notsointerested Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I have a number of friends at university. But only few close friends. I've heard that after graduation, people won't have time for each other any more because people would start having jobs, families, etc... But I'd like to still hang out with them, the problem with me is I'm quite anti-social and it's hard for me to keep in contact! If I wanted to message them, most of the time the conversation will die down after a few hours because it's just small talk such as "how's finding a job?" or "what's been happening the last few months". There's not a great deal you can talk about online without meeting up. So how can I make an effort to keep in contact with my closest friends after graduation? Many of the people that i know who have graduated have lost all contact with their university friends and that's what is worrying me. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Well, yes, you should at least try to stay in touch and see who hangs in there. But I have to comment on your statement "If I wanted to message them, most of the time the conversation will die down after a few hours because it's just small talk." Most people do not have a few hours, as you say, to just shoot the breeze. You said "messaging." If by that you mean texting, then it's crazy to think anyone wants to text all day with you or anyone else. If you're talking about PMs or chatting online, again, no one wants to talk that long. And they will start avoiding you if you persist wanting that much back and forth. I suggest you stop messaging and just call. Ask about them and how they're doing. Hopefully they'll ask about you back, and then ask if they'd like to catch a movie sometime (or a meal or a drink) and when is good for them or for them to call when they aren't too busy, and then get off the phone. Never ever try to keep a conversation of any type going for longer than maybe 30 minutes. If it turns out you have a lot to say to each other, well, that is when you suggest meeting up. So if you get a hot subject started, say "We should go have a drink and talk about that" (or go do whatever the interest is together. Bottom line, you can't live a real life by internet alone. Relationship aren't truly real until you're face to face and that goes well. Miscommunication and simple lack of ability to express keep online communication from being the real thing. You need to be face to face and see if you have things in common enough to be interesting or at least can both go do an activity to keep you busy and have a companion. Look, it's boring to just talk to people. You need to get together and create mutual memories for a friendship to really stick. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Recognize that small talk is keeping in contact. It's not the same as being down the hall or across campus but the connection is still there. Social medial actually helps. Make plans to get together every so often. I just saw about 20 women from my sorority in October. It was a blast. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Ive lost all of mine. Such is life. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovezen_30 Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 It really depends, as everyone lives go in different directions. Some have went travelling or moved abroad (myself included) and then come back together later on. I had two groups of friends at uni. - Within the first group, three of us have become even closer after uni. We go to great lengths to spend time together when we can and they are as close to family as I will get.. - One friend completely stopped responding to me post-graduation after she moved abroad. We are in the same place again now, two years later, and spending time together again. She had been depressed for a while. - I have completely lost touch with the second group, bar two people, who I still see quite regularly. As you move through life, you'll befriend people in accordance with new interests and life circumstances. Am I sad that I've lost touch with some people? Sure. But everything and everyone is in flux. I've made some amazing friends since leaving uni who are more likely to stay long-term friends. I have also retained some hopefully lifelong friends from uni. I will say that keeping in touch is REALLY important. I have been in the situation where I am the only one really making the effort and when you realise how lopsided a relationship is, sometimes you have to let it go regardless of the pain. Others have made just as much effort as I have to stay in touch and those are the ones that have stuck. Email, phone, text, letters and every so often spend quality time together in person. It matters. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 It just takes a little more effort & some flexibility. For example, on Sunday night I got a text from two friends from college (they are married to each other). They were in NYC for a pre-Christmas / post -Hanukkah celebration & wanted to get together. Last night I hoped on a train & met them for dinner & a Broadway show. It was lovely to catch up with them & we started hashing out the details of a group vacation in 2017. Link to post Share on other sites
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