Why so hard to forget toxic stuff?

[Cappycorny]

New here. I'm having a very difficult time with something. Over the summer in August I meet this guy. It's odd this happened because I was suppose to be on a tropical vacation but due to hurricane like weather the trip was cancelled and I ended up camping an hour a way from my home. Literally was lost in the woods and ran into him by mistake when I stopped to ask for directions to the beach. He was the only one around. Our eyes connected immediately. He was very pleasant and exceptionally attractive. After asking how to get out of the woods I was on my way. I must say I did not exactly give him a second thought just went back to enjoying the 90 degree heat. Later that day, he shows up at the beach. I was standing in the water and he said hi, I see you found the beach. From then on we stood there talking for 2 solid hours. It seems his life has been a little crazy. Married unhappily, left marriage and seperated. Hooked up with a girl he knew years ago and to add insult to injury gets her knocked up. Then goes back to the wife for the sake of the two small kids he has with her and takes responsibility for the now 3 year old he has with the temporary gf. So meanwhile I'm coming out of a relationship and was not looking for one, however we hit it off. The next day I did not see him but the following day the evening before I was to leave the next day, I was down by the water sitting at a picnic table when I hear hey and he comes running toward me. We sat and talked again for a long time. I then left he shook my hand goodbye. I must say from that moment on this one was on my mind. I went down to a dock and had a beer. I then thought I need to find him and give him my email. I can't leave without ever talking to him again. My intent even with the attraction was that of friends and I made that clear. I found him mentally stimulating and easy to relate with. So I get in my car and drive to his site and stop. Rolled down the window with a very red face and asked him do you email? He smiled and said yes. I hand him a slip of paper with my email addy on it. Then wished him well and drove away. Went back to my site and left the next morning. Two days later I get an email from him. We exchanged messages back and forth for a week. He seemed to want to know all about me. I was thrilled and this was very nice. Then I get an email saying would you meet me for coffee? If no don't reply. Well of course I wanted to meet him for coffee. He was so happy. He said thank god or I'd have to call off the personal singer I hired to sing in your eyes. Omg if that was not sweet I don't know what is? We talked again and I made it clear that it was so nice but keeping things at a friends level was best. And that's when he said, ok but i think that's difficult because you are truly beauitful. Again my heart melted. He walks me to my car and shook my hand. Both of us with a long eye gaze. So to make this long story short, we start meeting at parks and places in my town to talk. Turns out he lives 30 minute north of me but works in an area where I own a camp.. So I'd see him up there too. At one point in September I allowed him to hug me. Then hugs became the norm followed by our first kiss. Oh boy through the darn roof it was the best ever. He never took advantage of me with saying sexy stuff and he did not have my cell until end of September when it was getting hard to use email when he or I was running late to meet. The texts back and forth started to dwindle with me imitating more. Understanding that he was telling me his head was a mess and he had no time. Fast forward to nov 5... The day we did it. Yes we went for it and omg it was wonderful. However, then he really pulled away and I've not seen him since even though he claimed it was great and he really likes me he has no time. I keep thinking that's truly the case and we keep trying to hook up for coffee and it's not happening. He also exoressed Intrest in doing it again.It's driving me crazy. So this morning. I made the choice to say I'm going to pull back from messaging you. I know when ive reached my threshold and it's not you its me. I said I feel like my feelings are stronger and this is just to much for me at the moment. I honestly feel in love with him at first sight. Sleeping With him was not what did it. So.. I need to put him out of my mind and I'm like really cut up over it. It's so hard to do when you love a person. Help me out please. And dont beat me up to bad. Thank you.

[Amelie1980]

Hi

 

Sorry you're going through this, it sounds as though he just lost interest. You last saw him on Nov 5th when you had sex and other than vague mentions of coffee he hasnt seen you again?

 

I am sorry to say it doesnt sound as though there is a relationship to end?

 

I would just never contact him again and dont reply if he contacts you.

 

You can do better.

[Diezel]

Need to end... what relationship?

[Cappycorny]

Hi

 

Sorry you're going through this, it sounds as though he just lost interest. You last saw him on Nov 5th when you had sex and other than vague mentions of coffee he hasnt seen you again?

