She's pregnant and she's driving me away and into insanity. Maybe I should go home.

[sanderson]

What a disaster.

 

I met my partner a year ago in a rural community in Nicaragua on a volunteering project. She is Nica and I'm British. So after our month of intense love I had to go home to England. I saved up all my money to come back to Nicaragua, the place I am now.

 

Durin our 6month of no physical contact, she had sex with many people (which I recently discovered), we argued all of the time and the relationship, really, was a disaster. But because of naive me I still soldiered on and saved my pennies and got on a flight over here.

 

She was in love with another man but eventually she decided she wanted to be with me. We are having a baby. I've been in this country 6 months and shes 4 and a half months gone.

 

We live together, I pay all of the bills and she sits at home being pregnant.

 

She is unhappy. I am unhappy. We argue all of the time.

 

I am trying so hard to make things work with her, for the child, for our future and our love. I know we love each other but it is so difficult to believe that anymore.

 

It was always our intention to return the the rural community we volunteered in, so we returned last week for 5 days and it was great.. I felt we were starting to reignite some of those feelings long forgotten. Her too, we were smiling, it was cute.

 

The last day when we were to leave the community, she threw some water on me (an old sweet thing we did for a laugh) so immediately I retaliated and did the same, oh how fun!......... ACTUALLY NO - She became the same monster she had always been. For the whole day she was pissed at me and in a mood for getting her a little bit wet. I said I was sorry and that I didn't want to leave the community on a bad vibe. Turns out the rest of the day was just disgusting, like pretty much every other day I spend with her.

 

She has become incredibly difficult to work with. A lot of the time it feels like I am caring for a young adolescent child with bad erratic mood swings and bad judgement and illogical ideas.

 

She has little or no respect for me and doesn't believe in our relationship. She has said on a number of occasions she wants to leave me, but then realises shes making a bad decision.

 

I don't know if its the hormones of the pregnancy talking but I literally have little idea how to continue on. I feel exhausted and all my efforts are blown out of the window. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to make her happy. All I get from her is an evil glare, or a grunt. She calls me stupid all of the time and undervalues everything I do for her.

 

She is very worried about her child and she has also been sick with other things such as her kidneys and her colon, she has bad blood pressure and has passed out on a number of occasions. She has lost a lot of weight and also has roundworm. We are not getting proper medical care for her pregnancy. She has been given all clear for her kidneys, but the hospital we were attending has decided they can no longer give medical care. We are so far in the pregnancy and we still haven't had a scan.

 

I want to stay with her. But I am thinking that the only thing I can do now is to call it quits and leave her. She says she wants to be alone. She doesn't want me anymore, she's told me, many times. At first I thought she was ridiculous but maybe I should just do it...go. I feel I can't help her any more than I do. I'm tired now, and I just want to go home. I'm young, why did I get myself into this? She's killing me.

 

What do you think?

[Mr. Lucky]

What do you think?

 

I think you've made a disastrous set of ill-considered decisions.

 

I'm young, why did I get myself into this? She's killing me.

 

4 1/2 months too late to be asking this question. If you're proposing bailing out and abandoning your child, doubt you'll get much positive feedback here.

 

What are the logistics involved in eventually having all three of you return to the UK?

 

Mr. Lucky

[sanderson]

I don't want to bail out. I love her and I want to have the child with her. But i don't want her to be forever unhappy. I still love the girl like I did when I first met her, it is her who only sees doom and gloom and i'm drowning in her self pitty. We've spoken many times and have tried to get us both kick started again, but now when we speak it's usually a shrug of the shoulders and nothing more. I've tried to be firm and tried to take the reigns but to no avail. She tells me to 'sit back down' and to not bother. I feel she's lost all hope.

 

Our plan is to get to the UK before the birth, though there are issues with visas and we don't really know where to start. Neither of us have the motivation to do anything anymore.

 

I've just made us a soup, but shes not interested and would rather sleep all day.

 

I need support but I don't know where to get it. I feel so alone in this country.

 

This is a cry for help really... I don't want to lose the child.

[Miss Clavel]

What a disaster.

 

 

 

I want to stay with her. But I am thinking that the only thing I can do now is to call it quits and leave her. She says she wants to be alone. She doesn't want me anymore, she's told me, many times. At first I thought she was ridiculous but maybe I should just do it...go. I feel I can't help her any more than I do. I'm tired now, and I just want to go home. I'm young, why did I get myself into this? She's killing me.

 

What do you think?

 

Leave. Take the baby with you.

[mightycpa]

I think you got enthralled with a third-world, emotional woman, and now that you're gotten to know what you're dealing with, you still don't see the error of your ways.

 

Wake up. Offer her $5000 for full custody of the child when it is born, if she accepts the medical care that you pay for. See what she says. Then have a Nicaraguan lawyer draw up the paperwork. See what you fell in love with. Let her take the money, you take the child and run.

