Alucard Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 This is a long one. Let me give you some background info. I am going to start from the very beginning since it is part of the problem. I am a male in my early 20's and many would call me a loser. Still live at home, still haven't finished college, haven't had a girlfriend in years. I don't think I am a loser, I spend a lot of time chasing my dream of being a filmmaker and that has not helped my college career. Anyways, I have worked at the same place since I was 16, had the same friends for just as long. I am pretty terrified of social situations, but when I am actually in them they are never as bad as I make them out to be. I am really bad when it comes to talking to girls. I shake, sweat, and all that good stuff. I work at a golf course, so there is a pro shop and a restaurant. Up until about 2 years ago I had basically stopped talking to all in the restaurant. I just did not like having to meet the new people that were in there, so I avoided them (which is not easy to do). Then things started to change. About 2 years ago one of the guys named Ben, from the restaurant started coming over and hanging out with me in the proshop. We became pretty good friends, we never did anything out of work, but there is nothing to do at a golf course during the week, so we got to know each other quite well during the boredom. He was very nice to me, seemed very wise, tried to help me out with any problems I had. Ben and I got along great. About a year ago a girl named Melinda started working there. I did not say a single word to her for her first 3 months. She was beautiful and that scared the hell out of me. Ben and I are still good friends at this point, but he seems to hate this girl. I passed no judgment since I did not know her. Anyway one night at work she and I were there late. She comes over and just starts talking to me. I do not know what to do. I was so nervous and she so understanding. We talked for about 5 hours. I go home and start talking to my friends about what needs to be done in this situation, they convince me to ask her out. After an extensive investigation into whether or not she has a boy friend. It is decided that she does not. I talk to Ben about her. He says she likes me ALOT. I do not tell him I plan on asking her out. The next night I work with her, we talk again and I ask her out as we are leaving. Whoops. "Sorry, I am dating Ben". Well I am pretty devastated. How many girls will I meet like this. I do get over it before I see her again however. I decide that I am not talking to her any more. Embarrassment was too much. Well she decided otherwise, comes over and tells me that we are going to be friends and that she is proud that I had enough nerve to ask her out. I'm feeling this is out of pity, but I go along. I am worried about stepping on Ben's toes as well, so I basically set up boundaries that will not allow me to become a nuisance to her. For the first few months I initiated no conversations, it was all her. I would not call her, she called me. She asked me to do stuff. For a little bit there was hope she would leave Ben for me, but that ended rather quickly and I was just happy to have a new friend. I sat Ben down and told him I was not trying to steal his girlfriend and if he had any problems just let me know. Melinda and I became very close. Then something happened at work that devastated me. I basically found out that my best friend had been using me for a very long time and I was too dumb to realize it. I got pretty depressed and Melinda helped me through it. It was a very difficult time, a lot of people turned on me, but she stuck with me. I was grateful. Ben and I had a small falling out during this and we both ended up quitting. She stayed. Our falling out had nothing to do with Melinda, but he lied to my face several times and I did not like it. Then Melinda started coming to me with her problems. Basically it was problems with her and Ben. I grew to hate Ben. He called her names like "Dirty slut" etc. This bothered me. I had no idea what to do. So basically I would tell her that he is a bad person and that I hated him. Not a good idea. She would always make up with him quickly and eventually told him things I had said. This pissed him off. She started questioning my intentions based on what he had told her. I helped her with some school work for 3 nights in a row and he said she was cheating on him with me. It got bad. She kept going back. Eventually I shut my mouth and just let her know I was there for her if she needed anything. She seems very depressed all the time now. We are still close. She has been restricted though by Ben as to what we can do together. I cannot say anything or she gets offended. He says I am trying to steal her, I am definitely not. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have I care for a lot and would do anything for them. It is very difficult to watch. It would be easier to cut off contact with her, but she doesn't have many friends any more because of him and I feel like I am abandoning her. I like her a lot, but it is unbelievably difficult to put so much into being nice and trying to help when as soon as she goes home he tries to turn her against me and outs seed of doubt in her mind. I don't know if there is an answer. I feel like she is in an abusive relationship, she seems so unhappy compared to when I met her. Well there you go. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 This is a duplicate of the following thread... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=63824 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alucard Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 I thought this forum would be more appropriate. If the mod can delete the other one it would be great. Link to post Share on other sites
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