 

I am sorry to say it doesnt sound as though there is a relationship to end?

 

I would just never contact him again and dont reply if he contacts you.

 

You can do better.

 

 

Yeah. This was my first thought too. The kicker is this. He works from like 6 am till 6 pm then it's home to his kids. His life is rather messed up. I did email him the other day about if he wanted to be intimate again. He was into that. But it seems like he just can't find time??

[Cappycorny]

Need to end... what relationship?

 

So there was never any relationship?

[Amelie1980]

So there was never any relationship?

 

A very casual one at best.

 

But even that is over. At the moment he hasnt seen you since you had sex, what 6 weeks ago? there is nothing left to end. Even the casual dating is over.

Edited December 16, 2015 by Amelie1980

[Cappycorny]

A very casual one at best.

 

But even that is over. At the moment he hasnt seen you since you had sex, what 6 weeks ago? there is nothing left to end. Even the casual dating is over.

 

He said the sex made him more anxious since he's got so many issues at the moment. It's like I've had to treat him with kid gloves on. I suppose it was casual for him but on my end, my heart got into it. It's really upset me. I just don't have causal sex and he was acting at first like he wanted more. The fact that he did not even reply to my message earlier is pretty well proof that he could give a you know what. Ouch!!

[Cappycorny]

I also sense he's emotionally shut down. Not open and does not know how to feel.

[mightycpa]

He said the sex made him more anxious since he's got so many issues at the moment. It's like I've had to treat him with kid gloves on. I suppose it was casual for him but on my end, my heart got into it. It's really upset me. I just don't have causal sex and he was acting at first like he wanted more. The fact that he did not even reply to my message earlier is pretty well proof that he could give a you know what. Ouch!!

Yeah, maybe he was thinking that he might bang out another mouth to feed with yet another woman.

 

You really wanna be that girl? Then keep seeing this guy.

 

Otherwise, close the door and throw away the key. Just the thought of the alternative should make it easy to do.

[Amelie1980]

He said the sex made him more anxious since he's got so many issues at the moment. It's like I've had to treat him with kid gloves on. I suppose it was casual for him but on my end, my heart got into it. It's really upset me. I just don't have causal sex and he was acting at first like he wanted more. The fact that he did not even reply to my message earlier is pretty well proof that he could give a you know what. Ouch!!

 

I have an ex like this. There was more history that you two and we actually dated for a bit. But he trotted out the issues at the moment.

 

He's a man....he invented the issues to train you and manage your expectations. How convenient. He has got you feeling sorry for him so you understand not to expect to much and maybe he will call you in a few weeks to have more sex and vanish again. I would bet my life on it that you are one of many.

 

Dont be that girl. Just dont ever reply to him again. Find a decent man.

[Cappycorny]

Yeah, maybe he was thinking that he might bang out another mouth to feed with yet another woman.

 

You really wanna be that girl? Then keep seeing this guy.

 

Otherwise, close the door and throw away the key. Just the thought of the alternative should make it easy to do.

 

I don't think he wants anymore mouths to feed. Apparently the girl he was with while seperated tricked him. She got divorced and was having trouble getting pregnant so she had him accomplish this. They are not together and now he has the 3rd kid. I can't have anymore kids so he can't get me pregnant. And I would not want anymore. Much about him speaks truth, but then there is a part of me that senses sneaky behavior. I do love him though. Need to not contact him and forget about it.

[Cappycorny]

I have an ex like this. There was more history that you two and we actually dated for a bit. But he trotted out the issues at the moment.

 

He's a man....he invented the issues to train you and manage your expectations. How convenient. He has got you feeling sorry for him so you understand not to expect to much and maybe he will call you in a few weeks to have more sex and vanish again. I would bet my life on it that you are one of many.

 

Dont be that girl. Just dont ever reply to him again. Find a decent man.

 

Darn! You probably hit the nail on the head. I'm feeling sorry for him and today was the first day I'm like what? Enough. I asked him if there were others he claims no. But.. He could be lying.

