"I knew it from the moment I meet him/her, we were mean't to be married!"

[LookAtThisPOst]

The aforementioned in the headline is, well now days, would be considered a quite antiquated outlook. Usually from World War 2 days and earlier, but even occasionally, I'd usually hear married couples say this is how they would meet, and sometimes they didn't even know the person.

 

"See that woman over there, that's the woman I'm going to marry!" Sure enough, they date, get married, and 50 years later, kids, grandkids, great grand kids, great-great-grand kids. Still married of course.

 

No bulleted criteria lists, no claims of "there must be chemistry", no long laundry lists, of course...this was before the internet, so perhaps that plays a factor in throwing that all out of wack?

 

How could they have been so sure, that the random pretty lady they chosen in the room was so confident in thinking that would be his future wife? Is this an example of confidence?

 

Hell, I knew of a man who, back in his high school days met HIS wife by actually stealing her from her current, at the time, boyfriend by simply intimidating him out of dating her. No joke, true story. From then on, they've been together to this day.

 

Hearing stories like this is quite alien as I'm sure it is to others, but have you hear of such rare instances?

[d0nnivain]

I spent years thinking I would be one of those people. Growing up my mom always said when I met my husband I'd know. I was skeptical. Then one day I met this guy. I was actually introduced to him by a professor. Anyway, the guy shook my hand & it was a live electrical wire went up my arm. I was like Wow! I just met my husband. OMG! Then I wasted about 10 years of my life in an unhealthy dysfunctional relationship because I couldn't believe the universe & my mom were wrong.

 

 

As for the couples of bygone eras who say the automatically knew the other person was the one, divorce was a lot less prevalent then & there were huge social stigmas associated with splitting up so that may have played a part. Also I think back then people were more willing to be tolerant of their partner's shortcoming & to work on their relationships. Now people break up at the drop of a hat just because they feel unhappy at that moment.

[xxoo]

 

How could they have been so sure, that the random pretty lady they chosen in the room was so confident in thinking that would be his future wife? Is this an example of confidence?

 

They probably said that about every women they took a shine to. It was the thing to say. Sometimes, it actually worked out. Even a broken clock is correct twice a day.

[todreaminblue]

i think it is quite possible and i have read many stories where this has happened...i dont think there's anything wrong with it...........deb

[central]

Back then, people were generally expected to fit into cookie-cutter behaviors and roles, so by stifling themselves they could be a "good" match for almost anyone with whom they had physical attraction - barring the more extremes of negative traits, of course.

[Redfisher]

Does not mean they are happy...My parents have been married for 40 years and its a horrible marriage but they wont leave....Sad.

[Michelle ma Belle]

When I met my (ex) husband on a blind date, I went home that night and told my parents he was the guy I was going to marry. I just knew it in my bones. He was SO different from the usual guys I dated and it was just an instant connection. We dated 4 years before we actually married

 

Of course that means nothing in the end. You might end up together but it doesn't guarantee a happy or fulfilling life. My ex and I spent 20 years together before I ended things. I should have left 10 years earlier but didn't for so many reasons.

 

I agree with Redfisher in that many MANY people stay together for 20, 30 even 50 years but that has nothing to do with being happy.

[LookAtThisPOst]

When I met my (ex) husband on a blind date, I went home that night and told my parents he was the guy I was going to marry. I just knew it in my bones. He was SO different from the usual guys I dated and it was just an instant connection. We dated 4 years before we actually married

 

Of course that means nothing in the end. You might end up together but it doesn't guarantee a happy or fulfilling life. My ex and I spent 20 years together before I ended things. I should have left 10 years earlier but didn't for so many reasons.

 

I agree with Redfisher in that many MANY people stay together for 20, 30 even 50 years but that has nothing to do with being happy.

 

Yeah, the 20 year mark, so I've noticed...is kind of the "end times" of a marriage when their teenagers turn 18 and head off to college.

 

Either

 

1. It's a brand new honey moon after the kids moves out

2. Time to file for divorce after the kids move out.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Yeah, the 20 year mark, so I've noticed...is kind of the "end times" of a marriage when their teenagers turn 18 and head off to college.

 

Either

 

1. It's a brand new honey moon after the kids moves out

2. Time to file for divorce after the kids move out.

 

Maybe but that wasn't the case for me. My children were still fairly young. The decision came because of a serious lack of intimacy for way too many years and his denial and even avoidance that there was a problem.

[GorillaTheater]

No bulleted criteria lists, no claims of "there must be chemistry", no long laundry lists,

 

 

Assuming they've met and actually spent at least a moment or two together, I'd say that there must have been some pretty spectacular chemistry.

 

 

Unfortunately, chemistry can be pretty misleading. Hence the importance of the lists you mention when it comes to the person you intend on spending the rest of your life with.

