MrStinky Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 (edited) So this is a strange situation, I am the first to admit but I am looking for some input. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2.5 years and things have been good. There is truly not much to complain about in regards to her. Then I meet a girl at work. Initially she would see me 3-4 times a week. Always very quiet. Never really says much and sometimes nothing at all. But in my mind I acknowledge the fact that she is an absolute stunner and I figure she is shy and leave it at that. Then one day we actually get to talking. Then we seem to be talking on a daily basis. Then she starts dropping hints that she wants to socialize outside of work. I add her on Facebook. We start messaging. Then she starts asking questions about my availability and while I tell her that I do in fact have a girlfriend, part of me is interested in a strictly sexual relationship with this girl. She has also told me she has been mistress before and in our Facebook messages she mentions that she still wants to fu*k me. We set up a time to meet and bang but she backs out at the last moment. Says she feels bad for my girlfriend. Then we make plans again and once again she backs out. In messages she mentions how she wants me but only if I am single. Last night (after many failed attempts at setting up a time to bang) I told her that we need to stop communication all together, deleted her off Facebook and will be moving on with my life. I have never physically touched her so the worst this could be labelled is an "emotional affair." The strange thing is even though I know it is for the best, there is still this part of me that wants to continue to torture myself with the "potential" for a bang. What did I do right? What did I do wrong? And what should I do in the future to deal with this? Edited December 18, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I have never physically touched her so the worst this could be labelled is an "emotional affair." emotional affair isn't any better than the physical affair - just a FYI. the only reason you didn't cheat is because SHE didn't want you. And what should I do in the future to deal with this? you should either dump your girlfriend or come clean to her and try to fix the holes in your relationship - because you WILL absolutely at least TRY to cheat again when another temptation appears. STDs are real out there and condoms do not protect you from everything! keep that in mind for the next time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Either you aren't totally committed and invested in your gf and relationship or you just don't have any boundaries. Your 'intent' was to have sex with this other woman, you put yourself first and didn't give your gf a second thought. If the OW hadn't said no (seems she has more respect for your gf than you do) you two would be in bed right now having a full on affair. Have you cheated on any women that you dated in the past? Or had multiple gfs at the same time? It's good you ended it with her because you two were never friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Quote by MrStinky "What did I do right? What did I do wrong? And what should I do in the future to deal with this?" You didn't do ANYTHING right. You did EVERYTHING wrong Never mind the future .... think of NOW ..as you only didn't get physical because she backed out....... you should break up with your GF and be free to "bang" as many women as you wish. If you have urges to betray the one your with. .... then perhaps you shouldn't be with that person.... perhaps you too young or immature to truly commit to ONE woman at this point in your life. In the future or even better now.. try and develop some empathy.... try and think about the consequences.... The hurt that you will cause your GF. If you still have the desire to play the field.. that's entirely fine.. IF and only if you are single and not in an exclusive relationship. You don't love your GF.... so do the right thing and let her find a man who won't cheat on her... a man that loves her...stop wasting her time. Whatever you do DON'T MARRY her. She deserves better. If your GF banged another guy would you honestly accept her claims that she loved you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Get outta here with these stupid questions. You deserved to be stood up. Learned a lesson? You got a good one? She deserves better. User name=appropriate 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 The strange thing is even though I know it is for the best, there is still this part of me that wants to continue to torture myself with the "potential" for a bang. What did I do right? What did I do wrong? And what should I do in the future to deal with this? Would you consider the 'part of me' to be relevant to the therapy you sought last year? If so, how? Right? Before getting physical, ended pursuit. Wrong? Considered a person not your committed partner for casual sex, presuming of course your partner would find this behavior inappropriate. Future? Accept that you're human and will have such feelings in the future. Erect boundaries regarding how you behave when having such feelings which respect your standards and practices in committed relationships. You decide the boundaries, make the choices and accept the responsibility. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 I know you are tired of all what everyone has to say..... but seriously just dump your GF. Why? Because you missed out on smashing this stunner you dummy. Stop wasting your Gfs time, and let her find a man that is more commitment minded. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 How could it even be an emotional affair? You seem to have no feelings about the whole thing except that you missed an opportunity to screw someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 You're a cheater. Plain and simple. Your gf deserves to know what you have done and planned to do so she can find a man who truly loves her, respects her, and will always stay faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 Break up with your girlfriend. Or, tell her what you did and see if you can work together to fix whatever problems exist in the relationship. I don't think you have any idea how damaging this will be to your girlfriend. Cheating - even emotionally - leaves a terrible stain on the psyche of the betrayed partner, and the consequences are far deeper than just ending the relationship. I don't see how you did anything right, other than cut off contact after she refused to participate. But that doesn't count for much, really. Your heart is in the wrong place. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 Sounds like you're not done playing the field. You might have wanted to settle before your time. Disney does that to people : P Link to post Share on other sites
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