Edited December 16, 2015 by Cappycorny

[Amelie1980]

Darn! You probably hit the nail on the head. I'm feeling sorry for him and today was the first day I'm like what? Enough. I asked him if there were others he claims no. But.. He could be lying.

 

definitely lying.

[Amelie1980]

Well he may not be lying about seeing others...but he isnt that interested in you.

 

As a wider issue to any of these set ups become permanent ...guys?

[Cappycorny]

Well he may not be lying about seeing others...but he isnt that interested in you.

 

As a wider issue to any of these set ups become permanent ...guys?

 

Yes you are right. Although with his mess I don't think I was in it for any thing permanent at all. I'm guilty in falling for the physical part. I wanted to stay friends, let my gaurd doen. He went back to a wife he does not love for the kids sake and then still wound up in bed with me. I've asked carefully to have him express feelings and he's like ok yeah I just may be able to do that soon. And it never happens. Now I'm feeling like he to advantage of me. That does not feel so great.

[mightycpa]

I don't think he wants anymore mouths to feed.

That's what I meant... that it might happen again, and that it spooked him. The other thing I meant was that you should be feeling the same fear from the other side of the same equation. I would think that fear would override all other considerations, making it much easier than if he was Joe Schmoe with no baggage attached.

[Cappycorny]

That's what I meant... that it might happen again, and that it spooked him. The other thing I meant was that you should be feeling the same fear from the other side of the same equation. I would think that fear would override all other considerations, making it much easier than if he was Joe Schmoe with no baggage attached.

 

I think he is a Joe Schmoe and there are more woman. I think honestly I'll think that now, then I'll flip back and forth to thinking he's a good guy and I love him. It messed with my head.

[Cappycorny]

Oh wait. Now get this. The day we had sex, he said before hand you know this changes everything?Then he said like don't expect me to text. I'll text but you know what I mean? Actually I don't know what the heck he meant and I should have asked!

[Amelie1980]

Oh wait. Now get this. The day we had sex, he said before hand you know this changes everything?Then he said like don't expect me to text. I'll text but you know what I mean? Actually I don't know what the heck he meant and I should have asked!

 

You should have walked out and not had sex.

 

He meant dont think this means we are together and I'll text you when I want more sex.

[StBreton]

It seems his life has been a little crazy. Married unhappily, left marriage and seperated. warning 1

 

Hooked up with a girl he knew years ago and to add insult to injury gets her knocked up. warning 2

 

Then goes back to the wife for the sake of the two small kids he has with her and takes responsibility for the now 3 year old he has with the temporary gf. warning 3

 

So meanwhile I'm coming out of a relationship and was not looking for one, however we hit it off. warning 4 (you're very vulnerable)

 

I then left he shook my hand goodbye. I must say from that moment on this one was on my mind. warning 5 (he shook you're hand but you've got eyes for him already)

 

I then thought I need to find him and give him my email. I can't leave without ever talking to him again. My intent even with the attraction was that of friends and I made that clear. warning 6 ...why would you pursue a friendship with a married man with small kids who's life is already very complicated

 

Two days later I get an email from him. We exchanged messages back and forth for a week. He seemed to want to know all about me. I was thrilled and this was very nice. warning 7 ... emotional affair

 

Then I get an email saying would you meet me for coffee? If no don't reply. Well of course I wanted to meet him for coffee. He was so happy. He said thank god or I'd have to call off the personal singer I hired to sing in your eyes. Omg if that was not sweet I don't know what is? warning 8

We talked again and I made it clear that it was so nice but keeping things at a friends level was best. ..SURE

 

And that's when he said, ok but i think that's difficult because you are truly beauitful. Again my heart melted. warning 9

 

Both of us with a long eye gaze. warning 10

 

So to make this long story short, we start meeting at parks and places in my town to talk. hmmm...friends don't have surreptitious meetings at parks...warning 11

 

Turns out he lives 30 minute north of me but works in an area where I own a camp ..SURE So I'd see him up there too. warning 12

 

At one point in September I allowed him to hug me. Then hugs became the norm followed by our first kiss. you're completely complicit in this situation

 

Oh boy through the darn roof it was the best ever. He never took advantage of me with saying sexy stuff and he did not have my cell until end of September when it was getting hard to use email when he or I was running late to meet.

