wbm665 Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 For those that made the transition, was there a point where you felt more secure in the relationship and stopped worrying that he would regret the decision and return to his XW? (the quick and dirty - started dating MM while he was separated from a WW. They tried to reconcile, we broke up, back and forth a few times. My lack of trust in him was so great I thought he lied to me about a suicide attempt by his daughter and his own heart attack - medical records have proven me wrong and him truthful. He has filed, moved out and the property settlement is awaiting her attorney's sign off and signature. He is definitely divorcing, but I can't help but worry he is going to turn tale and go back to her even though they both seem very happy to have this close to done.) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Then don't rush back into things with him. Wait until their divorce is finalized and the kids, especially his daughter is mentally stable and accepting their divorce. Allow him time to adjust and be on his own so you both change the affair dynamic. Date properly and don't have sex either. You are not obligated to him. He left and divorced his wife because their marriage wasn't working, right? It isn't carved in stone that you MUST spend the rest of your life with him because he divorced his wife. If you feel you could never trust him and will worry every time he sees or speaks to his (ex) wife,(she will always be around on some level because of their kids) that they will get back together, get counseling to help you or end it completely with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 For those that made the transition, was there a point where you felt more secure in the relationship and stopped worrying that he would regret the decision and return to his XW? (the quick and dirty - started dating MM while he was separated from a WW. They tried to reconcile, we broke up, back and forth a few times. My lack of trust in him was so great I thought he lied to me about a suicide attempt by his daughter and his own heart attack - medical records have proven me wrong and him truthful. He has filed, moved out and the property settlement is awaiting her attorney's sign off and signature. He is definitely divorcing, but I can't help but worry he is going to turn tale and go back to her even though they both seem very happy to have this close to done.) Is this the kind of life you want? Do you want to be that worried about a possible reconciliation? I know he is going through some tough stuff. But a mantra I started using years ago has kept me in the right zone. When I've been with a man and I'm insecure, is it is behavior or mine that makes me have doubts? If it is definitely his, then I repeat the phrase, "he's just not into you." I know life isn't all fairytale and romance, but he should make you feel more secure. Link to post Share on other sites
RecoveringSlowly Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 My lack of trust in him was so great I thought he lied to me about a suicide attempt by his daughter and his own heart attack - medical records have proven me wrong and him truthful. This is a bad relationship. Period. If you do not believe that his daughter tried to commit suicide, and that he had a heart attack, then you are not going to be a good partner. You may have reasons to distrust him on this level, I don't know. Your post didn't go into it, and I am new here. If I thought someone would lie about their child's suicide attempt, then I would think that they are the lowest scum that walked the Earth. No parent, even a compulsive cheater, would lie about this if they had any decency. The fact that you think he would tells me all I need to know: this relationship is doomed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wbm665 Posted December 21, 2015 Author Share Posted December 21, 2015 This is a bad relationship. Period. If you do not believe that his daughter tried to commit suicide, and that he had a heart attack, then you are not going to be a good partner. You may have reasons to distrust him on this level, I don't know. Your post didn't go into it, and I am new here. If I thought someone would lie about their child's suicide attempt, then I would think that they are the lowest scum that walked the Earth. No parent, even a compulsive cheater, would lie about this if they had any decency. The fact that you think he would tells me all I need to know: this relationship is doomed. I didn't think he lied at first about her attempt, but there were so many lies that I truly didn't know which end was up. This time it is me... all me. He is trying very hard to help me deal with my insecurities. My IC tells me it's normal for me to trigger based on events which occurred last year -- Christmas is when I found out he was back with the wife and she found out about me. Why do I want to be in the relationship -- because I love him and we really do get along amazingly well. It is just the times I trigger that are causing me to question anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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