cupcakebunny Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I entered into a LDR about 6 months ago -- we met online. I was so excited - I loved this person's company. Thought they were interesting. So supportive. They are encouraging and loves to participate in new activities - i.e. trying things I like. And me vice versa. This is my first same-sex partnership[it's hers as well] so when we started I was a little hesitant to tell people. It's not that I didn't want to tell people but I wanted it to be considered. When I was talking to her about this, she shut down. She sort of did this weird "oh I guess" and then quickly said "I have to go". I was a little confused as we had talked about open and chill communication before. I called back and she was ice cold and was like 'well maybe we should break up' and then it descended into tears. It was like a slap to the face. I had never seen this side of her and it was sort of scary and surprising as she was usually so cool and collected. I talked and she calmed down and I told our mutual friends and she was happier. I didn't let it get to me that much at the time, as she apologized but I'm not wondering if it wasn't an early red flag(that happened on like the 3rd day). Since then it's been ok - she came out to visit for a few weeks. It was great. We had a lot of fun together. I couldn't take off work the whole time and she seemed fine wandering around the city by herself. After the visit she was forced to move home -- to save money before she comes out here, she moved back in with her parents and the household is very dysfunctional and I know she feels isolated(rural town and her old friends have since moved away). And since then she's been really weird about me doing things on my own. I don't go out much - MAYBE once one a Sat. and only for a few hours. When I say 'oh im going to this thing' it's always clear from the sound of her voice she's not happy. A few days after the thing a minor fight will erupted and she usually says we don't talk(we talk all day at work, IM/phone - most of my evenings minus like an hour when I eat and maybe just watch tv and like almost all day on the weekend) or that it isn't substantial. She says I apparently have all this time for parties and none for her. Granted we maybe can plan something special like once a week - watching a movie together or a show -- but I am beginning to feel I have no time to myself aside from work. I'm actually beginning to feel a bit resentful. I feel suffocated and sad every time I tell her I get invited to stuff - even if it's just dinner with my parents. It's to the point I don't want to tell her because it becomes this whole affair of me feeling guilty for having this tiny(seriously it's not much) social life because she seems to get so upset. I don't expect her to be thrilled but it is very clear she sort of gets depressed and upset to the point where it becomes an issue later in the evening. And there usually is a lot of consoling while I'm traveling to said event. I do love her. She can be incredibly supportive. We have great chemistry in the bed. She's smart. She's nice. And I don't know if it's just sour grapes because of her admittedly ****ty living situation -- she is very independent usually and now she's back in her household which is not a good situation. She's also had a host of health issues and has to dip into what little savings she has to pay for it. Even typing it out I see I may need to be more patient -- she is not at her best right now and feeling alone and needs comforting. But I was wondering if it's something I should worry about in the future. How best to broach this with her? How do other people deal with space and independence in LDR? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 (edited) If things are this challenging already in a LDR especially, it will only get worse. Her jealousy, whether either of you feel is warranted or not is NOT healthy and anyone in happy, healthy and loving relationships will echo that. The whole idea of LDR is the amount of time and space people get. Too much is usually the issue. This is usually the thing that challenges them because most couples want to be together more but can't because of whatever situation is keeping them apart for now. The fact that you're in a LDR AND feel smothered is kind of ironic. I can't imagine what she'd be like if you were living together. Red flags are waving from my perspective. Edited December 17, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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