[PegNosePete]

Get a paternity test.

[Els]

I remember your previous thread before you moved - I also remember most of us cautioning you to really THINK about what you were gonna do.

 

You've made your bed (in fact, you made it over and over and over again...), now you have to lie in it - at least until she delivers the child and you can figure out a way to get the child to the UK. You don't have to take this woman with you, but it's your responsibility to do so for your child.

 

Also I don't understand why you aren't able to get her decent medical care. If you have the money (and coming from the UK I would assume you do), it is obtainable, even in Nicaragua. What is preventing you from getting her to an actual hospital? Again, this isn't about her - it's about the child.

 

I doubt you'll take any of the advice here, given your history, but we'll see. Hopefully you finally decide to wake up.

[mightycpa]

Get a paternity test.

Excellent advice!

[io2iio]

What a disaster.

 

I met my partner a year ago in a rural community in Nicaragua on a volunteering project. She is Nica and I'm British. So after our month of intense love I had to go home to England. I saved up all my money to come back to Nicaragua, the place I am now.

 

Durin our 6month of no physical contact, she had sex with many people (which I recently discovered), we argued all of the time and the relationship, really, was a disaster. But because of naive me I still soldiered on and saved my pennies and got on a flight over here.

 

She was in love with another man but eventually she decided she wanted to be with me. We are having a baby. I've been in this country 6 months and shes 4 and a half months gone.

 

We live together, I pay all of the bills and she sits at home being pregnant.

 

She is unhappy. I am unhappy. We argue all of the time.

 

I am trying so hard to make things work with her, for the child, for our future and our love. I know we love each other but it is so difficult to believe that anymore.

 

It was always our intention to return the the rural community we volunteered in, so we returned last week for 5 days and it was great.. I felt we were starting to reignite some of those feelings long forgotten. Her too, we were smiling, it was cute.

 

The last day when we were to leave the community, she threw some water on me (an old sweet thing we did for a laugh) so immediately I retaliated and did the same, oh how fun!......... ACTUALLY NO - She became the same monster she had always been. For the whole day she was pissed at me and in a mood for getting her a little bit wet. I said I was sorry and that I didn't want to leave the community on a bad vibe. Turns out the rest of the day was just disgusting, like pretty much every other day I spend with her.

 

She has become incredibly difficult to work with. A lot of the time it feels like I am caring for a young adolescent child with bad erratic mood swings and bad judgement and illogical ideas.

 

She has little or no respect for me and doesn't believe in our relationship. She has said on a number of occasions she wants to leave me, but then realises shes making a bad decision.

 

I don't know if its the hormones of the pregnancy talking but I literally have little idea how to continue on. I feel exhausted and all my efforts are blown out of the window. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to make her happy. All I get from her is an evil glare, or a grunt. She calls me stupid all of the time and undervalues everything I do for her.

 

She is very worried about her child and she has also been sick with other things such as her kidneys and her colon, she has bad blood pressure and has passed out on a number of occasions. She has lost a lot of weight and also has roundworm. We are not getting proper medical care for her pregnancy. She has been given all clear for her kidneys, but the hospital we were attending has decided they can no longer give medical care. We are so far in the pregnancy and we still haven't had a scan.

 

I want to stay with her. But I am thinking that the only thing I can do now is to call it quits and leave her. She says she wants to be alone. She doesn't want me anymore, she's told me, many times. At first I thought she was ridiculous but maybe I should just do it...go. I feel I can't help her any more than I do. I'm tired now, and I just want to go home. I'm young, why did I get myself into this? She's killing me.

 

What do you think?

 

So she sleeps with other people during the 6 months and you still love her. This is just pathetic. You know what you should do but you are just weak thinking that she is the woman of your life. You are not even sure if the baby is yours. She could be a gold digger and you could be her golden ticket to a british passport for her kid.

 

Dump her and run as fast as you can.

[Mr. Lucky]

You are not even sure if the baby is yours. She could be a gold digger and you could be her golden ticket to a british passport for her kid.

 

Dump her and run as fast as you can.

 

And if the child is his :confused:???

 

sanderson, you've made choices that limit your options. It's time to stop, think and make some considered decisions going forward...

 

Mr. Lucky

[MellyMel]

If I were you, I would get a paternity test. If the child is yours, I would get a lawyer + do what's best for the baby. Perhaps that means getting the hell out of Nicaragua ( probably wise) with the baby.

[dreamingoftigers]

I can't believe the other posters telling this guy to basically kidnap his own child.

 

His judgment is no better than the mother's (seriously) and she hasn't done anything wrong regarding the child's welfare while the father is already considering abandoning mother and child.

 

Is this "White Man's Burden" or some crap?

 

OP. I am currently pregnant.

 

The hormonal changes are excessively tiring and exhausting.

 

For the first three months I could sleep for over 12 hours a day, no questions asked and still feel tired.

