deckard11 Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Does anyone else here do everything alone? I go to the movies, concerts and out to dinner by myself. I always get the strangest looks from people when I go out to eat in a restaurant that's not a fast food place. On my birthday this year I was at dinner and a family walked by my table. A small child who was with them turned to her mother and asked mommy why is that man eating alone? The mom returned to my table after a few minutes to apologize but I told her it wasn't necessary. Any of you have these kinds of reactions? It doesn't bother me anymore like it use to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SerCay Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 I can totally relate. As a person who likes to BE alone and DO stuff alone most of the time, people think it's weird. They always go ahead and assume you're lonely. You just feel their pity. I stop caring more and more every day. Example: At work, every weekend ahead is asked about.."what are you gonna doooo"? Well...I'm gonna do a StarWars marathon and not get out of the house AAAAAALL weekend . Weird look s surrounding me as if I'm Remi with no friends. I notice that people are scared to be alone and plan their weekends and free time fuller than full not to look lonely. Same thing as: people are scared to be single so they start datin during their bad relationship OR right after breaking up. Then assume I am weird because I want a couple months with NO dating at all. I think it's us who have to apologize to them. For being scared to be alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Glass Hut Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 I usually sit at the bar when I go out to eat alone. Do you prefer having your own table instead? Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 I don't mesh well with the people in my program. So I end up eating with one or two other people, sometimes I do take my lunch to college library (I hate drama). Luckily our grocery store has a bistro so I can avoid eating alone in public. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 i do everything alone ...except... eat out alone. it weirds me out. i have tried once or twice, but it's my own weirdness and not knowing what to do while sitting there waiting to be served. do i read? play with my phone? watch a film on my tablet? just sit? i see people do it all the time and don't really give them a thought, so it's just personal insecurities rather than what others think. i'll sit and drink a coffee in a coffee shop alone, but have trouble doing a full-dinner out. but nothing else solo bothers me and i don't care what others think. it's my own hang-ups that'd keep me from doing something. and no one has ever commented on my alone-ness. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 Does anyone else here do everything alone? I go to the movies, concerts and out to dinner by myself. I always get the strangest looks from people when I go out to eat in a restaurant that's not a fast food place. On my birthday this year I was at dinner and a family walked by my table. A small child who was with them turned to her mother and asked mommy why is that man eating alone? The mom returned to my table after a few minutes to apologize but I told her it wasn't necessary. Any of you have these kinds of reactions? It doesn't bother me anymore like it use to. I go to a bar alone to watch sporting events sometimes. I hate watching football games with friends. I'm trying to concentrate on the details of the game and I want to be left alone. Even if you meet strangers they don't expect to talk to you constantly so they'll let you focus. I've taken myself on "autodates" after work before. That's a word I've made up for taking myself out. Can't do it much because $$. I'd bring my current moleskine so I can catalogue good thoughts. Its important to be comfortable on your own. I'm an extrovert and I'm fine alone of there's a purpose (working on something, meeting new people) but just sitting there alone and doing nothing makes me very uncomfortable. I have work to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 Does anyone else here do everything alone? I go to the movies, concerts and out to dinner by myself. I always get the strangest looks from people when I go out to eat in a restaurant that's not a fast food place. On my birthday this year I was at dinner and a family walked by my table. A small child who was with them turned to her mother and asked mommy why is that man eating alone? The mom returned to my table after a few minutes to apologize but I told her it wasn't necessary. Any of you have these kinds of reactions? It doesn't bother me anymore like it use to. Yes, I do a lot alone. I will be alone this Christmas even. I have kids but they are pretty independent now and will be away for the holidays. And yes, I do get the "Awww you poor thing" pity from others and it's annoying. I was thinking of going out to a nice dinner by myself on Christmas. