiting our parents - 25th spent with his parents and New Year spent with my mother & my uncles, aunts and their family and the reverse order for the next year. This year it will be separate. The problem is who will our son spend with. Husband as usual will go to his parents. He wants to take our son with him. Because (if you remember) my H's grandfather is very very sick. He wishes to see his great grandson for the Christmas. Husband hasn't demanded me but put it as a suggestion because he may not be alive next year. Truth be told even I wanted to see the old man but didn't have any oppurtunity. I am willing to let my son go with his father. But I don't want to feel lonely during Christmas. Losing my marriage and not son being with me, I will be having a very depressed Christmas. In the same time, I love the old man to death. Its makes me so sad to think that my selfishness may cost him the chance to spend time with his great grandson one last Christmas. Why life has to be full of so many hard choices? Any suggestion? My brother is divorced and the kids alternate at Christmas. One of the most selfless things my ex SIL did was letting the kids go with my brother and spend Christmas with our family .... even when it was her turn. I had visions of her all alone because where my family is very close.. hers isn't. I honestly feel she put the enjoyment of the kids..before her own feelings..knowing it would be more enjoyable for them with their cousins..as there are no kids on her side of the family. Whilst I believe she is selfish in some ways.. she let the kids have fun. ..and is doing it again this year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mobi Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 This was the first Christmas away from my ex. It was hard on my oldest, but Santa was good to us. The younger one was too young to know any difference. It hurt a lot for me cause I heard the father hurting when he spoke to his children over the phone. Separation is never easy, and the holidays make it worse. I guess, you can only take it moment by moment and do your best to make the best of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostmyworld Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Hardest thing to accept knowing your family is tore apart and holidays are the hardest especially christmas when kids would get up real early and wake you up to open gifts i will forever miss that and cherish the memories. Link to post Share on other sites
Author remorseful_tab Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 Thanks everyone! Christmas wasn't so bad. I did send son with his father. And I sent give along for husband, inlaws and the old man. They all called and wished me. Though no one spoke of the broken family (probably because nobody wanted to stir the nest during festive season), the conversation was awkward. Pleasant thing is husband gave me a very thoughtful gift. Why does he have to do that? Why can't he just be nasty to me? Will make this a lot easier. I spent the day with my mum and her boyfriend. My sister and my mother's sister came too along with her family as usual. I thought I will be so lonely but I really had a nice day. Went to church after a very very long time. On my own. Don't know why. But it felt good to sit and listen to the choir. Sang loudly to "God rest ye merry gentlemen" Not so bad actually. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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