 

The texts back and forth started to dwindle with me imitating more. Understanding that he was telling me his head was a mess and he had no time. warning 50

 

Fast forward to nov 5... The day we did it. Yes we went for it and omg it was wonderful. Because this is what friends do

 

However, then he really pulled away and I've not seen him since even though he claimed it was great and he really likes me he has no time.

He got what he wanted ... he's out

 

I keep thinking that's truly the case and we keep trying to hook up for coffee and it's not happening. He also exoressed Intrest in doing it again.It's driving me crazy.

He got what he wanted ... he's out

 

So this morning. I made the choice to say I'm going to pull back from messaging you. He got what he wanted ... he's out... he doesn't care what you do at this point

 

I know when ive reached my threshold and it's not you its me. I said I feel like my feelings are stronger and this is just to much for me at the moment.

 

I honestly feel in love with him at first sight. Biggest warning

 

Sleeping With him was not what did it. So.. I need to put him out of my mind and I'm like really cut up over it. It's so hard to do when you love a person. Help me out please. And dont beat me up to bad. Thank you.

 

You say for US not to beat you up too bad? You've done that yourself...and dragged yourself through the slop.

 

I'm also in the camp of "what relationship?" This is a hook-up by a married man with kids. I'm just curious...this guy has 3 young kids at home...yet he's out "camping" by himself for the weekend? Right...cause that happens a lot. Somethings not right with this "story"

 

Also...breaking down your original post...how is it "he" took advantage of "you" ... do you see all the warnings you completely ignored? You've pursued this guy from the beginning. YOU were the one who "fell in love at first sight" ... since you felt this way and you knew how complicated his life was...why did you even pursue a "friendship" when you kept telling the guy that you only wanted to be "friends" ... and allowed the "friendship" to cross the line...you were 100% responsible for that...this guy didn't take advantage of you. You entered an inner city alley at midnight and expected not to get mugged or worse.

 

Who owns a "camp" anyway...what is that exactly? Doesn't make any sense...especially the fact that you supposedly "own" this camp but don't know how to get to the beach from this camp you "own" ... this whole situation is off.

 

What ever is going on in your life OP...I truly hope you get it figured out and move forward.

Edited December 16, 2015 by StBreton

[Cappycorny]

You should have walked out and not had sex.

 

He meant dont think this means we are together and I'll text you when I want more sex.

 

That's what I thought. I caved went for it.

[Cappycorny]

You say for US not to beat you up too bad? You've done that yourself...and dragged yourself through the slop.

 

I'm also in the camp of "what relationship?" This is a hook-up by a married man with kids. I'm just curious...this guy has 3 young kids at home...yet he's out "camping" by himself for the weekend? Right...cause that happens a lot. Somethings not right with this "story"

 

Also...breaking down your original post...how is it "he" took advantage of "you" ... do you see all the warnings you completely ignored? You've pursued this guy from the beginning. YOU were the one who "fell in love at first sight" ... since you felt this way and you knew how complicated his life was...why did you even pursue a "friendship" when you kept telling the guy that you only wanted to be "friends" ... and allowed the "friendship" to cross the line...you were 100% responsible for that...this guy didn't take advantage of you. You entered an inner city alley at midnight and expected not to get mugged or worse.

 

Who owns a "camp" anyway...what is that exactly? Doesn't make any sense...especially the fact that you supposedly "own" this camp but don't know how to get to the beach from this camp you "own" ... this whole situation is off.

 

What ever is going on in your life OP...I truly hope you get it figured out and move forward.

 

Wow. Your like the break it to pieces poster! Thanks for breaking it all up for me just to make me feel worse. The camp has nothing to do with the camping trip. I meet him at a camp ground he had his two kids with him they are 8 and 9 and were playing at the beach. The camp I meant is one I own near a job site he works at we meet there in many occasions .