 

 

Of course, you could be like me, proposing when I was young and drunk and her accepting for the same reasons. It worked out, but I wouldn't recommend that methodology to our kids.

[SmartDude]

Back in the days of WWII, people's emotional and mental capacity were much less than what it is in the average human today. The trend of individual-realization within a society seems to have started in the 60's and was present in the 80's.

 

It seems like a lot of people back in the WWII era were simply victims of their own naive infatuation. They got married, had children, and found that this was their life now...good or bad.

 

edit: *oops this still happens today, ok we are still neanderthals*

[casey.lives]

If the wife is attracted to dominating intimidating types of people ...it is what it.

Your partner in life reflects you. so... don't stand in the way of that kind of attraction if you're not a violent person. Good for them!!

[dreamingoftigers]

I was one of those people that had that moment!

 

But, it was with my ex-bf.

 

I was so certain he was the one I would marry.

 

Came close too. He actually left me at the altar.

 

He was incredibly conflict-avoidant.

 

I saw him recently. Wow. Did I ever dodge a bullet.

 

I know I've had issues with my husband, but honestly I am very glad I had my daughter with my husband and not my ex. He was very......not much of a leader or supportive.

 

Shortly before he left me at the altar, my brother had a heart attack (at 15 years old) and was permanently brain-injured. I asked him to be by me while we found out if my brother would make it (very low odds at the time). He gave me a REALLY LAME excuse. I said, "what if he dies?" Ex said: "it doesn't really matter because I don't really know him."

 

I was pretty shocked. I am actually glad he jilted me three weeks later. I was still in shock over my brother and couldn't have seen just how blatantly insensitive he was.

 

I met my husband shortly before I would have been married to ex-bf. I was very teary at the time having had my brother go into a coma and my wedding not happen.

 

My first real reaction to my husband:

 

Was it "we are so getting married"?

 

Nope. It was: he's fun. He'll be a good friend. He repulses me because he drinks. But we'll hang out anyway. It's not like I am going to marry the guy, or anyone for that matter.

 

He quit drinking within a week and we've been together 11 years. We also make cute kids together and I love him very very much. Also, my ex-bf used to have to be socially supported through everything and was quite self-righteous. My husband (for better or worse, mostly better now) is very socially apt and not weak on taking a stance about anything. Frankly his stubbornness is legendary, but there's no doubt about his capability.

 

First impressions are hardly iron-clad.

 

I've been with my husband 11 years. Better or worse.

 

My ex wasn't present longer than 2.5 when things were good and there was no pressure.

[GunslingerRoland]

It's easy to romanticize the past, but look at it like this. That generation found partners and got married really easily and everything was great.

 

 

Oh, until divorce became an option and the divorce rate jumped up from 0% to 60% in no time. People were miserable in their marriages, but they didn't have a lot of choices. If you wanted to have sex you had to get married. If you got married you had to stay married.

 

 

I agree with internet dating a lot of people focusing too much on the checklist, rather than finding the right person for them. But there is a reason the divorce rate is falling, more and more people are marrying for true love than ever before. Not just the first person they lust after.

[Nimue]

My parents were such a case. And they're still married. But

(1) They worked a lot so they didn't have to stare at each other till they get bored

(2) They are a bit like flowing water, strong but always willing to work on a compromise as calmly as possible

(3) They were poor and depended a lot on each other on building a good life together, so I guess the hardships helped them in bond more together

 

...They have raised my expectations too much though :/ (Not that I complain, haha ^^)

[No Limit]

I can't identify myself with such lines at all, got too many commitment-phobic notions in my head for that. I always freak out a little on the inside when the word 'love' is mentioned and directed at me.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

"See that woman over there, that's the woman I'm going to marry!"

 

How could they have been so sure, that the random pretty lady they chosen in the room was so confident in thinking that would be his future wife? Is this an example of confidence?

 

 

 

 

They were no more "sure" than is anyone today.

 

 

What they really meant was something like:

 

That's the person I'm going to show my un-harnessed vulnerability to...

 

 

... and as there were only, maybe, eight other people on earth at the time, those doing the responding to those first overtures were FAR more inclined to be intrigued when one of the 8 so boldly showed that vulnerability.

 

 

Now, you have thousands in your own general periphery, and millions more on the internet, all categorized for you to canvas...

[E-Squared]

My mom said the same thing about when she met my dad. They have been married for more than 30 years.

[Popsicle]

I don't know how you're sure but you just are. I was. I have no logical explanation for it.

[Bobbi7]

This was the BIGGEST lie I believed in the longest time!!!! All my life, I believed there was a thing like "true love." Well, what a crock, and this was when I was still a virgin and no experience in guys. It wasn't until I started dating and learning about domestic duties and things about my poon and how men like to "test drive the vehicle" first was when I knew the truth.