Should I snoop again!

[ENP]

To make a long story short-- about a year ago I checked my boyfriends voice messages (by continually entering many passwords until one worked) and discovered he was interested in another lady. Well, it was hard and we worked through that ordeal (at least I thought so). Since then, I've had the hardest time trusting him . . .it's making me feel absoulutely sick. Well, he's changed his voice message password since then, but I still highly suspect that something is going wrong (we're in a long distance relationship by the way). My question is this--Since I highly suspect that something is going on, should I straight up ask him what his password is if he truly loves me and has nothing to hide??? I feel like our relationship is going down the drain because the trust I use to have for him no longer exists. If I had any type of proof that he is doing me wrong, I would end it all now and move on with my life!!---So back to the question should I ask him for the password if I'm in such doubt???

[Tony T]

No, you shouldn't ask him for his password. That would be crazy.

 

However, you should ask for all your stuff back and move on. Now that the trust is gone here, you have no relationship. It is officially OVER.

 

You can't have any kind of quality relationship with somebody you don't trust and you admitted in your post that the trust you used to have for him is gone. That is a necessary ingredient for a relationship.

 

I'm shocked you're still with him after what he did.

 

Anyway, do you see just how ridiculous it sounds on the face of it to ask a guy for the password to his telephone messages so you can make sure he's not cheating on you. When a relationship gets to that point, it is really O-V-E-R.

 

I am very sorry about this but you're much better finding someone you can trust and where you don't have to put yourself through constant mental anguish wondering what sort of things they have going on the side.

 

You even said above you "highly suspect something is going on" and the situation is making you "feel absolutely sick." Are you hearing yourself? Why do you want to put yourself through this? It's nuts. Move on to better things.

[Laurynn]

I've been in your shoes, many times in past years. I can tell you from experience, that a woman can only play 'detective' for so long. I got to the place where I realized one day, if you feel the need to devote even 5 seconds of your time, snooping around, not feeling total trust, it's time to move on and save yourself a lot of stress, worry and wasted energy.

 

Long distance relationships are the ultimate struggle. They're not easy. They rely solely on mutual trust. If the trust isn't there, there's no relationship.

 

If you discovered he was horsing around in the past (had interest for another woman), he blew it. If you two lived in the same town, it might be easier to deal with it and get past it......but being far apart really doesn't give you the opportunity to rebuild the trust.

 

If you feel compelled to snoop again, to try and crack his password, it's time to move on.

 

You may *think* you need 'proof', and that if you have that proof, then you'll leave him. But why put yourself through that? You know darn well that if you listen to his messages, and find out he has been seeing someone else, that will crush you. Don't even do that to yourself.

 

End it. If you have trust, you have nothing. Snooping just eats you up inside.

 

Best also, to date guys who live around your local area. Long distance relationships, I think, rarely work out. Especially once trust has been broken, as in your case.

 

Take care,

 

Laurynn

[WGirl]

you don't trust him. Maybe you should break off the relationship if you have that much of a distrust of him.

 

I admit, I have snooped in the past. Usually, if you feel the need to snoop and do it--you do find something.

 

Every time I snooped, I did. Go with your gut instinct.

To make a long story short-- about a year ago I checked my boyfriends voice messages (by continually entering many passwords until one worked) and discovered he was interested in another lady. Well, it was hard and we worked through that ordeal (at least I thought so). Since then, I've had the hardest time trusting him . . .it's making me feel absoulutely sick. Well, he's changed his voice message password since then, but I still highly suspect that something is going wrong (we're in a long distance relationship by the way). My question is this--Since I highly suspect that something is going on, should I straight up ask him what his password is if he truly loves me and has nothing to hide??? I feel like our relationship is going down the drain because the trust I use to have for him no longer exists. If I had any type of proof that he is doing me wrong, I would end it all now and move on with my life!!---So back to the question should I ask him for the password if I'm in such doubt???

[Miss Mojo]

To make a long story short-- about a year ago I checked my boyfriends voice messages (by continually entering many passwords until one worked) and discovered he was interested in another lady. Well, it was hard and we worked through that ordeal (at least I thought so). Since then, I've had the hardest time trusting him . . .it's making me feel absoulutely sick. Well, he's changed his voice message password since then, but I still highly suspect that something is going wrong (we're in a long distance relationship by the way). My question is this--Since I highly suspect that something is going on, should I straight up ask him what his password is if he truly loves me and has nothing to hide??? I feel like our relationship is going down the drain because the trust I use to have for him no longer exists. If I had any type of proof that he is doing me wrong, I would end it all now and move on with my life!!---So back to the question should I ask him for the password if I'm in such doubt???

[secretval]

you don't trust him. Maybe you should break off the relationship if you have that much of a distrust of him. I admit, I have snooped in the past. Usually, if you feel the need to snoop and do it--you do find something. Every time I snooped, I did. Go with your gut instinct. if you feel the need to snoop then you probably do need to get rid of him - believe me if there's no trust you don't have anything.