bluetuesday Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 either i'm suffering from terminal apathy or this is what inner peace feels like. sometimes i just don't care, about anything much. not even enough to change the things i wish were different. for example i'd like more money and less ass. but i'm not driven to get them. at least not driven enough. i don't want them badly enough. because i know in the end they don't matter. i don't feel unhappy, quite the opposite most of the time, i just don't have the motivation to DO anything. and looking around me, this doesn't seem quite normal. most times i just want to sit and be alone and think and just BE and not be bothered by stuff. i'm a real loner. and i'm letting friends slide because mostly i don't care enough if i keep them or not. i'm just not that fussed about having people around me. okay, it's not that i don't do ANYTHING. i have a job i go to every day and i enjoy it and i go to the cinema and read books and meet friends and have a laugh but i don't have any material ambition for my life. i want to be happy (which i am) and to love people (which i try to) and that's about it. if i achieve nothing material, if i never own a house, if i don't leave a legacy, if nothing i do really matters to all but the few people who stray across my path, it doesn't matter to me. anyone identify? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 John Milton said that solitude is the best society. Works for me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Yep. I could've written parts of that post. I am interested in everything, but never have wanted very many things BADLY. Or maybe it's because I either didn't get what I wanted or lost what I had that I realized it's easier to quit wanting things. But I am happy. I think it's a Buddhist sort of detached happiness. I do think a little differently about my friends; then again, most of my buds are more family than friends now - we may not get in touch often, but when we do, it's like we just spoke to each other. But I don't actively pursue many new relationships because I've not committed to staying where I am and it's worse leaving when you have a lot of attachments. I have my spot on the planet that belongs to me. Now no matter where I go or what I do, I have 'roots' of a sort. Which, in many ways, frees me more to do what I want and go where I want. I do want to have left this planet a wee bit better for my having been here, though - if only not to have wasted the planet's good resources on sustaining a creature who returned nothing! I'm actually very grateful that I'm free of a lot of the constraints others have and so I think the least I can do is to give in return. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluetuesday Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 oh yes i'm deeply interested in things, i have a curiosity to know things, which is why i read and read and read. the world genuinely fascinates me. i can let my tax returns slide but i can't walk past a street beggar. i'm somewhat the same with friends as you, merry. we don't speak for months and then just click back into place. but that makes me lazy about them. i don't feel the need to maintain the relationships. and if they go, as some do, i don't feel the need to replace them. i don't know. i feel peaceful. maybe this is enlightenment. of sorts. thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 If it helps, I asked a similar question of LSians some time ago thinking that I, too, may have just become complacent. The vote seemed to come down on the side of 'idealists don't need to be ambitious'. I do try to generate some desires in myself - travel is one and for that one does need $ so that's my incentive to work. But I still buy lottery tickets in hope of one day being cut loose from the production end of the market economy entirely Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 For a second when I was reading your post I thought "I don't remember writing that?" because it sounds like the way I feel too. Yesterday when I was stressing over getting a presentation to the UK for a meeting this morning I still felt like "so what if I don't and the company doesn't get the business and I lose my job?" It didn't really scare me like it would have 10 years ago. I don't have the motivation or drive to change the things I wish were changed either (well, some of them--I still change the air filter in my house! ) and it doesn't bother me. I've wondered if I'm apathetic or just getting older! Some might say that I'm 'settling' but I don't think so---I think I'm adapting and changing my priorities in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluetuesday Posted June 2, 2005 Author Share Posted June 2, 2005 aw thanks hokey. you too merry. maybe that's it then. maturity at last. contentment with what i have, peace with my place in the world and the space to enjoy simple pleasures. and if i'm anything like you fine women, well, i'm not doing bad. yes, i believe i can be very happy with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts