Is it possible to get my fwb back after scaring him off?

[Jacquix]

I (f 21) met a friend of a friend (m 30) through Tinder. We would meet up at least weekly to hook up. Sometimes we'd get high together for a better experience. I'd never done any drugs before meeting him. A couple weeks ago I got way too high and just became a huge mess. I started rambling on, asking why he was hooking up with me and not his other tinder girls? Being difficult and demanding he play music. Telling him "I love hanging out with you". Just being completely out of it and sloppy, and those are just the parts I remember. The morning after I already knew I screwed up big time. I didn't contact him for two weeks and finally I sent him a text saying "Hey I just finished finals, hmu if you wanna chill (read: hook up) sometime." and he replied saying "Okay". I re-downloaded tinder and saw that he unmatched me. It was a hit to my ego so I deleted it again.

 

 

Would a text sent a few weeks from now apologizing for being so out of control even do anything to help? Also, does he mean it when he texted back "Okay"? Honestly, if I was done with someone for good, I'd just ignore all their messages straight up. Is there any way for me to bring him back as a fwb?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

All it will do is make you look desperate. If that is the impression you want to give him then do it, but I would strongly advise against it.

 

"Okay" in the context of your conversation is the equivalent of him saying, "yeah, whatever". Basically he doesn't care, and I think if you are honest with yourself you would admit that you do care, and that you want a lot more than just a fwb from this guy.

 

You have already offered yourself up on a silver platter. If that isn't enough to tempt him, nothing will.

 

The truth is you deserve a guy who respects and adores you, and doesn't brush you off. This guy will never give you what you truly want.

[Jacquix]

Yeah, that's what I thought it would do. Even just leaving him alone forever (that's my plan) do you think theres even a small chance he'll contact me again?

[CarrieT]

I don't think he will contact you again. I wouldn't.

 

Learn the lesson - stay away from drugs since they bring out an ugly side of you - and move on...

[oldshirt]

There's so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start.

 

 

The logical place to start is why do you have such low self esteem issues that you would consider going through tinder for a random hook up with some older man and allow yourself to be pumped and dumped for attention in the first place? Why aren't you meeting decent guys of your own demographic and dating legitimately and developing healthy relationships?

 

 

Those are the real questions you need to be asking here.

 

 

 

 

But lets try to work through what you have presented and break some things down piece by piece.

 

 

My responses are in bold below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I (f 21) met a friend of a friend (m 30) through Tinder. We would meet up at least weekly to hook up.

 

 

Why would you consider that?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes we'd get high together for a better experience. I'd never done any drugs before meeting him.

 

 

 

 

Is someone who would introduce you to drug abuse someone you really should be spending time with?

If the 'experience' is so bad that you need to abuse controlled substances to make it better, really worth it??

 

 

 

 

A couple weeks ago I got way too high and just became a huge mess.

 

 

Translation = your drug abuse is escalating and getting out of your control.

 

 

 

 

I started rambling on, asking why he was hooking up with me and not his other tinder girls? Being difficult and demanding he play music. Telling him "I love hanging out with you". Just being completely out of it and sloppy, and those are just the parts I remember.

 

 

Translation = deep down you want more for yourself and want a legitimate, healthy relationship with someone worth having a relationship with.

Secondary translation = your drug abuse was causing you to lose control of yourself and do dumb things.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The morning after I already knew I screwed up big time.

 

 

That's always the first step towards recovery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn't contact him for two weeks and finally I sent him a text saying "Hey I just finished finals, hmu if you wanna chill (read: hook up) sometime."

 

 

 

 

I'll go back to what I said above, why are you so desperate for attention and company that you would subject yourself to such desperate and pathetic measures??

 

 

 

 

 

 

and he replied saying "Okay".

 

 

No dirtbag is going to turn down free poontang.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I re-downloaded tinder and saw that he unmatched me.

 

 

There's your sign.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a hit to my ego so I deleted it again.

 

your self esteem has been damaged a long time ago. What have you been doing to address that and repair that?

 

Would a text sent a few weeks from now apologizing for being so out of control even do anything to help?

 

 

 

 

No. What will help you is to address your self esteem issues and your personal boundaries and your own value system and life goals.

Apologizing to some druggie, dirtbag, loser, womanizer for some drugged up outburst that he put you in is not warranted.

Your course of action should be to put as much distance between you and him as humanly possible and never allow any contact with him ever again.

You should be the one avoiding him like the plague - NOT PURSUING HIM!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, does he mean it when he texted back "Okay"?