 

As for the situation with this wife? I'm clueless. He told me he went back because he felt for the kids but did not have

Any relations with her as they had issues and him having fathered a child with the gf made it all worse. Why did I get involved? I liked him. I'm human and yes I was vulnerable. Like my post said ending it, but having a little trouble with it all.

[StBreton]

I don't think he wants anymore mouths to feed. Apparently the girl he was with while seperated tricked him. How does that work exactly??

 

She got divorced and was having trouble getting pregnant so she had him accomplish this. Married man doesn't where condom and "she" tricked him?? Right.

 

They are not together and now he has the 3rd kid. I'm sure his wife just said "sure honey let's have your love child be part of our family." Right. And wife has no problem with her husband going camping for the weekend solo while leaving his "love child" at home for his wife to take care of. Right. Something very off about this story

 

I can't have anymore kids so he can't get me pregnant. How old are you OP? How many kids do you have...with whom you don't take solo camping? And I would not want anymore. Much about him speaks truth, but then there is a part of me that senses sneaky behavior. I do love him though. Need to not contact him and forget about it.

 

OP ... how old is the guy in your story

[StBreton]

Wow. Your like the break it to pieces poster! Thanks for breaking it all up for me just to make me feel worse. The camp has nothing to do with the camping trip. I meet him at a camp ground he had his two kids with him they are 8 and 9 and were playing at the beach. The camp I meant is one I own near a job site he works at we meet there in many occasions .

 

As for the situation with this wife? I'm clueless. He told me he went back because he felt for the kids but did not have

Any relations with her as they had issues and him having fathered a child with the gf made it all worse. Why did I get involved? I liked him. I'm human and yes I was vulnerable. Like my post said ending it, but having a little trouble with it all.

 

So none of the warning bells rang loud enough for you? Do you regularly walk into propellers?

 

There was never anything to this except in your mind. That should be enough to turn 180 from this situation and listen to warnings the next time.

 

Perhaps by being blunt and pointing out crosses in the road where you should have turned left instead of what felt "right" ... you will not repeat this. This story is so outlandish it's almost unbelievable.

Edited December 16, 2015 by StBreton

[Cappycorny]

You say for US not to beat you up too bad? You've done that yourself...and dragged yourself through the slop.

 

I'm also in the camp of "what relationship?" This is a hook-up by a married man with kids. I'm just curious...this guy has 3 young kids at home...yet he's out "camping" by himself for the weekend? Right...cause that happens a lot. Somethings not right with this "story"

 

Also...breaking down your original post...how is it "he" took advantage of "you" ... do you see all the warnings you completely ignored? You've pursued this guy from the beginning. YOU were the one who "fell in love at first sight" ... since you felt this way and you knew how complicated his life was...why did you even pursue a "friendship" when you kept telling the guy that you only wanted to be "friends" ... and allowed the "friendship" to cross the line...you were 100% responsible for that...this guy didn't take advantage of you. You entered an inner city alley at midnight and expected not to get mugged or worse.

 

Who owns a "camp" anyway...what is that exactly? Doesn't make any sense...especially the fact that you supposedly "own" this camp but don't know how to get to the beach from this camp you "own" ... this whole situation is off.

 

What ever is going on in your life OP...I truly hope you get it figured out and move forward.

 

So none of the warning bells rang loud enough for you? Do you regularly walk into propellers?

 

There was never anything to this except in your mind. That should be enough to turn 180 from this situation and listen to warnings the next time.

 

Perhaps by being blunt and pointing out crosses in the road where you should have turned left instead of what felt "right" ... you will not repeat this. This story is so outlandish it's almost unbelievable.

 

He is 38. Outlandish? I've been here just for so many hours and I've read many more outlandish stories then mine. No! I don't normally walk into propellers, but I'm glad I came here to get this out of me it's been making me very upset. Should I have turned the other way? Yes I now Believe so. However, I can't change what has taken place. This is out of the norm for me. I don't normally meet people at public places and hand them my email or phone number. First time and last for me. And don't tell me it was all in my head. He showed signs of liking me a lot and I felt the same. That's not made up in ones head. The heart wants what it wants sometimes. However in my case, I walked into a brick wall with this one.