Buy Christmas gift for MM?

[MissBee]

I think this is a tricky issue and it depends on the gift. The main problem is that if this is something MM has to hide or lie about or might cause suspicion or dday, why would you want to do that?

 

I also mostly associate Christmas with family personally and not lovers. I think it's fine to give gifts to a SO on Christmas of course, but for me, I've not tended to make Christmas into a big couples thing. Even in my single relationships most of the time we were with our respective families for Christmas and not with each other and it was fine. So in the case of an affair, I wouldn't prioritize meeting to exchange Christmas presents.

 

In my own case he wasn't married so that made things a little different, but I never got him Christmas gifts. He gave me stuff, but I was single so there was no one to be suspicious of things like Valentine's gifts and so on. I gave him other things outside of holidays but usually it was more like paying for an intangible thing like dinner or an event or some type of experience and not an actual object.

[muchlovetogive]

He told me he hopes I like what I bought him and mentioned that he got me more than one thing. He seemed proud of how much he spent and was ready to tell me, but held back saying, "I shouldn't tell you how much I spent". Mind you, he doesn't have a lot of money. I noticed he seems to spend more than he has, which is something he told me his wife complains about, adding to a couple other things I tend to agree with his wife with.

 

I asked what he bought his wife. He said no Xmas presents exchanged for 2 years now due to Dday. I said, "She's still your wife.'' He says, "But, we're not together."

 

He is planning on spending Christmas Eve with the kids and will come see me Christmas Day. I think I will be buying him something small, at least. Trying to see what I can get that won't get him in trouble will be a little tricky, but I will figure something out. Last minute shopping like always! Thank you all for your input!

[sandylee1]

i think post affair many try to downplay the entire situation and convince themselves and their respective betrayed spouses otherwise though.

 

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I think when they realise how much they risked.. that their spouse leaves them or comes close to it...at that point they often realise it was all ego strokes and the feel good factor.

 

At the time it's going on.. they are not thinking that way... but on dday and after ....from the begging and pleading and talk of how it just wasn't worth it.. The hurt of their spouse... that's when they label the OW a big mistake.

 

Could they be lying? Of course.. but why would any woman want to be labelled a mistake and denied... reminds me of Judas denying Jesus Christ.

[eye of the storm]

I waffled about the whole gift thing too. I decided not to buy one. He would have to lie about it. And I am done being the reason he lies.

[muchlovetogive]

I waffled about the whole gift thing too. I decided not to buy one. He would have to lie about it. And I am done being the reason he lies.

 

How long have you been together and if you're done being the reason he lies, have you stopped seeing him too?

 

You could always buy him something small/inconspicuous. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly that would be lol

[Poppy47]

I bought a Christmas gift when I was in Britain one year for xMM.

 

He bailed on me at the last minute and I left in a designated place for him. I went back 3 days later to check whether he had picked it up and it was still there. So much for the thought I had put into choosing and buying it.

 

I TOOK IT BACK. It wasn't a very personal gift but I had brought it all the way back with me.

 

Poppy

[TexasMan68]

If its a new Porsche its going to cause problems at home:) Honestly buy him what you want it will unfortunately just be added to the ongoing lies he has tells.