Am I being too controlling?

[The Way I Am]

I get what you are saying but I also have a problem with the wording. In that people seem to act like the idea of taking 30 seconds out to send a text is some huge inconvenience.

 

I wouldn't say it's an inconvenience. But fairly often I don't people right away if I'm not sure what to say or am in the middle of something (working and don't want to lose my train of thought or in a conversation with someone and don't want to be rude). Then I don't remember until a couple hours later that I got a text I never replied to.

 

Actually, now that I think about it, anything that doesn't seem urgent, I don't interrupt what I'm doing to reply. I don't expect immediate responses either.

 

OP, if that's the only issue, and she told you she understood your point, you need to relax about it.

Edited December 24, 2015 by The Way I Am

[GemmaUK]

Yes, you are being controlling.

 

 

Why are you so stuck to your phone? Do you not have a life or hobbies?

[Snaggletooth]

I have always my phone close to me, so does my girlfriend.

During this one year that we are living together there has never been a moment that she had to reach me and did not get a response within one hour whe we are not together.

 

We live in a country where Wi-Fi and 3G is everywhere. However, I go crazy in my mind when she turns of her 3G or forgets her cellphone and does not receives or answers my messages after 3 hours.

 

I was thinking if I am acting normally or if I am exagerating. I just don't get it if this is SO easy to just answer the person you love. I do not demand that she replies me in 5 minutes, I just told her that, let's say, once per hour, I look at my phone to see if she had to talk to me and I expect something close to it.

 

Am I right by thinking this way ?

 

I rarely have my phone on me. I'm a builder, I don't want it in my pocket where it can get broken, I keep it in my wagon instead. When single I would check it at lunchtime and again at the end of the working day.

 

Outside of work I also rarely have my phone on me. I play a lot of sport, during those times the phone if off. If I am out socialising with friends the phone is off. When single, I would turn the phone back on after those activities were finished.

 

I am no longer single. I still rarely have my phone on me. I do, however, now check my phone much more often in case my girlfriend has tried to get in touch. I want her to know she can do that, that she is a priority in my life, that contact from her is never an inconvenience, that I am there if she needs me and that it will never take long for me to reply to her.

 

I expect similar from her. The thing is, neither me or my girl abuse that availability. It's just there for when needed. The vast majority of the time we check our phones there is no message from the other. If either of us had our phone off for hours at a time the other would likely never know, but if I am to be late home I can text and know she got it. Likewise she can text me to get milk on the way home and I will see the message in time to get milk. Sometimes we send message to put a smile on the others face during the day. Rare enough to be a nice surprise, often enough to let the other know we think about them while apart. The text is to give the other a smile, though, not to demand attention for ourselves.

 

I think it is fair to expect a level of availability from the person you are with. It shows manners, respect and consideration. If someone consistently found it an inconvenience or chore to check their phone and reply to a text within reasonable time I would end the relationship. If they want to act as if single with no ties, strings, thought, consideration or responsibilities to anyone else, they can be single.

 

The thing is, are you blowing up her phone whenever she is available? Are you interrupting her work and time with friends with pointless attention seeking texts? If so, then you are the one who needs to show some manners, respect and consideration. If so, then it is no wonder she turns it off.

 

A phone is a tool, not a toy.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I get what you are saying but I also have a problem with the wording. In that people seem to act like the idea of taking 30 seconds out to send a text is some huge inconvenience.

It IS a huge inconvenience. It's as rude as interrupting, which I hope your parents taught you not to do! A person should NOT be intruding on another person at any time of the day or night and expecting them to immediately "take 30 seconds" to respond. It's rude. I can't understand how this has become "normal" in the world anyway! When our parents were younger they had a phone in their house attached to a cord and not even voice mail, if somebody wanted to talk to them they'd have to be right there to answer the phone!! That was better.

[PrettyEmily77]

It IS a huge inconvenience. It's as rude as interrupting, which I hope your parents taught you not to do! A person should NOT be intruding on another person at any time of the day or night and expecting them to immediately "take 30 seconds" to respond. It's rude. I can't understand how this has become "normal" in the world anyway! When our parents were younger they had a phone in their house attached to a cord and not even voice mail, if somebody wanted to talk to them they'd have to be right there to answer the phone!! That was better.

 

Completely agree ^^^. So unhealthy to expect/demand a reply after a 'reasonable time' (usually less than a few minutes IMO). No one should make themselves that available to anyone, and even worse, expect it of someone else. That's a little claustrophobic, to me.

 

You should be able to live your life away from the SO without constant contact / reassurance - just the idea of receiving / having to reciprocate that much daily contact with anyone makes me feel a little suffocated.

[sandylee1]

It IS a huge inconvenience. It's as rude as interrupting, which I hope your parents taught you not to do! A person should NOT be intruding on another person at any time of the day or night and expecting them to immediately "take 30 seconds" to respond. It's rude. I can't understand how this has become "normal" in the world anyway! When our parents were younger they had a phone in their house attached to a cord and not even voice mail, if somebody wanted to talk to them they'd have to be right there to answer the phone!! That was better.

 

Times have changed though. Back in the day people walked for miles and used telegrams.. you move with the times.

 

My H may text me in the day to confirm availability for last minute deal or to check kids school schedule for a vacation booking..... I would get back to him ASAP.

 

Yes we survived without these things. .. but they are now part of out daily lives.

 

I don't expect hourly messages avd I send frequent messages either. It might be once in 2/3 weeks or even less that we text during working hours and require a reply.

[oregon0011]

I have a couple of observations.

 

I have a son with my ex wife. I have a close female friend I have known for years. Business friends. Employees.

 

When I text any of these people, my text is always returned within 5 minutes.

 

Now when you have a gf, then all of a sudden texts can't be returned for several hours? Lol. It's sort of an insecure game.

 

I was dating s girl who would slow text me. I did the same to her one day. Wow. She totally noticed and kept bringing up in the future about where I was that day. It's all about games, and less about people not actually being able to text you back.