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 Does anyone else here do everything alone? I go to the movies, concerts and out to dinner by myself. Sure. Other than when I was married, and even then, doing things by myself was normal. I always get the strangest looks from people when I go out to eat in a restaurant that's not a fast food place. On my birthday this year I was at dinner and a family walked by my table. A small child who was with them turned to her mother and asked mommy why is that man eating alone? The mom returned to my table after a few minutes to apologize but I told her it wasn't necessary. Any of you have these kinds of reactions? It doesn't bother me anymore like it use to. I don't recall that. Rather more a feeling of invisibility. That perhaps sounds odd but I've done things solo all over the world and can't recall anyone mentioning such things. I did occasionally get offers to take what I came to term 'tacky tourist photos' since there was no one with me and back then there was no 'selfie' option, long before digital cameras and cellphones. It was easier than a tripod and self-timer. So, other than perhaps personal feelings about being alone, a table for one was never an issue, nor is today. It's simply a table for one. IMO, since, generally, people are everywhere and easy to mingle with, we're never truly alone, or are as alone as we choose to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 (edited) I have eaten out alone. It doesn't bother me, I like my own company. There is such a difference btw being alone and being lonely. I don't make notice of people who sit alone while dining out. I do notice couples who are out to lunch, dinner etc and exchange nary a word. That, to me, is sad and lonely. Edited December 20, 2015 by Doublegold spelling 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LLQ1986 Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Yeah I have done a lot things alone as well, eating out alone, going to the cinema alone, traveling alone... I think it's no big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Trust me, it's worse when you're a woman. When I eat alone, I get strange looks all the time. My guy doesn't get nearly as much when he does it. Sad but true. I like eating out alone occasionally, and ALWAYS prefer to shop alone. The former because there are some cuisines I enjoy that my SO and friends don't, and the latter because it's much more efficient. I've done that all my adult life, and I'm still trying to get used to ignoring the weird stares (don't get much when shopping, but quite frequently when eating). Good luck, OP. Solo eaters unite! Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Does anyone else here do everything alone? My apology first: I shouldn't be replying in this post, as the question does not apply to me. I'm married--so, my answer is: NO, I don't do everything alone. But, I wish I did. I look for ways to find those precious moments of solitude, just being alone--it gives me a small window of time to escape. That aloneness brings in a little relief from the constant loneliness for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 I have eaten out alone. It doesn't bother me, I like my own company. There is such a difference btw being alone and being lonely. I don't make notice of people who sit alone while dining out. I do notice couples who are out to lunch, dinner etc and exchange nary a word. That, to me, is sad and lonely. funny how people see things differently. when i see a couple eating together and not talking through the meal it shows me they have probably been together a while and have a comfort level whereby they can enjoy being together, but with their own thoughts and just occasional words. who needs to be talking non-stop during a meal? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 i do everything alone ...except... eat out alone. it weirds me out. i have tried once or twice, but it's my own weirdness and not knowing what to do while sitting there waiting to be served. do i read? play with my phone? watch a film on my tablet? just sit? i see people do it all the time and don't really give them a thought, so it's just personal insecurities rather than what others think. i'll sit and drink a coffee in a coffee shop alone, but have trouble doing a full-dinner out. but nothing else solo bothers me and i don't care what others think. it's my own hang-ups that'd keep me from doing something. and no one has ever commented on my alone-ness. Haha I'm the same. I mean, I can grab some fast food on my own no problem. But proper restaurants?? No way! I also can't go out to bars on my own. Other than that, I'll go shopping, to the movies, to concerts, to the theatre, on my own, without a problem. Sometimes ever prefer it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 I have no problem doing anything by myself, including going to a nice restaurant. I've really never noticed if people stare because I usually read a book or the paper while I eat. But who cares anyway? I've never paid any attention if someone is eating alone. After all, people get hungry. I'm not going to miss out on a great meal just because I happen to be by myself! I do typically try to sit at the bar when I'm alone, though, because then I can chat with the bartender, and there are usually other patrons who are alone also. