Still Heartbroken. The struggles are Deep.

[MistyFire]

Hello Everyone,

 

I will try to keep this short. I am trying my best to get "Over" a former guyfriend. This is harder than I thought. We meet back in December 2003 at work. He was in a relationship didn't work out and he broke it off two months later. Well we became really good friends and we began to develop feelings for another. Well I left the job after several months and our feelings were to close and I know he was going to ask me out but his "Female" Best Friend had jealousy issues with me. Well anyways back in August he suddenly changed. College was about to start and suddenly he stopped calling and so I called him and his tone on the voice changed and he became cruel. So I didn't contact him for three weeks to give him space/break whatever he needed. Only to find out through my old manager who had a "Major" crush on me. Eww, no! Told me that my guyfriend began dating his best friend. I knew she gave him a choice her or me and what I did for him I surpassed her in friendship/affection/being there when he needed a call. I made him laugh and his parents adored me and so did his other siblings. I was the woman and his femal best friend was still a little girl. The way she acted is what seperated us. I am 23 and she is only 19. So after hearing the heartbroken news I cried and never knew what love was until I met him. A friendship was destroyed and in Fall we went our seperate ways. So then back in October he got in a car accident that nearly took his life. When I found out I called him and we spoke for about 30 minutes. A few days later I text him but he never text back and I stopped contact. Yet I don't know if I did something wrong? Now we're in 2005 and its still hard for me. I began to move on and was beginning to live life again until I had two different dreams about him in two different nights rewoke all old feelings and heartbreak returned. I still realized that I am in still in love with him and it won't leave me alone. I have tried everything. And when I see a cute guy that I like suddenly I back off and don't want him to get close to me. Part of me is still thinks he will call one day but I know it will never happen and push myself to go forward and try to move on. Yet nothing is working. The scar he left on me is hard and won't close. I tried Church, sometimes it helps, friends sometimes works. Though nothing is really helping. Why?? Has anyone ever been in the same position as me? Why is it taking so long. Almost a year now here. I just want freedom and break away from the pains of my past that are haunting me still.

[whichwayisup]

Right now you don't have much more to lose. I would lay it all out there for him. Send him a letter, a handwritten one or call him. Pour out your heart and see what happens.

 

Either way you will have your final answer - Then you can either be with him (if he wants to re-hook up again) or you have closure and you have to let go, move on.

 

I'm sure this is hard for you...Good luck and keep posting.

[Mistervision]

Misty:

I am in the same boat more or less. It sucks. I have had feelings for a girl for about 8 months now. We get along famously and just seem to click, I have never felt anything like this and I don't think she has either. However, like you she went for the child (although he is older than me he acts about 10 years younger). The only difference I have with is that I am still friends with this girl, very good friends. Feels good and hurts at the same time. It hurts alot, but the thing that gets me through it sometime is just thinking that one day someone will come into my life that will make me realize why it never worked with her. Until that time though it sucks for me, but I (we) have to make the best of the hand we are dealt...it's life. That is the best I can say, it sucks I know, but the only thing that has given me some solace.

[MistyFire]

I would like too but I think he is still in a relationship and if he is I don't want to come between them that is not me. Writing a letter or calling him will make it strange and uneasy. the last time we spoke was in November and that was seven months ago. And the thing is I don't want to make any contact with him. I want to move forward and find another man. And this is hard for me. I believe one day he will realize what he lost and I just don't want to be the one who contacts him.

 

Thanks

[MistyFire]

Mister,

 

Thank's for the comfort. I believe your words when you said that one day someone will come into your life. I think about that as well but for now still swallowing the hurt from months back. I guess we both need to keep our chins up high and see the past as a lesson because I am. Taking one day at a time is hard but unfortunly I cannot stop the dreams from rewaking the past.

[cleoelliptical]

Like the other person said, lay your cards on the table. He may or may not be in a relationship, but you're not sure, at the same time, you choose not to be honest how you feel about him. If you want this person, they don't need just a clue, or a sign, they need to know how you feel and why.

 

You have nothing to lose...if you choose to do nothing but talk about to this site, then all you are doing is missing out. 7 months of N/C...why would he be mad at you when you did nothing wrong...unless you did.

 

But after hearing your hesistation is trying to tell him your feelings, and he seems pretty rude in and inconsiderate to you for no reason that you caused, are you sure this is the person you want to be with? Or is this the person you want cuz you can't have him (grass is greener on the other side)...and it's your get out of commitment card excuse when it comes to other men? (I've got that card...chasing rabits cuz I know they are emotionally unavailable to me).

 

Dreams are dreams...they mean great things, but the past does not equal the future...

[Mary3]

Its so very sad and painful what you went through . This other girl had her sites on him and edged you out and then went after him and got him.

 

Now to the present. : He may have made a bad choice back then ( at least in your eyes and your family/friends eyes ) but that was the choice he made back then and that alone , through all this time that has passed , should make you be able to control your feelings and put them away where they belong. I am saying that because you are hurting and you alone. I do not think he is hurting judging based on his NC status that he is instilling on your former friendship.

 

Because I have been where you are now and the pain just goes on and on...but eventually, you need to replace the pain with today and what things might be out there for you.

 

You are dreaming about him because you are still living in your past. The past is where he loved you and cared about you and wanted to be with you.

 

The present is today : And sadly , all this time has passed , that you have waited for that magical day for him to * come to his senses * but the fact is, he left your heart along long time ago.

