the ex-FWB who will ruin it - or maybe my obsession with her will ?

[crazyvj]

Hi everyone,

 

I have been following loveshack for a few months now and I signed up today as I am in a bit of situation with myself and my emotions really, and I am at loss as to what to do.

 

I have been seeing this guy for over a year now. I'm not sure when we started being in a relationship, fact is he's my first boyfriend (started a bit late) and I really really like him.

I met him at the gym where he was working, and we became friends really quickly. He introduced me to this girl who was training there, who didn't have many friends due to a language barrier (I'm living in a Portuguese-speaking country) and we became friends quite quickly.

My relationship with the guy also started to change and I could sense that we liked each other, but I also knew that the other girl liked him, and didn't want to be in the middle. But he said he didn't like her

So by September last year I went home for almost 2 months, and we hook up just before I left. I stayed in touch with them, whilst away.

When I got back, another friend told me that the 2 of them had become friends with benefits for the time I was away but he had broken things off when he find out I was coming back.

 

Don't get me wrong, we only hooked up once, he's free to do what he likes. The thing is the other girl developed feelings for him, and told him how she felt. He apparently said that he wanted to see where things went with me, that he really liked me.

 

So the other girl who I really liked, started behaving like a bitch with me, and cut me off completely. None of them never came clean, and they didn't know I knew, since another close friend told me.

And that's the thing: he never came clean, always protected her and her feelings (when he found out that I had known since the very beginning, he told me he hadnt said anything because if I had known I'd never go out with him)

The thing is I knew all along, and I was observing them, it didn't really matter. What mattered was how over protective of her, and the fact that she knew about me, but I wasn't allowed the same respect and trust; that he didn't care about protecting my feelings the same way he cared about hers)

 

And our relationship has been ups and downs, until she left. During that time, she broke off contact with me, behaved like a bitch, and made me feel like crap. But she never told me why, never had the decency to say anything)

 

Now she's gone. She left being the nice girl and me the mean girl who doesn't care about protecting her feelings.

 

This whole relationship started on a very shaky foundation. Since she left, he called me her name twice (he said he didn't mean it, we're the only two girls who he talks English to) and yesterday I randomly saw whilst he was showing me something, that they speak very regularly, even though she's away.

 

I know it might sound silly, especially since she's no longer here, but I guess considering the effect she has had on our relationship, on me, how she treated me, I felt betrayed and really hurt. I realized that I will never be able to accept their relationship, that I will always be too insecure and that that if at the end of the day, he doesn't understand what he's doing to me, and how much he's hurting me, he showed me where his priorities lie.

 

I'm sorry for the long confusing post.

I'm confused myself.

Feelings are something of another universe sometimes.

 

I have very little experience with relationships, I know that I really really like him, but the fact that he doesn't see what he's doing to me, is very hurtful. If even far away she's till worth ruining what we have (since I obviously for some reason can't get over it) the best thing would be breaking up.

 

any advice, comments or reflection would be extremely appreciated.

 

Thank you

a very confused Ves

[Toodaloo]

Make it less confused and stop talking to both.

 

You have nothing to be ashamed or worried about. Too much drama is too much strife.

[winny]

This is so close to a situation I was in.

I understand how exactly u feel .... I was in your place in all that drama. Good that she has left now so u don't have to see her face to face. I have to. And the guy being protective of her ... Same thing I have to go thru.

 

Anyways... Best solution is to distance yourself from them.

He might like u but he has something with her too... In my case the guy is protective of the gal bcoz it was him who instigated her to behave that way with me so in a way he was protecting himself by protecting her. It could be same in your case too. He might have done something - to make u jealous or play mind games with u to make u like him... But he doesn't want u to know these games. And he might have taken help from.this gal to play the games on u so she has some power over him.