rob79dj Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 Hello all! So, I've read a few posts on here but couldn't find something similar to my situation, but wanted some outside opinions and thought this was the appropriate forum. I'll try to make the story as short and sweet so you can get the idea of what's going on. I met this girl 6 months ago. I'm 36 and she's 33 with 2 girls at home (12 &14). We had a great first date and great connection. The second date ended up at my place, so that's how well the physical connection went. Within about a month, we were exclusive and a couple weeks after that, were saying we're in love. There were some things that threw me off, but I didn't pay much mind to these later to be realized as being red flags. We had arguments, way more than what should be tolerated for a new relationship. She had many mood swings and would ask me questions about my ex and basically try to compare. When I said I don't talk about the past relationships and start new with a clean slate, she basically said ok to shut me up, but it never stopped. One time she broke up with me over it because one thing led to another and the argument became about many topics. Nothing that serious honestly. The following 2 weeks, she also broke up with me 2 more times (3 weekends in a row). After the third time I was blocking her number and she was creating fake numbers to contact me constantly for the next 36 hours. I finally had to say "wtf do you want?" and she went on to say how she's desperate to have me, doesn't want to feel like that anymore and will do whatever to be with me so we can be happy. I believed her and said we could, but would be on a "trial" for a week so I can see her attitude change. One week later, she misunderstood a text message I sent and started blaming me for "cheating" on her and "talking to other bitches." I could not believe that just a few days ago she was so desperate to have me in her life, and now for her to act like this knowing what we just went through and how I probably shouldn't even have spoke with her after hurting me. I cut her off and ignored her messages and phone calls for the following 2 weeks. I started moving on, dating other people and met this girl who I went on a few dates with. She never stopped trying to contact me. She had stopped by my job the week before with cards and chocolate basically begging me to give her another chance to make it up to me and let her prove she will treat me right. In the mean time, I was out with this new girl I met, moving on, as I thought was best based on our history of repeated issues. So here we are, about a month and a half later, and a couple nights ago I had to question her why she's still sending me messages and calling me. Again; she was begging me to give her a chance, and I considered and gave in for her to visit me that night with the term that we can start slow and maybe see each other once a week and see how things go. I do still love her, and wish it worked, and at the same time found this other girl who In the first month I've known her, has not given me one issue like I've experienced with the ex in the first month with her. Now, I'm at a crossroads where my ex thinks we are together like the past and everything is peachy (and for a couple days so far, we're getting along fine), yet this new girl is asking when she can see me. I don't want to hurt her or play anyone. I feel like I should tell her I need some time while she is away (for 2 weeks on vacation). This is the part where I am struggling. It'll be something very difficult to do, so I need some help with the best way to handle this. feel free to ask me any questions for some details I have left out. Thanks in advance for your time. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 Red Flags galore. I can guarantee you that she will continue her behavior. She clearly has a lot of issues to hammer out and unless you are willing to be there and work with her through them, then I would end it for good. She can cry, stomp, beg and declare her love for you but her actions speak louder than words and it would take a long time and a lot of work for her to change. Move on and give this new girl a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Chronotrgr Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 Run, even if your in the middle of hanky panky right now, run with your pants round your ankles, things won't get better, you know yourself that it's a lie, I've been with enough tin foil hats in my time to know better, they will punish you for every single thing that you do, I couldn't so much as ride my bike down the street and come back without a problem coming of it, at her age in her position (2 teenage girls from another mans trousers) is she really in a position to punish you for past relationships?, go balls deep in this new girl if she's away from the fairies and live happily ever after bustling nuts 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 Run, even if your in the middle of hanky panky right now, run with your pants round your ankles, things won't get better, you know yourself that it's a lie, I've been with enough tin foil hats in my time to know better, they will punish you for every single thing that you do, I couldn't so much as ride my bike down the street and come back without a problem coming of it, at her age in her position (2 teenage girls from another mans trousers) is she really in a position to punish you for past relationships?, go balls deep in this new girl if she's away from the fairies and live happily ever after bustling nuts OMG, this was funny as h***! Link to post Share on other sites
Glynda Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Best thing to do is run. This girl has some issues and needs some serious therapy before she should have another relationship. I learned a long time ago when you give someone a second chance and it doesn't work out, they will keep popping up wanting a 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. Block her communications and if she keeps harassing you, you made need a restraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 1 second chance . . . OK fine you are the forgiving type. There is way too much drama in this very short relationship for you to continue. This cycle already shows the relationship was dysfunctional at best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rob79dj Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 Red Flags galore. I can guarantee you that she will continue her behavior. She clearly has a lot of issues to hammer out and unless you are willing to be there and work with her through them, then I would end it for good. She can cry, stomp, beg and declare her love for you but her actions speak louder than words and it would take a long time and a lot of work for her to change. Move on and give this new girl a chance. I am pretty much thinking the same as you all have so far surmised the situation. My brother and a couple people I spoke with basically said don't even give her my time after hearing what's been going on the past few months. There were a lot of other issues, but those were just a few for the safe of brevity here. Chronotrgr, that was hilarious, but truth in it. I remember this one time over the summer when she was going to work, I said I wanted to go to the pool by myself to cool off, and she "jokingly" said no, I shouldn't to which my reply was, i'm a grown man and can go where I want and don't care that she says I can't. She eventually said she was joking, but that wasn't the first or last time something like that would happen. The cycle would go every week or two. Our communication the past couple days has been "normal" and she's been beyond sweet, but from past experience, it has only lasted a week or two before some issue came up. Regardless, there are feelings that I can't just throw away and that's why i'm even putting any time or consideration into discussing with her. She has admitted to me a couple weeks ago that she is bi-polar and used to be on medication years ago, but didn't like that it controlled her. I thought in my head and told her, that maybe she still needed it. She had a 10+ year marriage to her babies' daddy that didn't have any of the issues we have experienced. Her relationship style is basically keeping tabs on what i'm doing when we're not together to the point where if i'm not at work and don't respond to her text in under 10 minutes she asks what am I doing. I like to stay in touch honestly, but some things she says just hit me as "off". I figure in the next 2 weeks, i'll find out if her old ways creep back. I hate the cycle and don't have a whole lot of confidence for a drama free future with her. This new girl has been pretty busy and will be out of the country for 2 weeks starting next week, I will also be out of town for a week. She had asked me when I would invite her to my house, but I didn't answer because I don't feel that would be a good idea also for the reason my ex has a history of just showing up unannounced whether i'm home or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rob79dj Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 Not to focus on the negative, she can be sweet and generous and very passionate when she cares for someone. She doesn't ask me for anything and doesn't care about money or anyone supporting her. Great looking and has many options as far as guys go if she wanted to. But she has always claimed to want only be, whether she was acting crazy or loving. Just wanted to add that. I'm not trying to bash her, she genuinely loves me and the feeling is mutual. Link to post Share on other sites
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