My mom judged me for kissing a guy at a party? Why is she so dense?

[Tallgirl91]

I am 21 years old and was talking to my mom on the phone and told her about a guy I met and how nice he was. I then made the mistake of telling her that he kissed me. My mom acted really annoyed saying ' ladies dont let a guy kiss them the first time meeting them'.. then I told her that didn't make any sense and she then asked ' was it tounge and tounge?". I found this to be an incredibly uncomfortable question and proceeded to change the topic. yes it was a french kiss but why would my mom be so nosey to ask that? My mom has made it so difficult to talk about relationships and boys with her. I remember when I was a junior in high school her 'sex talk' consisted of her telling me that the idea of a 'penis inside me" made her disgusted and want to cry. Im going back home for winter break and am already worried that I am going to be treated like a 16 year old girl while im there. Over summer break she wanted to know who I was talking to/what I was doing on the computer/ who I was texting all the time. I felt like such a paranoid child. I dont know why my mom expects me to be this virginal creature all my life when she had my sister at the age of 20. ADVICE PLEASE?

[Cherryz]

Hm, i think shes right about the kissing.

That you dont know were the guy mouth went before kissing you

and you can get sick also true kiss.

And kissing can lead you emotionally to quick sex or quick falling inlove.

 

Shes your mom not your friend. So you shouldn't be surprise that she not agree

with the things that she see is wrong or not agree with you on.

But its weird how your mom "talk dirty"to you. Why cant she just say she is worried about you starting having sex for such and such reason. Instead of "i feel disgusted of a penis in you and make me cry".

While there is many adult ways to express her concern if she have them.

 

She may be a nasty freak with dirty mind. Since you a grown up you should address those issues with her. That you dont like the way she talk to you about things. And how it make you feel.

[angel.eyes]

I agree with your mom. It's not a good idea to be French kissing a guy you just met. Unfortunately double standards exist. Some guys will interpret it as you being relatively easy and not to be taken seriously...as in not relationship material. Unfortunately, once a guy categorizes you as fun but not relationship material, it's practically impossible to get out of that bucket with him.

 

Were you French kissing him in public? The other problem is some guys at that age have a tendency to embellish how far things went after the public "show" (if this were indeed done in public). If you're both at the same college, it's a relatively closed environment, and it can be very hard to change impressions and ultimately what becomes your reputation.

 

Despite telling you what you may want to hear in the moment, many guys judge. They don't want to date someone or have a relationship with someone who gets around. If they get the impression that you're pretty free with other guys outside of a relationship, some guys won't be willing to make the effort to date you or be in a relationship with you. It can limit your options when you want to date a particular guy or have him see you as relationship material. Why should he put in the work when other guys didn't have to?

 

I suspect you're thinking short-term about how it was fun in the moment. Your mom is more experienced and so is looking longer-term at the ramifications of your choices.

Edited December 17, 2015 by angel.eyes

[Samhain]

Maybe your mom is one of those very low sex drive women who married for the purpose of reproduction and raising a family and living a cliche life. Lots of women and even men do it. So the thought of a penis probably disgusts her period. Doesn't mean you share the same beliefs and she should respect that, but she's your mother, so of course, she will say whatever she wants to. Just shrug it off, humor her, and keep your private life to yourself, that way you won't risk ruining any time spent with her or feeling paranoid and boxed in.

[hotgurl]

I agree with your mom. It's not a good idea to be French kissing a guy you just met. Unfortunately double standards exist. Some guys will interpret it as you being relatively easy and not to be taken seriously...as in not relationship material. Unfortunately, once a guy categorizes you as fun but not relationship material, it's practically impossible to get out of that bucket with him.

 

Were you French kissing him in public? The other problem is some guys at that age have a tendency to embellish how far things went after the public "show" (if this were indeed done in public). If you're both at the same college, it's a relatively closed environment, and it can be very hard to change impressions and ultimately what becomes your reputation.

