How do I stop getting defensive and angry about my lack of a sex life?

[E-Squared]

Yesterday I had a talk with a friend of mine, who I also consider a prospect, about my lack of a sex life. She knows that I have not really gone all the way with a woman, but I have done sexual things like feeling breasts and other areas, but that is mainly it. She has seen that I become a jerk when I am angry about this, that I make misogynistic comments and also some other messed up comments. I will say that I remember getting defensive with some women for inquiring that I am a virgin. I must add that I had also made some horrible comments towards women because of it.

 

Of course it did not help that I have read various threads about sex, not to mention many threads about male virgins and they made me feel hopeless.

 

So what can I do to stop being so sensitive about the topic? Whenever it's brought up, I feel like the odd man out.

[d0nnivain]

Change the subject when it comes up. Have some faith that eventually it will happen for you. But stop blaming all women for your plight. You are the common denominator in all of this.

 

Ask your friend if she has suggestions.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Change the subject when it comes up. Have some faith that eventually it will happen for you. But stop blaming all women for your plight. You are the common denominator in all of this.

 

Ask your friend if she has suggestions.

 

The way I see it, if your a Man, everything is your fault, if your a Woman, not everything is your fault

[lino]

If you're past your mid twenties, never admit you are a virgin. It will pretty much guarantee you stay one.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

If you're past your mid twenties, never admit you are a virgin. It will pretty much guarantee you stay one.

 

Exactly, keep it hidden

[Phoenician]

From my bad experience realted to similar situations and beyond my advise to you is to avoid any similar discussion with a female ; especially if she is a prospect for a Relationship ; my experience with the issue is that I confessed to a female that I have never cheated on my wife though she was abusive ; assuming that such a confession would make me look noble ; it turned out that this degraded my masculin pic in front of her .

 

I am not sure why you havne't gone into a physical relation ; my advise to you is that u should start flirting with girls , lucky you are single

[E-Squared]

From my bad experience realted to similar situations and beyond my advise to you is to avoid any similar discussion with a female ; especially if she is a prospect for a Relationship ; my experience with the issue is that I confessed to a female that I have never cheated on my wife though she was abusive ; assuming that such a confession would make me look noble ; it turned out that this degraded my masculin pic in front of her .

 

I am not sure why you havne't gone into a physical relation ; my advise to you is that u should start flirting with girls , lucky you are single

 

Why should that be a shock to you? Truth be told, the weekend before last marked the first time I touched a woman in her lower regions. I also have bad hangups related to past incidents when a woman thought I was a creeper. I am a little paranoid of making that mistake.

 

Plus, I DESPISE being asked if I am a virgin.

[d0nnivain]

I also have bad hangups related to past incidents when a woman thought I was a creeper. I am a little paranoid of making that mistake.

 

Plus, I DESPISE being asked if I am a virgin.

 

I'm shocked that someone woudl ask you this. Once you are past the point where your age contains the word "teen" I thought most people assumed the other person had some experience. Perhaps re-examine your choice of companions if you have people who asked you this.

 

As for the past experiences where somebody accused you or at least misinterpreted you as being a "creeper" have you been able to identify what otherwise innocent behavior on your part caused that reaction so you can avoid that behavior going forward?

[pteromom]

The way I see it, if your a Man, everything is your fault, if your a Woman, not everything is your fault

 

"Fault" implies intention. So it is nobody's "fault".

 

And there are lots of things that happen in a person's life which are out of his/her control.

 

But one can ALWAYS control how they respond.

 

In the case of not getting dates/sex, the worst absolute response someone can have is to become bitter and angry about it. May as well spray yourself with woman repellent.

[newmoon]

you can sense the hostility coming across in your post and responses. no one is to blame for your situation except you. you have to recognize that and then take steps to solve it. there is probably some underlying issue you have - social anxiety, being a loner, fears, or unresolved personal issues, etc. something is causing the problem as to why you cannot be intimate with a female, and why you have such negative thoughts and resentments. you might need some counseling to get you to a healthier place? any woman you were with before seeking a more positive outlook would be receiving all of your angst. you don't need to be ashamed of being a virgin, but certainly don't tell any romantic prospects b/c that'll just lessen your chances and lead to emasculation when they pity you.

[pteromom]

Plus, I DESPISE being asked if I am a virgin.

 

This is a question you do not have to answer.

 

Or you can say "Why do you want to know? If I say yes, are you offering to change that for me?"

 

Or just smile and shake your head and change the subject.

 

The fact is NOBODY knows whether you are or aren't a virgin unless you tell them. They may know you are shy and awkward or whatever, but lots of shy awkward guys aren't virgins.

 

As far as being a creeper, you just have to be respectful and kind and pay attention to her cues.

 

And you have to realize that there are a small % of women out there who see all men who show interest as creepers. If you read any of the past threads about "what do women think about being approached?", you will see that almost all women say they are flattered even if not available or interested, but there are a few who say "I don't want any guy coming on to me."

 

And so in real life, you have to realize that there is a very small chance that a woman will have an extremely negative reaction to you talking to her. But that can't stop you from moving on and trying again.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. And please please do not let yourself be defensive and angry! That's poison!

[basil67]

If this girl has seen you behave like a misogynist and say jerky things, you should probably stop thinking that she's a prospect.

[E-Squared]

If this girl has seen you behave like a misogynist and say jerky things, you should probably stop thinking that she's a prospect.

 

I was apologetic to her about my behavior. We still talk, too.

[carhill]

So what can I do to stop being so sensitive about the topic? Whenever it's brought up, I feel like the odd man out.

 

How do you approach other areas of life where your needs and wants aren't being filled? I ask because no one's life is perfect and, generally, our reach, in one area or another, exceeds our grasp. How do we extend that grasp and in a positive manner? Surely you have experience in other parts of your life which you can apply to this milieu, yes? You have successfully met challenges and goals. Build on those.

 

That's pretty much how things went for me, though my emotional response trended more to disappointment and depression than anger. We each choose how we work the path and choices are always subject to change and revision.

[Rejected Rosebud]

There were days gone by when people didn't think they were "entitled" to having a sex life unless they were married ...

[William]

Folks, suggesting the OP, or any man, to be 'less bitter' is not a productive way to help them stop getting defensive and angry about their lack of a sex life. Also, adjectives like 'bitter' and 'whiny' and similar, especially when applied to fellow members, now fall under our individual and group berating policy and are subject to sanction. So, when in doubt, use productive adjectives which are designed to add advice and content in accordance with our guidelines.

 

Also, no threadjacks. This is about the thread starter's particular issue with getting defensive and angry. This forum has unlimited space and members have complete freedom to start topics regarding their own issues. Thanks!