 

I feel your pain , truly I do because I had the same experience. If this helps at all, try to replace the wonderful things about him with things that were not so wonderful.

 

I am a positive person and I do not suggest you think negatively necessarily but in this case put it in its perspective.

 

He is not here for you now. He is not with you today. He wont be coming over tonite. He wont want to see you tomorrow.

 

Break you life down in seconds , minutes , hours , and take those times to heal and to put away all his memories.

 

He was someone you had but unless there was some divine interaction , I dont see him coming back into your life.

 

And so we move to today and how you will cope with your new life. Your new life without him, which should have began a long time ago when he left you for Her. What did you accomplish after all this time ? At best, hopefully some great insight as to Yourself and how you will deal with the life you have today.

 

I would not recommend calling him based on your letter. You could call him to put final closure....but give yourself some time to think about that. If you have left messages which are unreturned , its time to open a new page of your life because this man is gone.

 

Good luck

[suegail]

Alot of time has gone by. You've asked why you're not getting over it. I guess I'm wondering if you might be nursing the hurt and the memories. You do have to learn to let go of some things in life. You have to do that for your mental health. You can be happy without him; maybe you've forgotten that because you haven't allowed yourself to be happy in a very long time.

[SuperFantastico]

Im in the same position. Its been 6 months since i broke it off with my friend that i liked and i still think about her every day. And i know about the dream thing because i had a dream about her yesterday that had me a messed up the whole day after.

 

But you really gotta move on. I know even with all the feelings i have for her, it will never become more than it was. Dosnt matter if you treat them great or not, you are thier 'friend' and thats it.

 

Dont contact him unless you wanna torture yourself. The only time you can actually contact him is if you have a boyfriend of like 3 or 4 months, and you will make him jelouse without the risk of breaking it off with a guy who actually likes you.(i needed more commas in that sentence)

 

Now im not sure if there is any fact to you saying this girl gave him a choice her or you. From what i can gather, you werent even the best girlfriend he had. You are a just a friend. Stop obsessing and move on. No more afraid of commitment crap. Just suck it up and start to date. I have and i never date.(ever watch the show blinddate, ya the worst dates on there are basically me )

 

P.S. DONT LAY YOUR CARDS ON THE TABLE!!! You will just be embarressed and hurt when he rejects you yet again.

Lay your cards on someone elses table......then yourself (much better, at least you will be getting some)

[ggallin13]

Everybody on this board is so wise! I agree that you shouldn't call him. You gotta move on.

 

It would seem to me that since it has been 7 months and you can't stop thinking about him, you aren't really thinking of HIM at all, but rather the "idea" of him. Didn't you talk to him and he was mean to you? What is so cool about a guy who does that? Sure, he must have good qualities, but that was a pretty big passive/aggressive move, if you ask me.

 

The fact that he hasn't contacted you should tell you everything you need to know.

 

My sister told me about this trick: Write down everything about the guy that you like, in as much detail as possible. Write down all the memories you have that were fun, and make you want to see him and be with him. Again, be as specific as possible. When you are done, seal it in an envelope. Next, write a letter to him directly. Tell him how you feel, how he has made you feel--all of the things you would say to him if you could. Be as specific and lengthy as you can be. Hold nothing back. Seal that in an envelope, too. Either in your fireplace at home or out in the woods or wherever you can, get a fire going and burn both envelopes. You'll feel so much better. I tried it once and it worked great.

 

Also, consider that if, in fact he did have to chose between you and some other chick and he chose her, he's an idiot. Why would you want to date an idiot?

[cleoelliptical]

well said, ggallin13!

[sarah12]

misty and whoever else is in the same boat - I understand your pain!

 

I have decided though to go with laying it out on the line. I have only decided to do this after being able to admit to myself that I am not expecting anything out of it; I honestly do just want him to know how I still feel and I actually think that he would appreciate me letting him know my thoughts and feelings at this point.

 

No one can really tell you what to do but your gut. I'll tell you this though-- I have many MANY regrets about not having told him earlier when I had the chance to, and I don't regret very many things in life. Also I don't think he'd get mad at you or make you feel embarassed. You can't help the way that you feel, and it is likely that we still feel this way because we have never been able to have the closure that we needed.

 

Think about it, and let us know what you decided!

[MistyFire]

Sorry everyone. I have been so quiet. I plan to give an update tonight.

[drgnflybethany]

So.. either you are in love with him and want him to be with you - or you are in love with him and want to move on?

 

 

I get that from the post below:

 

 

"I would like too but I think he is still in a relationship and if he is I don't want to come between them that is not me. Writing a letter or calling him will make it strange and uneasy. the last time we spoke was in November and that was seven months ago. And the thing is I don't want to make any contact with him. I want to move forward and find another man. And this is hard for me. I believe one day he will realize what he lost and I just don't want to be the one who contacts him. "

 

I am going to reiterate what someone said in the above passage:

 

Write him a letter and get your feelings out. If he responds to you in a positive manner, then he is worth fighting for... if he doesn respond or responds in a negative manner, then he is not.

 

You obviously are not going move forward until you let go of this... so do what you can to let go of this.

 

You seem to have what you feel is an altrustic intention, but, sweetheart, if he already chose his now girlfriend over you once, there is a high probability that he will do it again...

 

Bottom line, he's a jerk if he doesn't see you for the love you have for him - if he can write you off so quickly, then, he has issues he needs to work on - not you.