 

I was incredibly moody. So moody the my husband noticed an almost immediate difference and asked me to take a pregnancy test. We discovered the pregnancy less than three weeks in.

 

I bawled my eyes out over my dog that died three years ago.....and through the WHOLE MOVIE of Frozen. And Inside Out. And some commercials on TV.

 

My posts on here have been very snappy.

 

I feel physically out of sorts. I get sick to my stomach every day. I RARELY FEEL LIKE EATING. I JUST WANT TO SLEEP. When I do eat, its ravenous. Frankly, I am really just waiting this pregnancy out.

 

For weeks I felt like just tossing my husband out. And he was SUPPORTIVE. I also got ridiculously horny but felt very unsexy and frustrated.

 

Frankly, contrary to the usual, I am a real miserable pain in the ass to be around. Some days I amaze myself.

 

If she's already got other physical symptoms of illness, jeez.....I can't imagine how tired etc. She feels.

 

I due May 11th. So I am about halfway through. I have only JUST STARTED to feel a little better.

 

I haven't been puking EVERY day now. It's been more like every second day. And I know from my last pregnancy that I've got about another month of that to go.

 

Am I saying its perfectly okay for her to treat you poorly? No. But I will HONESTLY say I do not know how to chill out anywhere near effectively in this hormonal sea-bath.

 

Many women get pregnant without anywhere near the physical symptoms I had with my first or this one. I actually thought I was dying with my first one. I fely totally awful and was very sixk for the first six months. I was useless, honestly. Practically tied to my bed. Then it took me 3.5 days of labour to deliver her.

 

Husband and I are talking about vasectomy so there's not a surprise down the road. But we'll see.

 

Back to you. You're about to be a father.

 

Is it ideal? No. Great. It will be when the child arrives. Until then it will be a mini-nightmare.

 

I will be very blunt. I don't lack empathy for you, but I will tell you EXACTLY how I would've responded if my husband wanted to talk to me about "relational respect" etc. While at the height of hormones in the first trimester. I would have told him to eff off.

 

Yes, a bad long-term decision. But I can't underline enough how IRRITATING THESE STUPID HORMONES ARE. IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE IS POKING ME ALL. DAY. LONG. POKE. POKE. POKE. POKE. POKE. POKE.

 

And then if someone were to come along and talk VISA, medical health, Relationship, "what do you want for dinner?" It just tips me over the edge.

 

And I bet I am older than your gf, been married 11 years and have already had one child.

 

My husband has enough history with me to know this isn't "my usual" and I've been through really rough stuff with him.

 

He also noted that I "lost my sense of humor or it at least dulled for awhile." He'd joke and most of the time I wouldn't even respond. Humor is also a real cornerstone of our relationship. So it really hasn't been fun.

 

I do not envy your position. I sure wouldn't enjoy living with me.

 

It isn't "entitlement" either. I think a lot of guys would think it is. But it distinctly isn't. My energy is low. My moods are completely off and my emotions are everywhere. Since I don't even have a regular menstrual cycle, I don't experience anything close to this normally. I don't get "PMS" etc. So this hits like bricks.

 

I can only imagine the combined stresses your girlfriend has with exhaustion, health concerns, potential move, unsteady relationship that comes with its own pressures, looking at potentially being a single parent, a bf that does not understand, and being a first-time parent as well. She doesn't even know what to expect from her pregnancies.

 

I do not envy her either.

 

I generally insist you don't abandon her or your child.

 

Find an outlet for yourself during the day or when she's sleeping.

 

I know that "yada yada yada lots of pregnant women can compete in the Olympics" or whatever.

 

Apparently yours can't. Frankly, if I didn't have work-flexibility due to my boss' wife having had rough pregnancies, I probably would have lost my job.

 

Sitting around being pregnant is NOT a vacation for some women.

 

Have you asked your gf how she physically feels?

 

It's threads like this that make me so grateful for my husband.

[dreamingoftigers]

Frankly, I think your choice in partner was flawed with her in love with another guy etc yet you pursued her.

 

But then.....you got her pregnant. It's a little late to say, "well, she's not a super- nice person now."

 

OP, I strongly recommend compartmentalizing her pregnant behaviour from the rest of it.

 

Where and who are her other supports?

 

Where's her family?

[sandylee1]

Get a paternity test.

 

My sentiments exactly^^^^^^

 

You sound young enough to build a life with a girl who loves you. STOP accepting this. Tell her that as neither of you are happy.... it's time to end it.

 

Then leave...

[LifeNomad]

it sounds too me you too aren't compatible, but since she is pregnant and definitely hormones are going to be out of wack, I would say try and ride it out for now as the pregnancy can definitely cause sudden and instant mood shifts.

 

 

But if you feel like being together does more harm than good, since too much stress isn't good for her either, then maybe back off and if needed jump on the next lorry and high tail it back to England on some work related excuse?