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 I crave being alone. I'm always surrounded by people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 TBH, my best date is the book I'm currently reading. I enjoy dining out with my husband from time to time, but there are days I don't want to be with his cranky butt, or have to listen to him complain about not wanting to eat at the restaurant I've chosen, and like the previous poster, when you deal with people on a regular basis, it's a relief to have time alone to yourself, even if it's just a lunch or dinner break. I prefer to go to places on my own, because I don't have to compromise by eating at one of the two or three places my husband will eat at (good food at all three, but it gets old when it's the ONLY offering!). I'm weird that way, but then again, I've never really cared what people thought about me dining alone, because I had my perfect dinner partner (that book) at my side. I'll be 50 soon, and I don't see that habit changing, either! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 (edited) In the past year (post divorce), I've gone out solo many times...to restaurants, shopping, etc. Fancy restaurants I reserve for dates, but pubs/sports bars, etc. I'll go solo and bring some paperwork along. I don't worry about what anyone thinks as I'm doing my own thing. What I don't like is when the waitress/waiter says: "Is it "just" you?" Yes (I think to myself...Thank goodness as I don't think my dinner partner wants to go over my business plan or whatever paper work I've brought along). I actually like having dinner out solo a few times a month. Re: the child who saw you were sitting solo...my kids are young...they've been taught in school not to leave out other students...and if a student is sitting alone for lunch or on the playground to go and engage with them. That is why the mom apologized...her daughter was doing the right thing for a school situation and didn't wish to leave you feeling less than ... in an adult situation. I wouldn't worry about it OP. If you are wanting company, have you thought about joining a dinner club or activity club via meetup? Edited December 22, 2015 by StBreton 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 I do notice couples who are out to lunch, dinner etc and exchange nary a word. That, to me, is sad and lonely. I don't really understand why anyone would make a big deal out of this, same as how I don't understand why people make a big deal out of a solo diner. When you live with someone in an established relationship, it's important to be able to keep each other company without necessarily having to be ALWAYS talking. Sometimes you just want to go out and grab a bite together, which may or may not involve much conversation. Sure there are also 'date nights' where you get all dressed up and play the part of a newly-dating couple again and chat the whole time, but there is space for both types of meals in a LTR. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 I sometimes eat out alone when I just simply want to eat and nothing else and can't be bothered organising others to come with. Some people are simply incapable of doing things without being joined to another's hip and will always find people doing things alone to be strange. The world is is like that. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 When I was single (late 30s and mid-40s), I relished dining alone. As a food-and-wine writer, there was nothing better than experiencing a three-hour, multi-course meal with just me and a good book. Now that I am married, instead of the lengthy haute cuisine meals of this ilk, I take myself out for lunch now and then just to enjoy the quiet solitude of reading over a nice meal. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 The lonely diner thing is sometimes unavoidable when you travel for business. So I'm pretty sure most of us have been there at some time or other. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDuck Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Does anyone else here do everything alone? I go to the movies, concerts and out to dinner by myself. I travelled alone so I think people assume I'm cool with doing stuff alone but I'm not. I'll grab something quick to eat by myself if I'm on the road or something but for me its not fun unless I'm sharing it with someone. I think its actually pretty cool when people are content enough in their own company to do stuff alone. But I'd rather grab a bite to eat with someone I just met 5mins ago than eat alone. I like company. I don't think its a strength or weakness. I think it just is. Do what makes you happy. I don't make notice of people who sit alone while dining out. I do notice couples who are out to lunch, dinner etc and exchange nary a word. That, to me, is sad and lonely. That's a phenomena I've never got my head around. There's a lot to be said for a comfortable silence but, when you've gone out to eat? That seems odd to me! But then, I'm a chatterbox I think my girlfriend would of been total chill with that though, she doesn't need to be talking for talkings sake. Though she tells me now it doesn't feel right if I'm quiet, she's got used to me rattling on, so I guess that's love! Haha Link to post Share on other sites
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