 

Despite telling you what you may want to hear in the moment, many guys judge. They don't want to date someone or have a relationship with someone who gets around. If they get the impression that you're pretty free with other guys outside of a relationship, some guys won't be willing to make the effort to date you or be in a relationship with you. It can limit your options when you want to date a particular guy or have him see you as relationship material. Why should he put in the work when other guys didn't have to?

 

I suspect you're thinking short-term about how it was fun in the moment. Your mom is more experienced and so is looking longer-term at the ramifications of your choices.

 

I so disagree with this. It is very old fashioned way of thinking.

 

I think it is ok to kiss a guy at a party. you were vibing and having fun why not. I mean you usually kiss guys on the first date what is the difference?

[Cherryz]

I agree with your mom. It's not a good idea to be French kissing a guy you just met. Unfortunately double standards exist. Some guys will interpret it as you being relatively easy and not to be taken seriously...as in not relationship material. Unfortunately, once a guy categorizes you as fun but not relationship material, it's practically impossible to get out of that bucket with him.

 

Were you French kissing him in public? The other problem is some guys at that age have a tendency to embellish how far things went after the public "show" (if this were indeed done in public). If you're both at the same college, it's a relatively closed environment, and it can be very hard to change impressions and ultimately what becomes your reputation.

 

Despite telling you what you may want to hear in the moment, many guys judge. They don't want to date someone or have a relationship with someone who gets around. If they get the impression that you're pretty free with other guys outside of a relationship, some guys won't be willing to make the effort to date you or be in a relationship with you. It can limit your options when you want to date a particular guy or have him see you as relationship material. Why should he put in the work when other guys didn't have to?

 

I suspect you're thinking short-term about how it was fun in the moment. Your mom is more experienced and so is looking longer-term at the ramifications of your choices.

 

 

tHATS rigth. very deep and nice post! thank you for taking your time to share this with topic starter

[Mauve]

I do not agree at all with the people saying you shouldn't of kissed him. Girl, if you were feeling it, you go for it. You're old enough.

 

I think maybe you should in the future leave out the details of such things occurring with your mother. Some mom's dig that and encourage their daughters to have fun while other's are still kind of old fashioned. It's up to you what you do with your body, and your mum seems to be very controlling even at your age.

 

Only solution I say is, deal with getting treated like a 16 year old for a bit, then refrain from telling her any other juicy details of you and men. It's your business what you do, not your mothers.

[VeveCakes]

As if people are posting its not right to make out with a guy at a party - hello thats what youth is for! That is nothing compared to what most that age are doing.

 

Just try to keep the details to a minimum with your mom, unfortunately you can't change your family, luckily you are 21 and a grown woman so you can make your own decisions.

[d0nnivain]

Your mother has some old fashioned values. She thinks your behavior is going to get you into trouble either for real or through the loss of your reputation. She does have your best interests at heart.

 

Since you don't share her views & there is nothing wrong with early kisses if that is your choice, simply refrain from sharing these kinds of details with her in the future. What she doesn't know, can't hurt you.

[whichwayisup]

You're 20, what you do on a date is NONE of your mom's business so from now on, don't confide in her about kissing or anything along those lines. You don't need her approval or judgements about it. Tell your friends instead! You'll get more fun feedback and support from them rather than your mom.

[basil67]

Wow, your mum is straight out of a time warp! You did nothing wrong - just make sure you don't confide in her anymore. If she wants to know why you won't confide, tell her that you don't want to hear her judgements

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm in my mid forties and my mother STILL wants to give me old fashioned advice about dating and marriage. It's just what mother's do.

 

Either find the enjoyment in blowing her little mind like I do anymore or refrain from telling her things that might cause a reaction.

 

You're 21 not 12 for heaven's sake.

[Shanex]

Thank God you didn't right sleep with the guy. Your mom has a dated mindset imo. And even saying that, 30 years ago people would kiss and have summer flings as well on first or second dates...Grease don't ring a bell? I could go back further, it's not like you guys endangered your lives.