 

 

It means he's a douchebag, womanizer, predator that wants to keep the door to free poontang open but has been too lazy and doesn't care about you enough to lift a finger to get to your place yet. He's probably too busy getting other young, naïve women with poor boundaries and no self esteem stoned and fcking them over to get to you yet.

 

 

 

 

Honestly, if I was done with someone for good, I'd just ignore all their messages straight up

 

 

Then please for the love of all that is holy, be done with him and delete and block any future contact from him!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Is there any way for me to bring him back as a fwb?

 

 

I want you to do some serious self-reflection and some serious soul searching and ask yourself why on God's Green Earth would you ever want to have someone like him anywhere near you and why you think so low of yourself and have such poor self esteem and such poor personal boundaries that you would consider any kind of FWB situation let alone someone as corrupt and skanky and pathetic as him.

Why are you so desperate for any kind of contact and attention that you would subject yourself to this in the first place let alone trying to come back for more?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jacquix]

I'm really just not wanting to put all the effort in to having a boyfriend. I enjoy just casual sex with a fwb. My foolish behavior was eating away at me and last night I sent a text saying "and dude sorry about the other night. I had way too much and ended up saying a bunch of dumb stuff and being difficult. Gonna keep it sober from now on". He read it and didn't reply. So yeah, I guess he's completely done with me. I'm kicking myself for ruining a good arrangement

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I'm really just not wanting to put all the effort in to having a boyfriend. I enjoy just casual sex with a fwb. My foolish behavior was eating away at me and last night I sent a text saying "and dude sorry about the other night. I had way too much and ended up saying a bunch of dumb stuff and being difficult. Gonna keep it sober from now on". He read it and didn't reply. So yeah, I guess he's completely done with me. I'm kicking myself for ruining a good arrangement

 

You should still have some standards with a fwb, respect being an absolute minimum. He couldn't even give you that, so the arrangement couldn't be as good as you thought.

 

You have plenty of other options out there, you need to put this behind you and move on.

[Amelie1980]

He will probably come back when he has a dry spell.

 

Whether you want that or not is up to you.

[Jacquix]

He will probably come back when he has a dry spell.

 

Whether you want that or not is up to you.

 

I feel like dry spells don't exist if you're an attractive guy on Tinder

[Amelie1980]

I feel like dry spells don't exist if you're an attractive guy on Tinder

 

He's a druggie. He starts that crap and alot of women will say no and leave.

 

He isn't god. All guys have dry spells. He's 30 & using tinder and getting high with the women he sleeps with. He isnt a catch at all.

 

He introduced you to drugs he should have been apologizing to you for what happened.

Edited December 20, 2015 by Amelie1980

[Samhain]

You called it FWB he called it F*** buddy. You got out of hand and started acting like a girl that a Fk buddy could easily turn their back on as you began to be the exact same way that people who only want sex strive to avoid.

 

So in answer your your original question, no probably not.

[Seraphina87]

His behaviour is not that of a responsible, emotionally healthy 30 year old. You're a lot younger than he is, and if he can't factor that into his thinking and just dumps you because you behaved a little foolishly then he isn't worth your time. At the moment, your thinking is coloured by the fact that you've been sleeping with him so you don't see him for who he is.

[Amelie1980]

You called it FWB he called it F*** buddy. You got out of hand and started acting like a girl that a Fk buddy could easily turn their back on as you began to be the exact same way that people who only want sex strive to avoid.

 

So in answer your your original question, no probably not.

Not true.

 

these guys are desperate for sex without strings, their supply isnt as bountiful as people may think.

 

Op is a sure thing. If the well runs dry he may well come back.

[oldshirt]

Not true.

 

these guys are desperate for sex without strings, their supply isnt as bountiful as people may think.

 

Op is a sure thing. If the well runs dry he may well come back.

 

 

 

I agree. The OP is one in a million. There aren't that many woman who are so desperate and needy and willing to settle for so little.

[Seraphina87]

It's true that there aren't many women who will agree to casual sex without some sort of commitment. This is why there are a lot of men on dating sites who pretend they want relationships and then disappear. I think it's a bit mean to put the OP down and say she has no self respect. The problem is that you can so easily get hooked by someone who really isn't suitable for you just because you've had sex with them.

[Amelie1980]

It's true that there aren't many women who will agree to casual sex without some sort of commitment. This is why there are a lot of men on dating sites who pretend they want relationships and then disappear. I think it's a bit mean to put the OP down and say she has no self respect. The problem is that you can so easily get hooked by someone who really isn't suitable for you just because you've had sex with them.

 

yes it happened to me. He dated me for a bit to get the sex and buggered off. Trouble is i was hooked by then....call it bonding hormones once you've had sex or whatever.